It is definitely here. I could smell it. Yes, I could literally smell fall.
I woke up this morning, feeling tired thinking about loads of work that are due in today including an asisgnment and a preparation for my presentation I had to submit by the end of the day. And you know what? I only started reading the literature this morning for the assignment. Heh, what a loafer I am. *lol* The thought of so many urgent matters needed to deal had added more weight to me to get out of the house. But I still did because being an ostrich hiding my head in the hole on the ground and pretending nothing happened is certainly not my character.
I purposely arrived a few minutes earlier at the bus stop. The smell of the season is so strong. So I wasn't hallucinating when I woke up, I did smell fall even inside my room. I closed my eyes and letting the bracing breeze to shower me. All brooding disquietude about deadlines were washed away at that moment.
This brings me back to the good old days during my college years. I started to enjoy walking and perhaps have done most of my walking at that time up till this moment of my life. I spent 35-40 minutes walking home than taking a 10-minute public transport per trip from my house to campus each day. I wanted to save some money on transportation and in return rewarding myself with a big serving of 99% fat-free yogurt from the student union house each day. Slowly this became a habit. I especially love walking during the fall seasons. I could remember walking past a park on my way home from school. I would slow down unhurriedly, enjoying every movement I made, every scenes I saw and the harmony from the park/streets/surroundings I heard. I did most of my thinking for the day during this time too. That was the time I found most relaxing in a day. Sometimes my college roomie and I would walk around our neighborhood too during the weekends. That was also the best time in fostering our friendship.
However I realize I haven't been walking much since I came here, especially these few months I have been so overwhelmed with work. My mind has been occupied by many matters and I am always in a race to completing many things in my to-do list until I feel bummed....well a little. Actually what are we really chasing? Why are we always rushing? Sometimes slowing down or even pause for a while will make us feel refreshed and we may be able to continue with whatever we want to chase more efficiently.
With that in mind, I decided not to rush or stress myself in finishing the assignment I needed to hand in today. In fact I left work relatively early for a dinner at my friends' place today. I was a bit reluctant in accepting the dinner invitation yesterday because of all my unfinished work. All I really wanted was to go home and crash out. But my newly-wed friends had been mentioning about the dinner many times. I really feel bad to turn them down. Thank goodness I accepted the invitation. The dinner was awesome and of course I had a great night filled with laughter. I miss proper homecook food. Yeah, I am so lazy that I have not been cooking proper meals at home.
So what happened to my assignment? I just submitted my homework online before writing this post. It is unbelievable that I did manage to finish them after the dinner invitation and I was in time! Yay!
When was your last time you actually relaxed and not think about whatever is bothering you? Perhaps it's time now for you to slow down or pause from whatever you've been busy with. More haste, less speed, you know?
♥ every page of my imagination
4 people traveled to my fantasyland
"If only I have more money, I would be very happy."
"If I were as successful as XX, that would be so wonderful and I'd be happier than now."
If you succeed, you achieve something that you have been aiming for. Happy is the feeling, showing or causing pleasure or satisfaction.
From a fleeting thought, almost everyone including myself will think that after being successful, happiness will come hand in hand. But this is not always the case. I have seen a number of successful people, they are successful in all aspect, but not all of them are happy.
People who are successful doesn't mean that they don't have problems/issues. In fact they have more problems than the non-successful ones. Eg, a successful CEO may have lots of power in leading all his subordinates and money in manipulating million dollars investment business. But he has to face lots of problems being in this position. The job is very stressful because he has to be an excellent leader in utilising his people's talents and making sure they listen to his instructions. He has to put in effort in making sure his plans for the investment projects are working properly and not end up flushing his share-holders' money into the drain. He has to answer to his board of directors if the company's performance does not reach a X% profit target. Since he has such a demanding job, most likely he hardly spends enough time with his family. As such, it is likely that he has to bear with his wife's occasional complaints, bear the pain of not being able to play with his kids and not having fun time hanging out with his pals. Will he be happy? Maybe or maybe not, depending what he views and how he feels.
On the other hand, happiness doesn't necessarily mean excitement nor ecstasy. True, when we succeed in accomplishing something we aim and work hard for a long time, we feel excited and a little "happy". But that flush of success is not real happiness. Have you heard of "be a victim of your own success"? That's right. Many years ago I heard a story about a poor man living quite happily with his family. But he always felt the need to being rich in order to be happier. One day his wish was granted and he became rich. He thought the whole family would be truly happy. Nope, he's wrong. The wife started spending lots of time shopping, grooming herself and having fun time with her friends. The kinship between the children was no longer strongly bonded. They became more materialistic and hanging out with their respective companions. At that moment, the man finally realized his success did not bring him happiness.
