I would be easily disheartened and agitated over small matters when their expectations were not met. I'd even griped, weeped and sobbed through countless of dismays for major unfulfilled issues. I am sure many of you have experienced parallel situtation or are now going through the similar context.
You expect your parents to understand your preferences in life.
You expect your close friends to be always there to support you.
You expect a call from someone special.
You expect an email from a new mate.
You expect your busses come on time.
You expect the movie to be entertaining.
You expect a promotion from your company.
You expect a wonderful and smooth life.
But most of the time, they never do. They never turn out to be what we expected. When the little presumption pictures in our mind are not met, we feel unhappy, flustered and frustrated, be it a small or big matter. Sometimes the disappointment and pain only lasted briefly. Some stay for a long long while. Some are replaced by new disappointments. The cycle of disappointments continues throughout the whole life.
Disappointments emerge from unfulfilled expectations. Although the expectations may sound reasonable, we can't demand every situation to match with the pictures framed in our mind. The best remedy would be, try not to have expectations or at least have different preferences. I would prefer A, but if B turns out, that would be fine too.
Will life sound pessimistic without setting an expectation? This was part of my recent discussions with AA. Not having expectation does not mean you have no faith in the matter nor the person involved. As expectation is only formed by one picture, meaning only one outcome is portrayed and thus expected. But what will be the likelihood of it to become true? In a simple context of either A or B, the maximum probability of A is only 50%. When it comes to reality, there are more than 2 possibilities in each context and situation, so chances of our expectations being met will not be as high.
Most of the time, the degree of our expectations from other people turn out to be very different. For instance, our family and friends think that they have given us love and concerns, but yet we do not perceive it that way. The definition of the integrity of love and care vary between each individual. Therefore, it is likely that most of the time we are not satisfied with the situation and feel disappointed.
It is wise NOT to set expectations. You'll find it works so amazingly well for you and you'll be a happier person.
You go for a movie without any expectations, you will probably enjoy the movie a little bit better.
You do not expect an email from your friend, but when you receive just a few lines from him/her, your day is lifted.
You do not expect compliments from people, but when someone suddenly comments your nice outfit you are wearing today, the sky seems brighter.
You do not expect today's entry to be funny, appealing and sophisticated. You may find it quite intellectual stimulating actually. *gotcha*
There is an article called APPLE SEED, which I got it from my friend that gives further insights on this.
I'll leave this article as your thought for the day. I am not expecting any comment nor message from you regarding this entry. But who knows, I maybe delighted by some unexpected comments from you! *rolling my big round eyes* *LOL*
-----------------------------APPLE SEEDS--------------------------------------
Take a look at an apple tree. There might be five hundred apples on the tree, but each apple has just ten seeds. That's a lot of seeds!
We might ask, "Why would you need so many seeds to grow just a few more apple trees?"
Nature has something to teach us here. It's telling us: "Not all seeds grow. In life, most seeds never grow. So if you really want to make something happen, you had better try more than once."
This might mean:
You'll attend twenty interviews to get one job.
You'll interview forty people to find one good employee.
You'll talk to fifty people to sell one house, one car, one vacuum cleaner, one insurance policy, or a business idea.
And you might meet a hundred acquaintances just to find one special friend .
When we understand the "Law of the Seed", we don't get so disappointed. We stop feeling like victims. We learn how to deal with things that happen to us.
Laws of nature are not things to take personally. We just need to understand them - and work with them.
IN A NUTSHELL
Successful people fail more often. But they plant more seeds.
When Things Are Beyond your control, here's something that you must NOT DO so as to be happy:
You must not decide how you think the world SHOULD be.
You must not make rules for how everyone SHOULD behave.
Many times, such thoughts can bring you spiraling down into more unhappiness.
On the other hand, let's say you expect that:
Friends SHOULD return favours.
People SHOULD appreciate you.
Planes SHOULD arrive on time.
Everyone SHOULD be honest.
Your husband or best friend SHOULD remember your birthday.
These expectations may sound reasonable. But often, these things won't happen! So you end up frustrated and disappointed.
There's a better strategy. Demand less, and instead, have preferences! For things that are beyond your control, tell yourself: "I WOULD PREFER "A", BUT IF "B" HAPPENS, IT'S OK TOO!"
You prefer that people are polite....but when they are rude, it doesn't ruin your day.
You prefer sunshine.....but if it rains, it is ok too!
To become happier, we either need to:
a) Change the world, or
b) Change our thinking.
It is easier to change our Thinking!
IN A NUTSHELL
It is not the problem that is the issue, but rather it is your attitude attending to the problem that is the problem.
It's not what happens to you that determine your happiness but rather how you think about what happens to you!
