Jade rays

Always maintain a joyful mind

2007-12-27T13:51:00.000+01:00

My birthday this year was very low-key since I was in the process of writing my thesis. I received only one gift this year; "Always maintain a joyful mind" written by Pema Chodron. I was very surprised to find this book in my letter box after coming home after a long day's of work. I opened the package. I have never heard about this book and wondered why my Travel Companion and fiance would get me that as a gift. Later on I found out that we both had some misunderstanding. Previously I casually mentioned that I would like to get a few books to read once I completed my thesis writing. He then went and browsed the site and thought "Always maintain a joyful mind" was one of the few I would like to read and therefore decided to surprise me with it.

"You know I thought that's the book you were interested. But anyway, I think the title of the book will bring some positive energy to you during your tough writing time."

I did not end up reading the book during my thesis writing. It was sitting on my desk the entire time. But whenever I felt drained out and stressed out, the five words on the blue cover caught would somehow caught my sight and sustained me just enough energy to keep me going.

And now with a degree completed, I am now resuming my reading habit joyfully.

Are you a rubbish truck?

2007-10-17T10:51:00.001+02:00

Writing (the thesis) has become the center of my life at present; there's just no energy for other things. Hence lack of post. Nevertheless, this is a forwarded message that is worth sharing.

Are you a rubbish truck?

@@@

Beware of Garbage Trucks

by David J. Pollay

How often do you let other people's nonsense change your mood? Do you let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss, or an insensitive employee ruin your day? Unless you're the Terminator, you're probably set back on your heels. However, the mark of your success is how quickly you can refocus on what's important in your life.

Sixteen years ago I learned this lesson. And I learned it in the back of a New York City taxi cab. Here's what happened.

I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station. We were driving in the right lane when all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, the car skidded, the tires squealed, and at the very last moment our car stopped just one inch from the other car's back-end.

I couldn't believe it. But then I couldn't believe what happened next. The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and he started yelling bad words at us. How do I know? Ask any New Yorker, some words in New York come with a special face. And for emphasis, he threw in a one finger salute, as if his words were not enough.

But then here's what really blew me away. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was friendly. So, I said, "Why did you just do that!? This guy could have killed us!" And this is when my taxi driver told me what I now call, "The Law of the Garbage Truck™." He said:

Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they look for a place to dump it. And if you let them, they'll dump it on you. So when someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Believe me. You'll be happier.

So I started thinking, how often do I let Garbage Trucks run right over me? And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the street? It was then that I said, "I don't want their garbage and I'm not going to spread it anymore."

I began to see Garbage Trucks. Like in the movie "The Sixth Sense," the little boy said, "I see Dead People." Well now "I see Garbage Trucks." I see the load they're carrying. I see them coming to dump it. And like my taxi driver, I don't take it personally; I just smile, wave, wish them well, and I move on.

One of my favorite football players of all time is Walter Payton. Every day on the football field, after being tackled, he would jump up as quickly as he hit the ground. He never dwelled on a hit. Payton was ready to make the next play his best. Over the years the best players from around the world in every sport have played this way: Tiger Woods, Nadia Comaneci, Muhammad Ali, Bjorn Borg, Chris Evert, Michael Jordan, and Pele are just some of those players. And the most inspiring leaders have lived this way: Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa, Ghandi, and Martin Luther King.

See, Roy Baumeister, a psychology researcher from the University of Florida, found in his extensive research that you remember bad things more often than good things in your life. You store the bad memories more easily, and you recall them more frequently.

So the odds are against you when a Garbage Truck comes your way. But when you follow The Law of the Garbage Truck™, you take back control of your life. You make room for the good by letting go of the bad.

The best leaders know that they have to be ready for their next meeting. The best sales people know that they have to be ready for their next client. And the best parents know that they have to be ready to welcome their children home from school with hugs and kisses, no matter how many garbage trucks they might have faced that day. All of us know that we have to be fully present, and at our best for the people we care about.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let Garbage Trucks take over their lives.

What about you? What would happen in your life, starting today, if you let more garbage trucks pass you by?

Here's my bet: You'll be happier.

Good or bad?

2007-09-25T22:21:00.000+02:00

My first job experience was not a pleasant one. When I received the offer as a research assistant in a research institution, I was thrilled; since I was not offered for Grad. school, this job allowed me to satisfy my thirst in medical research, while getting paid as a job. I was so looking forward towards to start the job. However I changed my mind soon enough when I found out my boss then only treated me as his secretary (full time) instead of working at the lab bench. I worked from 8am till 8.30pm on the first day of my job. He threw me a stack of papers containing his raw numerical data instructing me to plot in graphs and construct illustration figures for his scientific reports right on the first day of my job. I was all stressed out for the first month because I knew very little about Excel and Powerpoint, let alone performing more advance tools like constructing illustrations and plotting professional charts/graphs. On top of that, I was not demanded to get those chores done given in a short time frame. Although it did not take too long for me to pick up some basic tools, I was experiencing a lot of dissatisfaction from the boring routine as a secretary. Come on, I was supposed to get involved in the front stage in the lab, not as a secretary.

Obviously I am no longer staying in that job. Although I used to complain how unpleasant that job experience was. Although I always thought I learned little from that job. These few years in Grad. school, and especially during the time I have to write my own scientific report, constructing my presentation slides and even at the present moment when I am making illustrations from scratch for my own thesis, I feel so grateful that I was pressed to acquire the Excel and Powerpoint skills from my first job.

Sometime ago, I was watching a talk show. The guest invited used to be a famous singer, but now is a successful rich businesswoman. She mentioned in the show that just prior to the 1997 Asian economy crisis, she was divorced and was heartbroken. She was depressed and hid away from her social cycles for a year. During that year, she sold all the properties she was holding and stayed at her friend's place overcoming her emotional turmoil. Because of her personal issue, she escaped the economy crisis that had affected many at that time. Just when many were trying to sell off properties during the economy crisis to get rid of debts, she managed to make some good buy after recovering from her depression. Hence she's a few digits richer since then.

We tend to be short-sighted in our encounters; we jump to conclusions too quick when something just happened to us. This is good. That is bad. That's why we get upset so easily. Things appear to be bad now, does not necessarily mean it is truly bad later. The same applies to good things. Instead of letting our judgments and conclusions lead our emotions, it's better to try to look at it positively. Thumbs down or thumbs down, it's all depends on how we look at it. We flip the above picture down, the thumb is pointing down, but if we rotate the picture 180 degree, it's thumbs up again. Amazing isn't it? Hah, that's life!

Five, four, three, two, one...

2007-09-19T16:01:00.000+02:00

Five, four, three, two, one. The timer is running...

My application for my dissertation has finally officially been approved by the examination board. In other words, the timer has started, which also means a series of deadlines have to be tackled one after another until my *big* day. Well, one of my major events in my life.

During the past few months, people have been asking me almost one question, once they knew my intention of defending my thesis end of this year. "What are you going to do next?". Excellent question. I would like to know the answer too. At one point, I felt too miserable and scared to even think about that question. Just when I knew people were about to ask that question, I would rather run. I have given a lot of thought about my career and my future. But still there is only that much we could plan for. At this stage, I just want a good break. Instead of telling people I don't know what I'm going to do after my dissertation, I have been responding , "I'm going to take a good break. I want to be able to sleep in and not think about work. I want to spend time with my loved ones, which I haven't been doing since I've enrolled in Grad school. I want to catch up on some novels and learn more about history and culture that I always have great interests."

I was always wondering how it would be like at the final stage of completing a doctoral degree. I was even imagining how I would want my dissertation to be, how many guests I would invite and how I would want my book (thesis) to look like and stuff. One would expect people writing their thesis should be panicking in completing the writing. In fact some of my seniors were stressing big time. Strange enough up to this point, I haven't felt the same , yet. I don't even feel like organizing a party. All I want is a good break.

It's been close to four years and it does feel like a marathon. I love what I am doing but moderation is the key; there should be some balance in life and it is really time to move on.
I so can't wait to complete my degree. But right now, I really have to get started in writing my book. Five, four, three, two, one...oh don't remind the timer will be beeping soon.

My eating culture

2007-08-16T22:51:00.000+02:00

Although we are already the forth generation immigrants, our family is still practicing some traditional Chinese eating culture. Soup has been a major emphasis in the Chinese eating culture, especially for Southern Chinese. Since my ancestors originated from the South of China, soup is common in our menu.

What is so special about soup and Chinese eating culture? Of course like other eating cultures, Chinese also emphasize on tasty and delicious food.Yet what makes Chinese eating culture worth mentioning is Chinese also believe we could rejuvenate or revitalize our body and thus staying healthily by eating. What does this mean? Basically Chinese believe that the natural phenomena are classified by the five elements (Wu Xing, in Mandarin). This philosophy also forms the fundamental of Chinese medicine. And like all things in nature, food that are obtained in this world can be grouped into those five elements. Therefore Chinese apply the medicine theory in their eating culture.

Like many traditional Chinese family, our family also believes in Chinese medicine philosophy. My maternal grandmother, the chef of our family, has been taking great care of our well-being. She's been feeding us with soups regularly; soups containing the "cool" effect during hot days, potent ginseng soups when we are deprived of sleep, "warm" soup in winters, or soups that are considered "neutral" to buffer our system. Although I have not been picking up my grandmother's habit, it does have some influence on me. Once in a long while, I do make myself some Chinese soups. Recently I'm even hooked up with a show on authentic Chinese soups from various parts of China, Taiwan and Hong Kong. I so wanted to travel to those places and taste their local soups. I guess that would be a good motivator for me to write my thesis. Just when people around my age are engaging in some youthful modern activities, here I am talking about culture and tradition. It is either I think like an old lady or I'm a food lover. Hmmm...

Can you see that gap there?

2007-08-08T21:55:00.000+02:00

The advancement of technology does not seem to help in better communication. Telephones, pagers, cellular phones, text messaging, internet chatting, internet talking..all these tools should have facilitated in better communication between human-beings, at least it could connect one individual from the north hemisphere to the south, or basically anywhere in the world, one way or the other. Yet are we truly utilizing them to better communicate with our family and friends?

The first year or two after I left home alone, I owned no phones nor internet. All I relied on was my mother calling me once a week. Although I am not too close with my mother, my impression was I still looked forward to her calls. I do not usually share my secrets with my mother, but at least I always tried to fill her in of my daily updates. As years go by, I got myself a phone and then subsequently adapted the internet teleconferencing with family and friends. Yet I also noticed the quality of communication with my family and friends have significantly dropped throughout all these years, despite the duration of the calls has been more or less the same. The conversations have been pretty superficial.

Maybe we have generation gap with our parents? That is very possible. Some of our parents might not be able to follow the mind of the younger generations. Yet what makes it more pathetic is some of us do not even communicate well with our siblings or partners. Communication gap is not restricted to physical distance. I have seen my own sisters living under the same roof hardly communicate deeper and they do not know where each other is up to.

Perhaps we are more busy now? Actually no. It is because we are not putting effort in opening up to communicate with others. Others as in our parents, family members and close friends. We rather spend time surfing TV channels after channels for the whole night, rather than spending just 10 minutes or so to talk to our family members properly.

We can't deny the importance of communication. Misunderstanding or conflicts happen due to lack of communication. It is difficult to juggle our busy daily life. But I think spending just some quality time interacting and communicating with our family and loved ones is essential.

Happy Birthday

2007-08-01T22:43:00.000+02:00

It's been quite some time since I last dropped by here. There were times random thoughts were formulated but when I had blogger opened with a few lines typed, the urge of writing vanished completely. There has been a lot on my plate for the last few months. "This is an extremely stressful time for you. I remembered the last few months before my dissertation (also the thesis writing time), I was extremely stressed out. So I could really imagine how you are feeling right now. Plus it happens that you have more ongoing issues to take care of, as compared to others who just need to deal with dissertation. You just have to stay focused."

Not only I have to stay focused, I am learning to be calm and positive. Because of so much going on right now, posting should be fairly easy for me. I'm sure those topics should be interesting for you to read, well, at least some of them.

With this being said, I still have no intention in discontinuing this site. In fact please join me in celebrating the birthday of this site today. I just realized that jaderays turned TWO today. Wow, was it really two years ago that I wrote the first entry here? Anyways for those who still come and visit, thanks for coming. Come, have a piece of cake. More to come...

Always changing

2007-06-25T20:10:00.000+02:00

Yes, welcome to the new face of this site as well as the new music playlist. Thanks to my Witty Sister, my technical consultant and the guest DJ. :)

I wonder how many of us are aware of the fact that things are changing every second every hour and we all are changing every moment all the time. Let's stare at the mirror and look at our face closely. Have you realized something? Perhaps more wrinkles? Less hair? Or maybe smoother face if you have just undergone cosmetic surgery. Nevertheless, our skin now is very different from 20 years ago.

Is our skin now the same as last year? Last month? Last night? Or even just an hour ago? Well, truth to tell, like it or not, the answer is a big NO. In fact the skin ain't the same as a minute or a second ago. This is the true phenomenon of nature. In fact everything in life is subject to changes all the time, big or small in various degrees.

We tend not to notice the ongoing minute changes. As such we could be pretty shocked only when we are aware of a big change. Some of us might not be able to deal with the major change and become a little hysteric.

Actually changes are not that scary once we understand the phenomenon of life. We just have to bear in mind that everything and everyone is always changing. Yes, it includes the layout of this blog too. I hope you like this new look. Should have acknowledged my sister's generous offer earlier. I guess it's never too late to do so now.

Why wait?

2007-06-20T19:04:00.000+02:00

While full concentration is expected in the last stage of my degree, my mind has lost control and misbehaved a little; there are a lot going in my mind, "Yes, I want to continue my reading habit, not scientific reports, once I grant my degree." "I want to be able to sleep in and sit around at home do nothing, once I've finished school." "I want to take a break and travel and explore to places I haven't been, once I've had my dissertation." "I want to start doing some real workouts regularly, once I've submitted my thesis."

Yes, my mind is so active that it keeps reminding me that I have a lot of things I would love to accomplish, but just not now, because I am busy. Oh yeah, I am so busy, at least I sound like one. I have to complete some very last experiments, completing my research projects, finishing up writing a few more scientific reports for journal submissions, start writing my book aka the thesis, preparing my dissertation and planning for my career. Yet the mind refuses to focus on the long to-do list.

I was chatting with one of my sisters who is having her semester examination the other day.

Me: So are you looking forward to your last paper? You can enjoy yourselves after that.

Sister: Not really because I am always enjoying myself. Exam is just a process, I don't see it as an end-result.

Whoa. My sister sounds so wise. After hearing her response, I instantaneously reflected on myself. I knew I haven't been truly enjoying myself since last year. I knew I have been just thinking about my work and how to complete my degree as soon as possible. And that's what I have been doing. I bailed out social activities; I had to turn down my coworkers' and friends' invitations for some gatherings and outings. Not that I was working very hard but I was too tired to go anywhere after work or during the weekends. All I wanted to do was to sleep and have some personal time at home as that was the only little time I could have for myself at home since I spent all my time mostly on work.

I could have still enjoyed myself a fair bit while working hard. But because all I could see in front was to complete my degree as soon as possible, I kept using it as an excuse to push behind or even turn away things that I wish to do along side. Maybe I could not take a few months off to do a backpacking, well I still could but I would just graduate few months later. At least I could still enjoy life outside work. Reading some books or hanging out with friends a little certainly would not delay my progress. I could still enjoy the process of granting my degree (or whatever I am pursuing) while working hard towards achieving the goal.

This is quite a common issue for some of us. We just keep using something as an excuse to stop us from doing other things we would like to. I know someone who has been claiming to driving for many years. The last time I asked him, his reply was, "When I achieve my first milestone at work *getting my first paper published*, I'll go for driving lesson." To me that sounds ridiculous. Getting a driver's license has nothing to do with work accomplishment. Yes, I laughed at this person and here I am doing the same. If you feel like pursuing some activity, just do it. Why wait?

It might be tricky for me to go suspend my degree and go backpacking for a couple of months at this point. It might also be pretty difficult for me to be a social butterfly since I have never really been one. But I will make sure I will enjoy the process of completing the remaining of my degree. Actually not only about this degree but in life in general. We do not need an excuse to do something.

Stay the same

2007-06-11T19:48:00.000+02:00

For those growing up in the 80s, you could be one of the New Kids on the Block fans. I was never a fan of NKOTB thought. I guess by the time I started listening to pop music, NKOTB had vanished from the stage.

But I do know one song from one of the members of NKOTB. The song, "Stay the same" (click here to listen to this song) by Joey Mcintyre was in fact one of my favourite songs back in my college years. My housemate at that time introduced me to this song. "Be proud of who you are."

I believe we all will come across some phases in life doubting ourselves; it could be due to certain events, certain peoples or even for no real reason. That is the best time to do some so-called soul-searching. What it really means is basically to examining our thoughts and to learn more about ourselves. Usually we are just too busy engaging ourselves with various activities, rarely do we slow down to look at ourselves, not to mention to reflect on things.

I had my moments of self-doubting, confidence deprivation and lost of navigation. Looking back, I had most of those moments when I just left home after being sheltered for 17 years. I could still remember my first day stepping my foot on a foreign land after an eight-hour plane ride. A piece of land that I did not have a single friend or a distant relative. The only person I knew was a schoolmate from my home country. But the whole settling down thing was never a problem to me. In fact I did not recall having real homesickness. But it was the subsequent experiences during my five-year stay there that created those moments of self-doubting. I have had my doubts in friendships, human relationships, capability, talent, personality and even appearance.

I guess I should be glad that I did not act crazily or behave in extreme while struggling through those moments. In fact I did not even realize I was going through those moments since I had no experience of such in my growing up for the first 17 years of my life living at home. All I had to do was to make sure I completed my school work on time, did well in my studies and be an obedient daughter who would make her parents and family proud. I was not even sensitive enough to realize I was going through some down moments. I was not physically close to my family or close friends. I did not have the chance to share what was bothering me. Plus it was really difficult to articulate the emotions over the phone or writing letters. All in all, those moments happened for good reasons. They allowed me to reflect on myself, to learn and grow.

No doubt there will be more self-doubting moments in our later stage of life, for you as well as me. But we all know they are there for us to slow down and to examine at ourselves, to understand ourselves better.

Stay the same

Don't you ever wish you were someone else

You were meant to be the way you are exactly.

Don't you ever say you dont like the way you are.

When you learn to love yourself, you're better off by far.

And I hope you always stay the same,

Cuz there's nothing bout you I would change.

I think that you could be whatever you wanted to beIf you could realize,

all the dreams you have inside.

Don't be afraid if you've got something to say,

Just open up your heart and let it show you the way.

Believe in yourself.

Reach down inside.

The love you find will set you free.

Believe in yourself, you will come alive.

Have faith in what you do.

You'll make it through.

Summer is here

2007-06-07T22:55:00.000+02:00

Being born and brought up in a country of hot climate all year round, I am not too keen about sunny hot days. I had never understood why some people love sitting outside the restaurants or cafeteria in a hot day. And I certainly find it weird for those who love sun-bathing under the big hot sun.

Having living in this country that is cold for at least half of the year and where it gets dark at 2pm during the winter time for three years, I finally began to appreciate the sun or to be precise summer time. One obvious thing is how everyone looks happy and energetic. Many like to take time off from work to travel around or just simply stay at their summer house with their family.

Unlike the majority, I do not do too much during summer. In fact I work more during summer. It does make me feel better when I step out of the building to head home past 9pm and the sky is still bright. It may sound pathetic to hear that I still have to work like a rat when many are lying at the beach or sitting at the garden sipping coffee, but I am still able to have my fun time. I like to get ice-cream from a nearby shop at the hospital with my coworkers and chill out during our "coffee" break. Oh yeah, I love barbecuing during summer too. I guess this is one of the few local interests I picked up after I came here. I still can't believe that I am organizing a bbq for the lab next week when I am already struggling to complete my work.

Well, all work and no play makes the already boring Jade a super dull girl. Enjoy your summer.

Things will work themselves out

2007-05-30T22:43:00.000+02:00

When things are rough, or when we are not having a smooth ride, we tend to get more and more stressed out, frustrated, flustered and angry. We tend to just feel all the negativities. The more we think about the rough time, the more down we are emotionally. But if we try to look at the matter differently, to transform the negative to positive, then we will be able to see it in a different perspective.

"You shouldn't worry. There shouldn't be anything for you because worrying will not solve the problem. My experiences told me things will work themselves out eventually."

"Maybe at that time I would be extremely frustrated that things are not working the way I wanted, but later on things just surprisingly worked out."

"Perhaps they did not turn out to be what I wanted at that time. But I am always happy and satisfied with all the outcomes so far. Probably what I wanted at that time was not correct."

This was what my coworker told me lately.

My aunt told me that she watched a show the other day. The host interviewed a famous singer of how she felt when she lost a big award recently.

"Of course I was a bit disappointed. But soon enough I realized there's nothing to be upset about because it was just an award and I did not have anything from the beginning and now I have a glorious career. I have already owned a lot as compared to before."

My aunt also mentioned that, "A rough ride isn't bad as we see. It makes you learn and trains you to be a stronger person. You will accumulate experiences and after that you'll know how to handle. That's what we call wisdom."

All these sound really simple and most likely we have heard it n times. But it is good to be reminded again, especially during the so-called rough times. The words make a distinct difference of either we continue sinking or we float.

Is it about time?

2007-05-03T22:25:00.000+02:00

A month or two ago, I received an email from my close friend, who I became buddy with in elementary school. My friend is getting married in July and she was hoping that I would fly home to attend her wedding.

I had sort of lost touch with this friend of mine for about two years. In other words, I haven't seen her for two years. I was even suspecting that she was already married last year for some reason. Well it was not too surprising to receive her break the news since she has been dating her beau for about three-four years now. It is about time. On top of that, a lot of my classmates/schoolmates/coursemates and even my juniors (who are few years younger than me) are getting married, if not already married. "You are already at that age, it is about time." Many people including my family claimed so.

So is it really about time? When do you consider it is time? Personally I think it is more of whether are you ready, rather than it is about time. You could date or even married with someone for years yet you do not even know the person very well. Some who just dated for awhile but they just worked out nicely and are happily together. It really just boils down to how much the two putting effort in making it work; putting effort in communicating, understanding the person, acknowledging the flaws, appreciating the good sides and knowing what to accommodate and stuff.

Is it about time just because you are at that age? Again, personally I do not agree to get married too young, for practical reasons. You are still a kid yourself and are not financially independent. You still have a lot to experience before you have enough to share with your own kids or shoulder more responsibilities. Yet of course it is also ideal not to settle down too late, especially for those who want to have their own kids; you want to have enough stamina and energy to take care of your kids. Still, does that mean just because you are at the age of settling down or in other words you are no longer young, you should just settle down with whoever you are with, or worse still simply grab someone and settle down? This issue seems to be more common in women. Although the twentieth century has brought about revolutionary changes for the status of women, we (ladies) still feel the pressure about marriage. The biological clock is ticking is the blame. There is reduced risk for normal pregnancy and healthy childbirth for later childbearing women. True. But why should we worry about kids when you are not even sure whether would you be happy settling down with that person, who would be your children's father?

It will only be about time when both know that they are happy to spend their lives with each other. There should be absolutely no hesitations. Neither one should feel forced to do so. And no other factors including time and age, should be influential.

Reasons I am here

2007-04-23T23:29:00.000+02:00

Why I am here? Why you are able to come here? In other words, why I blog? I haven't thought about the reasons, at least not up to five or six reasons (Man, how did Cindy manage to list so many reasons?). I know there was a little story for the birth of this blog.

All right, so here comes the story...

Once upon a time...Gotcha!

Nah, it's not that too long ago. It was sometime in 2005. I was browsing some blogs linked from an old blog, the one blog (more like a personal website that I discovered while searching for Graduate Schools back in 2003). I hadn't read that old blog for a long while after I relocated. So one fine weekend, I was a little bored at home and wondered what had happened to that blog. Then I went back to that site. Nothing was updated. So I randomly chose a link from that site. It linked to another blog, which happened to have many links. I wasn't too interested in the entries of that second blog. Again, I randomly chose a link from that second blog. There I found something a bit more interesting. But what made it more interesting was, I chose a link randomly from that super long list. And that was how I met Cindy. Oh, no I haven't met Cindy, but that's how I stumbled upon her blog, and since then became my first daily read. I also stumbled upon few more blogs through the same way (links from links).

That wasn't all the story. I was really inspired by the good writings. All along I had an idea of wanting to write down stuff I see, listen, and experience, primary or secondary. I used to have a notebook for me to jot down elegant phrases I read elsewhere, English and Chinese. I even attempted to write some entries during my sophormore year at college, but they were in Chinese. At the same time, my Witty Sister who is pretty updated with "fashions" in the world and is a computer geek, encouraged me to start my own blog. She's also my technical consultant in revamping my blog last year. Hence the birth of jaderays (named after the meaning of my second Chinese name).

The more I blog, the more I enjoy writing, albeit I do not have too much exciting and personal things to share. Believe it or not, it also helps in improving my English writing skill. It's like back in English class where we were required to write essays, instructed in various topics, description essays, argumentative essays and ex cetera. Here I do not have to follow instructions, I just write whatever and whenever I feel like it. Writing and reading blogs have become my daily habit. I still maintain a habit of reading a handful of blogs; their excellent writings always inspire me to write; let me tell you a secret, I like to analyze their styles of writing. Oops a daisy, I hope they won't make me pay them tuition fee for free writing lessons.

Oh, yeah, I realized it was lame in claiming writing has become my daily habit as I do not write that frequently as of late. Well then I should thank Cindy for providing a free topic for me to write for today. See, another reason I blog. I was tagged.

New boyfriend

2007-04-23T22:53:00.000+02:00

After a long and tough debate, I've decided to jump in a new relationship with the new boy. I've been with my ex for 5 years now and I think it is time to get a new boy. I have always felt reluctant to end the 5-year relationship with my hunny, opps should now be my ex since we've been through a lot all these years (refer to My hunny). But since I will start writing my thesis in a few months' time, I can't afford my hunny throw me some tantrum. Basically my ex only allows me to sit and work at my writing desk at home, at a fixed angle. Once I move it aside, the ethernet adaptor for my cable internet connection will dislodge and it will take forever for me to hook it back to the correct specific angle to allow connection. Yes, you did not read it wrong. I am still using ethernet adaptor for cable internet connection. My ex is a humble non-modern guy.