Anyone (successful or nonsuccessful) can be happy as long as they feel calm, nondisturbed and peace. Happiness actually comes from within.
This is actually an interesting topic to discuss. My mother has always been telling me how she would be more happy if she had X, Y and this and that. I thought so too. But as I age and live vigariously, I come to realize success and happiness DO NOT neccessary come hand in hand. Apparently I read about this topic brought up in a friend's blog asking which one do we go for. I felt an urge to blog a bit about this here.
I admit I am trying to accomplish my dreams in this life and hope that one day I can be successful. But accomplishment is never ending. Once we've achieved A, we may want to achieve B and so forth. Success is also a relative measurement. With that said, I wish to make the best of my life but certainly I want to have constant happiness regardless how successful I will be in the end. How about you?
♥ every page of my imagination
5 people traveled to my fantasyland
Usually I know my way pretty well in wherever I want to go though I do not have good sense of direction. Even for places that I haven't been, I can still find my way there if I get sufficient instructions plus a map prior my journey, as long as I've figured out what my destination is.
But sometimes certain events do happen unexpectedly and create hurdles for me in continuing to getting closer to my destination. One night while on my way to somewhere, all of a sudden there was a power outage. All streetlights went off. I had no idea where I was and how long more to get to my destination. I couldn't even seek help because the place was remote and there was no one else around. Needless to say I was petrified for the first twenty seconds. Even after calming myself down I was daunting still and even feeling pusillanimous to work out what was I supposed to do. Though vaguely I could remember the direction from my last peep from the map, I couldn't move my feet. At this time, some lights shone, distantly. Maybe it was the moonlight, maybe it was from a far away neighbourhood or it could possibly be the aurora. But the lights amazingly helped me to be able to see my way. I was back on my journey 5 minutes later a bit more confident this time.
I like to examine my thoughts a little. No, no sophistication here. Just some mind examination and reflection to find out whether am I on the right track for personal development. But even if I look at the mirror, what it reflects is just one side of me. This is because we only have a pair of eyes in front. Sometimes with the aid of two mirrors (mirror reflecting on the other), we can view our back side. But we can hardly view the whole self at the same time even with more mirrors. There is a good solution for this. We can either film ourselves or let someone films us (in other words, listen to opinions from someone else). Yes, no doubt some opinions can be a bit bias. Nevertheless, I find all these feedbacks really helpful. For opinions that are a bit judgmental and bigoted, I just basically ignore them. This is when the filtering process takes place. But I truthfully am very grateful and appreciate all sides of opinions from people. I learn to know many aspects of myself through them.
Thanks for sparing the illumination, H. and AA when I was finding my way. Greatly appreciate it. The light of the aurora is indeed so breathtakingly beautiful. *grin*
***************************************************************************
AA read this post and we had a chat online few hours later after this post was put up. She said this "Sometimes you need someone to slap some sense into you...". I really like this. Although she might be a bit bold, she really hit the bull's eye and her point was spot on. Her remark made me think of this and thus I responded: Gentle opinion is like the aurora light shining in the darkness. But criticism or strong opinion is equally cool too because it's just like a sword cutting weeds/whatever we want to get rid of (ignorance). She loves this analogy. :)
♥ every page of my imagination
2 people traveled to my fantasyland
Do you like shopping? Do you shop when only you need something? When you're shopping (or window shopping), do you simply pick up things you see that kind of attract you and try them out? Do you buy something even though you're not 100% sure you really like it but just for the fun's sake thinking "oh why not?"?
I am not so much into shopping. I shop when I need to get something. In fact I had the habit of just purchasing the stuff I wanted without trying. Well if I already know what I wanted to get (the specific brand, the design, the colour, the price range), why would I bother to waste all the effort in trying? But don't you want to try on the size, maybe what you see is different from what you think? Believe me, I do understand this. So gradually I don't mind trying a bit when I shop. But I still don't try too many. I'll only try on stuff that I know I am close to liking it and the only reason I try before buying is I need to decide which one to get because I can't have all of them due to practical reasons. Plus if it is a good one, it'll most likely last for a long long while.