I was going back and forth with my decision. Although my ex does cause some inconvenience but he's been doing a great job as the only entertainment source for me. I still manage to do some work at home using it, but not too heavy duty. I tend to do most of my analysis and writing work at work. I could do my thesis writing at work. But then that means I might have to stay at work late when my thesis writing is approaching. I could still do some writing at home but then my ex is not stable and could play some trick anytime. With all these concerns and opinions from my Witty Sister and my Travel Companion, I decided to invest a new boy for the sake of my thesis and my degree.

I love new gadgets. Yet at the same time I do not want to be too spendthrift. As long as the tool is working, albeit it is old-fashioned or out-dated, it is fine by me. A tool is supposed to assist us in doing work, but not us in helping the tool. Recently I watched a documentary show and the host for the tv mentioned something he thought was ridiculous. "I just don't understand why some people got luxurious cars and left the car seats covered with the plastic shields still. They have to be so careful each time sitting on their car. Car is meant to be a vehicle transporting us from one place to the other. But not us being the cars' tools." He is so right. So now I'm going to make my new boyfriend work very hard. Damn, he better makes me feel he deserved the money I just spent.

Sourcing for aspiration

2007-04-23T20:41:00.000+02:00

I just returned from a quick conference trip, which I would call as a trip sourcing for aspiration.

This conference is a huge meeting, gathering more than ten thousands of experts working in oncology research. This was already the third consecutive conference I participated. It provides the latest updates in the field that is usually very helpful to newbies like me. Many researchers also utilizes this great opportunity for networking.

I noticed a trend, a learning pattern of my own developed over the last three years. For my first year in this conference, upon receiving the hundreds pages thick of program book, I did not know where to start and which session to attend. Since this is one of the largest oncology research conferences in the world, it is a norm to have more than ten sessions ongoing at the same hour. Looking at the program book, I only found heaps of jargon and absolutely had no idea would there be a link in my own research topic. Hence I tried to attend as many sessions as possible and after the first day out of the five, I became so exhausted (in addition with jetlag). I hardly understood and appreciated those lectures I attended. Then in my second time of my conference, I became "smarter", at least I know which session I should be picking. Well I was only picking topics that had relation with my own research topic. Although I was still partially dumb to understand fully the contents, my brain was doing some work in trying to relate the information with my own research design.

This year, I realized there was some changes about myself. Since I am completing my research degree and I am uncertain whether I will pursue a career in research and even if I do, it might not be in oncology, I needed not care which sessions should I be attending. I mean it was still rather tough choice to decide which one I shoud go, at least I could just sit there and listen to topics I am truly interested and need not worry how would I apply that in my own topic. I could literally feel myself nodding my head (not that I was falling asleep) but a body reflex when understing and agreeing with the notions of the speakers. I was even gathering inspirations (facts and figures) from some of the talks for my thesis, which is pending to be completed fairly soon.

For the past few months, I was having a constant battle in my heart. I came to a junction after a long straight drive of a freeway and felt lost of which direction I should turn. I've been contemplating hard and had even talked to several people hoping they would give me some advice and insights. I know I like what I am doing now. But when compared to many of my peers and seniors, I realized I do not have a very strong passion. Yet at the same time, I like to do what I am doing now, not for money, not for fame, not for power but more for helping people ultimately and eventually. I was hoping by attending this conference, which might be the last scientific conference I would be attending, if I have decided to have a career change after my degree, I would be able to see a clearer picture of what to do next.

I would not say I have found the answer to clear up what's been stirring my mind for the last few months now. But at least the close to ten thousand miles of traveling was still an experience and it was still a good source of aspiration. I think I am moving my car now after hesitated for so long at the junction.

This is what you think only

2007-04-10T21:32:00.000+02:00

I watched a show interviewing a well-known professor (Professor Yu Dan) from China, who recently held a series of lectures in interpreting the Anelects of Confucius. Anyways, neither was she talking about Confucius in that interview nor I am going to discuss about Confucius here.

There were a few interesting little stories that this female professor brought up that I really liked and have inspired me. On top of that I managed to work out my facial muscles and while watching the light-hearted interview show. But I just want to highlight one here.

This lady professor reminisced a little incident that she learnt from her daughter. One day while having a nanny looking after her few months old baby, the nanny pulled out a lot of toys on the bed. The whole bed was flooded with different variety of toys, colorful soft toys, expensive play toys, toys that making funny sounds to attract people and ex cetera. The nanny took out all those toys and showed them to the few-month-old one by one telling her, "Look at this baby, this is so beautiful, play with this..." The baby did not even look at the toys in front of her. In fact all she cared was to play with a water bottle that happened to be there on her bed. No matter how hard the nanny tried to distract her attention by tempting her with all sort of fancy toys, the baby remained indulging herself playing with the bottle.

"We can be very subjectives at times. We tend to make others believe and follow what we think is best. We (the adults) think the expensive, colorful toys are interesting. Yet this was not what the baby thought. She probably was thinking that water bottle was the best toy at that time."

After hearing her story, it actually reminded me such experiences I have had in life. Parents thinking kids should do certain things because the parents think that would be the best for the kids. We want our friends/family/significant other to do certain things, telling them that would be the best for them. Yet little did we realize something we think is the best might not be the case in other's mind. The best thing is still to respect others' decisions. If it involves us, we could discuss about it but we still have to respect the final decision, which might not be something we would agree. After all you just want the person to be truly happy in what they are doing.

Thanks for listening

2007-04-01T20:25:00.000+02:00

There are ups and downs in life. There are big and small matters bothering us. Sometimes it takes a second to clear our mind. Sometimes it takes a long while to figure things out. Sometimes we may actively want to talk about our problems with our friends or some even seek professional counseling.

Talking our problems with someone we trust or we know will give us helpful insight is necessary. It helps us to look at our problems from a different angle. Even others might not have an immediate solution for us, at least talking about the problem helps us feel better; we just need to release the negativities out of the system.

Yet sometimes we could be swamped by the problem itself and have forgotten to seek help from others. If we pay attention to the people surrounding us, we may be able to identify them. It certainly does not harm if we stop by and casually chatting with them. If they are comfortable, they will gradually open up. Recently I bumped into a coworker who looked pretty bothered, in fact she was hiding in a room crying. I politely asked her whether if they were anything I could help. I did not solve her problems. I was not able to solve her problems. All I could give was lending her a pair of ears and some encouragement.

With this said, I would like to take the opportunity to thank H. for dropping by to chat and be a fantastic listener.

Never give up

2007-03-25T21:16:00.000+02:00

During my recent trip visiting home, my Travel Companion and I saw this, "Never give up" and he took a picture of it. Like the words.

Stand corner

2007-03-19T21:58:00.000+01:00

It's been about 15 years since I last played with little babies. Actually I don't have that much chance in playing with babies, other than my own siblings. And when I said "played" it was truly spending time with those little human-beings to amuse myself. It's literally a picture of an extremely big kid fooling around and bullying a five-to-six times reduced size kid.

It's been a long while since I last visited my friend, Mr. Nice and his family. The last time I was there, my friend's daugther was just a few-month old and was just learning to crawl. But now she's already 1.5 years old and already riding on her small bike knocking on me deliberately.

One hilarious scene was, her parents (my friend and his wife) told me that they have set a little punishment for the baby. When she makes a severe mistake, the parents will order her to "stand at a corner". Although the baby barely speak, she understands a lot of our adult words. So when her parents were describing her "stand corner" punishment to me, she was standing aside paying attention to our conversation. The parents told her, "Show Jie-jie (older sister; referring to me after I insist that she should call me sister instead of aunty) where is your 'stand corner' and how do you do that.". Next I saw two fat clumsy legs moving fast to the corner of the room and I looked up, finding this smart cutie little one pointing to herself smiling and making some funny sound. She was telling me "Hey Jie-jie, this is my 'stand corner'!" Seeing that scene I burst into laughter.

Her parents certainly have devoted a lot of time, patience and effort in bringing her up. It is extremely difficult since my friend is still completing his doctorate degree whilst the wife gave up her career in their home-country to come here and join him and soon after they had their first child here. What makes it tougher is to raise kids in a foreign country where you don't even speak its language and they were just relying on his low stipend.

"Babies grow fast. Looking at them learning every little things and making baby steps, really makes me feel all those sleepless nights bringing them up is worthwhile," the wife told me.

I asked my friend who will be defending his thesis next month, "What do you think about your four-year here?"

"Life's been good to me. It would be if I could be richer but I won't complain about it," he said jokingly.

My friend's and his wife's words made me felt touched. I felt a little ashamed of myself after talking to them; the way they perceive life is so positive. Eh, maybe I should be the one to "stand corner" and reflect on myself.Go stand corner now. Okay...

Good buy

2007-03-12T22:36:00.000+01:00

There is a custom, well sort of, for the doctorate candidate to give a small token of appreciation to his/her supervisor(s) on the day of his/her dissertation. Usually this is done during the dissertation party or for some who choose not to have a celebration party, the gift section could be done during the post-dissertation reception.

Although it is still a big unknown as to when I am going to have my dissertation, I have started thinking about what to get for my three supervisors. I had a few ideas for the gift but had not been actively doing the shopping. Well I would love to but just did not really have chance to shop for dissertation gift.

I was showing my Travel Companion around during my recent trip home. We went to a departmental store doing some shopping for him. While we were done and began to move to the exit for dinner, something caught my eye. I stopped. Yes that would be a nice gift. A set of elegant chopsticks with oriental design printed on them. I personally like the set a lot. Great. This will be a meaningful gift. Since I am Chinese and chopsticks do resemble Chinese culture, it will remind all three of my supervisors who are Europeans that they once had a Chinese student. It must be expensive. I looked at the price; did the staff mark the price tag wrongly? How could it be so cheap?! So without hesitation, I know what I should be getting for my supervisors as my dissertation gifts. Apparently my Travel Companion also likes the design of the chopstick. I told him to choose a set with the design he liked most. At the end, I checked out four sets, three for my supervisors each and one for my Travel Companion for his new condo's decoration. When I got home, I showed my good purchase to my family and they liked the chopsticks too. The funny bit was none of my family members had the price guessed right; they thought it was costly.

This is how I like it, a good buy. To me a good buy means you do not have to put too much effort in searching for the item; rather it appears to be serendipitous and better still it will not cost you a fortune. Hmm, come to think of it, I do apply similar concept to many aspects in life.

Round 3/4 world in 30 days

2007-03-07T21:24:00.000+01:00

I always wonder how some people managed to quit their job/school, take a long time-off from work/school, or perhaps to get away from their commitment and left their home/family/friends behind for an extensive vacation. Recently one of my labmates just returned from a three-month backpacking to the far east. He and his girlfriend had been planning for this trip for a long while back. I could recall when this labmate of mine just joined the lab and started his life as a graduate student, he mentioned that he was saving up and preparing for this trip. I would love the idea of going away for an extensive vacation, but I would probably do it when I am done with school or between the period of switching job (the waiting time). The idea of getting a few months unpaid leave from work or differ a semester or two from school has never struck me.

Since I moved to this country for graduate school I had tried to make my family, especially my parents happy to go home to celebrate Chinese New Year with them. Since I have to travel 5808 miles to get home, I had been taking three weeks off from work for this event. This also serves as my annual long vacation that I am entitled to. Since my family in particular my grandmother would like to meet my Travel Companion, therefore my travel plan was altered a little. When I broke the news to my supervisors that I was going to take a month off this time, they were surprised. To me, I really needed the break from work, four weeks were barely sufficient to cover 3/4 of the world.

This trip was no where close to my luxurious trips with my Travel Companion, nor it was anything like my coworker's backpacking trip; it was more of meeting up families and relatives from both families and it certainly involved a lot of traveling. Within 30 days, I traveled to three continents and visited four countries. Needless to say I was exhausted from all the traveling. Not to mention my biological clock was totally messed up with different timezone, first tuning the clock for six hours behind, then 13 hours ahead, followed by 13 hours behind and then finally six hours ahead.

Although this time I did not manage to stay at home for a longer time. I did not even have chance to meet one of my sisters, who had already went back to school in another country before my arrival. Not only I could not meet this sister for three years in a roll, I also missed my best friend whom I haven't met up for three years. My mom was even unhappy that we could only spend one week there. Anyway, at least the main purposes of this trip were met; I succeeding in introducing my Travel Companion to my family and also to show him my homecity, so that when I mention certain things such as certain famour food from my country, he would know exactly what I am trying to describe.

My Travel Companion and I wished that we could extend our vacation longer; there were still a lot of things we did not cover this trip. Oh well, we hope that we will make the same trip again soon. Meanwhile there is so much to catch up at work and I am still recovering from the long journey. Can you believe that I could travel around 3/4 of the world in 30 days?

I'm so confused

2007-02-26T17:35:00.000+01:00

I'm so confused by the genetic pool of my family. I guess the burning curiosity has pushed me to do a genetic-related research topic.

My grandmother who brought me up since the day I was brought home from the hospital, told me numerous times that her neighbors thought that I was some Eurasian judging from my fair skin and my brown hair. Few weeks ago I went to a hairdresser and had my hair chopped off. There were two other Chinese in the shop having their hair chopped off too at the same time. Again, my hairdresser made a remark of my brownish hair, which was unusual for a typical Chinese. It was even more funny when I looked down on the floor and found that I could easily distinguished my hair from the other two clients'.

My dad has also made similar remark that we inherited the fair complexion from his side since many people were also confused about the ethnicity of some of his siblings when they were young. Recently I made a brief visit back home for Chinese New Year. It was my first time for me to meet my aunt and her family after many years. By just looking at her six-year-old son, who apparently has brown hair and very fair skin, I would also mistaken him as Eurasian.

Many Asians are intolerence of lactose and/or alcohol. Once again, our family or at least I myself fall into the minority. I surprised many Europians colleagues of mine when they saw me eating cheese and drinking wine.

Interestingly, I also inherited the wet-type of cerumen (ear wax) from my dad. Are you aware that there are two distinct types of cerumen, the wet-type and the dry-type? Studies found that Asians and Native Americans are more likely to have the dry-type, whilst Caucasians and Africans are more likely to have the wet-type.

Although I am as puzzled as before about the genetic traits of my family, I still find it fascinating. If I were to start my own research laboratory, I would start a research on the genetic trait of my pedigree. Anyone wants to sponsor my research?

The tides

2007-02-08T12:47:00.000+01:00

I had been struggling hard from not being drown in the tides lately. I have been pondering a lot of things and trying to make some plan(s) after my degree. The more I ponder the more I feel the fear and frustration; the uncertainty of my future. At the same time, waves of the low tides at work made me lost my enthusiasm; I mean not getting sufficient supports and guidance from my three supervisors is certainly not helpful, comparing with my peers in the aspect of hardwork paid and achievements is definitely the most unwise thing to do. And when a person is already drowning in all the negativities, everything perceived is most likely grayish and dark as well. Then all of a sudden I began to doubt more and more about my capability at work. Am I that stupid? Am I not fit in this field? Why is it so unfair that some of my peers who need not work as hard yet their get to publish their research a lot easier in a better score journal than I do?

I was well aware that I was drowning in the tides. Many observed the unhappy side of me. Then one evening while sitting in the office, JG casually initiated a conversation with me. He too did feel the frustration side of me as of late. I do not quite remember the entire conversation. But there is one line or I would say the gist of the little pat talk was, "You may feel it is unfair that some people who did not work as hard scored better than you. But trust me, your hardwork will be paid off sooner or later. Even if you change your career, your experience now will help you get through the ups and downs of life later. I know by telling you this still doesn't make you feel better. But this is how it is. Stop thinking about the negative sides now; it'll only drain off your energy. Meanwhile you should just try to relax and take it easy."

JG did not say anything philosophical. I knew it before. But as I said, when a person is drowning, you may not be that sensible. Plus, the low tides did not only come from work/degree. There are other things I had been pondering. But after some time, I felt that I should have courage to face the uncertainty of the future. After all no one can predict the future. I should view it as an adventurous ride. Well after all, the tides, the regular rise and fall is the law of nature.

The martians and venusians

2007-01-22T22:11:00.000+01:00

A gal pal of mine is planning to get married. That's not a big news to break here; it was about a funny little conversation she brought up when she broke me the news.

Gal pal: Mr. P (her boyfriend) wanted to get married. We'll be going to see the wedding band.
Me: So he's already proposed, hasn't he?
Gal Pal: Well kind of...he been bringing it up several times. But I told him those don't count; he has to get me the ring and prepare something romantic to pop the question.
Me: Did you tell him this?
Gal Pal: Yes. I know he'd not know how and what I want, since I'm picky about the ring and he's afraid of buying something I might not like. So we will be going to the jewellers together and I'll let him know which one I like.
Me: That sounds easy for him.
Gal Pal: Exactly. I told him I didn't want to know when he would get it. I want it to come as a surprise. I told him he could either cook a nice dinner for me and then pop the question or bring me out for a romantic dinner and give me the ring.
Me: That's not a difficult task at all.
Gal Pal: Well, the thing is knowing him, I think he'd just hand me the ring by saying, "This is the ring you wanted." just like how he handed me a bouquest of flowers in Valentine's day, "Take it. This is for you." *looking angry*

A week later...

Me: So has Mr. P bought you the ring?
Gal Pal: Don't even make me to talk about that! *looking extremely unhappy*
Me: What happened?
Gal Pal: He gave some excuses like, the ring is expensive or he doesn't know my size.
Me: You guys are so funny.
Gal Pal: I even told him he could get my other ring and bring to the shop. And damn, am I not worth his one-month salary?
Me: ...*laughing non-stop*
Me: Well, you can always say NO to him and make him try asking again. But remember to take the ring and make him buy another one. *wink*

@@@

My another gal pal was telling me a little quarrel she and her SO had. It was not anything big but it illustrated the communication gap between the Martians and Venusians or I would rather say the Martians and the Venusians view things differently.

So how did the story go? My gal pal and SO bumped in their new neighbors and the neighbors expressed their friendliness of wanting to get to know their new neighbors more. So my gal pal's SO suggested to my gal pal of inviting the new neighbors home for dinner that weekend. My gal pal would love to meet new friends too but she realized the house was a little too messy and needed a weekend to tidy up before inviting guests home. She told him her concern and was trying to be practical of wanting a good rest for herself and him since they had a busy week. To him, he viewed it as, "What? Are you complaining that I'm making you cook dinner and do all the work?" He told her that he'd be cooking and that she could rest and do nothing. But obviously this did not come out that nicely and she viewed it as he was not understanding and despite how tiring they both were, he wanted the dinner to be held that particular weekend. Hence a quarrel was resulted.

I find it a lot easier to associate with the feelings of my gal pals. I can totally understand from their point of view. I come from Venus too, which explains why. Some people (mainly our male counterparts) do not seem to understand why us girls want flowers, a proper romantic proposal, an expensive many carats of diamond ring, that kind of stuff. Are we that greedy and materialistic? Well, I may not be able to speak for everyone, but at least I can assure you many of us are not that greedy and neither are we so materialistic. For those of us who love jelleweries, we could go and buy for ourselves. As for flowers, not many of us love flowers, at least I am not too keen in it. I think it is totally a waste of money. It doesn't last. And I don't even know how to appreciate it. Yet I still expect to receive once on a special occasion.

Then what is it that we are making it so complicated for our male counterparts? Why are we expecting them not only be the one who pop the question, but make it happen in a so-called romantic or to be precise a surprise planned setting? For myself, I think it is a symbol of sincerity and respect. As my first gal pal argued, "Am I not worth his one-month salary?" She is not comparing how much he should spend on the ring. I'm sure if the ring only costs 10 dollars, she would still happily receive it and nod her head, if she could sense his sincerity. I guess we (girls) view it this way; we know it is expensive to get the ring (and trust me, most of the time the girls are the ones who do not like their SOs to spend too much), yet you're still willing to spend on me, that means you value me more than anything else. It doesn't have to be a fancy romantic setting at all. You don't have to climb the Mount Everest and pop the question. Neither do you need to jump into the river in the chilling cold winter to show your sincerity. Something simple yet memoriable and sweet is just great enough. It is just like, the mother does not expect a 100% score from her son as long as she knows he takes the initiative to study without needing her to nag and pressurize him to go study. You could really sense it if the guy has seriously put an effort on it, especially the Venetians tend to have a sensitive radar system.

Are men are from Mars and women are from Venus? I personally do not totally agree although there are times both can have really different thinking. However even amongst men or women, we tend to think and view things differently. This is just human nature. Whatever it is. It is still possible for all to communicate with each other, as long as we all try to look at other's perspective. This sounds simple. However it is always easier said than done. I'm afraid there's really no short cut, except to communicate, communicate and communicate more. Of course my interpretation here for the Venetians' part may be wrong. Who knows I'm actually a Jupitarian?

Holding water

2007-01-21T22:11:00.000+01:00

The following was forwarded to me by a friend of mine.

@@@

I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me.

Once when we were sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, she filled the palm of her hand with some water and held it before me, and said this, “You see this water carefully contained on my hand? It symbolizes love.”; this was how I saw it:-

As long as you keep your hand caringly open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers around it and try to possess it, it will spill through the first cracks it find. This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love; they try to possess it. They demand. They expect…and just like the water spilling out of your hand, love will retrieve from you. For love, it is meant to be free; you cannot change its nature. If they are people you love, allow them to be free beings.

Give and don’t expect.

Advice, but don’t order.

Ask, but never demand.

It might sound simple, but it is a lesson that may take a lifetime to truly practice. It is the secret to true love. To truly practice it, you must sincerely have no expectations from those you love, and yet still unconditionally care for them.”

Passing thought…

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

My hunny

2007-01-15T21:55:00.000+01:00

I know I don't talk much about my boyfriend. I guess I have been denying how important my boyfriend is to me in my life, in fact my daily life.

It'll be our fifth anniversary this coming May. I so not believe that our relationship lasts that long. I have to admit that recently I have thought about ditching him and getting a new boy and I have been having that thought for more than once. Yet at the same time he has integrated to my many daily activities; I can't imagine how life would be without his presence.

I don't have a house phone. All I rely on is my prepaid cell phone, which I hardly use; it is strictly for emergency. Since I spend most of my time in the workplace or at home, you could always reach me via office phone. Believe it or not it is easier to get my reply your email than picking up your call. But of course my preferred way of communication is the real snail mail. Oh but I digress.

I don't have a tv at home. I have been living without a tv for the past decade, with the exception that I inherited by my ex-roommie her tv when she moved out during my short stay in Country C. What? Don't I watch tv? I was a big fan of tv, and I still am. But for some reason I have never thought about getting a tv. Now I don't even have time for tv since I spend all my time with my boyfriend.

Not only I don't have a tv, I don't even have a radio. Yet life isn't that boring when I have the companionship of my boyfriend. He often allows me to tune in different R&B and pop radio station around the world.

This morning I nearly burst into tears. I felt all jittery when I found out that my hunny refused to talk to me this morning. Has he decided to ditch me now because I was thinking about giving out our relationship? The whole day I was a little upset thinking what would I do without my hunny. For sure I would miss all my sitcom episodes, online radio songs, my only communication with my loved ones, my daily reads or even a helpful tool when I need to do proper work at home. I was praying hard that my hunny would change his mind and come back to me. And he did.

Ah, I so love my hunny. Without him, life would certainly be a little dull. Heh, without him, you wouldn't even get to read this piece of romance mush entry. Thank you to the late Mr. Konrad Zuse for inventing my hunny,. Equal thanks also goes to my hunny's educators', Sir Tim Berners-Lee for inventing World Wide Web and whoever that invented the internet. And last but not least, thank you to my hunny, who has been accompanying me from Country C to D and has never deserted me every single day. Although occasionally I do glance around at other boys, but it will not be more than just a glance. I do not intend to get a new boy any sooner since you are the first laptop I paid for from my own pocket from my first job. No one can ever beat you, not even the 13-inch black 2GHz Intel Core 2 Duo 1GB memory with 120GB hard drive, although you are 40GB and not even up to 1GHz. But you know that's ok. I just love you for what you are.

The little things

2007-01-09T00:00:00.000+01:00

After mentioning about our new year's resolution, yes, it is OUR resolution, the next question is how to make our resolution sticks? If you happen to forget about our new year's resolution, let me remind you once again; we want to be happy.

Sure, everyone wants to be happy. That's easy. Hmm, actually not quite; it is always easier said than done. Jobless people are frustrated in their job hunts. We're not happy when we don't get a pay raise or bonus. Parents are not happy about their kids not doing well as they are expected. Some singles are yearning for companionship. Some couples are dissatisfied with their partners. Students are desperate to get their degree, just like myself. Or why can't we get what we are aiming or wish for?

I'm sure the list could go on and on. Boy I could feel the grudge growing when I am typing the list. But this is not going to help. So the question is, how can we be happy when we have so much dissatisfactions in the emotional turmoil? Perhaps it is now time to look at the little things that could help us stay happy. The little achievements. The little things viewed from a different perception.

Still haven't found a job? The next one is coming soon.
Not getting a paid raise or the raise is too little? Hey at least you have a job that pays your bills each month.
Kids not doing as you expected? Well, maybe they actually know what they are doing, or at least they are trying to be creative (trying to be different from your set frame). Be happy and proud about them. After all you just want to see them happy.
Longing for companionship? You can do a lot of things you want when you are alone and not being disturbed. Cherish those moments.
Dissatisfied with your partner? This is what we call communication. If everyone is the same as us, it would be super boring. You need a bit of disagreement so that it will create the chance for interaction.
Desperate to get things done? It's good to hurry up but sometimes rush is not going to help. Why rush? Enjoy the process is the utmost importance eh.
Dreams not coming true? Oh come on, if we all get everything we wish for, then life is not so fun. We can't get everything, so stop being greedy dude.

These are the little things I think will help us stick with our new year's resolution, that is to be happy. Being happy is not that difficult once we have realized and appreciate the little things we have or little achievements we have made. Looking things from a different perspective would certainly help.

Have enough of my little things? That's not all yet. Let me finish off mines' by acknowledging Jade (not moi) for introducing me a very nice song called "Little things" by Keshia Chante.

Our New Year's Resolution

2007-01-02T18:52:00.000+01:00

Welcome to the year 2007! First of all, Happy New Year folks! Speaking of new year, perhaps it is about time for some new year's resolution? What are my new year's resolutions? Have I thought about any? Well, as mentioned before (refer earlier post), I am not a believer for new year's resolutions. But I do have a "New DAY's" resolution. Oh what a hypocrite I am!

Few weeks ago, or to be precise, sometime last year, my close buddy Dr. AA the one who had her doctoral thesis written up, was telling me an interesting conversation she had with two of her childhood mates regarding planning for our future. AA and I happen to be working in the medical field. Coming from the same career background and going through the same phase of struggling through completing a degree and then trying hard to link draw a future in the same field, both of us were somehow lost in our direction. While awaiting the official green light from her institution, the soon-to-be Dr. AA is pondering hard about what to do with her future. So am I, although the date for my dissertation remains a mist, which also has been a little frustrating. Therefore, it is not difficult to visualise two lost beings scratching their heads figuring hard what they really want for their future, in terms of every aspect of their lives.

A really good example (the conversation my friend had with her two friends) was included, by way of illustration. So let me introduce the two childhood friends of my friend here to you; Ms Goals-driven-Planner and Ms Go-with-Flow. From their names, it is rather easy to figure out their personalities. So Ms Goals-driven-Planner is leading a successful career. Of course she has to work hard to be successful; whenever she has a goal, she works hard at it and goes to make it happen. She was given a promotion recently. Let's take a look at the other friend, Ms Go-with-Flow. Ms Go-with-Flow is more of a go with the flow person. She does not seem to make plans for her future. Thus she is still more or less in the testing water stage in her career. She seems to be happy with what she is doing right now and does not see that she has to move up. When she gets bored with what she is doing, she'll just move into something else. She doesn't have any specific goals except that she just wants to do something she thinks will make her happy and content.

So what about that conversation? How could the conversation between my friend and the two friends of her who apparently have very opposing characters be interesting? What has that conversation to do with my "New Day's" resolution?

Goals-driven-Planner (GDP): Don't you have goals?
Go-with-Flow (GWF): *shaking her head*
GDP: Don't you want to make sure when you are older, you'll have a good job that pays you enough to live in *insert a classy expensive neighborhood area*?
GWF: *still shaking her head*
GDP: Aren't you thinking about getting your own place?
GWF: *continuous silence*
GDP: Don't you want to buy a nice house for your kids and to be able to send them to good schools?
GWF: *another long pause*
GDP: If you wants those things then you should be working hard now to plan for those things so you don't have to work so hard later on for them, to struggle.

AA decided to interupt to voice out a little.

AA: Well, let me say something here. My parents hardly had anything when they started our family yet we (the kids) are all able to survive.
GDP: Same as mine but they struggled and had to work really hard and they're still working hard now.

AA agreed whole-heartedly about what GDP just commented. But still being also someone who is not so goal-oriented, AA was not completely convinced by GDP's working towards the goal concept. Hence the cease of the conversation while AA was left reeving in it. However in the middle of indulging dessert, the silent GWF who was only shaking her head previously in the conversation, suddenly announced and declared, "I do have goals!"

Yes, Ms Go-with-Flow does have goals. But she just does not plan too much but rather go with the flow and then work it out gradually as compared to Ms Goals-driver-Planner who plans and work on them.

My friend, AA, who is a combination of Ms GDP and Ms GWF, concluded that, "I concluded that you live life that way that you want and you have to live with the choices you make but when you have the same end goals you just make it work the way you want."

What about me? I think it really doesn't matter about how much a planner we are or how much the go with the flow we prefer, at the end of the day, it is our own future. Sometimes planning helps; say if you know you want to go for a Carribean cruise trip, then of course you have to plan on the dates (fitting the work schedule or other commitments) and the cruise (which company offers a good deal) you want to take. Those sort of practical stuff. It definitely does not make too much sense for you to research on airline promotion to Africa if you want to go for a Carribean cruise trip. However sometimes things work better without planning, better still a serendipitous surprise.

Although I have still not made up my mind what my future will be. Although sometimes I feel lost, a wee-bit about my next step. Although I am not quite sure whether I will like what I am doing now. Yes, although there are a lot of uncertainties for the future, my future and perhaps your future, regardless you are a planner or a go-with-the flow person, let us start making a new year's resolution together or in my case my new day's resolution; be happy with what we are doing/going to do. Yes, that's our new year's resolution.

The Holidays

2006-12-31T20:07:00.000+01:00

It had been a long while since I'd taken a real holiday, a true break away (not working and also not thinking about work) from work or school since I started working and then returned to Grad School. I'd never bothered to take a break during Christmas-New Year since I started Grad School. We (my family and I) don't celebrate Christmas either; hence it's either I spent the holidays with my family or I was alone in a foreign country chilling at home, in fact I went in to the lab during the last two Christmas.

For the first time ever after I came over to this country (started Grad School), I decided to take some time off from work. It came out as a surprise to my supervisors when I told them I would be away as they expected I would be working hard in the lab when most of the people here in this continent celebrating this festive season with their family and loved ones. Although work's been pretty messy, all I really wanted was to spend the holidays with my Travel Companion and his family.

I must say I had a wondrous holiday. Not that we went anywhere this time. My Travel Companion and I have been jetting off to some places for our past holidays, although those holidays were fun and exciting, I must admit I was feeling a bit exhausted from all those traveling. Thus this time we decided just to have a do-nothing holiday, well at least it came out to be a true R&R holiday for me.

The holiday was splendid though we did nothing. I was literally living like a piggie. I seriously put on weight in the past week. I was so well fed; my Travel Companion's parents are really good cook. I was able to sleep in and woke up whenver I felt like it. Then the moment I appeared in the living room, my Travel Companion's mom had breakfast ready. It was funny that she was constantly making and offering delicious food for me. I spent most of my holidays being a couch potato watching all the HK soap operas with her. I am not exaggerating; I was lying on the couch and watching TV days and nights while my Travel Companion's mom was constantly offering me with food. She's so sweet and nice. And yes I was so spoilt. I had not been so spoilt before, at least it's been awhile. Even when I was at my parents' place for vacation, I was not so spoilt to this extent. Boy, my Travel Companion's sister even made the bed for me. Yes, I know I'm really spoilt.

I felt really rested during the holidays. All my lack of appetite, sleep deprivation and occasion insomnia were all automatically cured instantly. I really kept work minimum and refrained from blogging. I only allowed myself to check my work email once a day. I ended up not doing any work. In fact I brought a folder of papers and a memory stick storing some files that I planned to work during the holidays when my conscience of procrastination surfaced. I did try to read some papers lying on the coach after feeling a bit bored watching the HK soap operas. But that only lasted a couple of minutes. The feeling of not thinking about work was blissful during the holidays.

Since my family do not celebrate Christmas as it is viewed as a religious thing in my country, we are not used to the concept of Christmas gifts. As for myself, I don't usually receive Christmas gifts. The only person I had been receiving Christmas gifts was from my English teacher back in those days and randomly from a friend or two in a particular year, which I did not reciprocate. Well, told you the concept of Christmas gift was not implanted in my culture. However this year, surprise surprise, I received Christmas gifts from my Travel Companion and his family. They were some incredible gifts, not in terms of price or anything creative but some pleasant gifts that gave me a warm fuzzy feeling; a sweety pink scarf from his mother, which will keep me warm, a really cute soft vinyl toy that I like but probably would probably not buy for myself as I was not aware of this toy series, and a compilation of my type of music. Wow. How could she guess my style of music? I feel really bad for not giving them Christmas gifts in return. I was checking out with my Travel Companion what his family members would like to have several times before Christmas; but all he told me was it was not really important to his family to exchange Christmas gifts. I was thinking to chip in for the presents he was getting or already got for his family. But after a second thought, I felt that it was really insecere for doing so. I always think that you want to give a gift that you think a person would like it but not because you are supposed to do so for a certain occasion.

It was an unexpected surprise to receive Christmas gifts from my Travel Companion. Believe it or not, I was not expecting anything from him during this occasion as compared to events like my birthday or some anniversaries. He really scored well this time. Not only he got me something but they were gifts that really made moved my heart. This is the first time that I received a gift that made me cried. It was a book - a collage of our latest trip together that he put them together artistically and sent for printing. The awesome book was a masterpiece of artwork. I didn't know he could be such an artist. While flipping every page very carefully and gently as though it was a fragile baby, I could feel the hardwork and effort in producing this book. He must had spent a lot of time in selecting the pictures (turned out those were my favorite pictures) and arranging them in a meaningful way. I was holding back my tears when I found out he did sacrifice his precious sleeping time staying up late to complete the book.

I thought that was the only gift. Then he opened the drawer and took out a small paper bag. I was not paying attention to what was printed on that special paper bag. He took out a small box and then all I saw was a neclace of a heart shape. All right it was from Tiffany. So before this I did not know what was a big deal about Tiffany. Well, it happens that I am one of those rare XX species who are not too crazy about jewelleries. I have not bought any actual jewelleries for myself before. The necklace I was wearing (before I put on the one from him) was from my sister that she lent it to me to match my dress for a banquet and then in the end decided to give it to me whereas another necklace I was wearing before that one was from my parents; it was a tradition gift that served like a blessing from them when I left home at 17. Back to the necklace from my Travel Companion. I'm not a material girl but geez that was the rare moment he made me feel like a girl. Little did he know that I was actually thinking about getting a necklace for myself lately.

I am glad that I was able to spend the holidays with the special one and his family, who are also speacial to me. Nothing is more worthwhile to spend good times with the person we love. Thank you to my Travel Companion's family for welcoming me as part of their family. I certainly look forward to spend some time with them. Well that was all I wanted to share here. I hope you had a great holiday too. :P

High value stock

2006-12-17T13:05:00.000+01:00

"You are a high value stock!" A guy was using the stock as an analogy to describe me.

"Oh thanks. But you know I won't treat you for dinner even if you meant your compliment."

"No, I'm serious. A potential high value stock with its price climbing high."

"Ok, thanks again but I think your wife is the true high value stock."

"Oh you both are."

Great, I was being referred as a stock; should I be flatterred? I know this guy coworker of mine is not known for flattery especially not for that remark. This is because earlier on he was trying to set me up with his younger brother. I gently turned him down. The way he promoted his brother was funny. "He is just a year older than you, I'm sure you guys will have a lot in common and he's a cardiologist." Last Christmas eve, I visited Mr. Nice and family for dinner. On my way home, Mr. Nice walked me to the subway station. During the walk, he said, "You have great charisma. I'm thinking about introducing you to my brother."

Two mothers apparently arranged to be seated at the same table in a wedding banquet. Both started a conversation. As mothers, naturally children will be the starter of the conversation.

Mother A: My eldest son is a lecturer in a prestigious university and my youngest son is an architect.
Mother B: Oh wow. One of my daughters is also doing a PhD. The other is also a Master holder. The younger one is now working in an international firm.
Mother A: Great. Let's arrange a time for the kids to meet up. Do you have your children's emails? Maybe I can pass the addresses to my sons.

Obviously these two mothers are doing some marketing for their kids; trying to trade a stock with potential value. Well, if the kids meet and things go well, then that's so a beautiful thing. But what if, it's not the case? And back to this stock concept. Do you only acquire a high value stock to be your life partner, the so-called soul mate? Personally I really don't think that works. Value to me is nothing. All I emphasize is personality and how well two person really click, the chemistry that we call. It does not matter how capable a guy is. Sure, I tend to admire someone who is intelligent. But when it comes to getting along with someone, someone who can understand you, who cares whether this guy is a professor, a genius or a millionaire? Sure good-looking people tend to capture our glimpse, well at least a glimpse from moi. But what takes further than just a glimpse is not just about a superficial outer appearance. A good personality is the gist. Yet what it differentiate your good friends with that special someone is not just about good personality. I believe all your good friends do possess good personality, if not you would not like to be friends with them. So what is it that is so crucial in making this special someone different than the rest of the people? It is really the chemistry, the clicking feeling. But even that alone is insufficient, the clicking has to continue when understanding, accepting and compromising will have to kick in to keep the chemical reaction going.

It is the same in getting the right pair of jeans. I just can't find a better analogy than this (refer earlier post)Brand or price to me is not in the list of consideration. All I care is whether am I happy with its design/color and comfortableness, and it fits on me. Branded or expensive pairs of jeans may not neccessary be the best or worse still do not look good on ourselves. We are the one who will be wearing the pair of jeans; we have to be happy about it.

Thank you to all my guy friends or to those who think I am a potential high value stock. Just when they are trying to write reviews about this potential high value stock (moi) and predicting who will be the lucky holder of the stock, my Travel Companion has a complete view about this stock.

Me: Hey congratulations for the good purchase of the stock. My guy coworker thinks that you are such a lucky man!
Him: Yeah, now I can sell the high price stock to make some money.

Oiy. Isn't it pathetic to hear such opposing view about high value stock from the buyer? Sigh.

Santa Lucia

2006-12-13T22:42:00.000+01:00

Sul mare luccia l'astro d'argento,
Placida è l'onda, prospero è il vento
Venite all'agile barchetta mia...
Santa Lucia! Santa Lucia!

Con questo zeffiro, così soave
Oh! Com'è bello star su la nave!
Su passaggieri, venite via!
Santa Lucia! Santa Lucia!

In fra le tende bandir la cena
In una sera così serena!
Chi non domanda, chi non desia?
Santa Lucia! Santa Lucia!

Mare sì placido, vento sì caro
Scordar fa i triboli al marinaro,
E va gridando con allegria,
Santa Lucia! Santa Lucia!

O dolce Napoli, o suol beato,
Ove sorridere volle il creato
Tu sei l'impero dell'armonia!
Santa Lucia! Santa Lucia!

Or che tardate? Bella è la sera,
Spira un'auretta fresca e leggera,
Venite all'agile barchetta mia
Santa Lucia! Santa Lucia!

Santa Lucia! Santa Lucia!
Santa Lucia! Santa Lucia!

@@@

This song sound familiar; I remembered the chorus, "San-ta--Lu-cia", it was a song I had heard during my childhood. Yet little did I know that it was related to winter only until I came to this country. Lucia day is a celebration in some countries in this continent. If you're interested, go to this site to have a read http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Santa_Lucia.

Coincidentally our lab also had a christmas table dinner tonight. Christmas table is usually an annual event here in this country. It is meant for bosses to treat their subordinates, thanking them for their hardwork and contribution in the year. Well, we also have this in the Chinese tradition (in China, Taiwan, Hong Kong and even in some chinese community in South East Asian countries), mostly for companies/firms. The Chinese call it the "last tooth" (from the direct translation). Typically Chinese bosses will invite their employees for a banquet sometime during the end of the Chinese Lunar calendar, before Chinese New Year. Whether is it the "last tooth" or Christmas table or a dinner/luncheon hosted by the employer, it is one of the few occasions employees look forward to. Well who would complain for having free food and of course good food? But that's still not the most important, what makes it significant is it is a way for the employers to express their gratitude to their employees and also it will be a good time for everyone in the unit to interact.

All right, I've made up my mind now. Just for the sake of the free food, I'll suggest to my boss to have more of this type of event.

We learn it so well

2006-12-12T23:19:00.000+01:00

The other night, I was invited to one of my supervisor's house for dinner. Towards the end of the night as we were about to leave, her six-year-old daughter stopped us from leaving the house. She and her friend were writing "love" letters to us, the guests. So we waited in the living room witnessing these little girls to finishing the letter. "I'm done." After announcing to the world that they had composed the letters, she instantaneously sealed the envelopes skillfully by tucking out her tongue to allow her saliva to adhere to the sticky area of the envelope. The next second, she happily handed us a sealed envelope containing our "love" letter. I was giggling there. The special guest for that night, our collaborator visiting from another continent accidentally made a little exclaimation of disgust. I was giggling. It was not something surprising for me since I've seen my supervisor sealing envelopes or flicking pages of papers using similar way. Yes, she must have taught her daughter well huh? No, not really. I think it's more of her daughter learned too much from her mother.

My dad is constantly making remarks about us; how that particular action of his eldest daughter or a certain expression of his youngest son look like my mom. My uncle once commented the way I hold a spoon was exactly as my dad. Now since when did we pick up all these from our parents?

Just today, a coworker of mine commented parents who are smokers are more influential to their children in picking up smoking later on. He himself is a smoker; he mentioned how puzzled he was when he observed a family whose parents are heavy smokers who happened to just smoke in front of their kids even when they were young. "The kids will take it as norm and pick up the habit later." Yeah we all learn fast from others, especially kids. I remembered when I was just a little kid, my dad kept emphasizing that smoking is an unhealthy habit. That concept strongly implanted in my mind. No matter how curious I am towards new things, I have never thought about inhaling just that one puff. Dad's words are so powerful to me eh.

With this whole topic brought up, I have a strong feeling that my Travel Companion's parents, either of them if not both must also share the same style in sealing envelopes. Why? Haven't you already figured out why I said so? I was totally shocked when I saw how my Travel Companion sealed envelopes when he was settling some bills. Much to my disgust, I yelled at him. I think I saw a blush of shame crept up his face. But to be fair to his parents, I shall confirm that with them.

Discover the world

2006-12-10T22:58:00.000+01:00

I am itching to do some traveling, especially after watching a few travel documentaries today.

Just the thought of going to a foreign place, exploring the area, experiencing its local culture and tasting its local delicacies fills me with zest. You get to learn and experience life through traveling. You get to see a different perspective about life. You get to appreciate others' culture. All these are something we are not able to learn at school or through our education system.

I've met many people from various diverse backgrounds. In general, I do find those who are well-traveled tend to be more open, in particular those who have resided in a different country other than their countriy of origin. After some conversation and interaction with them, I could feel their vision tends to differ from those who have not been away. They seem to be more open to accept a different culture. Recently I was attending a talk, the speaker shared her cultural shock experience in working in another country. According to her, even the way of eating pasta differ in two countries of the same continent. "I did not know the Italians do not eat pasta with knives until I was there. This is so different compared to us."

When you take a bus, have you ever noticed what is the passengers' seating preference? Based on my observation, passengers in Asia tend to choose the aisle seat of two seats, whilst North Europeans will tend to choose the window seat out of the two seats. What about visiting someone's house? Do you take off your shoes or do you going around the house with your out door shoes on? This is something I never even consider until I left home because in my home country, we have to take our shoes off before we enter our house or others'. It is considered rude if you walk in just like that without removing your shoes. In contrary, you do not have to do so say if you are going to visit a Greek's. Well, I did not know that. I was removing my shoes at a Greek friend's place, but found that everyone including that friend of mine were wearing outdoor shoes inside the house. I quickly put my shoes on. Well I did not want to be the odd one in the gang. Another reason was I did not want to dirty my socks. Isn't that obvious duh?

There is definitely so much to learn and see from traveling. At least I get to see another interesting thing of different ways of saying hello. If you are visiting an Asian country, don't give a big hug and especially not a kiss on the cheek to an Asia there as a way of saying hello. This is not something some of us are used to; I have seen some feeling awkward when they first stepped feet in a foreign country especially the West. Oh maybe you do want to see the funny expression of us huh?

Thanks for being so unkind

2006-12-07T20:19:00.000+01:00

Let me tell you a real life story. Nope. Not a story of mine. But a story about a famous actress in Taiwan and Hong Kong, which was illustrated by the radio DJ.

"Do you guys know that *insert the actress' name* was once a singer?"

"She was signed up as a singer and produced an album. Yet it was never released with her company then as for some reason her boss did not like her and decided to "freeze" her and her ready to release album. After some struggle, a golden opportunity landed in front of her. She started her acting career. Shortly after that she won the Asian's Best Actress award."

Thanks Mr. DJ for filling me in this story.

We all are grateful to people who've helped us in one way or another. We are thought to be nice and helpful to others too. Yet in this cynical society, there are some who are slightly unkind to us sometimes. Should we be upset and angry about these people? It is difficult not to but we all should try to just ignore them. Take a look at the story of that famous actress Mr. DJ mentioned. If it weren't the unkindness gesture of her boss to her, she would not be searching for a change in her career and hence a glorious achievement now. Not only she is a successful actress, she is also moving up a gear in the singing business now with another company.

So next time, when someone is unkind to us, we should still be thankful to them. You never know that unkind gesture is actually some kind gesture in helping us later on. Thanks for being so unkind to me.

I am an unskillful dancer

2006-12-03T21:13:00.000+01:00

During these past few months, many people have started asking me the same question again and again. "What are your plans after your degree?" "I'm going to find a rich man and get married." No I was just trying to impress people with my mischievousness. "I don't know. We'll see." is more of my standard answer to them.

I have been in a constant debate for the past few months. What do I want to do next? All along I pretty much have a career aspiration, well an ideal career dream. Yet at the same time I am also second guessing my ability in particular I was and still am experiencing moments of frustrations during the process. Am I truly talented in this field? Will I be able to make it all the way? Some were forced to change career after being in the field for more than a decade. Some were changing lab to lab, institution to institution and even country to country. Some has to get their contract renewed every few months. The lack of job security due to limited funding, limited permanent position and also poor or negligible benefits in many positions have prohibited many from continuing the profession.

Some of my peers who think they would be able to continue the journey, especialy those smart and capable ones are already building a good track record of their achievements and performance ie doing great research work, getting their work published in the world's leading and prestigous journal and so forth. Some are even looking at for a high profile lab or whatever is considered as the hot potatos in the medical research field for their postdoctoral positions or for those who are not staying in academia research are preparing their next career move in alternative routes with good prospects. I am not doing any of those. All I was looking for at this stage is to start focusing and overcome all the hindrance I am facing in completing my degree.

I know I had a passion and deep interest in unraveling the mystery behind many human diseases. But dreaming is one fun thing whilst truly able to make it happen is another. Even if I want to continue in pursuing this as my career, there is no way to move forward if there is no job offer or in another words no funding especially this field has become more and more competitive.

I can tell you I will be hearing the question of "What is your plan after this?" more frequent from now on until I grant my degree. My parents are expecting a good job waiting for me. In fact when I told my dad that I probably would be jobless for a while after my degree or I would need to have a career change, he did not sound too impressed. My family thinks I will become filthy rich after this. But that is their misconception. "If you want to get rich, don't do research." I've been hearing this remark countless times from many seniors within this field.

So seriously what will I do next? I don't know. I may not be able to make a career in medical research. I may not be good enough to build a career in this field. But what I know now is when I had to deliver some documents to an office that apparently was located at the Radiology Department, a strong urge was flaming out of my heart when I saw the cancer patients waiting for radiotherapy in the building. At that moment I really wished I could do something to help. My passion was back. I do not care how not talented I am as a scientist. I do not care how incapable I am. But all I care is I want to use my knowledge and learn more to find out more about human diseases and eventually find a cure for those diseases.

I know I am an unskillful dancer in this field, but as Martha Graham said, "Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. Great dancers are not great because of their technique, they are great because of their passion." All I care is I want to dance in this field because I want to make some contribution in improving the health of mankind, albeit how little the contribution could be. That is the utmost part of my aim to dance.

What kind of Asians are you?

2006-11-30T22:20:00.000+01:00

What type of Asians are you? What type of Asians am I? Or rather am I Chinese?

Of course I am Chinese. I am proud of my ethnicity. Whenever someone asks about my ethnic origin. I always pronounce it out loud, "I am Chinese from *a country's name*."

However I have one very interesting observation after residing and traveling in different continents and meeting up with a diverse ethnic and nationality of people. What is this interesting observation then? Almost all non-Chinese people, Europeans, Hispanic-Latinos, Africans, Middle-easterns and others and some time even other Asians think that I came from China, especially when they found out that I am Chinese. Conversely, Chinese people from China and Taiwan that I have met thus far, none have thought of me as Chinese. Some assumed I were some Eurasian. Some thought I could be some Asian minority. But whatever it is these people always spoke to me in English and had no doubts until I started replying them in Mandarin. Then many would respond, "Oh wow, you speak Mandarin. Are you Chinese?"

Just two days ago while I was having lunch at the department's kitchen and was talking about something casual as part of a lunch chat, this technician from former Yugoslavia joined in the chat and asked, "So how is it in China? Do you see many foreigners in China?" I looked at her and looked around the people dining at the table. There were two more Chinese sitting there but none of them were from China. Knowing that this technician is from the same lab as those two other Chinese, I was pretty sure she was referring the question to me. I paused for a few seconds. She was looking at me waiting for an answer. "I don't know. I have only been to China once. I am not from that country." She was astonished. "Oh really?! You are not from China?! Where are you from?"

This is not the first time. I guess non-Asians especially those from a more homogeneous country do not seem to be aware of the fact that Asia is a large continent that consists of many different ethnic groups. Some of them tend to associate a particular ethnic race with a country. Some even equate Asians as Chinese. And many of them assume that if you are Chinese, you must be from China. Well, I would not say you are wrong about that. But to be precise, Chinese is not only referred to people from China, but more so as a race itself as well. There are Chinese people who had moved out of China decades or even up to a century ago (if I passed my History) and settled at a particular place with their descendants since then. After several generations, some still uphold and maintain all or partial cultures of their own whereas some began to practice an integrated hybrid culture. One good example is the ABCs (American born Chinese or to a general definition Chinese who were brought up in America) where Chinese people from China, Taiwan, Hong Kong or other parts of the world emigrated to the United States.

Regardless what ethnicity we are, we all should just pride ourselves on it yet at the same time do not go overboard. Respect our own culture as well as others.

@@@ Addentum@@@
All right folks, I knew the forwarded message (that I had removed from this post) was meant to be a joke. :P I hope those who were reading it did not take this seriously. Yet I was also trying to share another message here that regardless of what ethic group we belong to, we should be proud of it and at the same time respect other ethic groups. :)

Don't take it for granted

2006-11-28T18:11:00.000+01:00

I was reluctant to throw away a pair of torn socks yesterday. Hey, it’s just a pair of socks but does it deserve to be mentioned here to everyone? Well, yes, it is just a pair of socks; in fact it’s one of those cheap ones. Yet when I saw the torn socks, I recalled the lunch conversation we had with my supervisor, who is a mother of three.