Still, I seldom window shop. I've only accompanied my friends when we were going out to shop. That's the only time I window shop. When I say window shop, is basically I walk around with my companions while they window shop but actually I am not even really looking. Many people including my friends are so excited in picking something they think is cute or new without thinking whether they truly like it or thinking the possibility to ending up in buying it.
I always have the thought "if I'm not going to buy it, why do I bother in trying?". True, it doesn't cost a penny to try and there's even a possibility that I may end up liking it and want to buy it later. However, if I know I will never end up liking it, why do I still want to waste my time to join the queue for the changing room or taking the trouble of undressing, getting dressed, undressing again and getting dressed another time? What if I'm in a dilemma later that I end up having some liking to the pair of "jeans", which is usually not my typical preference yet I'm not totally sure I'll like it and wear it later if I buy it.
Sure, I can always buy it and try a few more times because there's a 2-week or 30-day warranty. I can return to the shop and ask for an exchange or a refund. But for a lazy person like me, I may be very likely end up tolerating the pair of "jeans" or hide it at the bottom of my wardrobe. Maybe as time goes by, fondness may have grown and I am so used to its existence though it is not my ideal type. Who knows right? Anything can happen.
But what if the pair of "jeans" is not returnable? Does that mean I'll have to keep it in my wardrobe forever? If I keep on shopping and repeating the same cycle, there is a higher chance for me in stacking up unwanted "jeans" in my wardrobe and I may have to extend my wardrobe. Of course I can give away or throw them all out. But then in that case, I didn't have to be so spendthrift if I did not simply buy them without making sure I truly want them in the first place. Worse still, say these pairs of "jeans" have emotions. They sure might feel hurt too if I take them and then later ignoring them or trashing them. I might have the hidden strings of attachments too and feel heartache a little when I need to get rid of them.
"If you don't window shop and just shop when you have to, you will miss out a lot of fun stuff in life. Your ideal preference in your mind may just only exist in your mind and not elsewhere. Window shopping let you know the trends in the market, new products are coming up every season." My friends have been telling me this. But I am not a trendy person. I just want something simple that suits me and makes me look elegant. "That is your problem. The design in your mind might be out of fashioned or never exist in the market. You will never get to buy one when you seriously need it if you're fixed to your mindset."
Perhaps what my friends said is correct unless I decided not to wear "jeans" anymore. *wink* But I still fancy "jeans" thus I should do more window shopping. And when I see some "jeans" that look cool though not my ideal preference, I shouldn't fear of trying them as long as I keep them in perfect condition if I don't want to buy them. But I will definitely not buy it if I am not sure I will wear it or not. I guess it is really a matter of moderation. I don't want any side loss. Oh, don't forget, some shops have this sign in the checkout counter. Goods sold are not refundable. *lol* So it is still advisable of not creating trouble to oneself.
♥ every page of my imagination
5 people traveled to my fantasyland
The week just past was pretty slack, not only for work but even for not blogging regularly. I was away for a meeting in an island outside the city. This is actually more of a get-together for a bunch of people from within the campus doing research in the same field. No no, don't get me wrong, no nitty gritty of the scientific content here except some interesting observations and thoughts discovered from this 2-day event.The event was held in a place specially catered for organization/companies retreat. Yes I know no big deal. But the most exciting bit was a well-known old female professor became my neighbour. I know I might sound a bit exagerating here. So what professors and academic smarties are everywhere. But this is a bit extraordinary. Can you imagine an extremely well-known old professor (even highly respected amongst other professors) became a student's neighbour? I checked in and carried my bag to my room. After that I opened my door and nearly slammed on someone standing just right outside the entrance. The funny bit was I didn't even realize I was so close in hitting her thus I wasn't even apologising. Man, I would sure become "well-known" the next day if she's injured.
Old Prof: I'm sorry. *Huh, why did she apologise?*
Me: Oh...
Old Prof: I was looking for my key and didn't realize you were coming out. I'm sorry. *OMG, I should be the one to apologise.*
Me: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were standing here. Are you all right?
Old Prof: Don't worry, I'm all right. *warm genuine smile*
The old professor and her husband, who's also a very famous old professor are one of the highly respected people in the university. Both are at my grandparents' age yet they are still so youthful and still dedicating their lives towards science. They are well respected not only because of their career achievements (I thought so initially) but rather their amiableness. What makes me said so?
During breakfast, Mrs L (the senior scientist expecting her forth child, refer Baby Booom) and I picked the window seats for better viewings of the sea. Just when we were about to indulge our hunger pangs, the Old Prof came to us and asked politely whether she could join us. 2 more famous professors joined us shortly. Wow, that's so flattering. Man, having breakfast with 3 professors. Mrs L was giggling about that.
The food was no doubt fantastic. I haven't had such enjoyable breakfast moment for a long long while with people I don't know. This one really made me leaving feeling thrilled still. Old Prof was so fun to talk to. She and Mrs L really made a good combination. Throughout the conversation (covering many topics), I was surrounded by warmth, laughters and some familiar feeling that I only get when I talk to my maternal grandmother.
Old Prof: I have 3 grandchildren and 4 children. They're all very smart and my husband and I are very proud of them.
Mrs L: Is any of them scientist?
Old Prof: No in fact they are in a totally different profession only my daughter is a medical doctor. My eldest son is .....It has been really tough for them. It's especially tough for them when they were at school because the teachers would refer them as "So-and-so's children". But they are so smart and they made their way all by themselves. *the proud mother look*
Mrs L: I think it's really difficult for the children if they have brilliant parents. It's easier for the grandchildren to have brilliant grandparents. That's why my children are lucky because they don't have such brilliant parents. *lol*
No matter how successful Old Prof is in her career, she's still a mother and grandmother to her kids and her grandchildren. Like every parents, she's so proud of her own kids' achievements and wanted to tell everyone about them. How adorable.
Old Prof: You need to try this kiwi. It's extremely good for you (pregnant women). It's supposed to be most Vitamin C rich amongst all fruits.
Mrs L: Oh really? I'll get some later.
Old Prof: No no, you sit down. I'll get it for you.
Mrs L: Wow, I feel so bad to make a 80yo old professor to fetch me kiwi. Thanks to my "pillow" (she has been joking that she has inserted a pillow to pretend she's pregnant).
Me: Oh yeah, your "pillow" has definitely made her mamma proud. *lol*
Later that day, Old Prof's husband, Prof GK arrived and gave the highlight review lecture. Needless to mention everyone was paying attention to his lecture. Prof GK always demonstrated his enthusiasms in his field. Seriously I doubt my passions in research if I were at his age. I don't think I would have so much energy and interest to care so much about improving science for mankind. Most likely I would be engrossed into my egoistical needs such as getting attention from my family. Another thing worth mentioning is Prof GK is such a humble scholar. Despite being the expert in this field, throughout his lecture, he kept emphasizing that he's still learning at this stage. "These few years, I'm only beginning to find out from others that ......" "Recently I've only starting to understand that .....". Prof GK could be haughty and boastful in his lecture and that would still be appropriate since he's such a big guy out there. But he didn't. His meekness in acquiring new knowledge through others still is indubitably making him highly respected and successful.
The 2-day meeting was certainly not only about the panorama of science. It has certainly provided me positive outlooks. Now I'm back to the civilised world flooded with deadliness. I didn't even get a single task sorted out during the weekend. In fact I have been feeling restless and groaning due to my stomach upset.
Me: Dr, I think I have food poisoning.
TF: What did you eat?
Me: Could be my breakfast.
TF: Go home and rest. Eat some rice and drink more water and take an afternoon nap. If you don't get any better, better go to the ER.
Me: ............
Was TF giving a professional medical advice? Well, probably not, at least not the eating rice part. Ok, can't blame him coz he's just an oncologist and not a GP. *lol* Argh, I just want to go back to the island of laughter, good food and beautiful scenary! And I really miss my grandma who always took care of me when I was sick at home.
♥ every page of my imagination
4 people traveled to my fantasyland
As mentioned on my Monday post (Stay or leave?), I had 3 casual convo with 3 different people which I find interesting to share.
Me: How are you doing?
JH: Not good. *looked upset*
Me: What happened? *worried*
JH: My friend just passed away yesterday.
Me: Oh, I'm really sorry to hear this.
JH: You know I feel more sad because we didn't expect it. She just went for a very simple operation, the type which you could be discharged on the same day. And she's still so young, just 46. She said she had a lot she wanted to do. Now she could not even accomplish them anymore.
I didn't know how to comfort her. It's rather difficult to console someone not to be sad if the person has lost their loved ones, in this case, JH has lost her dear friend. No one likes to experience this. Death is a natural phenomenon, no one can escape. One day we'll have to face it and the question is we don't know when is it. Yet, we like to turn ourselves away
Do we ever think about "if today were the last day of my life"? Is this pessimism not? Well what if today is the actual last day? If we have never thought about it and leave many things undone because we always think that "It's ok, I still have tomorrow." But with this little thought in mind, it does remind us in trying to live the fullest each day, so that even if it's really the end of the life, we won't be regretful.