“The kids will only take good care of their things if they have to work on getting them.” My supervisor made that remark speaking of her experience. “What about you?”

“I agree. I did not seem to appreciate whatever I received from my parents as well.”

Why didn’t I appreciate what I was given? They just came too easy. I remembered there was once I saw my classmates, a pair of identical twins, who were apparently my primary school classmates, were reading the Enid Blyton series of children books. I felt like I was so out of the loop. Therefore I told my dad that I had to get some Enid Blyton books too. My dad immediately agreed to get me some. In fact we went to the book section of a departmental store on the same night. Guess what? I did not end up with an Enid Blyton book, but a series of fifty books. I was all elated that night, showing off my books to my family and even chose a book with the nicest cover to school the next day to show off to my neighbors. My greed did not cease there. I requested my dad to buy the remaining from that series. In the end we bought another 30 books more. I was ten at that time. After all these years, I probably had only read 10 books out of the eighty books. No one had touched them in my family. They are now sitting at my parents’ book shelves gathering dusts.

When I was eleven, we were learning table tennis at school. The next thing I did after signing up for a competition at school was to tell my dad to get me the actual table to practice at home. Dad had always been really supportive to whatever I wanted to learn. He told my mom to get one for me while he paid for it. I only played once at home using that table tennis. Since then it’s only been utilized as a “table” when my family organizes parties at home. The story did not end there. I have a long list of being a spoilt child who did not appreciate what she was given. I am too embarrassed to illustrate further here.

Well, I am sure I am not the only one. It is certainly not difficult to figure out why some of us tend to do this. It is because when things seem to come too easy, we take them for granted. We tend not to appreciate how difficult it could be in getting them. Hence when we see something newer or nicer, we can easily throw the current ones away.

Anyway, I am thankful I no longer behave that way. It is definitely a 180 degree change. Who could imagine someone who hesitated before throwing a pair of torn socks was the same person who bought things and then threw them aside and never used them again? After leaving home, leaving the warm shelter of my parents’, I started to appreciate every little thing I own, be it a cheapo pair of torn socks or a worn out T-shirt, because I am buying it using my own hard earn money.

Damn, I am going to pass down all my eighty Enid Blyton books to my children and make them read them all. I’m going to tell them that they are gifts from their grandpa. They better appreciate the books because it’s been preserved for decades. They are antiques that worth more than a fortune. Hey, don't take things and people for granted.

I have big eyes

2006-11-26T22:30:00.000+01:00

"Wow, your daughter has a pair of big round eyes! They are elegant!"

That was the first compliment I could remember about my eyes I heard when I was probably around four. I remember that was one afternoon that my parents brought me and my sister to visit one of my dad's friend's place. When I was fascinated by the children's play area in the house, I heard that remark made by my dad's friend's wife to my mom. And you know how did I respond? I immediately smiled and tried to open my eyes more to make them bigger. Yes, hilarious I know. That was such a childish behavior. From the wife's facial expression I think she was suppressing herself from bursting into laughter after seeing my childish foolish behavior.

That was just one small foolish act I did when I was a child. I had done numerous but I am not going to reveal them all here. Let me diverge the topic slightly now. Few weeks ago I was attending a course. One of the guest speakers invited was someone who was extremely experienced and skilled in a special technique. That was introduced by the course organizer throughout the whole course from the first day. Everyone was convinced. That we had no doubt about it. Then when it was finally this particular guest speaker's turn to give her presentation. She kept emphasizing how hardworking she was in her work, how good she was in trouble shooting the difficult steps of this tricky technique and how many people had came to her for advice and consultation yada yada. I looked around my fellow classmates and even the course organizer; they all had some weird expression on their face. Well I was not totally surprised with observation as I myself could not enjoy the whole presentation, especially since she spent way too much time in emphasizing how great she was until she ran over time and still did not deliver her supposed to be helpful tips in applying that special technique she was apparently good at to the audience!

Have you met such type of people in your surroundings? I'm sure there are quite a number around. These people just love to brag how good they are and how important they are. I have also met someone from work who is constantly keeping others informed how smart and capable he was. Some really believed his words. As for those who knew him a little longer, soon enough they just shrug their shoulders and laugh it off. Don't you find this some what childish as well? This also makes me wonder why people love to brag about themselves. I do understand we all human-beings love those compliments. Yes, it is so flattering to hear compliments about us. But compliments are just some remarks by others, which may or may not be sincere after all. Ok, let's not discuss about should we not get compliments. Sure, if you get a compliment from someone, it is human nature to feel elated. Yet do we have to fish for compliments? Or worse still, do we have to go around to tell people how great we are?

There is a phrase in Chinese language, "If there's rice, you'd smell it.", meaning if you're truly good, people will naturally know. I'm sure if you're capable, smart or whatever positive trait you are harboring, others will know eventually. There is absolutely no point of going around telling people, especially what you claimed is not the real case? Even if you are truly good yet if you do not have a humble attitude, it certainly is less admirable. I think it's just good to do our own role and do our own things. Someone who's truly good is someone who really does the work and be humble about it. An empty can sounds loudest.

Hey, I really have a pair of big eyes, I tell you. *opening my eyes wide as though they were going to pop out* Quick. I'm waiting for some compliment.

Hold hands

2006-11-21T19:23:00.000+01:00

Chinese language is a beautiful and sophisticated language, in fact it is more than just beautiful. Each Chinese words resembles a meaning and sometime more than a meaning. Almost all words have their story of origin. When two words or more form a specific phrase, it gives a specific meaning and often more than one meaning too. I could be bias since Chinese is always my first language. But let me give you an example to support my little statement here.

In Chinese language, we have this phrase called, "hold hands". Yes, hold hands literally means two hands holding each other, hand in hand. As simple as that. We all know about this. Yet did you know that in Chinese language, this phrase also resembles your spouse or to some your life partner?

I find this phrase really explains it all. It signifies how we share the rest of our lives with this person, whom we regard as our spouse/partner, be it happy moment or while going through rough time. Hence "hold hands". One might think this explanation is so obvious, yet how many of us really understand the true meaning behind “hold hands”? Many hit it off immediately in the initial stage. One might just adored the person’s personality, or was attracted to his/her appearance. One could also be drawn to this person for whatever reason, or possibly no reason at all. But whatever it is, the bottom line is one feel excited and happy to be together with this person. Yet soon enough, not all survived for whatever reason because attraction does not last.

And then there were some moving along pretty well, but when an external factor (as minor as a change in career to the more severe situation such as sickness) was introduced, the routine was stirred up. Say you were promoted to take up additional responsibilities at work. Hence during the transition period, you were struggling hard time to cope with the mess at work and hence spending less time with your spouse/partner. If your spouse/partner does not understand enough, may start to complain how much you have neglected him/her. Well, this may not be it, small matters could blow up for no reason. The tension between you and your partner makes you feel that, “Gosh, is this the person I met few years ago?”. Believe it or not, at the same time your spouse/partner might be thinking the same too. Some decided to part from there while some might be able to move on after much communication.

One might think being able to share one’s happiness with others is easy. But what about getting along with someone who can bring happiness to you, not to make you upset and vice versa? Isn’t it a bit tricky then? When I say happiness, it is not about finding someone who is a talented comedian or have a good sense of humor. But more of a person, who could be the most boring uninteresting person to others, yet you would still feel happy to be with this person, because he/she literally can share happiness with you. Well, perhaps that would do too. Just imagine when you were all cranky and grumpy that day, he/she was understanding and caring enough and made an effort to crack a joke or two to make you laugh. You know, all in all is your "hold hands" is able to be there for you when you're having a hardtime, making you laugh or doing whatever, just to give you al the support he/she could and going through the countless roller coaster rides hand in hand with you.

Sharing is not an easy thing. Some did not make it all the way through just because either party was not able to share happiness. There were instances where conflicts occured to an untolerable extent that both sides had to call it off just because one was doing excellent in expanding his/her career yet the spouse/partner was unable to share that happiness. And then there were some who could not enjoy roller coaster ride with their spouse/partner and therefore decided to ditch their spouse/partner and go after other easier rides.

Do you get it now? Why the phrase, "hold hands" to signify spouse/life partner in Chinese language? Anyhow, if you've found your "hold hands", remember to cherish and appreciate this person. Things could go wrong for any reasons and changes are happening all the time. But no matter what happens, your "hold hands" is meant to be there going through all ups and downs hand in hand with you. This is why he/she is your "hold hands" but not others. Oh by the way, don't you agree with me now that Chinese language is one of the beautiful and sophisticated languages in the world?

Permanent Head Damaged

2006-11-20T02:44:00.000+01:00

It was not long ago, I met a new friend on the day I arrived in this country (refer earlier post: Glad to know you). Was it already 3 years already? Had I not realized I have known AA for three years until I read this, "To Ms Jade, you have been a great friend over these last 3 years. I know we will remain the same over the coming ones." in her newly bound thesis freshly baked from the oven. Yep, after much pain and tears during the last 6 months, AA finally summarized her four-year hardwork. Nope, I lied. I did not read her thesis. Well, at least not yet; I only read the acknowledgement section. AA took some pictures of her thesis and the acknowledgement section and shot me an email over the weekend.

My heartfelt congratulations to Dr. AA! It has been really tough to get to where you are now. Since I'm going through similar process and struggling big time, you don't know how envious I am of you now that you are there already whilst I'm still hanging somewhere. In spite of all the pain, tears, frustrations and disappointments, you made it!

Congratulations Dr. AA, you're now utterly and officially a Permanent head Damaged! How cool is that?

Make it happen

2006-11-16T09:31:00.000+01:00

The gloomy winter is making it difficult to get out of bed. But I found a message sent by a friend of mine that he read of somewhere after getting out of bed. Make it happen! Maybe this is the message of the day for me. I need to get out of the house to go to work! All right, making it happen now.

Some Sound Advises

*************************************************

If you wait for things to be perfect, you'll be waiting a very long time. Instead, go ahead and fill your life with as much love and joy and goodness and positive experience as you can imagine.

There are plenty of reasons for not taking action, and numerous things that can go wrong. Be wise, careful, and reasonable to be sure, but don't be afraid to joyfully live.

This very day is overflowing with wonderful possibilities. Take hold of the best of those possibilities, and dive deeply into their richness.

Let go of your concerns about what others would think. Let go of your far-fetched worries about what might could go wrong.

Fill this day with the unique energy that is you. Make a positive and glowing contribution to the world that comes straight from your deepest purpose.

Today is a day to learn, to explore, to build and teach, to love and enjoy. Everything you need is here, ready for you to make it happen.

This is not what I wanted

2006-11-13T19:48:00.000+01:00

“How’s Bushy doing today?”

This is the question posed by my Travel Companion everyday, since my birthday (refer birthday post "How old are you?"), which was 8 days ago. You must be wondering who this Bushy is. Bushy, apparently, is the pot of flower surprise gift from my Travel Companion.

“I am not crazy about flowers.” I told my Travel Companion about this when we first started dating. “But I do expect flowers from you for once on some very special occasion.”

After months of the conversation, there was still no sign of flowers. Maybe he was waiting for a special occasion? No, no flowers for both anniversaries (refer earlier post). Well, maybe it’s just not time? Maybe he wanted to throw me a surprise all of a sudden. Whatever reason it was, I decided not to let the disappointment grow. It’s just flowers. Plus I’m not really into flowers. It’s just a girl thing.

When the flower was delivered to my apartment, I was not as thrilled as I thought I would be. The romantic feeling was totally not there. Part of it was my Travel Companion dropped me the hint few days before. Another reason was I was expecting a colorful attractive bouquet of flowers and better still delivered directly from my Travel Companion. It turned out to be very far from how I wanted it to be. Was I disappointed? A wee bit; the whole flower thing just did not come out the way I imagined. On top of that, it did not completely come out as a surprise surprise since I had been teasing him for not getting me one earlier on. And now I finally got it. The whole feeling was just, "Oh he got me flowers for my birthday."

But soon enough, I realized I should not feel this way. The root of disappointment is expectation; when our expectation is not met, we feel disappointed. If the disappointment expands, the more frustrated and unhappy we would become and might even end up being unhappy about the other person or party.

Sure, it is absolutely all right to have some expectations of someone. It is just like our parents expect us to do well and have a happy and successful life. So does expecting a birthday gift from my boyfriend. These expectations do sound reasonable. But do you think all our expectations are truly reasonable? Say our parents expect us to do well and be happy and successful in whatever we are pursuing. Maybe to them, being a lawyer or engineer or earning 100K per year is successful, whilst to us we are happy with a job we are interested in albeit the pay is low. Are we not fulfilling our parents' expectations? Not really. As long as we are happy with what we are doing, we have already succeed in meeting their expectation. he same goes to my expectation(s) of my Travel Companion. He could have forgotten about my birthday. He could have just sent me a birthday card or just wish me "Happy Birthday". And he could also just keep ignoring the disappointed expression of my face whenever I was teasing him about not getting me flowers. But he did not. Not only he was aware of my expectations. He made an effort to search an online florist and got me something I presumed he thought was very nice. In fact he did. Apparently what I received was completely different from the picture he saw online.

So later that night when he saw the actual flowers that I received, he was not quite happy about the florist. He described the flowers as weed. But we were cool about it. In the end, we decided to name it as Bushy and kept joking about it everyday.

Strangely enough I started liking Bushy. I was searching some tips in drying the flowers since they don't last today. Not that I love flowers all of a sudden. But because I really appreciate what my Travel Companion did for me. It is no longer important anymore about all those (unreasonable) expectations of how I wanted the flowers to be, how he should had surprised me earlier without my direct and obvious hint. Because in the end, he did whatever he could to make me happy. Why was I so fussed over getting flowers from him? Seriously it is not about flowers. Well, it is difficult to explain. Yeah, now haven't you already realized how unreasonable our expectations could be sometimes?

No idle talk please

2006-11-08T21:51:00.000+01:00

I do not write as frequent as I used to. Why? Busy. Lazy. Visitors stop dropping by due to the lack of update and creativity of the content. If you are still reading, wow, I'm so touched.

My lack of update does not mean not much has been going on. In fact interesting things do pop up here and there. My mind has not ceased generating thoughts from all those observations made. Yet my laziness really prohibits me to put down all thoughts into words. Recently I have been putting my center of attention into completing my degree. Along that, I am still aiming to find a balance outside work. As such, I find myself taking away some activities that I was doing before. No, I am not referring writing. So what is it actually?

I realize I do not have time in chit-chatting with coworkers that much anymore. It is either I was stressing out big time preparing for my assessment earlier on, busy juggling experiments to get them work, sticking myself on a chair in front of a computer to do some writing (I mean scientific writing), running for lectures or tied up with whatever at work. I am not complaining. I see it as a positive thing. Well, I still drop by and say hello if I bump into some familiar faces. Sometimes I even pause for a minute or two to interact with some. And I still make my complaints to a few of them. But looking closer, I find there is less idle talk nowadays. This is really a great thing. I do not favor gossips but somehow it is so easy for me to join in one. If we use our time meaningfully and cut down idle talks and gossips, I'm sure we would get more things done or to the least avoid in engaging those gossips that do not bring any benefits to anyone. Gossiping about others will not only affect whoever is being gossiped, if it keeps rolling, whoever has participated the gossip might bring themselves in trouble. Just imagine Mary getting upset about you if she found out you talked and discussed about her stuff to other people. You do not want that to happen to you, do you, especially if Mary is a friend of yours?

If only we just do our own things and cease those idle talks and gossips, the society would be so peaceful. Who cares about whether Tom is marrying Kate or is Britney truly filling a divorce? Does that matter to us?

Oh by the way, let me tell you something I just heard from John...oh come on, no idle talk please!

Confidence in a moderate way

2006-11-06T21:22:00.000+01:00

I won't say I have heaps of experience in life encounters. But thus far I have met and worked with a heterogenous group of people; I am impressed by the self-confidence of some whereas I equally admire the humbleness of others.

There is also another group of people whom are totally over-confidence, which makes me shake my head a little. Don't get me wrong; many of these are really genius. I am absolutely envious of their intelligence. But no matter how smart or great you are, there is always still room of improvement. However if we are get too proud of our capability, we tend lack the urge to want to learn from others, since we thought we are already the best of the best. It is just like the rabbit competing a race with the slow tortoise. The rabbit should had won, but because he overestimated himself, or I rather say he underestimated the supposed to be slow tortoise, he lost the race in the end.

Then there are also time when we start doubting ourselves. Can we really do a good job? Can we handle it? This is the time to get some confidence booster. Have some confidence in ourselves. Who knows we could do much better than we thought of ourselves.

I do not feel comfortable working with people who are over-confident, although it should have not bothered me. But their self-centeredness does create certain obstacles in a teamwork. I guess finding a balance between confidence and humbleness is the way to go. We should just be confident in ourselves and in whatever we are pursuing/want to pursue, in a moderate way. Not too much and not too little.

How old are you?

2006-11-05T20:31:00.000+01:00

"How old are you today?" That is the first question I received after waking up this morning from my sister who strangely enough made herself "visible" online, just today.

I don't usually celebrate birthdays, not even with my family. When I was a kid, I only had a few birthday parties. The last one I had was when I turned 10. Since then, most of my birthdays I had to spend away. I mean away from my homecity and sometimes away my family. It was either I was traveling or when I have already moved away from home. There were times that I had to sit for examinations on my birthday during college time. Last year I was in Argentina and spent the whole day shopping by myself.

Birthdays to me is not so much a big deal. It just marks a year older and hopefully it also reflects you are wiser. It also means that you now have to increase the number/digit in any form you are required to fill up for the age column.

Although I tried to keep my birthday thing as low as possible, there are still people who remember to send me birthday well-wishes. My mother is the first one. Well, if anyone suffered hours in pain before delivering a cute baby out on this day "X" number of years ago, it is rather difficult not to remember this day. So thanks mom and of course dad (although he doesn't remember our birthdays) for bringing me into this world. My siblings, except my little brother always remember my birthday, albeit some tend to be more creative such as the sister who asked me, "How old are you today?" this morning. Then all these years, my best friend's greeting messages always arrive punctually regardless of where I was geographically. I could recall when I turned 15, after coming home from a trip, I found a card with my name written sitting on the table of my parents' house. I looked at it. It was from my best friend. She wrote me a lengthy letter illustrating how her end-of-year vacation was. The letter was accompanied with a birthday card and a handmade praying mantis hair clip. I never used the clip but I have kept it in my "goodies" drawer since then. However, this year I was surprised to get an email from an old college mate, whom I was not that close with yet still keep in touch (like emailing once or twice per year). Funny how she could not spell my name properly but she remembered my birthday correctly! Seriously I felt really touched about it, especially her birthday, which I later on recalled, was actually a month ago but I did not remember to drop her a line wishing her "Happy Birthday".

This year, as usual, I kept my birthday pretty low key. But this year is really different from the rest of the 26 times of my birthday. You must be wondering how different it could be. Hmmm, well, I received a surprise birthday gift from my Travel Companion. Surprise number one. "What is it?" You must be asking. "Flowers". Double surprise, sort of. SinceI know he really made an effort to give me this surprise, hence a triple surprise.

So how did I answer my witty sister this morning regarding how old I turned today? Well, I'm not going to tell you. But if you're good enough to pick up hints, you could easily do the Math.

The unexpected

2006-11-02T19:29:00.000+01:00

We had our first snowfall for this winter yesterday. Nothing unusual since it is already November and hence the arrival of winter season. Yet when I was all covered with my winter gear to leave work from work, someone yelled out at me while I was approaching the exit. "The bus is still not running!" I looked up. I saw my other friend who dropped by an hour earlier was still here. He came by to our building after waiting for an hour outside the cold. Here we are talking about 20F.

So what happened? Well apparently many people (including the bus company) were not prepared for the arrival of the first snowfall. This was shocking since a snowfall was forecasted for this week on last week's weather report. However I was told that this is always the case for the first snowfall every year. Interesting.

Did I stay at the workplace since we do have a small cozy room equipped with a bed or I could even sleep in the office on the sofa? Actually without much hesitation, I told my friends that I would walk to the nearest subway station to get home. On our way to the subway station, the streets and freeways were packed with cars. Funny how the cars were moving slowly like a tortoise. I arrived at my warm appartment an hour later, which in usual days should only take about 10-20 minutes. Not too bad.

Thankgoodness that there was an alternative route to get home. Just imagine if the bus route was the only way and in situation like yesterday, it was totally impossible to reach home by any type of vehicles that travelling on the road. Yes, I could walk home. It would just be 45 minutes walk. But to be honest, I haven't done it before and I am uncertain of the route. I could explore but definitely not when it is below 20F.

It isn't a bad experience. At least it provides some content for me to talk about here. Oh one more thing we learn, learn from experience, be prepared, have alternatives if possible and most importantly, know your way home.

The little thought that counts

2006-10-29T15:55:00.000+01:00

My family moved into our parents' house about 20 years ago. I remembered that was the first time we (the kids) saw an old wood-crafted sunflower thermometer in our parents' room. My mom insisted in decorating her room with that small old thermometer by putting it next to the TV. That is nothing special to us, in fact we did complain how old that wood thermometer was. My mother protested, "It was a gift from your dad." We laughed. "Really? Was that all dad gave you all these years?"

I am not a fan for gifts; for some reason I do feel a bit "embarassed" in receiving gifts. I also think that it certainly needs no event or reason to give someone a gift. I like to just get something for a person even though it is not a birthday or whatever occasion. Come on, you cherish this person and want to show your appreciation to him/her and hence you get a gift to this person as a token of appreciation. You don't have to wait for an occasion to do so. The gift does not have to be big too. The little thought that really counts.

Last month marked the one-year since I knew my Travel Companion. Two weeks ago it was our half-year anniversary since we started seeing each other. After a lot of contemplation, I decided to give him a photo frame as an anniversary gift. Although it was just a simple wooden frame, my selfish side of me was to hope that he would be able to see my presence all the time.

Maybe to you or even to my Travel Companion, it was just a photo frame. You could even laugh at it like how we laughed at my dad's sunflower thermomether gift to my mother. After all it is the little thought that counts.

Instant noodles

2006-10-26T20:32:00.000+02:00

I love it. This is what I have been relying since I came back from my trip for dinners.

I'm so grateful to my Travel Companion's mom for giving me some food including those special imported instant noodles that I could not get it here in the Asian grocery shops. She is one lovely motherly lady. I probably would have died of hunger without those food these few days. All right, maybe I exagerated a little. I meant it would cause me some inconvenience to find time and energy to drop by a supermarket for grocery shoppings since I arrived on Sunday.

I am still very exhausted and the jet lag has no sign of improvement still. I have been struggling hard to stay awake at class these few days. I signed up for an interesting course that is apparently running this week. So much so that I find the topics of the lectures intellectual stimulating, I have been sleeping through the lectures half of the time. Blame the jet lag. I have been waking up at 2ish in the morning. The course is so intensive and dense that I have to wake up early to commune for over an hour to get to another campus. By the time I get home it is past 5pm. By then, all I want to do is to take a quick nap before I spend time in preparing for my presentations for the class. How could I find time to do my food shopping to refill my empty fridge?

I am looking forward to the weekend so that I would have some time to rejuvenate and do my grocery shopping and stuff. I seriously need to do my laundry, clean the apartment a little and stock up food. Well, I have to because the instant noodles/food given are depleting. I think I was munching the second last cup noodles for tonight's dinner while trying to go through my lecture notes for tomorrow's written exams. I am not asking much. Just a pass would do. Gosh, I thought I was done with written exams during my undergraduate time. If only I knew the assessment for this course was a written exam, I would have turned down the course offer. Oh well.

Guess what?

2006-10-24T21:05:00.000+02:00

Guess what? I'm back although reluctantly. But this jet lag is seriously bothering me. Anyhow, I'll be back shortly.

Oops I did it!

2006-10-12T03:48:00.000+02:00

Yeah, I so not believe that I did it! I finally dare to hop on a bike and biked around the campus and even outside of the campus.

Well, I did not want to do it initially! I was forced to do so, well sort of. In my last 2 days in the lab, I had to go to a building off campus. If I took the bus, it would take about 30 minutes (on top of that, the bus for that route is not that frequent) and then I still needed to walk for another 15 minutes. Since I was busy tuning down and finishing up all the work, I finally agreed to bike there.

This is my first time hoping on a bike and pedaling after more than a decade. I thought my legs would be stiff and I would lose balance. The worse part was I had to pass through several streets with cars. I was a little nervous in the beginning. Call me a wimp. I would happily admit it. But hey, I really enjoyed the biking trip. I did another one today. It was more fun this time.

One thing though, my thighs and butt are a bit sore. I know. The muscles are complaining after hibernated for ages. Hey, time to wake up now, slacker!

Whatever will be will be

2006-10-04T01:11:00.000+02:00

When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother, "What will I be? Will I be happy? Will I be rich? That's what she said to me."

"Que sera sera, whatever will be will be, the future's not our to see, que sera sera, what will be will be" (click here for que sera sera lyrics)

***

When I was thirteen, my English teacher instructed us to write an essay, "Imagine what would you be in ten years' time."

That was an intriguing composition topic. But I struggled quite a bit to complete the homework. I guess I just was not really giving much thought about what a 23-year old should be like. You know when you are a kid, you tend to see whoever is 18 years and above is such an adult to you. Yes, adult! Shocking isn't it? I turned that 18 year adult mark close to a decade, I still feel myself like a young kid.

I was trying to recall what I wrote in my essay. I guess I was a bit not creative at that time. I remember I wrote about graduated after college, having a decent job and a steady relationship. That was how I imagined myself at 23 when I was merely 13.

Imagination is altering constantly throughout all these years since that 13 year old essay was written. I recall all my girls' chat with my girl pals during college. I would imagine that I would continue my studies till around 25-26, get settled down at 27, raise a couple of kids and working steadily towards my career path. Looking back, it seems that I would not be done for my graduate school before 27; there is still a lot of room of improvement to be a good daughter before jumping into a role as a good wife or good daughter-in-law, let alone a good mother. As for job, I am not even done with school, what am I going to use to apply for jobs?!