This though also makes me appreciate people more. I always not being bothered in keeping contact to friends distantly away from me or to people I assume I'll be seeing people I see everyday. Just like JH, she would never ever thought that her last catch up with her deceased friend is really the last time she saw her in this life.
Ok, enough of this topic that may sounds a bit grieving. Not meant it that way. I'll leave here with an excellent speech by Steve Jobs (CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios) delivered on June 12, 2005 at Stanford. He mentioned this line in his speech, "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right.". Click here to read the speech. For audio version if you have an IPOD, please click here. 'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says. Whenever I'm thirsting for inspiration, I'll go back to this article. *grin*
♥ every page of my imagination
6 people traveled to my fantasyland
Boss: I don't call TL (her husband) to check him up.
Me: Why not?
Boss: Perhaps he has his own things to do or maybe he just needs some free time to sit at the caffe to enjoy a cupt of coffee for some fresh air.
Me: But aren't you curious to find out?
Boss: Well sometimes I can tell, sometimes he himself will mention it. If he wants to tell, he'll.
Me: Don't you worry about him?
Boss: I would get worried if he promised to be home at certain time but is not home yet. But usually he's very responsible and keeps his promises especially if he's going to pick up the kids. If he can't make it, he'll let me know earlier. Of coz I'll be worried if he doesn't turn up as he's promised.
Me: Don't you like to find out his whereabouts and who he hangs out with?
Boss: I respect his privacy. He has his own friends and his hobbies he wants to do. As for the suspicious bit, it's all about the trust. If he wants to cheat on me, he can just simply make up something when I ask. So what's the point of asking? It's just all about the trust between the couple.
Yes, it's all about the trust. The word sounds simple yet easily ommited by many of us. I guess it's difficult to put trust to people nowadays even to someone who is supposed to be very close to you i.e. your significant other. Maybe we're too discouraged by failed real life examples surrounding us. Maybe we're just too guarded. Maybe we're just complicated.
I grown up in a traditional chinese family. My parents are very strongly bonded as a couple and family values were cultivated amongst its children since young. Like many people, my mum does call up my dad to show her concerns to him quite frequently when he's not home yet as expected. I don't find this inappropriate coz my dad seems to be happy in picking up the calls from us. He tells about his whereabouts to my mum all the time. But after knowing more people from different backgrounds, I am beginning to wonder whether is my parents' style the norm or will it be the one style for all.
I was telling my boss that I know a married couple, which the husband has his wife's email password and reads her emails every now and then. I think reading your spouse's emails is just too much. Everyone needs to have some privacy and space from others including their partner. And isn't it disrespectful and distrustful in checking out someone's emails or other private issues? It will not work that way to maintain a marriage or a relationship. If I were my friend, I would ask for his passwords too. In fact I suggested this to her and obviously he's not too happy about it. Hehe.
It's not easy to put a trust upon someone especially in a relationship/marriage. It's understandable why we lose trust towards someone because of the paranoia and phobia about betrayals we hear and see. But still trust is the essential part in human relationship. It's just like if you're sick, you'll go to your doctor, whom you trust. He doesn't have to be the top med student. It's just a trust to your physician whom you place your fragile life in his/her hands. It's the same in a marriage/relationship, except it ought to be mutual and from both sides. If you want trust from someone, then make sure you don't do anything to make your partner shaken and risk losing the trust on you.
I don't know how well I can cope in this aspect. I just want to find someone whom I can trust and he feels the same too. It's about the little trust we have. Hope this will make human relationship simpler.
♥ every page of my imagination
5 people traveled to my fantasyland
I've changed a lot, characters wise, since college. I'm more chatty now. When I say "chat", I did not mean idle talk nor serious/intellectual discussion. What I meant is I enjoy talking casually to people on any topic. Most of them are thought-provoking. Like today, I had convo with 3 different people and each brought a lot of thoughts to me.
One of them was my lunch convo with my main supervisor, a young female professor who's always happy, well-respected, marvellous and full of wisdom. Moreover she's an excellent juggler of family and career. She's really one of my best mentors. I don't usually have idols, if I'm going to have, she's definitely one of the few. I really enjoy chatting with her.
I was given a scenario today. If I were married and followed my husband to come to this country. Both husband and wife were studying but the husband finished first and decided to move to elsewhere for a better position, while I had 1 year left before granting my degree. Would I stay or follow him?
I would stay. This is what I told my supervisor.
Reasons? Well, since it's only 1 year so close to granting a degree, it would not be practical as well as economical (in long run) to just leave without getting my degree. Plus both husband's and wife's career prospects should weigh the same as well, if we're a proponent of equility.
My boss brought up another real life experiences of one of her married students. It was a catastrophe for her marriage when her husband who started his studies earlier went to another city for a clinical position and she's just down to one more year in completion. Other than that, all of her work was going smoothly but situation got worse when her father-in-law interfered. The student's indecisive to stay or go. So my boss being an understanding mother and wife, decided to be an enabler to "instruct" her to leave the lab. She finally did and now restarting the whole Grad school life in a new city with her husband.
Boss: Sometimes I still wonder whether was it appropriate for me to push her go.
Me: If I were you, I would convince her to go too. Sometimes some people just need that "push". And for this case, seemed like she didn't have much choice.
Boss: I know. I don't want her to be unhappy for the rest of her life just because she didn't go to her husband.
Me: I would like to hear your opinion. If you're facing this, would you stay or go?
Boss: Oh, that's not a possible scenario for me. *bursting into laughter*
That's right, though my boss got married when she's still in Grad school. The statement is true for her because her husband has been really supportive to her. Both take turns in shouldering the responsibilities of the family with 3 young kids and the youngest is just 4, who's a handful. So even if she has to be away for some time, it'll work out.
Boss: Ok, hypothetically, if I am only a cake's allowed, either I go to save my marriage or I stay to get a divorce. I'll go. But as I said this is not a possible scenario for me. I'm lucky that TL (her husband) has been really understanding. So when I'm here late at night writing for applications, he will stay at home and take care of the kids. But of course, sometimes when he needs to attend to his job, I'll take over the chores.
Me: Doesn't he complain?
Boss: No, because he wants a happy wife. It's much more rewarding to see your partner be happy with things he/she enjoys doing than tying him/her up at home. He knows if I'm not at home, I would be here busy with my work. I'm not socializing, partying and ignoring the family.
Me: Well, I'm glad at least at the moment, this is not my possible scenario either. *both laughed*
I'm very lucky that I've been following an ascending path in my life. However many of my classmates here are much older than me because they worked for quite a long time before coming back to Grad school. They have families and kids. I've seen many foreign students here bringing their wives along. After sometime, the wives got bored and started applying for Grad school. So in the end, the husbands will finish their studies earlier and they have to leave for their postdocs. But many of them work out later because they compromise.
I don't fancy the idea of long-distance relationship. I guess if the couple has to live apart for a short period for practicality, it's still possible to work out. It's a matter of 2 people putting the effort and the heart to work it out. My collegemate and her fiancé had a long-distance relationship for 4 years and they're getting married at the end of this year. Yay!
My boss and I had a superb lunch chat talking about other aspects of relationships too. I'll blog them in my future entries. I'm happy to explore today's entry with her. I haven't been giving much thought about this possible scenario due to the fact that I'm in singledom without needing to commit to a family or significant other all these while by default. Em, it's interesting to give this a little thought now. Anything is possible and I've learned to never say NEVER. *wink*
♥ every page of my imagination
5 people traveled to my fantasyland
I realize sometimes I don't appreciate others' hard work. When I'm looking at what others are doing, at least half of the time, I would be thinking "That's easy, no big deal." "Ah, nothing special, I could even do better than them."
Way before I'm into this academic research business, I was never aware of the difficulty in getting a scientific paper published. Isn't it easy just to work on a few experiments and then write up the whole thing and send it off to publish? Well, ideally yes if everything works perfectly well...but in reality, truth to say this is almost highly unlikely. If it's that easy, AIDS or cancer would have been cured by now and no one's suffering from deadly and uncurable diseases.
I never know getting your work published is actually not that easy until I am getting it done by myself. The whole process takes a lot of time, energy, effort and resources. From the start, you have to think of a direction for your research topic and do heaps of readings to check out what's happening in the field. Formulate your hypothesis and then design the scope of your project and setting up the experiments. When you finally get your experiments started, there'll be another set of problems waiting for you. And you'll realize some of these problems have never came across your mind before. Then you'll need to dedicate a large proportion of your time and energy trying to identify where has gone wrong, how to solve them and what other alternate strategies you have. After a whole lot of sweat, pain and tears, you finally get some results and then you'll need to analyse, verify and interprete them. At this stage, perhaps you can compliment yourself a little "Well done!". But that's not it yet. You still have to write out the whole thing and try to get it published!!