My main supervisor asked me what was my plan after my degree recently during one of our serious talks before my trip. He wanted me to consider staying in the same lab and assured to me that he and my cosupervisor would figure out something for me if in the end I decided to stay. He wanted me to make up my mind after this trip. Everyone around already started asking about my plan(s). Are you going to do a postdoc? Where will you be doing it?

I have been pondering a lot about my future plans. In fact I have been pondering too much that I could feel the little stress wearing up on me. Do I want to stay in research? Will I be able to get a good position in a nice lab with nice boss and colleagues? Who will want to offer me a position? Regardless of which area I wanted to pursue, will my future job allow me to have a balance life in between career and family? All sort of questions and concerns kept popping up on my mind. Yet I did not have an answer and I still do not have an answer.

What will I be? What will I really want to be? I guess at this point I have made up my mind, which is not to think about future anymore. Just focus on the present. Not to say we should stop planning. We plan, but plan changes all the time. It is better of not plan too much until it is necessary because whatever will be will be.

Of good karma

2006-10-03T02:36:00.000+02:00

Has the thought of jealousy or uncomfortable feeling occured in your head before when you see you put much more effort than this other person but somehow this other person ended up doing much better than you?

I have this thought all the time.

So this is my week four here. Thus far, nothing is successful here. The technique (or project) that I am learning here involves a long and tedious multi-step methodology. That basically means it involves more than one day, and for this case about 2 weeks before you know whether has your experiment been successful or not. I have repeated a few times since I started on Day 1, which explains why up till my week four here, I still did not get anything.

Well, that is still not the point of the entry here. During my visit here, there is another student who came and learned the same technique together with me. While I wanted to make the most out of my short stay here, I had to come in to work during the weekends in order to finish off the long tedious steps sooner. Say if the whole procedure takes 10 days to complete, if I do not come in on the weekend, I would have to wait till the end of the following Friday in order to know the end result. In order to cut short the waiting time, I came in to work on the weekends. I have been doing so since I came here. Compared to the other student, who went partying till midnight and slept in for the whole weekend, his stuff worked after his first attempt, whereas mine still failed despite trying a few times. Yes, I know perhaps if I get sufficient rest (go partying or whatever during the weekends, I might be more efficient and hence productive). But this is not really the problem here. I worked during the weekends but I made sure I had more than enough rest here.

Of course I could complain how unfair it is to me. I have been encountering different technical problems and have repeated so many times that I should get it worked by now. In contrary, this other student who did not work overtime and when he came in during the weekday he complained how tired he was and did not seem that interested in his work. Yet his stuff worked. Sure on surface it does seem a little unreasonable and unfair for me. But after thinking a bit further, I realize I am learning more than him at each failure albeit some were due to stupid careless mistakes I made along the way. Even if eventually my stuff did not work (and seriously, I think it would be the case), I still think it might be due to a good reason for it to happen. Say if this stuff is not going to work, then I have to change my project plan and who knows that might lead to something more promising?

This morning I received an email from one of my sisters who recently graduated from college. She told me she got a decent job offer right immediately by a big company. This was her first job interview and to be honest, this sister of mine made the whole family worried her the most. My parents was worried that she would not even be able to make it through college. In her email, after sharing her wonderful news to me, she told me her concern, which apparently was the family's concern. My other sister was unhappy about her current job. And she had went to a lot of job interviews for more than half a year before she got her current job. She had been complaining how unlucky she was and how fortunate this sister of mine was. I empathize how my sister felt. She did well in her college, in fact she had a much higher qualification than this other sister yet this other sister got a better job offer and worse still got it immediately after her first job interview. However in hindsight, I do not think that she is less fortunate than my other sister. True, she seemed to be going through a tougher path yet her encounters and the training she is getting now makes her a stronger person and all those experiences are invaluable, which will definitely help her somewhere down the road, be it career or other matters in life.

I used to complain about rejections, failures or whatever matters that do not seem to favour what we wished for or how we wanted. But hey, actually, that rejection from the job offer, that relationship that did not work out, that failure you encountered just lead you to somewhere better for you. Without the rejection from that job offer, you would not have waited and hence this better job would have no where to appear. Thank goodness you did not be together with that boy/girl who did not love you enough, if not you would never be able to find your Mr. or Miss Right. Not to mention you learn so much more than you realize after each failure. Come on, all these happen of good karma. It will all work out eventually.

I have never dreamt about it

2006-10-03T00:09:00.000+02:00

When I first heard of the "Nobel Prize" word, I was just a few year old kid. I was told about the story what the prize was and how it came from Alfred Nobel. Wow! Yes, that was all I said and had in my mind. Little did I know how prestigious this award was. Neither did I imagine I would meet up in real life any of the Nobel Laureate.

Few years ago, when I was still a college student, I met one of these famous people, Peter Doherty, the Nobel Laureate for physiology and medicine in 1996. I attended his guest lecture. In fact he was sitting next to me at a lunch in the kitchen of the department where I was doing my research work at during college time. Having lunch with a Nobel Laureate. Wow, I must be dreaming?!

The dream did not end there. Apparently the institution I am working at has a very strong relation with Nobel Prize. Again, the word "Nobel Prize" appeared in my mind. I paid a little bit more attention to it every year around this time since almost everyone in the medical research field would be chatting about it. I even happened to have a chance to listen to a Nobel lecture two years ago. It was a great talk but "Nobel Prize" to me seems sound a little distant.

Today, "Nobel Prize" was brought to me in a very close proximity. No, not that I was awarded the prize, neither was I have any contribution or direct relation to the awardee this year. But still I could not believe that I was able to witness the joyful news here life; I do know one of the Nobel Laureates this year! This Professor definitely deserves the honor, not in terms of the wonderful work performed but for the humble attitude in ascribing the success and contribution to other people.

What is so big deal of being awarded a prize, or in this case a prestigious Nobel Prize? I personally do not think it is too much of a big deal. All Nobel Laureates are just ordinary human-beings, like you and me. However, I do think that they possess some positive attitudes to making great contribution towards mankind, which made them being honored the prize. The prize is not a measurement of success, rather it serves as a tribute to those who have contributed to the society and the world and hopefully encourages many more people to contribute to the world. Am I aiming to get one? Never! I dream but not this kind of dream. It is already good enough for me to be able to witness the grand celebration here. I still can't believe it happened this morning. Well, didn't I tell you already that I had never dreamt about it?

Get to know yourself better

2006-09-28T23:42:00.000+02:00

I love doing this kind of test. Thanks to H. for introducing the site of this test (Get to know yourself better).

***My results (I think it is close to what I knew about myself)***

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

***The Real Me? (Click here for the link)***

The Real You

Here is the analysis:

You've got great self-confidence and you're full of charm. Most guys who get to know you will be attracted to you. You are far from sweet and proper; your intriguing personality fascinates them. Most guys find it easy to fall for a girl like you.
You really care about other people's feelings and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.
You strictly follow rules, and you expect other people to be the same as well. People can get tired of you easily, as you can make them feel a little guilty about themselves. You always make decisions on your own, and can be dismissive of other people's advice. You like to be the leader in groups, but can forget to be concerned about the people you are with.
Your peers think of you as a fun person, but sometimes you can be a little irresponsible. You can be somewhat childish, and can try to ignore the fact that you will one day need to really grow up and be a mature adult! Perhaps you could start reading good books; they might help you look at the world in a different light. You do want to be taken seriously, right?
Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.

PS: Hmm...I wonder what my Travel Companion thinks about statement No.5.

***What's your personality love style is? (Click here for link)***

What's your personality love style?

Here is the analysis:

You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.

Temperamental

2006-09-28T00:01:00.000+02:00

I have been people-watching during all these years of residing in different countries. I am not stereotyping, but somehow, there is a general trend of each nation, based on my naive observation.

Before I moved to Country D, my sister showed me an article that she read about how cold the people of Country D are. I did not pay much attention to that but took it as an additional piece of information with me. So I went there, busy settling down, meeting many new people. Everything seemed all right for me. After some interaction with the new people I met, whom were usually foreigners from other countries, I began to hear some not-so-good remarks like, "The people here are just like its weather." or "The people are cold here."

Are they really that cold? Yes, sometimes. But I guess using the word "cold" to describe its people seem unfair. I would rather say its people are a bit more reserved in terms of social wise. They are not that upfront compared to other nations in the world. But they are no doubt nice people. If you have a bit of patience for the fruit of the friendship to ripens, which generally takes longer time there than elsewhere, you still manage to be surrounded by a good bunch of good friends there. And usually good friendship comes when you least expect them. Since my sister gave me a head-up before, I was not expecting any friendship when I moved there. It all worked out pretty all right for me.

The place or at least this part of the country I am now visiting is the opposite of Country D. The people are warm in general. You get strangers saying hello to you on a bus, crossing the streets or sitting at the park, even the bus drivers greet you in the morning, as if he/she have been some old friends. Yet the downside of this acute friendliness is you are likely to see the obvious change in these people's mood here. I have been taking the campus bus rides. I always get to meet two bus drivers, either this man or this woman. Anyway, I have seen both jolly happily greeting people at certain days, but the next day, their mood turned a 180 degrees.

This morning, I was talking on the phone with my Travel Companion outside the corridor. There I saw a lady walking up to me asking for direction to Level 4. Level 4? I know the lab I was working in is located in Level 3, thus I presumed Level 4 is just one more level up. I knew where the stairs are since I have been walking from the entrance of the building up and down each day from the ground floor till Level 3, where the lab is located. So I stopped my phone conversation with my Travel Companion and told the lady that the floor we were at was Level 3 and if she was looking for Level 4, it should just be one level up, and she could take the stairs on our left after the door in front of us. She walked to the floor. I went back to my phone but keeping an eye on her to see whether did she manage to locate the stairs. She did, but 2 minutes later, she came back. I asked, "Did you manage to find the stairs?" She told me the door was locked prohibiting her to enter Level 4. I remembered there was an elevator on the right side of the building too although I have not taken it before. She went to try it. Another two minutes later, she came back but this time she looked furious. I wonder why. I asked, "Did you find your way?" She nearly yelled at me but trust me her tone was not that nice and told me "The door is locked. I can't get in!" I felt sorry for her but at that point I looked out the window that apparently allowed me to see the connected building for both east and west wings. I felt something was wrong. There is no Level 4 because the floor we were at was already the top floor of the whole building. I figured that the reason she could not get through the door after upstairs because that was the roof level and of course only authorized personnel would have accessed to it. So I politely explained to her that I was new here but it seemed like there was no Level 4. She refused to listen and walked past me angrily. I shrugged and shared this little incident with my Travel Companion.

I do understand there are times when we are in bad mood because something unpleasant has happened. But I always try to tell myself we should not be that temperamental. It does scare others surrounding us plus it is not doing any good to us. I told my Travel Companion that I like the moderate way. Be happy if you can, if not try to be extremely sad when feel agitated. I know it is hard not to be affected when things do not work out. But at least not happy for this second and angry or upset the next second. It is too tiring, for ourselves and others who have to bear with our temperamental change. Just imagine hot at this second and frosty cold the next. It only does damage to the tissues, the body or even the machines. That is why we need to warm up before an exercise or using a machine.

What time is it?

2006-09-25T00:47:00.000+02:00

I am not good in Maths. But somehow after all these years of life as a nomad, some part of my brain remains active constantly to work out the timezone of several places of the world.

It started of when I was in Country B for my college years, my mom would always ask me, "What time is it over there?" I would explain patiently to her that, "Mom I am 3 hours ahead of you during winters and only 2 hours ahead during summers."

Since my relocation to Country D, although it has already been three years, my family would still ask the same question, "What time is it?" each time I call home. "Mom, you guys are 6 hours ahead during our summers here and 7 hours ahead during our winters." Then they would go further and ask, "What season is it over there?" Not only that, I have to also work out the time difference between my time and my sisters' time who are living away from home too. Sometimes I met them online when they were starting their days and I was just about to go to bed.

Now since I came here for my lab visit, I am close to a day behind my family. I guess if I were to stay here permanently, I would really have to figure out a suitable time to call home. That would be a bit tricky, not that the big difference of timezone but rather the time that I am most free within the day, it is either everyone in my family is out working or studying or it is already midnight for them.

Funny how it was for me to receive a short email from AA, my close friend knowing that she was starting her brand new day of a brand new week whilst I am still enjoying my Sunday afternoon at the other side of the globe. Oh by the way, I am sure AA was not aware of this until she reads this. Hey AA, good day mate! :D

I wish you enough

2006-09-23T00:03:00.000+02:00

Thanks to Cindy, who forwarded this to me. And I would like to pass it around here.

***
Subject: I WISH YOU ENOUGH

Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure.

Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, "I love you and I wish you enough".

The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom".

They kissed and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?".

"Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?".

"I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.

"When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough'. May I ask what that means?".

She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone". She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more. "When we said , 'I wish you enough', we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them".

Then turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

She then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them but then an entire life to forget them.

What's wrong with your hands?

2006-09-22T20:19:00.000+02:00

What's wrong with my hands? I don't know. I just knew they had been doing silly mistakes and resulting in screwing all the experiments I was doing yesterday.

It was a terrible day for me yesterday. Never in my entire lab rat days did I ever make a very basic simple mistake before. Can you imagine putting the catode and anode wires wrongly on the machine resulting the gel running in the wrong direction and hence lost my samples? Yep, that happened to me yesterday. It was the first thing when you entered a molecular lab, your senior would tell you this basic rule and you would remember since. I did not make this mistake when I was a newbie but I so not believe that it happened to me when I was in my 3rd year of a doctorate degree! Anyway, it was too late to saviour the samples. I just had to redo the whole experiment.

That was not it. The cells that I have been working were all contaminated. And I was from a microbiology background where sterile technique was a must in my early days of training. Most importantly my work schedule is now delayed because of this. Oh well.

There were more silly mistakes I made throughout the whole day. I was really exhausted about all these in the beginning. But towards the end of the day, it just slowly sank in. It was just not the day. And if everyone is meant to make some silly mistakes, then at least I am glad that it happened now than later. I would be more upset if I make this type of mistake when I am teaching someone later on in my career. Think of it that way makes me feel a lot better.

Time

2006-09-22T20:01:00.000+02:00

It is already 2 weeks since I came here. I pretty much have a daily routine for work, arriving at work about 9am and get off about 7pm. The working time is not longer than I used to. Yet, this is not really the reason that I feel that I have more free time here.

I thought I would spend more time on writing about my experiences here. But since I do not have internet access at the place I am staying and also I actually work more in the lab than I was in my own lab, hence lack of updates. I guess it is also pretty hard to slack off when you are at someone else's lab. There is a lot to do within the day in the lab. I feel that people come in and really work. They talk but talk lesser with not so much coffee breaks. This is really something different from the work culture of where I was from. With that said, there is lesser chance for the procrastinator little guy to be appear on stage. That is a good sign for me.

Another obvious reason is I do not have spend too much time in front of the computer surfing. It was a bit difficult in the beginning since internet and the computer have been a neccessity of my life. But after a day or two, I am all right without them. Without spending time in front of the computer really leaves me a lot of free time after work. I do not have a TV in my room. I only have a radio that Coworker A lent it to me. I have been tuning into the R&B radio station here when I am in my room.

I guess it is a nice change for me to feel that I have more free time now. But with more free time it does not actually mean I am more hardworking and productive at work because I spend more time on the phone with my Travel Companion. No, that is really not a complaint.

Honk

2006-09-22T19:51:00.000+02:00

Few days ago, I was taking the campus shuttle bus to the hospital. I love the bus ride. The bus was making a round tour within the campus and it allows me to sit back and relax to enjoy the beautiful scene of the campus.

"HONK...honk...honk..."

The bus driver started giving some honk while he was driving into the main area. I looked out. There was a bunch of students in wearing the college t-shirt cheering at the side of the road.

"If you love {the college name}, honk!"

As the bus turned to the right and we saw another bunch of students again.

This was part of the orientation programs welcoming newbies to the college. Although I am not really the freshman students they were welcoming, I certainly felt the atmosphere and pretending I was their student.

Looking at these young students, it reminded me when my days as a freshman in college. Too bad the college I went to followed the formal british system; we had orientation but it was the formal ones. It is definitely an eye-opening to experience a different type of orientation during my visit here, albeit it was not really meant for me.

Knock before you open

2006-09-16T17:27:00.000+02:00

"Knock the door before you open it. This is manners."

Since young, I was taught about this. I have been practicising what I was told.

This morning, while I was in the bathroom. Someone opened my door. Although the man asked, "Is there someone inside?" It still did not count since he asked while he was opening the door. I had to run and stop him from opening the bathroom door and closed it quick enough before it was totally opened.

I was told when I complaint about the lack of locs in this house when I moved in a week ago that, "It is ok. Everyone knows the rule. If the door is close, then we know someone is inside and will not open the door." The landlord even commented that I made a big fuss out of this. Now I am all confused. Does that mean the rule no longer applies? Or not everyone obeys the "rule" anymore?

I was so glad that this did not happen when I was in a shower. I would not be able to jump out of the bath tub and ran to the door soon enough before that man opened my door. It gave me a bit of a cold sweat!

Why can't everyone in this house just practice the little manner we all were taught when we were a kid? Knock before you open the door. It is so simple and could save their trouble of being sued for harrassment or invading others' privacy.

How old are you?

2006-09-16T03:00:00.000+02:00

There is a funny observation about age. I was talking about this with NK one day at work.

I remember when I was a kid, everytime when someone asked me, "How old are you?" I would automatically said, "I am {insert the age number} PLUS old!" Yep, I said it out loud paying particular emphasis on the word "plus".

The other day, NK was asking how old I was. I told him, "I am 26." He was a bit confused and asked, "Were you born in 1980?"

Me: No, 1979, but I was born at the end of the year.
NK: Nah, you're not really 26, you're 27.
Me: You're wrong! To be precise, I am 26 years and 10 months old.

Did you see the difference? I mean my answer about my age when I was a kid and compared to my answer now as an adult (well, supposed to be an adult). This is such a funny observation about myself. The more hilarious part is I did not even realize it until NK pointed it out.

Eh, you know, I could be more precise when the next person ask about my age.

How old are you? I am just 26 years, 10 months and 10 days old. Don't you like that?

Fears

2006-09-13T18:12:00.000+02:00

Yes, I have a long list. But no, I'm not going to expose all of them to you here. That would be too much for you.

Well, today is already my third day in this beautiful campus. I did not settle down quite well when I just arrived on the past weekend. The place I am staying is pretty run down. Usually I am quite an easy-going when it comes to living style and stuff, but this one is really bad. The house, the bedroom and the common bathroom do not have any locks. This really freaks me out because I really dislike the thought when I am sleeping or doing any business and all of a sudden someone opens the door. I need my privacy. Plus the bathroom is really dirty since it is shared by many people in the house. But given that it is tough to find a place to stay for just a month or so, I was only given two options, take this room or move to stay with my coworker, who would kindly let me slumber his bedroom while he would move to the living room. I decided to just adapt to the environment and stayed in the rented room.

Next big fear of mine is I have no sense of direction. Yes, this is not news to you anymore. One would really ask how did I survive for the past 10 years after leaving my home country and floating around different continents. Lucky is the only thing I can really think of. Those places that I had stayed or have been staying apparently have really good public transportation system. Hence I just needed to work out which bus or subway or even train to take to get to my destination. However almost everyone drives or bikes here. The campus is really huge and it would be pretty exhausting to walk from one end to the other. And I am staying off campus thus it makes my travel to work more tricky.

I got dropped off to work and got picked up on the first day of my work. But I had to be on my own since yesterday. One of my coworkers kindly lent me her bike. But that is not going to help much since I have not been on a bike for close to 15 years. It takes some time for me to fiddle around. So here comes my other fear. How am I going to work each day? I took out the map that I was given. Studied at it. And I told myself. All right, tomorrow I am just going to walk from here to the lab located in the North end of the campus where the university hospital is. It may take longer time but it is good chance for me to explore the campus a bit. Even if I am lost, I can just ask the people and better still I will discover more new things when I am lost. With that courage, I leisurely checked out the new walking route. It took me 45 minutes to get to the lab. When I walked to the lab, I heard coworker A (the one who was offering his apartment to me) talking on the phone to coworker B (who is working off campus), "Oh here she is. She did not get lost."

Today, I left the house an hour earlier to get here before 9am. And I made it. This time it took me 5 minutes less. My next target is trying to conquer my fear on biking on the road. I was told the biking lane next to the car lane is rather safe. But I still have this fear psychologically that I really need to conquer. If not I may also want to try to find other short cuts to walk to work or check out the campus shuttle bus.

When I was walking and enjoying the view of the campus this morning, I began to really appreciate the opportunity given to gain some new experience here. It is not about experience of being productive at work. It is more of an experience for me to look at my fears, deal with them and learn from them. I would always try to get away from those fears because there was no such opportunity for me to look and face them. But this time it is different. On top of that, it is more of a challenge for me during this stay here since I do need to adapt to the environment within a short time while juggling with a heavy workload of my schedule here. This is something different from my past stopovers at other places since my stays were generally longer and I could just focus and tackle one thing at a time.

As much as I do not like to expose myself to all these fears, I am beginning to enjoy acknowledging them and deal with them. They aren't that bad after all. I just need some time and confidence.

PS: more interesting observations and thoughts from my stay here later.

Still here?

2006-09-11T20:54:00.001+02:00

In case you're wondering where the heck this girl has disappeared to, I have to tell you that I'm
still around. But I just took a little break after my assessment that was held last week. Oh, the assessment went really well. It was a big relief to me when the whole thing was done at the end.

I do have more to talk because I am now at a different continent, different country, different lab doing some collaborative work. I'll be here for more than a month. Hopefully I have something exciting and interesting to talk about.

Hmm...anyone interested in playing the guessing game again? Anyway, stay tune and I promise to be back with more interesting stuff.

I don't know

2006-09-03T19:25:00.000+02:00

Tomorrow will be my show day; my half-degree assessment. I just finalized the powerpoint slides in the evening. I did not even bother to write a speech or go through it. Looks like it'll be an hour presentation, or close to (if one slide will take about a minute to explain). Then the major part will be qustions by the thesis committee and the audience, which will be about another hour or so. This is the time people will know how much you know about your work. I used to worry about Q&A. But this time, I realize that's really pointless for me to worry, not that I know my stuff well. It's just that there isn't much I could do at this stage; last minute brainstorming or burning the mid-night oil does not work on me. So I'll try to be all relaxed. One funny thing my main supervisor advised to me was, "Remember, if you don't know the answer, just say you don't know." I could not believe he actually mentioned that twice to me. But it's a good reminder. You don't want to make yourself a fool by making up silly answers in front of the panel of expert there.

"I don't know." That sounds easy to say. But I do realize there are times that we feel embarrassed to admit to others that we do not know the answer for a question. Or sometimes we just simply make up some answer even though we do not have a clue of the question. I am not speaking about Q&A session in a presentation. Simple things like someone approaching you or you approaching someone for direction. I wonder how many of you were told the wrong information and ended up feeling more lost. Telling people "I don't know" is not easy for some people because they tend to think that if they admit they do not know the answer, they could be view as stupid, someone who's behind the group and stuff.

In contrary, there are some people for some reason wish not to expose the truth that they know. Hence when they are asked for the information or whatever, immediately they would tell you, "I don't know. Don't ask me. Ask so-and-so." This "I don't know" line is commonly exploited to cover ourselves from "trouble". Wise? I personally do not prefer this. I guess if you want to avoid answering, perhaps it's good to just walk away or at least not making up a small lie like "I don't know" when the fact is you actually know about it.

All right, I'll be really honest tomorrow when my thesis committee members happen to ask me tough questions, I shall just tell them, "Interesting but I don't know." Hey if you are interested to listen to my work, do drop by. It is an open seminar; anyone can just walk in and ask nasty questions. I'll try my best to answer, otherwise, "I don't know" is a good one too. Heh.

Meeting the parents

2006-08-31T09:55:00.000+02:00

I received a text from my best friend few days ago. She was checking out on me since she hadn't been really hearing from me for the past few weeks. Busy is always the excuse. We texted back and forth. She told me that she just met the parents of her boyfriend the day before. That was a great piece of news to share.

Perhaps to many people, meeting the parents does not indicate anything other than just meeting the parents. But to some, it does have significant meaning. And I fall into the latter. Call me traditional. But I see as if you're not treating this person and this relationship seriously, you're more likely not bothered to introduce him/her to your family, especially your parents. Although by doing so, it might not mean everything, it is still a step closer; you are not afraid of showing your special one to your family/friends. You want your special someone to know more about you, your family and to get along with your friends. I don't mean whenever you hang out with your friends, you have to bring along your partner. I like the concept of having some space and own social life. But you still want your partner to know what type of friends you hang out with.

I was very delighted to hear my Travel Companion said, "Let's go..." when his best friend and wife invited him to a get-together. It might not mean too much from his side, but it certainly does to me.

Powerpoint or overhead, you choose

2006-08-26T18:50:00.000+02:00

So I've been attempting to make my presentation for my immediate upcoming assessment for my degree during this weekend. Just 1.5 weeks more to go. It's nearly end of Saturday and I haven't been getting much done. Judging from what I have so far, optimisitically I would say, 1/5 was done. This pace is not good since I will be having a run-through with my lab on Monday morning. Well done, procrastinator!

Speaking of presentations, what is your preferred style? I mean do you use powerpoint, slides, overheads or even drawing/writing on the board on the spot? I have done all those except the slide thing. I usually prefer powerpoint, no, no fancy animation, just a simple powerpoint style. It is so funny when I was telling my Travel Companion last night that I was going to make some slides today as my "past time" at home.

He asked, "Oh, how are you going to make slides at home?"

I raised my eyebrows, "Computer, duh".

He then clarrified, "No, I thought you were going to make those slides type of slides."

I laughed and told him, "That's too old-fashioned for me. I don't even know how to do that."

He laughed and said seriously, "Actually I use OHP. I just handwrite and handdraw on the OHP sheet to present at meetings in the company."

I teased him, "All right, it is certainly obvious that you and I are from different era!"

During my presentation class I took last year, the tutor was describing several ways and styles that could be done when giving presentations. He actually did go through all the good and bad points of using all the style. Believe it or not, powerpoint has its downsides too albeit being a bit high-tech; it is somewhat still lack of interaction between speaker and the audiences. In contrary it easily captivates a small group of listeners by using the whiteboard to illustrate a "story".

This makes me think about another analogy. There are a few ways to travel from Place A to Place B; we can either take a boat, car, plane or even walk there. The plane ride seems to be the fastest way but if one is prone to airsickness, one may prefer to take an alternate route. Walking may seem to be least preferred since it can take much longer time and can be exhausting from all the walks yet it allows us to enjoy more scenic views during the journey. Taking the boat is more fun whereas the car can be more flexible to allow one to stop anywhere anytime.

Most of the time there is no real best option for a situation or a context. We just have to go for the one we feel most comfortable with and the one we think suit best with the situation.

Although I'm not so into OHP presentation, I am really interested and curious to listen to my Travel Companion's presentation. Is he still funny and goofy when he is standing up there talking serious stuff?

Can't do that anymore

2006-08-23T16:54:00.000+02:00

Many people are captivated by the screensavers of my computer at work; I have pictures of my family members there, some showing funny faces, just to cheer me up sometimes when I am a little bored. Anyway, while sitting at my computer one late evening, my supervisor saw the pictures of the screensavers.

Supervisor: Are you close to your siblings?
Me: Yes, the younger ones...but we were not that close when we were younger.
Supervisor: My eldest complained a lot when the other two younger ones were following her. So one day, I sent the younger ones to their grandparents while the eldest was at home for a couple of days. On the second day, my eldest daughter was dying to have her younger siblings back.
Me: I totally understand that; I had the same complaint too when I was young that I did not like my younger siblings to follow me everywhere I went. But now they all are grown-ups and have their own activities and social lives. They no longer are interested in hanging out with me that much.

EF will be completing the remaining of her degree on a part-time basis because of her one-year-old daughter.

EF: She grows fast. Now she's at the age when she needs more attention from us. I don't want to miss her growing stage.
Me: Yeap, kids grow so fast and soon they will be very independent. Once they've grown, even if you want to spend more time with them, they would be too busy to fit you in their schedule.

I could remember when I was at my parents' on vacation two years ago. While I was sitting there reading, my little sister was making a fuss.

Sis: I hate my HS life. I want it to end very soon.
Me: Hey, I shared exactly the same feeling too. Actually, it is not fun, you should still make the best out of it coz you only have one HS life, well unless you failed and wanted to repeat.
Sis: You might be right.

There are certain things or processes that may only happen once. When we are doing it or going through the process, sometimes we do not seem to realize that we can only do this now but not later. Once it's past, we just can't do that anymore. You can't turn back time and experience the same thing again. You can't make your grown-up children to behave the same like they were young kids. You can't go back to primary/secondary school to go through the same thing again. Having this in mind, it is worth focusing and enjoying what we are doing now. We never know when will be the next time for this again.

Doing too much?

2006-08-20T20:18:00.000+02:00

You and I have at least a role to play; be it a father, a daughter, a mother, a son, a husband, a wife, a friend, a boss, a subordinate, a teacher, a student, a leader, a team member ex cetera. But how many of us are really playing our role(s) well? Are we doing what we are supposed or expected to do? Or are we doing too much?

One of the funny things about my parents is, they like me to take up the role of disciplining my younger siblings, especially my little brother. Whenever I call home to talk to my mother, she would tell me to talk to my brother and warn him to do his schoolwork and stuff. I find this too ridiculuous because my brother would never listen to me. who is thousands miles away if he is not even listening to my parents' pesters since they stay under one roof. Not to mention this is a parents' task in making sure you discipline your kids. It is just like do you expect someone else feed your own kids? It doesn't make sense right? You are their parents and they are your kids, of course you have to do your job. My dad sometimes can be overly too concerned about his children. When I chat with him, he would discuss his concerns about my siblings, whether are they studying a "good" course, getting a good job or having a good prospect, yada yada...Yes, I know this is how parents behave, especially Asian parents. But my dad has to realize his children are no longer a few year-old who stays under their parents' wings. We have to learn how to make our own decisions and even if the decisions turn out not to be the best, we have to learn how to be responsible for what we are doing.

I am constantly bugged by one of my seniors from work. All right, to be precise, an ex-student of the lab who is now doing a postdoc in a different continent. When I first joined the lab, he had helped me in initiating a few projects. Of course being a newbie in this field, I was indeed grateful to his help. Half a year later, he left for his new job elsewhere. He was so concerned about my progress that he would call every now and then (there was a period of time when he actually called every second day and also please keep in mind those were international calls with a 9-hour difference between the timezone) to check on me. He was doing it too much until I was confused who was my real supervisor now. After two years, he still calls me occasionally, although less frequent now.Perhaps this senior is doing it of good intention. He is interested in my work? He is truly concerned about my progress? Regardless of whatever reason, he has to be aware that he might be taking over my supervisors' role and thus complicating some housekeeping issues. On contrary, basically I do not have that much contact with my three supervisors. And I am definitely that type of student who loves a bit more independance and freedom. I will go to them when I need some input. But there are times when I am desperate for scientific discussion, none of my three supervisors are available.

I have a really good guy friend (Mr. Nice), who is more like my older brother. I like to seek his views when I need some perpectives for certain issues sometimes. But there is only so much a friend can do. And we must not ask for too much. Just imagine if I go to Mr. Nice not only for advice but keep bothering him for every of my big and little matters, what will his wife (Mrs. Nice) and my Travel Companion think about it? I would feel uncomfortable too if my Travel Companion does not share with me his problems and thoughts but with someone else.

We have to know what our role is and know our "job" description well. You don't want to not do enough because that means you are not doing your job good enough. Yet you don't want to overdo it because that may bring inconvenience to others.

I want some sweet

2006-08-17T21:51:00.000+02:00

I hope you won't drop your jaw if I tell you I have been munching not only chocolates, but lots of chocolates these past few days. I just keep craving for sweet stuff. This is the sign. This is the indicator. I am really stressed. I have to get doses of sweet to keep me going. Well, hopefully I won't end up 20 pounds more after my assessment. :(

Me: I went to the Thai store again for lunch. I tried the chilli beef, it was damn hot.
My Travel Companion: I thought you avoid hot stuff.
Me: I'm actually impressed that you remember I can't take hot spicy food...
My Travel Companion: I do remember little things here and there.

I do not expect anyone to pay attention to what I casually said or my little habits. Although it was really nothing, at least he remembered it. This is actually far sweeter than the chocolates I've been eating. Hey I want some more sweet, please. :)

It's so unpredictable

2006-08-15T21:10:00.000+02:00

Have I forgotten about you? Definitely not. Neither am I giving up my little hobby for writing. There are still a lot that could be written in words here. But I just need some free time and energy to actually sit down and start making my fingers tapping on the keyboard. I have a lot on my plate in terms of work; less than 3 weeks before my half-degree assessment. Things are not according to schedule. Oh well. When I said, "Just do it!" I just have to stick with it. So, no complaints, just do it!

When I was on my way to the Surgery Department for a meeting with the surgeons this evening, I walked past the ER. I saw four people crying very sadly. I did not know what exactly happened. But I figured probably something terrible must had happened. And seeing the fact it happened outside the ER, naturally and logically I was thinking...I really do not wish this was the reason. But there was a possibility. Those people could have just lost someone. Sigh...

Working in the hospital constantly reminds me that we all should really cherish our healthy bodies and lives. Anything can happen. Life is so unpredictable. But, as much as the doctors and the people in the medical/health sectors are working hard, combating in battles to saving lives, why are there still so much violent act going around the world taking away innocent lives? How I wish everyone could spend some time contemplating this and make a good change in our perception of our behaviours, actions and thinking. Treat other's lives as if were yours; don't harm others and don't harm yourself!

Walking together

2006-08-10T21:29:00.000+02:00

Every since college, I began to enjoy walking, especially when I am not in a hurry. I love to look at the people around when I walk. There's a particular scene that always catch my sight; old couples taking a walk. Yes, I know it was just a simple scene yet it has left a strong impression in my mind. "How I wish I would be like these old folks taking a walk together with my husband forty or fifty years later."

Recently my Travel Companion and I visited my friend and his wife, Mr. & Mrs. Nice. We took a long walk around their neighborhood. There is a small forest closeby that connects to a lake. A pretty awesome scenery. Mrs. Nice and I were leading, leaving the guys behind. We had a little girls' talk. Mrs. Nice is now working part-time and spending most of her time staying at home taking care of their 10-month old. She told me how she enjoyed taking an evening walk after dinner each day together with her family. "Although life here is very simple and we do not have that many friends in this country, I am content with what we are having now." "Just taking a walk with Mr. Nice and the baby everyday is the most blissful time we have within a day. I hope we can get to do this no matter where we reside in future."

I told her I knew exactly what she meant. Many of us are always going after our dreams, ambitions and we are so busy chasing our goals or catching up with our daily lives. We don't get the time to just wind down and relax. Not to mention we do not even share some quality time with our loved ones. It really does not have to be fancy; just take a simple walk, sit at a park and talk to each other or grab a book to read, or perhaps just sit down at a park doing nothing but enjoying the time together. Most importantly, if you are healthy enough to move around at that old age, and at the same time you are enjoying the company of your partner doing things together, isn't that a great bless?

"I like to take walks together with you. We have to do it more." I keep telling my Travel Companion.

"But haven't we walked enough during our trips?"

"That's different. I don't mean those walks. But just a walk around the neighborhood or sitting at the park enjoying some relaxing moment, like what we did at the park in DC once."

I don't know whether he really understood me. But I'm sure he would be happy to keep me companied if I suggest taking a walk again. It is really not about taking a walk, but more of the great feeling of walking together with him. Just imagine an old wrinkly lady walking together with an old man holding a stick. That'd be such a lovely scene. Don't you think so?

I do cherish you

2006-08-08T20:36:00.000+02:00

I've been using this laptop since I got it more than 4 years ago. It was not my first laptop in my life, but it was definitely my first purchase of my own laptop using my own money. It is a very old model, non DVD-readable and it doesn't have an internal CD-burner. I had to get an external CD-burner few years ago. When I first relocated, I couldn't connect it to the internet due to the cable incompatibility. The only solution was to get an external ethernet card or a USB allowing the cable to be pluged in. Can you believe that I had to go through many computer shops to get that special USB because the market for this USB is very low here. I had to describe real hard of what I was actually looking for when I talked to the salesperson.

Guess what happened again? It wasn't kicking all of a sudden last year. My adaptor was burned! Should I get a new laptop instead? I talked to the IT guy at work and he promised to look for a new adaptor for me. It took him close to a month to ship in a new adaptor. My laptop is back kicking!

Although it is kicking all right now, it is really just doing all right. There is something wrong with the internet cable that I can't move it around too much, or else you would probably find me disappearing from the internet world for a while. I'm not kidding. The laptop has to be locked at a particular position, if not it can't be connected to the internet cable. Great, I can't even lie down on my bed surfing. I can't carry it everywhere for work purpose. On top of that, I don't use it to do too much fancy stuff; only basic surfing i.e emailing, chatting, listening to online music, watch some shows and general work stuff.

Now should I really get a new one? It's been more than four years. But no, I still want to hold on to it for a while until it is totally dead *touch wood*.

I'm not being attached to it. Neither am I being too stingy and harsh to myself that I am not willing to spend on getting a newer laptop so that it'll make my life easier. Well, I don't mean to have a more luxurious life since I do use the laptop for work purpose. I just don't want to get rid of my laptop for a better one since this is the first laptop that I saved for 2 months from my first job when I was working in Country C. I was so proud of my purchase at that time until I referred it as my "boyfriend". Few years later, I am still proud of it and hence I'm still using it.

My cell phone is more than three years old now. It is also the first cell phone I purchased using my own money. Previously my parents bought me two phones before. Again, this current cell phone is an old phone, without any features i.e. camera, MMS transfer, bluetooth whatsoever. But I'm very proud of it. I could sign up a plan here and get the newest model. Why would I want to do so if it is still working very well?

Sure probably I'm just not so into gadgets. Or maybe I'm just a little thrifty. But those are not really the reason. I was not like this last time. I mean I did not feel the same before I used my own money to buy things for myself. For the first laptop in my life that my parents bought for me during college, it is still lying around at my parents' house. When I left Country B, I passed it to my sister happily and was looking forward to my upcoming purchase. For the first two cell phones my parents got me, one during college and one prior to my relocation to my job, I wasn't that proud of them. They were the newest models at that time. But I wasn't that proud of them at all. Sure, I was excited when I had the first one. I was showing off to my friends. But that's just like a kid who just got a new toy. After awhile, the kid will get bored of it and starting to look for new toy.

From my many little experiences, I truly believe that we tend to cherish things that we work and sweat hard for. That's right; the actual reason that I still hold on to my laptop, cell phone and other stuff that I bought using my own money is because I cherish them and I know the money doesn't come that easily to the pocket. I don't mean I worked like a slave for money. But because these things weren't given to you too easily as gifts or whatever, you worked for them and naturally you cherish them more. That's just a funny thinking of human-being.

I remember when I was in Grade 4, my classmates were bringing a few English children story books to school. The Enid Blyton series. I wasn't into reading at that time. Well, not English book at least. But you know kids get jealous easily. They'll go home and ask for the same things of what their friends have. I did the same too. I went home and told my dad that the sisters in my class were reading the Enid Blyton series. Dad who obviously wanted to give us the best immediately drove my mom and I to a departmental store. We went to the book department. I became very greedy when I found out the store was selling one set of Enid Blyton's, which was 50 books. My dad being the most wonderful dad on earth fulfilled my spoilt request. He bought the entire set. 50 books altogether! Later on, he still bought several more to add into the collection. All those books are now sitting at the bookshelves of my parents. The last time I took a look at them, the pages have already turned yellow. How many had I read? Shameful to admit, I only read about 10 of them. Bad right? I know, I know.

When in school, there was a table tennis heat. Again, being a spoilt brat, I went home and told my mom that I wanted to learn table tennis. My mom bought a brand new table tennis table home after seeking approval from my dad. How many times I had used it? Not even once. Many years ago, my parents used it for other purpose; they used it as a temporary table for displaying food when we were holding parties at home.

Although I still have the bad conscience about being such a spoilt brat and seeing those things I got as presents from my parents and others that I never appreciate and cherish, I do not feel more than that. Sure I've learned from those that I should never be like this, but I won't have much feeling if anyone wants to get rid of them. But it takes million-folds more for me to just get rid of the stuff I bought using my own effort. It's not the stuff that I feel reluctant to get rid of. But it's more of the fact that you know you worked hard for it and you just don't want to toss it away easily when something seems better appear. I look at my old laptop, my old cell phone; memories about how did I come to own them. Those memories make me want to cherish them more.

My Travel Companion was telling me that his car is about 16 years old. His mother was even suggesting him to get a new one. But he is reluctant to do so. He told me he had to work extra jobs during college to pay up the mortgage. I told him, "Hey, I'm very proud of you!" I was even telling my family about this. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder? No, I'm really proud of him. Having the same experience, I knew exactly how he felt when he described about his car. You worked for it and therefore you cherish it more because you know it did not come easily. I'm very glad that he and I share the same page.

This concept also leads me to think about how much do we cherish about people surrounding us. Why are there so many breakups or divorces? Why a sweet healthy relationship becomes bitter later? Why lovers become enemies? Why buddies become enemies and not talk to each other ever since? Is it because we do not realize it actually takes a lot of links to form that relationship with this person and thus taking him/her for granted? Come on, out of that zillions out there, how did you come to know this person? I'm sure many do not wish to be in such outcome. Something serious must have happened that led to such situation. But before things became irreversible, before two person went apart, if only we realize that it actually has taken a lot of links (the connections) to make two person together, things might have gotten a lot better. Do you give up a relationship because of a small fight? Do you ditch this person for someone prettier, better, richer or whatever? Do you get upset seeing this person's flaws that you initially thought were great? Or do you no longer tolerate a not-so-perfect partner? Do you take him/her for granted now? Probably there are certain situations that may disallow us to salvage our relationship (any type). But at least if we start thinking about how much link it has taken to get to know this person but not Stranger A, B or C and how hard it is to establish and maintain the relationship; we'll cherish this person more and thus the relationship. Realizing this, both will try their best to work on it. Even if things do not work out later despite all the effort, at least both won't leave angrily and upset.

I cherish the stuff I am having and definitely the people surrounding me now. I know they did not come that easily. Great, my 4-year-old digicam's kaput after my recent trip with my Travel Companion. Should I toss it and get a new one? What?! Definitely not. This digicam also did not come that easily. Do you know how I bought that during my first job too? All right, I'll spare you the details until the next bedtime story. Heh.

Don't worry, just do it

2006-08-04T18:49:00.000+02:00

I knew this was going to come. I thought I should be ready but I know I'm not even close at this point. Will I being able to make it?

In exactly one month's time, I will be standing in front of a lecture hall presenting a summary of my thesis so far (which will be 50 percent of the "book") and then being questioned by my thesis committee. I knew I needed to go through this assessment when my supervisor first suggested to me to do it during Spring. "I am not ready yet." was my answer to her. Then few months back, I thought I should be ready soon and hence set a date for it. But at this point, I know I am still not ready. Will I ever be truly ready for it?

I have been having long hours meeting with my supervisors, like till 11pm going through the close-to-finish projects and winding up some ongoing ones and also to plan roughly my schedule for the remaining of my degree. I do not know exactly where I am at this point. But all I want to do is just to focus on the closer goals, such as to pass this assessment next month. But prior the assessment, I have to finish up a long list instructed by my supervisors. And I already feel that I am overloaded and it doesn't seem quite possible to get them all completed within this month. I am trying very hard not to be stressed out, but my stress is already manifesting itself in several forms. I am already feeling it during the past few weeks. And worse still I've become more stressed out from the already existing stress.

I come to realize it is really no point being grumpy and worry about anything at all. It is just an assessment. Yes, no doubt it is a very important assessment. And yes, no doubt I have heaps to do. I just have to focus on them one by one and try to get as much done as possibe. Even if I can't finish them all, I should just be more relax and take it as it is. I did not sit here doing nothing for the first half of my degree, I do know my stuff, to a certain extent. Still, I shall do all right for the assessment. I hope.

Don't worry, just do it! Go, go, go! :)

Ouch...it's so painful

2006-08-03T20:19:00.000+02:00

A couple at work became parents two months ago. The wife was telling me how upset she was when she heard her husband "scolding" their two-month old baby when she cried continuously the whole day giving the mother (the female coworker) a hard time.

"I felt so upset seeing the baby crying. Her daddy should not had scolded her. I ended up crying together with the baby. When my husband saw both of us crying, he felt awful too and kept apologising to us."

"I'm so sorry that daddy shouted at you. I will never do that to you again!"

My parents were extremely strict to us during our broughtups. Scolding were common in our family and sometimes caning too in disciplining us. Each time after a serious "event", I heard my dad telling my grandmother how painful he felt from scolding and punishing us.

Since I am not a mother yet, I do not quite understand why would my coworkers and my parents felt upset for scolding their kids. Aren't they doing the right thing as parents to teach their children? Why would they feel more awful if they were doing the right thing? I guess that is because they love their kids. Although the kids may have done something wrong that needs to be disciplined, the parents feel more painful in disciplining their children. They would really prefer not to discipline their kids in that way, but to them that was the best way and they had to do it for the kids' own good. Seeing their kids crying and stuff is never something the parents wanted to see. It's all because of love.

It is the same if we have disagreement or little "events" with our loved ones or significant other. Like it or not, as much as we tried very hard to avoid them, still there would be times that incidents like those unavoidably happen. This is because every individual is not exactly the same; everyone has their own view and thinking. Nevertheless times like this, we all should learn how to deal with those little "events" because if they are dealt in a good proper way, it actually does help us in communicating with each other and thus making us understanding each other better. However, we should really make those little "events" cease there and not grow further or else we will certainly start breaking the china/glass (refer post: Mend the broken china?). And once the china/glass is broken, you'll get the scratch mark on the mended china. Oh, the latter scenario is also provided that you are so skillful in mending broken glasses.

That's the best for you

2006-08-01T22:19:00.000+02:00

I coud still remember when I was ten, forty of us were representing our Grammar School for an audition to perform for the National Day's celebration. One of the programmes specially dedicated to the National Day broadcast shows was selecting students to act a docudrama about our Parliament House. Since our school was the last one in the queue for the audition, only one cast left unfortunately. And I was fortunate enough to be selected for that cast, a female members of the parliament by the director.

My school was putting high expectation for this performance, especially I was the one representing our school nationwide. My aunt, who happened to be teaching in that school, was specially appointed as the teacher in-charge for bringing me to the drama practice and rehearsal. I attended only one practice. After that, the next thing I realized was, I heard my class teacher, who did not like me, making really "sarcastic" remark about me. "Some people are really irresponsible and selfish, who only cares about themselves." Huh? Why was she saying such thing? Was she referring me? I could not care less. But the next day, I was called into the Principal's office. She said something with her dissapointing look. Unlike my class teacher, she did not make any weird remark. But again, I did not understand what she was trying to get the message across. She only said, "I'm disappointed that you made that decision."

I left her office and asked my aunt what was exactly happening. Only at that point, I found out that she told the director that I (our school) had decided to pass that cast I was offered. I was not happy about what my aunt did. "It's wasting time spending the whole day to come here for the practice. You will be losing a lot of precious time for coping with your school work. Don't forget you have to do this for several months before the actual filming. You'll be having your final exams around that time too. I think it's better off for you to quit now." I disagreed and was not happy to hear her suggestion. But she went ahead to discuss with my mom and they both made that decision for me and got everything arranged without my consent.

"Do you know I really wanted to act for that drama? I was watching the drama while it was broadcasted on the TV during National Day that year thinking that I once had a chance to be acting there."

"You should have discussed it with me and let me have my say for my own things!"

Few years back when I was home for vacation, I told my aunt about this. She still insisted that she did that for my own good. "That's the best decision for you." Yes, I agree that she did with good intention, which is not wanting me to have difficulty in catching up with schoolwork later on. But to me, at that moment, it was something I had interest in doing. True, I might be too naive that what I wanted was not the best; I still think she could have done in a way that made me realize the consequence(s) and hence making my own decision.

Now sitting here, I'm trying to imagine how would I feel and think if I were my aunt or my mom. What about reversing the role now? Would I be doing the same thing like what my aunt did to my niece? Seriously I am not sure. See, if you already knew what was the best for your loved ones, obviously you would want them to listen right? What if what you think as the best is actually not the best at the other person's point of view, but don't you still want the "best" for them?

Since this little incident of mine, I have told myself that I should try my best not to make any major decision nor dictating someone when making their own decision. To me, if there is any decision to make, the person has to happily make his/her decision. Yes, I do make some input and suggestion to the decision maker. But I do not want him/her just to do it because I told them so. Why? Well, I do not want someone not happy and started regretting and wondering those "what ifs" many years later. What is the point if I tell you to go for A thinking that's the best for you if you were thinking about B but later on your mind is still with B after picking A because I told you so? And most likely you'd not be able to see any good side of A because it was not your first choice initially. Most importantly, I definitely do not fancy being given the "blame" title by someone, especially my loved ones.

Respect life, it is fragile

2006-07-30T19:00:00.000+02:00

Do you know how many lives are taken away every second in this world? And how many of us truly appreciate lives, not only our own lives but others?

Yes, I'm sure we all know (well, at least the majority of us) know the fact that our lives are so fragile. But are we really doing our best to cherish our precious bodies, as well as others?

I was reading news online back in my home country. "College boy was killed by robbers!" What is this? Those two robbers are totally insane! It is already NOT RIGHT to rob someone. Even if you wanted the money, did you have to kill the poor fellow? They killed a healthy young school boy who could possibly contribute something to the society one day, just for that little money (in this case not even 100 bucks)!! NO, I don't mean they could kill or harm someone for a larger amount of money or whatever!If you want money, use your own hands to work on it, in a morally correct way! Never take a life like that! But seriously, they obviously were so insane and forgot that this poor fellow, like themselves, deserved equal right to keep his own life.

Life itself is already very fragile and short; all sort of diseases, accidents, disasters and stuff can threaten lives easily. We should instead cherish and save lives to make good use of them. But why are we hearing more and more about murder crimes and other violent actions of human-beings that we simply injure and kill others? What has happened to the world now?

We all must respect lives. Be it ours or others. Our lives are precious and so do others.

My ideal

2006-07-26T18:36:00.000+02:00

Miss Charming: I don't feel that my boyfriend cares for me too much. You see, there were occasions I felt cold and I just casually made a remark that it was cold; guys whom I was not even close with would be so caring and offered me their jackets. But there were few times I complained about the coldness to my boyfriend, he did not show any response instead he zipped up his jacket more.

Lady Elegant: That's no big deal. You know what? I had to give my jacket to my husband when we were traveling in New Zealand for our honeymoon.

Miss Charming: I expect my boyfriend to be very caring. Is that too much?

Lady Elegant: Perhaps he actually cares a lot for you, in different ways. All right, do you think you prefer those other guys who offered you their jackets instead of him since you think they are so caring?

Miss Charming: Definitely not. I don't like those guys at all; we don't have any chemistry and we don't click at all.

Lady Elegant: Exactly. You won't go for those guys just because they seem to be caring for you. Plus you have to understand that no one is perfect. You're not perfect too.

Miss Charming: Yea, you're so right. He does care for me, in his own way. And he's already the perfect one for me. I shouldn't ask for more.

@@@

People have been coming up to tell me how lucky I was to have Prof. L as my supervisor. "This is the perfect lab to do a degree." What is there so perfect in this lab that many people queueing for such a long time to get in? True, my supervisor is a very knowledgable and talented professor. But at the same time, she's very busy with other commitments as the head of the lab. Therefore she expects a certain degree of independence of her students. For a person who loves independence, her style suits me pretty well. However there are times I wish to get more supervision from her. Do I still consider this as my ideal lab?