Getting it published is another tough stage, if not any tougher than the ground work. The process of writing up and constructing figures/tables/graphs can be difficult for beginners. During this stage, you need some skills in bonding all your collaborators and your coauthors. You need all their part of job get to your hands in time. Most of them have other commitments too and they never put yours top in their agenda because of their overwhelming schedule. After a whole lot of hardship, you manage to bundle all work from various personnel. Now your manuscript is finally ready to send out. Still, this is not the end of the process yet. You'll have to be patience to wait for the response from the editor of the journal/magazine you submitted. It's not uncommon to hear scientists having pit of their stomachs when they receive an email from the editor or reviewers saying something negative like this. "We regret to inform you that your manuscript has been rejected because of lack of convincing data." or "We may consider your manuscript if you could prove your cells have ..........." Blah. It just basically means, "Your work is not good enough, more experiments need to be done. Folks, better luck next time!!" So by the time your work's been accepted and published, it probably will be another few more months later, at least. And it's worth to know that this is just a general process for a small research work. It's not even considered as a masterpiece of the decade or the Nobel price award nominating work!
Why is it so important about getting a paper published? Isn't it what you discover that matters more? I didn't understand it until I'm in the field. It's extremely important to get the research work published because of MONEY. Scientists need to get grants (money) to do their research. Everything costs money. Money doesn't drop in front of them. They need to demonstrate to the funding agency about the importance of their research fields. They need to further convince them by showing results to them in their applications. Having publications is one of the criteria in the applications. Plus, you want your work to be recognised in the field. Getting your work published means your work is somehow recognised and your other counterparts in the field will be aware of it and hopefully will use your findings as a reference too.
I'm relatively new to this business. I could remember when I was introduced to this field, the idea of scientists or researchers (including other non science related professions) getting their work published was kind of crap to me. As I'm opening up my exposures, I gradually understand its significance. But still getting a paper out would sure enough be easy, right? I didn't realize I had such fallacy until I have to start writing my own paper. It's not a great work, but this small study has already taken for more than a year. Still, I'm in the process of improving the manuscript since it was first fully drafted 3 months ago. I've been passing different versions of the manucript back and forth to my coauthors. That's right, I've been spending my weekend in working on another improved version of my manuscript to be sent of by Monday. Okay, I admit I wasn't working on it full time, half of the time I was fiddling around with other things i.e. blogging. *lol*
While sitting here, some random thoughts cross my mind. This makes me recall a few words of wisdom by someone in an organization I was volunteering 3 years ago.
"Many people criticised and complained about how disorganized this organization was. Some even said more things could be done. But they never understood it's not easy for the committee who are in charge to stand up here. They have to hold immense responbilities to get the organization running. No one will be able to see all the hurdles/obstacles/difficulties until they themselves come up here and take over the tasks."
"If they think the people on top are not good enough. Instead of complaining and criticising, why not volunteer yourself and take over the job. This will improve the situation and the organization."
I find the thought really enlightening but I couldn't grasp it fully at that time. While sitting here working on my paper and this random thought appears, I decided to blog it here to share with you.
By the way, today is midfall. The chinese celebrate midfall (mid-autumn/mooncake) festival today. No mooncake celebration for me here *sob sob*. Ah never mind, I can still celebrate in style with this celebratory thought, manuscript and appreciating the bright full moon outside the window. Wonderful huh? *wink*
♥ every page of my imagination
8 people traveled to my fantasyland
I think I'm going to change profession. I realize I have talents in amusing people as well as myself and I'm pretty sure I have much to offer in the “joke” business.
Evidence 1
I was composing an email to my coauthor discussing our paper.
...."There is a stop condom in Exon 20 of the amino acid sequence."..... (Erratum: should be codon)
What was on my mind? I don't think my lab has changed its research field. And if so, I don't think science has progressed that fast in discovering the presence of condoms in human proteins. The worse bit is the recipient of this email, my coauthor is a conservative guy! All right now he must be thinking I was flirting with him. Argh, no way!
Evidence 2
NK: How old is that guy?
Me: He said he's 34.
NK: He doesn't look that young. He looks like he's 40yo.
Me: Well, could be his moustache making him looks older.
NK: Oh yeah, that makes me look older than you too.