My sister has recently transfered to a new department. She told me she wasn't enjoying her job that much. "Didn't you transfer to this new department because you weren't happy at the old one?" "Yea, it turned out that I have to work more time and deal with more picky clients now." From her conversation, I could tell that she is looking for her ideal job. A less stressful job. A job that allows her travelling around. A job with a pretty decent pay. A job with less working hours ex cetera. But is it possible to find such a job? You may find a relatively less stressful job, but in that case probably you won't get paid higher. You may find a job that gives you opportunity to travel around, but then that means your job would need long working hours.

It is absolutely all right to go for what we want. The person we truly love. Our ambitions. Our dreams. Our plans. But while approaching what we want, we have to understand that we must not be harsh to others as well as to ourselves. Nothing is perfect. No one is perfect. There is no such thing as ideally perfect or perfectly ideal. Sometimes the more we look for, the more imperfections we find from the close to perfect ones. Miss Charming knows that she and her sweetheart are a perfect match. Yet at the same time she expects a lot from him. If she continues to magnify his one or two flaws, she'll start to get upset about him and hence doing damage to their bonded relationship. And he'll be converted from Mr. Ideal to Mr. Horrible. As for my supervisor, seriously she's one of the best ones I have ever come across all these years. It is her unique style, which is pretty much hands-off to most of her students makes her being a successful supervisor. Just imagine if she's just spoon-feeding her students, they probably would not grow and acquire the thinking on their own.

Is there such a thing called ideal? Definitely possible, depending on how we view as an ideal, that is accepting an ideal and not expecting it to be flawless (perfect). Plus, a "flaw" may actually turn out to be something "good" too. It really depends on how we see it.

Great discovery

2006-07-24T21:32:00.000+02:00

I do not like to read manual. I am really not that sort of person. As I first timer for a new machine, I usually tend to just flip the first page of the guidebook for a few minutes and then put it down. The next thing I would do is to start experimenting those different buttons of the machines described from the book. Yes, I know that is so not smart; I know by doing so I run the risk of breaking the machines. But I just can not quite operate the machine by just reading the manual. In my record, I did mess up a couple of machines and computers before. But hey, I learned from all the mistakes after doing so each time and even better still, I became familiar with the machines.

My travel companion and I tend to favor the free-and-easy traveling style. For our trips thus far, we did some research for the places that we would be visiting. But we did not set a proper plan and schedule for the trips. We would just get a map and start wondering around the place. And we enjoyed doing that. When we bumped into something interesting, we just stopped and checked out the place/thing. By doing so, we realized we've been discovering new interesting things, some even not mentioned or highlighted in the guidebooks. I could still remember we were intending to check out an area in our DC trip. So we took the metro and got off at Dupont Circle. We took out the map trying to figure out where to explore. Obviously both of us are pretty bad in map-reading. So guess what happened? We ended up walking towards to other direction heading towards another side of the downtown area (where we came from) that we had never been. And in that area, we found out the National Geographic Museum coincidentally. Surprisingly we both really liked this museum, far better than some of those emphasized in the guidebook.

During our recent trip, we were trying to find a good place to try out the local cuisine. Again, we did not have any partcular ones in mind. We walked around. A guy was distributing flier to us. We glanced at it for a few seconds and spontaneously headed to the place to try out since the price was pretty reasonable. The food turned out to be really delicious. A middle-aged couple was sitting next to our table. The lady started chatting with us. "We came from another city. Each time we are in town, we will come to this place for dinner. It is the best restaurant here, with good food and good price." We agreed.

We would certainly miss out a lot if we only follow exactly what we are instructed. We have to be a little adventurous in our explorations. You might be a great discover. Heh. Who knows?

Does age matter?

2006-07-23T18:20:00.000+02:00

Hey, you have just stumbled upon a wrong blog!

Gotcha!

Anyway, do you think one's intelligence is proportional to age? Possibly, probably and likely not. See, I used to think we have a lot to learn from people older than us; they are more experienced than us. They are wiser (hopefully). They are more knowledgeable. This is a wrong assumption. Looking around, I realized I have much to learn from people younger than me. True, older people may be more experienced. But many have neglected that they do not keep themselves updated with the latest development especially in terms of technology. Plus younger people have different views to offer too. Let us also not ignore the truth that some older people who are expected to be wiser do not seem to behave at their age.

Just when I thought I had so much to teach and advise my sisters who are younger than me, I have learned much from them, especially his sister of mine who is now helping with this new outlook of the blog. I adore her wit and her sharp view (plus tongue). And I love her knowledge and information about the latest updates. Boy, wasn't this the little girl whom I bled for many years ago when I was trying to help her (refer previous entry, Fell and wounded because of love)? Isn't it shocking to find out that my younger sister is so much smarter than I am and have the capability to help me after a decade later?! Mind you she is actually seven years younger than me!

Seriously age doesn't really matter. There is so much to learn from everyone, especially younger ones. And there should be no more lame excuses for older people to say things like, "You don’t have to teach me. I’m older than you; I sure know more than you!"It is this pride and bad attitude that inhibit us from learning and hence not improving ourselves.

So yes, you're reading the correct blog in case you still doubt about this. Well, unless "Jaderays" was not what you were looking for. In any case, what do you think about this new "outfit"? This "outfit" is still not close to perfect yet and is thus not finalized. My sister is still in the process of refining and fixing it. Anyhow, two new features have been added here. (1) taggie message column for anyone to drop me a message or two, if you wish. (2) brand new "Jaderays" radio (you need the flash plugin to listen and view the radio list tho). She has helped me to compile a list of my favorite songs (several languages) to share it here. Thanks Smarty! Hope you'll like the choices of your DJ here. Enjoy~~

Mend the broken china?

2006-07-20T21:54:00.000+02:00

It is so easy to start a quarrel or even a fight with someone.

We all perceive things differently. Say a person just casually made a remark yet you interpreted differently and you were not happy about it. You might start showing your annoyance and thus possibly an argument.

We all have different preferences. Say your beau wanted to go for a horror movie and you preferred something light-hearted. But both did not compromise. You both were angry about each other and started quarreling.

We all place different expectations from others. Person A expected B to dedicate more effort towards completing a task. However Person B thought that he/she had done more than enough. A was agitated and disappointed and thus resulted a cold war between the two parties.

We all like attention and love from others, especially from our loved ones. You were having a tough day and were hoping to talk to your sweetheart to vent. Therefore you called. But your sweetheart was too busy caught up with work too. You could just blow up like that without being sensible trying to understand his/her situation.

There are really plenty of reasons to start a war, especially to people we are very close with; couples for example and some times even couples who have married for many years.

My dad is really not a romantic person. He hardly talks about love, romance and marriage in front of us. But there was something he once shared with me before and imprinted in my mind since. "When you get married next time, no matter what conflict arises with your husband, try not to make it worse and hence a quarrel or fight. You know? Quarrel and fight are just like breaking your china. Once it's broken, you can never mend the broken china as perfect as before. Even if a skillful pair of hands get to mend the broken pieces back, you'd find scratch marks on the mended piece."

I really love my dad's analogy. Although he was referring to marriage, I guess this try not to initiate or continue a fight/argument/quarrel principle applies to all type of relationship. It does damage a lot, way more than we could even imagine if there was a fight between two parties. Yes, sometimes a quarrel/fight might bring two parties closer once they reconcile. That is both parties were lucky for the first time. If they were constantly fighting and were reconciled later, do not be surprised that after an extended period, they would feel exhausted from the relationship. This would be what my dad referred as "scratch marks".

It is extremely difficult for us to agree with another individual and to avoid conflict. We all think differently; we all tend to think we are correct all the time. But when we begin to feel irritated, upset or disappointed with another person, why not start thinking this way? There are zillions of human beings on this planet, but somehow I managed to get to know this one person, shouldn’t we be thankful to this link? Better still if he/she whom we are apparently upset about is our loved one. Why do we want to fight with our loved ones? Did we also realize that life is actually short? Shouldn't we cherish every moment to be together with this person? Hopefully by going through all these thoughts, we would be able to cool ourselves down.

Of course getting along all the time with another person is never easy, especially if both are trying to share the same objective/work towards a certain goal. Of course, if you are bothered by certain issues, you should not keep quiet and keep all the grumbles to yourself. Bring the issue up nicely and openly to the other person. I’m sure if he/she shares similar goal as you and are concerned about your well-being, he/she would be really happy to discuss the issue with you. It is certainly more efficient and effective than resolving the issues through a fight. Man, you’d be lucky if either party was not injured from the fight!

Next time when you feel like initiating a war, think about the broken china philosophy. Hopefully it helps. And hopefully I’ll keep this in mind and put it into practice too.

Bits and pieces of the voyage

2006-07-19T05:55:00.000+02:00

I enjoy traveling. It has always been fun to travel around. But the degree of fun and joy vary according to the style of traveling and its companions.

When I was younger I traveled to a few countries with my family, especially with my mom. My family usually signed up a travel agent and got everything arranged for the trips. I don’t mind just pay; show up on the day of departure and let the agent does all the arrangement.

I have been to group traveling trips during grammar school (primary) till HS back in my country. The whole bunch of at least forty or more school mates traveling was such a thrill. We sang together, joked and played games. I went for a college camping trip with 80 other mates from the same college once.

Since college, I went on many different trips with a few friends. It was either we drove, took long distance coaches or flew to the destinations. Some were kind of backpack. I have friends who are better-traveled than me. So naturally the lazy I would just sit back and relax while my friends were doing all the planning. Occasionally I had to take the initiative to work for the planning. Nonetheless, those were the fun time. And I think all my travel mates thus far have been great companion, albeit some were more pleasant than others.

I really enjoyed my recent voyages with my travel companion. How we arranged the trips was superb. Neither of us is an excellent planner. Yet we still planned a little for the trips. Our pace for the trip was just perfect. And we both liked the style of our voyages. Free and easy yet we got a lot of things done within a short period of time. We literally were able to read each others' mind and came to a consensus for big and small decisions in relations to the trips during the whole voyages.

Like it or not, some of my previous travel mates had a strong preference in certain things and thus the rest had to accommodate them. For example, when traveling with my mom, we would have to dine in Chinese restaurants all the time, and to be precise, Southern Chinese cuisine, even when we were traveling in a country with potatoes as its main dishes. How weird is that? During this recent voyage, we both tried all types of local cuisines. This is really something I love about my travel companion. We both love to try and explore new things, especially food. We even snapped photos of the dishes we had, and then laughed at our silly act. In one of the restaurant bars we dined in, the restaurant owner came and yelled, "No picture please!" Of course, the owner was just making fun of us. Oh boy, my innocent travel companion was caught in clouds. I was laughing about this funny scene.

I admit I really suck for my stamina; yeah, I know I really need to go for more training. Although I love hiking, I always came out to be the last or who only made it half-way to the top of the hill. There was I even made my friends to stay behind to guide me slowly up the top and hence we missed the sunrise despite waking up around 4 in the morning! I felt so bad about that. During this voyage, we were visiting some old castle. One of the attraction spots was a tall tower. We both were not aware of the height of this tower until 5 minutes later. "Geez, why aren't we there yet?" Then only we heard some other tourists telling us, "It’s more than 250 stairs. You’re not even half-way there." What?! I freaked out instantly. I was thinking of turning back and gave up. But my travel companion was very patient. He held my hand to climb the stairs slowly and steadily. I immediately collapsed once I got to the top. My travel companion kept teasing about how he saved me for this Powder Tower tour! Damn, don't listen to him. I protested, "Stop lying; I’m the one who piggy-bagged you!" Now, who is the real liar?

Other than just sight-seeing, I love to do something extra when I’m traveling. I like to check out the local radio station, newspapers, TV program and also to walk around and observe the daily lives of the people there. So I was forcing my travel companion to tune into the local R&B station. So far I haven’t heard any complaints from him yet. We even spent some time at the local bookstores flipping through different books published in its national language, pretending we understood the language.

Although there might be inconvenience to traveling in non-English speaking countries, it is another type of fun experience. Listening to different languages and trying to guess the ethnicity of the people we saw was one of our games we played during the trips. Oh not to mention, what makes it more fun is that due to my illiteracy of the local language, I bought a bottle of concentrated juice and made my travel companion drank at one forth of the bottle (which could make up to more than one liter of juice).

"Does it taste good?"

"Hmm…it's all right…but I find it a bit sweet."

"A bit sweet? Really? Noo…can't be…there must be something wrong with your taste bud!"

He took another few more sips and said, "Really. It's a bit sweet."

I grabbed the bottle and tried to read the label.

"Errr…you know what? I guess you're right. I think I've gotten you a concentrated juice that ought to be diluted 10 times more before consuming!" Oops a daisy!!

It was raining most of the time in one of the cities we stopped by. Yet we were still walking and wandering around the city sight-seeing despite the heavy rain. Guess what happened? My travel companion tore my favorite water-proofed jacket, well indirectly while he was hurrying me to cross the street. Great! Now I have the golden opportunity in threatening my companion for a brand-new jacket. I guess not many of you have had such experience before right?

While we were walking at the downtown area of another city, I smelled something unpleasant. I looked out and saw the source of the smell. I pointed to my companion. He instantaneously took out his high-tech camera. The next thing I heard was a Caucasian lady giggling on the other side of the street. She was making some hand signs, trying to warn me to stay away from my companion. I got the message and immediately ran away from him. Yep, I just had to run away from my crazy companion who was taking picture of a large pile of poop instead of all other beautiful sceneries along the street. By the way, in case you’re really curious how that pile of poop looked like, I've gotten you a copy of that picture here for this entry. I must admit it is a nice picture. It matches so well to one of my old entries (refer So proud of the poop) before the trip. All right all the credits go to my nutzo travel companion. Teehee.

Great travel companion is not easy to come by. I think I have found the best and perfect (travel) companion; someone I truly enjoy traveling and spending time with; someone I am very comfortable to be together with; someone who can make me laughs and brings joy to me all the time; someone who can understand and appreciate my poop jokes; someone who makes me want to freeze the joyful moments and not wanting the time to fly; someone I am very eager and look forward to explore together with the many adventures and voyages to come in life.
I am truly grateful for this. :P

My little voyage

2006-07-17T23:20:00.000+02:00

Heat. Sun. Picnic. Outdoor activities/games. Summer clothings.

These are the things I usually associate summers with. I don’t usually like summers basically I dislike heat and I don’t like to be under the sun for too long. I feel like I would melt or burn.

Many of us love summers. I’m an exception. However, I was very looking forward towards this year’s summer.

I just had a little voyage traveling to several places in this continent. It is always fun and exciting to travel to different places and experience life. I have traveled with my family and with different types of friends or friends of acquaintance (friend’s friend) before. My past traveling experiences have always been undoubtedly pleasant and interesting regardless of whom I was traveling with. Yet this time this voyage was certainly far more than that. It was so great that I did not want it to end.

Sure, the places visited were awesome; breathtaking sceneries; delicious food; relaxing getaway from work; wonderful muggy hot weather; fun time walking or running on the wet streets of heavy rain; spending time figuring out the map and the location (meaning, lost half of the time). But these aren’t sufficient in describing the trip.

No doubt these made the voyage fabulous. But without a great travel companion, this little voyage would not be as great. I am extremely thankful for having such a perfect travel companion, for this little voyage and many many more voyages in life.

So proud of the poop

2006-07-02T22:25:00.000+02:00

After weeks of trying to crank out something for the manuscript, I’m finally done with the first draft and handed it to my supervisors. I know it was not well written. I call it a piece of poop.

I participated a support group to brainstorming a fellow candidate in preparation for a doctoral dissertation. When the candidate was questioned about her work, she did not sound too confident in explaining her work. One of the support group members told her firmly, “Hey, this is your work. No one else in the world knows better than you. You’re the expert in this. So be proud when describing your thesis work and tell everyone out loud, ‘This is my work. Our group did this. We did that.”!”

Yes, that’s the spirit to go. No matter what we are doing, we have to love what we are doing and be proud of it. Of course I don’t mean things that are not ethical or morally incorrect. If we don’t even feel interested and lack of passion on whatever we are doing, who else will be? It does make an obvious difference. Someone who put in the effort and injected passion in a piece of work compared to someone who just did it just because he/she had to. Believe it or not, others would be able to tell the difference from the quality of the work.

Yep, I know the piece of poop was not a masterpiece. Neither was it going to cure cancer immediately. Nevertheless, I’m proud of it because I’ve learned so much during the process of starting the project. The project was started as an intention to decipher the genetics of cancer. We were only making baby steps. It may not be helpful now or even 50 years down the track for curing cancer. I believe at least we were trying to contribute one piece to the gigantic jigsaw puzzle.

Boy, I’m so pooped for making this poop. I desperately need a break now, for more poops in future. :)

Buck up

2006-06-29T19:07:00.000+02:00

We all have those stressful and rough moments. Well, it’s been a bit stressful for me lately. Yes, we should try to avoid getting stressed out and not be freaked out. Yes, we should try to stay focused and concentrate on whatever should be dealt with and completed.

During low tides, no one can really help us other than ourselves. Little supports and encouragements from others can’t really help directly. But they can play magic making us stay positive, especially coming from our loved ones and family.

My mom sent texted me recently.

Text 1: How are you? Busy? Take good care of yourself. Love from all of us at home.

Text 2: Don’t be stressful. Where there is a will, there’s a way. Take care.

Even without words of encouragements, sometimes just a small chat with someone does bring our mind away from the negativities.

Me: Hey, do you miss me?

Little Bro: NO

Me: Why not? I treat you so nice.

Little Bro: Coz’ you always buzz me, moron!!

Yeah, although my brother didn’t say any sweet words to me and I know he meant it. He did NOT miss me. He only cares about his computer games and cartoon shows. But by hearing him calling me moron gave me a belly laugh. He’s too funny!

Or even just the thought of someone puts a wide grin on our face. We’ll feel the strength again.

The tough moment won’t be forever. It’ll be gone very soon before we realize. Hey, we’re not alone. Keep going! Buck up!

Snake in the goblet?

2006-06-27T20:57:00.000+02:00

Did you know back in the Jin Dynasty, there was a rich man called Yue Guang? This guy loved drinking. So one day, he invited a friend to his house for a drink. Suddenly, his friend saw a reflection of a snake swimming in his goblet. But he did not dare to say anything and just guzzled down the wine. He was frightened to death after taking the drink. He fell sick shortly after he reached home. He was treated by many different physicians with different remedies and medications, yet none was effective. On the other side, Yue Guang was getting worried for not hearing from his drinking buddy for a long while. So he decided to visit his friend to check out what he was up to. He was shocked to hear that his friend who was healthy all along was lying on the bed after returning from his invitation.

He asked, “What happened to you?!”

The friend laying on the bed hardly managed to open his mouth to talk. He weakly told Yue Guang about the snake in the goblet that he swallowed.

Yue Guang immediately pulled his friend out of the bed and brought him back to his house. He made his friend sit at where he used to, pouring him another goblet of wine and asked, “Did you see any snake in your goblet now?”

“Yeah, I saw another snake again!”

“Look at it carefully. Are you sure it is really a snake?”

“Errr, well, it looks like a snake reflection…"

Yue Guang got up from his seat and walked to the wall and brought down a bow that was hanging there. He asked again, “Can you see the snake in your goblet?”

This time, his friend did not manage to see anything in the goblet, not even a snake reflection. Since then, this story has become really well-known and spread from one generation to another until now. "An illusory snake in a goblet" 杯弓蛇影 is referred as feeling jittery due to one's imagination.

Let me tell you another real life story set in the 21^stcentury. This is the sequel to the story I shared with you a fortnight ago (Refer: Hey I don’t mean it). Briefly my coworker who is generally a bit hypersensitive is still upset, or I should say, she is mad at another coworker, LC, just because of a joke. A joke that she initiated it in the beginning. A joke that was just those type of casual conversations during lunch, which no one would even remember later on. Yet, this coworker of mine is taking things to an extreme this time. She carried someone’s casual remark on her and magnified it zillion folds and perceived it as an offensive remark against her. Anyway, after her fussing to me about LC and others, I decided to leave her alone to cool down. It is really helpless to try stopping a burning fire with just a few drops of water.

While hoping my coworker would become better once she stopped thinking and thinking, in fact she became worse. She keeps thinking how bad others view about her; how LC and another coworker she recently having a cold war with were going around telling bad things behind her and thus others giving her a weird look at work whenever she sees them… But she still doesn’t stop there. This time, out of no where, she just suddenly turned to me angrily and said, “I know you have been going around telling bad things about me!!” I was utterly shocked by her accusation. I have never gone around telling things about her to others, let alone those bad “things” she was referring that I know are not true at all!

I wasn’t angry with her. Really. But I was very shocked and disappointed. Had she not realized that no one was actually going around talking bad about her? If only she could calm herself down and stop overanalyzing and perceiving wrongly about what others’ said and gesture, she would realize she is too sensitive. And if only she realize these past few weeks, I have been stuck in my office combating very hard to write up my manuscript, I wouldn’t even have time to go stop by to say hello to the rest. If only she knows me well, she would realize how much I dislike about gossiping, especially gossiping about stuff that is not real.

“Oh, are you in a bad mood? Ok, then I better leave you alone for the time being.” So I walked away hoping she would feel better later. However, it seems that she is still thinking and overanalyzing about everyone including me after so many days.

I’m sure this coworker is not the only one. Many of us are like that; we just imagine things too much and become attached to those unreal imaginations. What makes it worse is we started generating negative feelings from those unreal imaginations. We feel fear, angry, upset and stuff. It could get a lot worse if we remain clinging on those fake imaginations and perceptions. Look at the friend of Yue Guang! He nearly died from that disease caused by the “snake” that he gulped down. How ridiculous was that?! There was no snake and his “disease” was just purely psychological.

How I wish that coworker of mine could read and understand the meaning of "an illusory snake of a goblet"! If she continues her imagination and behaves like this, it is very likely that she'll be chasing away more friends and coworkers. She has already lost one close friend of a 4-year friendship at work and now LC doesn't even dare to share the same table with her for lunch. I could show her this entry. Yet since she is still clinging tightly to her "imagination", it is really futile in doing so. I'll just leave her alone until she has finally cool down and gain some senses.

Brown eyes

2006-06-26T19:50:00.000+02:00

When I first listened to this song, I fell in love with it immediately. But I didn’t pay attention to the singer(s). Then few years ago, I heard the Mandarin version of this song, I loved it instantly again. Since then I’ve been listening to the Mandarin version since I’m pretty much a loyal Chinese music fan.

Today while combating and attempting very hard to concentrate in finishing up the draft of my manuscript, I heard this song played from the online radio again; this time, it’s the English version.

I’m sure you know that this song (Brown eyes) was sung by Destiny Child. Apparently the Mandarin version of this song was sung by a group of young girls from Taiwan called SHE. That just got me thinking that actually there are many groups who became famous yet after a while, the group members just parted and pursued different paths. If the members stayed together and worked as a team, wouldn’t they have better achievement, or to the least, be as good as they were?

Some people find it restricted to stay in a team and prefer to work solo. Some love teamwork. Nevertheless teamwork is never easy; each individual will have different preference and style. But if you’re in a team, individualism may not be preferable within each team members. Not only that, co-operation is a must for teamwork. This may need some effort from everyone since many of us are a bit too self-centered and thus have forgotten about the presence of the other members. The tricky bit is understanding and endurance. Each team member has to understand and accept the flaws of the other members and help them to improve whilst at the same time know how to appreciate the good sides of them too.

There are so many things around us in our daily life that require teamwork. Even if we happen not to work in a team, we still somehow belong to a big team in this society or to the minimum, a member of a small team of a family, household or even a couple. We have to learn some of the basic manners as a team member.

By the way, do you know that there was also a Korean pop duo called, Brown Eyes too? Their songs (R&B) are really cool. Yet this group was another team who did not stay on but went on solo.

All right, back to my Brown Eyes. This time I’m engrossed in the sweet lyrics. :)

Rapunzel

2006-06-23T19:04:00.000+02:00

I have been wearing my hair long for almost ten years now. I used to have really short hair, kind of a boyish hairstyle before I left home.

I was trying to grow it long when I was a bit younger, when I was taking ballet lessons. I had to for the examinations. But each time after the exam, I had it short immediately. I felt so good. I did not like long hair. I felt a relief once I stopped taking ballet lessons. Part of the reason was I no longer was obliged to grow it long.

Then all of a sudden, I decided to grow my hair long after my first year abroad. It was really frustrating in the beginning for the growing process. My hair isn’t all that easy to handle and maintain, making the process even more tedious. Many a times, I just wanted to give up and have it short.

“Your hair is really long now!” EF noted to me one day while I was standing besides her taking the key of the locker in the room.

“Yeah, it was longer but I had it trimmed few months ago. I wanted it to be shorter but the hairdresser refused to do so for some reason.”

“It’s reached your waist now.”

“I think so. I don’t usually pay attention to its length. Well, if I keep it growing, who knows one day I’ll be able to compete with Rapunzel!”

Recently I have been feeling rushed; rushing to get my degree sooner than it was scheduled. No one was rushing me except myself. I feel impatient. I feel like wanting to just grab the degree now. I begin to feel that the 4-year process is a little too long now. It’s just like never ending; not that 4 years is long. Time does pass in a glimpse. But I’m at a stage where I’m seeing myself not progressing as expected whereas time is passing quickly. I’m getting more and more impatient. I started asking myself, “Can I really make it?!!” Yes, this feeling is just exactly the same as I felt when growing my hair long.

During the party I attended last week, I was talking to a postdoc. from the next lab who is working together with the host of the dissertation party, GZ. She said, “GZ felt like how you are feeling 2 years ago when she was half-way. She had no publication at all and she was really worried. But very soon, her 3 papers were accepted one after another.”

I know everyone will have to go through this frustrating and self-doubting moment. It is just like those who are growing their hair long or for guys wanting to keep their mustache or beard long. Patient is virtue.

I’m sure I just have to learn and enjoy this learning process and I’ll be able to make it eventually, especially with the tremendous supports and encouragement I’ve been getting from my family and my loved ones. I’m also confident that one day when I look back, I’ll be proud of what I’m doing; just like how I love my long hair now. Wait, am I missing something here? Yea, guess I still need to let my long hair down so that my Prince Charming can come up to the castle. Am I kidding? Of course, NOT!

Stuck

2006-06-21T18:00:00.000+02:00

Something’s stuck. My brain’s stuck. I’ve been feeling this way for the past few days, at least. It is not any better today. I’ve been staring at the monitor for hundreds of minutes, until AS walked in.

AS: Why are you having that look, as if you wanna kill me?
Me: Coz I’m seeing a piece of sh*t... (if only he gets that double meaning)
JG: That’s right…I’m that piece of sh*t and she’s that piece of meat…(Don’t ask me to explain coz I don’t even know what was he talking!)
AS: In that case, I better run now since I’m only human and obviously I can't communicate with sh*t and meat.

Back to business…

AS: Do you think I should order a new reagent?
Me: What is it for?
AS: It’s for my protein work…
Me: Nah, the old one we have is good enough for that.
JG: …oh old reagents are good, the longer you preserve the better, just like wine…
Me: and WOMEN!

Both guys were laughing madly at my line. I had to stand up to defend my line and seeking support from the only female in the office.

“Did I say it wrong? I’m sure you agree with me EF, right?”

EF: Of course, you are RIGHT!
Me: Exactly, so guys, respect your grandmas!

Hundred seconds later, I found myself still not coughing out a single word for my manuscript. This time, I’ve been “flirting” with a guy, a 6-month old little guy. He’s sooo cute and he kept laughing and smiling at me. And because of this, I was teased by others, “You just don’t want to miss out any opportunity in flirting with guys huh?” Yeah, he’s just too cute and I can’t resist cute boys, I mean cute babies!

24 hours ago…

JG: The network is down. Can I use your computer for a second?
Me: Sure…

So I moved the chair backwards for him to use my computer while I'm still sitting on the rolling office chair changing my shoes and getting ready to go for lunch.

Then JG, who was half standing half lowering his body to type something on the keyboard heard me saying this, “Hey, I’m still sitting behind you, make sure you don’t fart!”

He instantly burst into laughter, “You’re just too funny!”

“Hey, I’m serious cause your back is just right in front of me!!”

Am I that funny? I’ve been getting “compliments” about me being funny. Geez, I’m just being honest and direct. And yes, I do mean what I said. Maybe I’m extremely funny when my brain’s stuck.

Right, if only I can apply some of these funny lines in my writing to impress the editor and grant myself “accepted for publication without peer review”. Ok, not to sound greedy, why my brain is always stuck when it comes to writing serious scientific stuff? How I wish it could be as easy as cranking out this random post!

I'm learning from you

2006-06-20T11:03:00.000+02:00

GZ’s supervisor expressed his heartfelt gratitude to GZ in his speech during the party last Saturday (refer Another successful story).

He said, “Although it might appear to be appropriate for a student thanking his/her supervisor. But this is not quite true. It is not only the student learning from the teacher. But at the same time, the teacher is learning as much if not more from the student.”

Yes, this is so true. This student-teacher relationship knowledge and skill acquisition is not a single way; it is a two-way direction.

The student is not only learning whatever is passed from the teacher. But the teacher is learning new perspectives from the student during the process of passing his/her skills. The teacher is also learning how to be a teacher in order to pass on the “lineage”.

Learning is never a one-way ticket. Parents learn from the kids. Older siblings learn from the younger ones. Senior coworkers learn from the new bees. Couples learn from their spouse/partner. Everyone is learning from everyone, every day every moment all the time. We just never realize that this is happening all the time. Thus we have to be thankful to others for letting us learn directly and indirectly.

“A wise man, though possessed of immense perfections, will learn from others. By such practice, he/she will at last become omniscient.”

The path

2006-06-19T18:52:00.000+02:00

“Whatever goals you set, it really doesn’t matter. What matters most is the path you’re going through to reach to whatever goal you set.”

Yes, this is exactly how it came out during GZ’s dissertation party, where her fiancé gave his amusing speech. It was funny from the beginning till the end, except this part of his speech. It was his heartfelt words that he wanted to share with his fiancée. Everyone there nodded their heads, including GZ’s professor sitting at the main table.

I have always been thinking whether am I on the right path to whatever I am doing. “Did I make the correct and wisest decision?” “Would it be better if I went for the other goal?”…all these questions just keep lingering in the back of my head once in a while, on and off. It is gone one moment but it comes back later. It visits frequently when things aren’t running smoothly.

But seriously, will it be better if we could turn back time and went for Option B instead of Option A? I doubt it. Probably Option B might sound a bit easier compared to Option A. But Option B has its tough sides too. Everything comes in a package. No pain no gain. You just have to choose something you are truly interested and what you really want and then go for it. Nothing will ever be perfect. And it really doesn’t matter what options we go for. It is the process and the path that all matter.

I was sharing a table for lunch some time last year with the head of the department of radiology. I didn’t know he was such a big shot until he left and the other clinician told me so. This clinician told me this radiologist holds a degree in aeronautic engineering and also an MBA degree. Whoa?!! Was he making this up? Yep, this was exactly what I was thinking, but felt too embarrassed to express it verbally. That radiologist must be darn smart eh? Most likely. But from that brief acquaintance, he doesn’t appear it that way. Anyway, this is not the point. The point is why did he bother to get so many degrees? “He has diverse interest,” I was told. I think I get it. This radiologist even though in the end decided to practice medicine, he did not think developing interest in other areas is a waste of time, effort and energy. He enjoys the path(s). The path of not only about learning or the knowledge path; but more of the path of how he can truly enjoys everything he wants to acquire by walking it through.

I have met many people who ended up doing totally unrelated professions compared with their education. Yet they are making excellent achievements or at least they are enjoying what they are doing. You can just see the charm on their face. If they knew they were going for the current career option; would they have gone for it straightaway without making a detour? When asked about this, surprisingly many did not feel regret of making the detour. The training of the detour did bring an additional experience in their current career path.

The path needs not necessarily referred as career or professions. It can be any choice or decision we make in life. Each path we make forms the journey of this life albeit this life itself is short. There are various paths we have to go through in this short journey to get to various destinations. Just follow the path we really want. Enjoy the walking process along the path. That’s all it really matters. Because if we don't even enjoy the path, even if we have arrived the most beautiful destination, we would not be able to appreciate it.

Another successful story

2006-06-17T23:58:00.000+02:00

I just came back from the last dissertation of the month. Well, it was actually the second invitation I received this year.

This party was completely different from the first one I attended last week (Refer: Wish you to be here). GZ, the host who defended her thesis few days ago, this time had a quite a grand celebration. More than 80 guests joined the celebration. The buffet-style party was held in one of the halls rented at the campus. As you might have guessed, part of the reason that I was so looking forward to this party is because of the food. Heh, not a new news right? Oh yeah, GZ’s mother and her mom’s friends prepared most of the delicious food. Technically it was my first time trying authentic Persian food. If you haven’t tried this cuisine before, you gotta go try. 90% of the guests were GZ’s family, extended family, relatives and friends. GZ’s family resides in this country and she even had friends and relatives flying in from other cities or countries. Now don’t you agree with me how different this one was compared to the one I attended last week eh?

Anyway, there were also more speeches in this party than the last one. And there were all funny. The toastmaster’s funny too. Nope, I’m not going to transcribe all the speeches here. But I’ll just put some amusing memorable quotes from the speech. Although the party came out as a joyful and crowded atmosphere, it did have a few touchy meaningful moments. I shall be writing about thoughts reflected in relation to those moments.

1)GZ’s fiancé’s speech (Mr. S):-
Mr. S: GZ, it has been tough for you and I. Each time, you fussed about your unsuccessful experiments, your failures of your CPR…

*interumpted by GZ on the spot*
GZ: What CPR? This proves that you didn’t even bother to listen to what I said all this while. It is PCR!!

Mr. S turned to all the guests and said, “See, this is what I meant as, ‘it has been TOUGH’!” Everyone burst into laughter.

2) GZ’s THANK YOU SO MUCH speech

"I want to thank everybody who is here tonight. Thank you so much for all the supports…To my supervisors, Prof. M and Dr. R for ...thank you so much…to AAA for … thank you so much…To BBB and CCC for … thank you so much…To DDD….thank you so much”

Update (Monday):
I heard that the dancing section lasted till 2.30am. I would love to stay a bit longer for the merrymaking after the food. But you know this girl is too old to stay up late. She had to rush to her date with Mr. Zzz. All in all, it was a fun night. With this, it marked the end of one dissertation, which it also marked the beginning of a new chapter to Dr. GZ’s life. Congrats Dr. GZ! This is certainly another positive demonstration of being determined.

Hey I don't mean it

2006-06-15T18:37:00.000+02:00

FA: I have to let you know that I’m really angry with LC.
Me: Why? What’s wrong?
FA: I am affronted by her comments. How could she respond such comment to my joke?!!
Me: Hey, it’s likely that she didn’t get it and thought you were serious about what you joked.
FA: I don’t believe she did not understand my joke. Look, you understood my joke.
Me: Well, I must admit that not everyone can understand your joke.
FA: Even if she did not, how could she say such thing to me?! That was so offensive.
Me: Maybe she was just concerned or curious …
FA: This is not the first time. She has done this to me many times. Even if I were serious about what I said, she has no rights to judge me and certainly can’t comment about my behaviour.
Me: True but I think you’re a bit bias here. I’m pretty sure if I or someone else say the same to you, you’d feel different and not be that enraged about the comments.
FA: That’s it. If you want, you can tell her I’m ANGRY with her and warn her that if she say such thing to me again, I can’t guarantee myself not returning offensive remarks to her.
Me: Oh nooooo, just cool down and take it easy. I’m very sure she didn’t mean it. Stop thinking about it and then later you’ll realize your anger was so unnecessary.
FA: This is NOT my problem. She has done wrong.
Me: ……

I know it is very easy for anyone to say, “Take it easy. Don’t take others’ comments too personally,” because we are not the one getting a poke from the needles. How could we feel the pain right? True, bad did you realize most of the time we might just have perceived what others said differently. Seriously in this case, after hearing FA’s description about what had happened between LC and her, I do not feel that LC was insulting FA, at least not deliberately. I even told FA about what I think. But since she’s still in the heat, she refuses to put on her senses.

This perception thing is really the magic. Everyone just perceives so differently. You might be making a joke, yet another person could hear a different meaning and worse still a negative meaning. Trust me; I have had numerous similar occasions. Sometimes I didn’t even realize my jokes were mistaken unless someone confronted me. Yeah, not that many people out there get my dry jokes and sarcasm. Probably that also explains why I did not have that many friends at that time. They became my enemies without me knowing, just because they perceived differently of what I said.

What about mean statements made intentionally? Even if LC did mean to be offensive, should FA not get angry? Of course I would be not happy too if someone said something mean to me. But hey, if we have not left our senses, do you think it is worth getting so upset over someone’s comment? The moment I think about being angry about a minor thing, Boy, not only being angry of that person did not undo what has been said, I felt so darn tired and exhausted. It is far more economical to just drop the anger and walk away. The angrier we are, the more we acknowledge our much we care for what was said. It is better of to just forget about it. Sure, we may feel uncomfortable about negative remarks, but try not to hit to the angry state.

Just when we are feeling offended by someone’s remark, we may have insulted others too by our unintentional comments or statements. Who’s to blame? Our perception! With this understanding, why not just try to take things easily?

Sharing

2006-06-13T23:16:00.000+02:00

I wonder how many of you have shared (are sharing) a room or a house with someone before. No, I am not referring to a de facto relationship (staying with your significant other). Well, perhaps some may find that there is no difference between SO and actual housemate/roommate .

Since I was born, I had been sharing a room with my siblings. It's only up till when I was about to leave home, only had I occupied a room of my own. I shared a room with a HS friend when I was staying at a hostel for a year for my final year of HS in Country B. During my junior college year, I was sharing a house with 2 other students whom I met while we were hunting for a place to stay at the student housing service department. The next year, I moved to an apartment and shared the unit with a former hostel mate and my younger sister. I was renting a room when I started working with my landlady staying in. Throughout my stay there, she rented out another room to 2 other girls. When I first arrived to this country, I was offered a 2-room apartment that I had to share with another girl. And now I have the entire studio of my own.

Which one do I prefer? Staying alone or sharing with someone? First of all, I would say I prefer some sort of privacy. As such, I prefer of having a room of my own. I like to have the lights off when I sleep. But if you are sharing a room, then without much choice, you would just have to be used to and accommodate with one another’s living habit. Most importantly you just have to respect other’s privacy. This takes a lot of adjustments in the beginning.

My little sister noted to me that she’s envious that I’m staying alone with all the privacy and space. “Well, there are downsides in staying alone.” I told her. What are the downsides? One of the most obvious ones is when you are sick; no one is there to nurse you. Well, not that having a housemate will guarantee you a temporary nurse. At least someone is aware that you are unwell and you won’t end up being a sick patient dying out of hunger or pass out for days. When you come home, you’re more likely facing four walls. Having housemate(s) means you have someone to hang around or gab with coming home after work, without bothering to go out socializing.

Of course sharing a house with someone means you have to learn to literally SHARE the basic amenities such as the washroom/bathroom. Most of the time, you even have to share the duty/chore of taking care of the household. You have to be considerate to realize that you are not the only one staying there. You have to keep the common area clean and tidy. If you want to invite your friends back, you have to respect your housemate and ask if they would mind. It really boils down to how to get along with the existence of another person other than you.

Sharing a house or sharing anything with someone is not too tough. We just have to know how to share and accommodate. But what about letting someone in sharing and taking up room of your heart (sharing your life)? Sharing, sharing and more sharing is the only key. We have to learn to keep our heart open to share our thoughts, feelings and emotions. It certainly sounds bit more complicated than just sharing a room or a house. As such more understanding, accommodation, respect and communication are needed to form the basis of sharing.

Big versus small

2006-06-12T17:58:00.000+02:00

Is big always better than small?

Last Friday, only around 30 people were invited for Dr.BY’s dissertation party. It was the smallest I have ever attended since I arrived. Yet it turned out to be the best of all. Everyone had a real blast. The blast had torn the restaurant apart. There were even touching moments during BY’s supervisor’s speech. Although the speech was short, those few lines really described well the tough time BY been through to get her degree. And many of us even might not be able to understand her pain when her happy marriage was at risk due to her husband’s inconsideration. MB sitting next to me shed some tear whilst I found my eyes filling with tears.

Another awe-inspiring thing is that from the party we could easily find out that BY is excellent in human relationship; not only friends from her own country but other ethnic groups as well. Yeah, it was certainly a merry celebration by the people from the West and the East integrating harmoniously.

I enjoy small intimate party like this. We really need not spend so much for a grand celebration. An intimate one with family, friends and loved ones to share our joy brings more merriment to everyone. Moreover joy and happiness are priceless that money can’t buy.

Wish you to be here

2006-06-09T16:23:00.000+02:00

There was an addition of doctoral holder in the world 2 hours ago. The 3-hour dissertation of the then Dr.-to-be, BY, went pretty well. And finally after all these years, she was announced by her chief thesis committee the title as a Dr.

This is not my first time listening to a dissertation. But it is definitely my first time seeing the PhD candidate defending his/her thesis without the presence of his/her family. Salute to Dr. BY because she was handling everything all by herself (the stressful three-month thesis writing torment, going through the hassles of dissertation application, arranging the nitty-gritty in preparation for the dissertation including organizing her own dissertation party). For some reason, her husband and her family could not fly all the way to be here with her. But with their support from far, she finally made it.

Doing a PhD is really no big deal. There are other things better achievements than this. Yet, it is still a very small personal achievement. It is just like one’s had preschool graduation, grammar/primary school graduation, HS graduation, college graduation or even certain award presentation of some sort of personal interest/career (i.e. Oscar award, Golden Globe award) or whatever. All these little personal achievements may not mean much to the society, the nation or to the world. But it does mean something to the individual. You were putting great effort in pursuing something and finally you came to that destination. You’ve made it now. You’ve demonstrated your determination and your enthusiasm. And in this happy moment, all you really wish is to share your happiness (albeit temporal) with your loved ones.

Looking at my very little personal achievements thus far, was my family especially my parents there all the time with me?

My memory about my kindergarten graduation is really vague. Were my parents there?

But I can still remember clearly my graduation day for my primary school education. None of my folks attended the ceremony even though I was representing the graduates to give a speech!
However they were there for my HS graduation because the graduates were forced to purchase a pair of tickets (the school was hoping the parents to come). Hence my parents did attend my HS graduation dinner; especially I was partly demanding them to come to support me as the MC of the night.

I celebrated my graduation dinner of my final year HS (pre-college) in Country B with my schoolmates since my family was thousands miles away.

My first college degree commencement - my mom and my two sisters flew in to attend the ceremony.

My second college degree commencement – both my parents and my little brother attended.

My first piano exam – mom was there.

My first ballet exam – my grandmother accompanied me to the school and she went home leaving me there alone waiting for my turn.

My first swimming competition – mom and sister were there.

My first inter-school speech competition – mom and aunt were there but dad was finally there in the following year when I was promoted to the semi-final round (state level competition). Yay!

Looking at my own history, I find that my parents did try to make their presence in certain occasions/events of their children. But they were not consistent to all children especially my dad. He is always giving an excuse of being busy and relies on my mom to make her presence. I know I was always wishing more participation from my dad. I was really glad that he did keep his promise to attend my second college degree commencement after being disappointed with his absence of my first commencement. I had to literally keep reminding him months prior conferring my degree. I was so happy when I heard that his air ticket was fixed, meaning he was definitely attending my graduation.

I’m not sure who will be attending my dissertation and/or my degree commencement. However I really wish my family and my loved ones will take their time and come to support me. Yes, I may not be doing a wonderful task or completing a respectful mission, it is still something that I will like to share with them. Don’t you want them to be there for all your chapters (big or small) of your life?

Of course if it happens that our family can’t be there with us to witness these chapters of our lives, that don’t mean they don’t care. Their support and well-wishes are always with us. And I’m sure they can still share our joy and happiness without being there.

Although BY’s husband and family will not be at the dissertation party tonight, her husband will most likely come for her commencement later. BY will have a blast tonight at her party despite the absence of her family. Well, at least I am looking forward to it – an evening of sharing her joy in completing her degree successfully. Congratulations! :P

The warmth in human relationship

2006-06-07T17:32:00.000+02:00

Another story that I received recently. Enjoy. :)

@@@The warmth in human relatinoship@@@

A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes.

When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen totally forgot the matter.

The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle fascinated by itscolor and drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant foradults in small dosages.

When the child collapsed, the mother hurried him tothe hospital. He died. The mother was stunned! She was terrified how she was going to face herhusband.

When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the deadchild, he looked at his wife and uttered just five words.

Hey, do you have any idea where were the five words?

What does this story tell us?

The husband just said "I am with you Darling".

The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a proactive behavior. The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point in finding fault with the mother.

Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would not have happened. No one is to be blamed. Shehad also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.

If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, andfears. And you will find things are actually not as difficult as you think.

You know sometimes we spend time in asking who is responsible or whom to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job orwith the people we know. By this way we miss out some warmth in human relationship.

The lost son

2006-06-06T20:37:00.000+02:00

I'm afraid this entry has yet to be another story I am borrowing from other source. I was contemplating on a particular topic earlier on. Guess what? My neurons in my brain are hyperactive and hypersensitive at the moment; I can't think! I guess those real life stories (and some personal first hand stories) I was planning to share will have to be on tomorrow's entry. Ugh, all I need now is some paracetamol/acetaminophen. Or maybe I'll go have a good date with Mr. Zzz.

@@@The lost son@@@

A young widower, who loved his five year old son very much, was away on business when bandits came who burned down the whole village and took his son away.

When the man returned, he saw the ruins and panicked. The took the burnt corpse of an infant to be his son and cried uncontrollably. He organised a cremation ceremony, collected the ashes and put them in a beautiful little bag which he always kept with him.

Soon afterwards, his real son escaped from the bandits and found his way home. He arrived at his father's new cottage at midnight and knocked at the door.

The father, still grieving asked, "Who is it?"

The child answered, "It is me papa, open the door!"

But in his agitated state of mind, convinced his son was dead, the father thought that some young boy was making fun of him.

He shouted, "Go away!!" and continued to cry.

After some time, the child left.

Father and son never saw each other again.

What does this story tell us?

Sometime, somewhere, you take something to be the truth. If you cling to it so much, even when the truth comes in person and knocks on your door, you will not open it.

Lemon Tea

2006-06-05T20:25:00.001+02:00

I found another story from my collection (no, I didn't write it). It's about lemon tea. Yum!!

Hey I have a challenge for you; the story was written in Chinese. So yeah, it's time to pick up a new language for you now. Hehe...Nawww, I'm not that bad. I actually took some time to translate the article. However I have to warn you; I'm not a professional translator and I haven't been doing the Chinese-English translation for a long while. But since this story is really sweet and meaningful, I like to share it here. Enjoy reading! Oh by the way, for those who are Chinese literate, you may prefer reading the original article. If so, you can find the article at the end of this entry.

@@@Lemon Tea@@@

There was a couple who had a quarrel at a café. Neither one wanted to patch up. In the end the guy left angrily leaving the girl crying in the café.

Sitting at the café, the girl kept stirring the lemon tea she ordered previously in order to release her anger and frustration. The slide of lemon was mashed and hence the tea tasted bitter due to the lemon skin. She asked for a new glass of lemon tea with the skin of the lemon pealed off. The waiter threw her a glance and took away her glass.

Shortly he came back with an icy-cold lemon tea, with the skin still. The already upset girl immediately yelled at him, "I have already told you that I wanted the lemon skin to be pealed off! Didn't you hear me just now?!"

The waiter gave her another glimpse. He starred at her eyes, "Miss, calm down please." He continued, "Actually if we allow the lemon skin soaks in the tea for a longer time, its bitterness will dissolve and generates a unique bitterly sweet taste, which is what you really need now. Please calm down; why don't you think of it this way? Don't think about wanting to blend in the lemon taste by squeezing or mashing the lemon within 3 minutes. If you do so, the tea will be filthy and you'll mess up everything."

The girl was stunned by what he said. She looked at his eyes and asked, "Then how long will it take for the limonite taste blend into the tea naturally?"

He smiled and replied, "12 hours. 12 hours later, the lemon will release the essence of our life and then you'll be able to enjoy a glass of tasteful lemon tea. However, you have to be willing to wait patiently for 12 hours."

He paused and elaborated further, "Actually this philosophy doesn't only apply to making tea, but to everything that bothers us in our life. As long as you're willing to wait patiently and tolerate for 12 hours, you'll amazingly realize later that things are not that awful as you initially thought." "Are you trying to tell me something?"

He smiled, "I am only sharing with you some tips about how to make a glass of lemon tea. And I'm only casually discussing with you whether can we apply similar methodology of making tea in generating a wonderful life of our own."

He excused himself politely. The girl sat there quietly thinking through the conversation with the new glass of lemon tea in front of her.

Later on, she went home and made herself another glass of lemon tea. She cut the lemon into thin and small slices and then added them to the tea. She observed the slices of lemon soaking in the glass as though they were breathing; each and every cells of the lemon were opening up to diffuse out the essence and spirit of the lemon. 12 hours later, she found herself enjoying the best tasty and delicious lemon tea ever!

She finally understood that the drink was so tasty because the lemon has fully dissolved and blended in the tea.

The door bell was apparently ringing at that time. She opened the door. The guy was standing at the door front holding a bouquet of rose.

"Can you please forgive me?" He was blushed.

She smiled and invited him in for a glass of lemon tea. "We shall now set an agreement…we shall never get angry with each other regardless of whatever issue/conflicts we will be having. We should, however, cool ourselves down and think about lemon tea and the philosophy associated with it."

"Why do we need to think about lemon tea?" scratching his head, he asked.

"Well, we need to wait for 12 hours patiently."

Since then, the girl has been applying the secret of lemon tea in every aspect of her life. And because of this, she has not only been able to live happily but also to manage to see things from a beautiful and positive perspective.

The girl is slowly and calmly enjoying the sweetness of the lemon tea (the wonder of life).

Remember what the waiter has told us; "If you want to squeeze all the yummy lemon taste in a short period of time (i.e. 3 minutes in this example), the tea will become bitter and filthy."

Life is just like tea; if we want to enjoy a glass of tasty good lemon tea, we have to wait slowly during the process of making tea, giving enough time for the lemon to blend into the tea.

However, the timing has to be optimum; do not leave the lemon in the tea for too long as well. If the tea has been left for too long, the taste will not be as good. It is the same for our life. Don't keep waiting for too long; instead we should just cherish this current moment to do what you intend to before it is too late. You'll probably start losing interest or motivation later.

Jade rays

Always maintain a joyful mind

Are you a rubbish truck?

Good or bad?

Five, four, three, two, one...

My eating culture

Can you see that gap there?

Happy Birthday

Always changing

Why wait?

Stay the same

Summer is here

Things will work themselves out

Is it about time?

Reasons I am here

New boyfriend

Sourcing for aspiration

This is what you think only

Thanks for listening

Never give up

Stand corner

Good buy

Round 3/4 world in 30 days

I'm so confused

The tides

The martians and venusians

Holding water

My hunny

The little things

Our New Year's Resolution

The Holidays

High value stock

Santa Lucia

We learn it so well

Discover the world

Thanks for being so unkind

I am an unskillful dancer

What kind of Asians are you?

Don't take it for granted

I have big eyes

Hold hands

Permanent Head Damaged

Make it happen

This is not what I wanted

No idle talk please

Confidence in a moderate way

How old are you?

The unexpected

The little thought that counts

Instant noodles

Guess what?

Oops I did it!

Whatever will be will be

Of good karma

I have never dreamt about it

Get to know yourself better

Get to know yourself better

The Real You

Temperamental

What time is it?

I wish you enough

What's wrong with your hands?

Time

Honk

Knock before you open

How old are you?

Fears

Still here?

I don't know

Meeting the parents

Powerpoint or overhead, you choose

Can't do that anymore

Doing too much?

I want some sweet

It's so unpredictable

Walking together

I do cherish *you*

Don't worry, just do it

Ouch...it's so painful

That's the best for you

I do cherish you