Me: Glad that you realize this. See, that's why I don't have one. *grin*
Evidence 3
I like blathering with some people who can take my corny/crap jokes and not being offended.
DV: Hey why are you so tough to me today? (I was insulting him on purpose)
Me: I’m just being honest ok.
DV: Sounds like a little b*tch today. *wink*
Me: Oh, I would like to be one, but unfortunately I’m not.
DV: Why?
Me: Coz a b*tch will not talk to a b#stard. *lol*
Evidence 4
I have some Greek friends. I’ve been trying to learn some Greek from them. Free linguistic class, heh. I managed to learn some and was trying to impress TF.
Me: How do you do, malaka?
TF: I beg your pardon?!
Me: How are you, malaka?
TF: Why did you call me this?
Me: I learnt this Greek word from your friend. It means buddy right? *innocent look*
TF: Okay, next time you can call him this but just call me TF or buddy in English will really do.
Hint: If you’re as curious as me, you can find the answer here. Just use the “Find on this page” tool of your browser for ‘malaka’.
I’m actually having my evidence list expanding. Now, don’t you agree that I’m a talented joker? *teehee*
Life’s already pretty tough sometimes. Some jokes and amusing dialogues or little “dramas” do brighten up our days a lot. Sometimes I crack silly jokes to my friends when they forget to bring their grins with them. And I even do this to myself at times when I feel that I really need to get my facial muscles work.
Oh, one thing you have to bear in mind is not everyone can be a good joker. You need to know 2 basic rules to become one. Make sure you choose the right target group and please try to be more creative than me, ok. *lol*
♥ every page of my imagination
2 people traveled to my fantasyland
My friend, Mr. Nice is now a father. He emailed me last week regarding the arrival of his baby angel. Yay!
Actually it's really a coincidence for me to know him. We used to work as RA in a research institution in another country. But since we were from different departments so we hardly caught each other. I could still remember the day when I accidentally ran into him and he told me that he had quit his job and decided to go back to Grad. School. Good thing is since then, we became quite close and he's like an older brother giving advice and guidance to me. I remembered I paid him a visit 2 years ago and he told me about his struggle over this matter.
"Things got really awful between my superior and me. I was at the verge of being strongly doubtful about myself due to the constant remark from my boss regarding my incapability in this profession. I really wanted to find a chance to prove my ability. One evening, I was glazing out the scene from the window of my apartment. Would I be satisfied 10 years later with just this scene? Would I regret at the end of my day in this life that I didn't contribute enough or work towards my dream?"
"It's very tough to make such decision. My wife and I were having a secured job with stable income. We were even planning to further expand our nuclear family shortly after our 3rd wedding anniversary. And you know we are no longer young (My friend and his wife are 6-7 years older than me). But because of my little crisis, we had to put the plan on hold and had a tragic change in both of our lives."
No doubt the decision for my friend and his wife was really not an easy one. They had to sell off all their properties and gave up the good jobs and left their families to start a new life in a foreign country. It was extremely difficult for the couple initially when my friend had to go over there to settle down first. His wife only reunited with him a year later. They struggled quite a lot especially the entire family is now relying on his just enough student stipend. Though they're living simple, they are always happy.
Now my friend's doing really well in his research work. He's even the leading student in the lab and the supervisor's pet. Now the couple are even merrier with the arrival of their newborn.
Many of us fear changes so much, especially those changes that seem to happen in a negative aspect. And we refuse to face, accept and make the changes in our lives. My friend's story has indubitably set an excellent example in encouraging me to take the challenge of liking whatever changes in life.
Changes are necessary. They are due to positive causes in leading to a positive outcome. My friend and his wife could have chosen to live a comfortable life in their country. He could easily find himself another RA job. But they decided to pluck up the courage of facing the changes in life. They succeded so far. If things continue to go well, he'll be granting his degree next year and though I won't dare to say his future's guaranteed, at least he has proved to his former boss, his ex-workmates, his friends, his family and most importantly himself that he is capable of being a well-trained, talented and diligent scientist in his field. I dare say it would be impossible for him to transform his dream into reality if he chose to refuse for changes and continue his comfortable life.
Changes are not scary. They are meant for better purposes. My friend's story has surely demonstrated this. Are you ready for your next change? Ah, I am so excited about it. I really am and I'm working on it now.
♥ every page of my imagination
4 people traveled to my fantasyland
Today is a gloomy day . It was drizzling the whole day. I have nothing to complain about wet days because I like rainy days. That's if only I don't have to step out of my house, well at least not for serious stuff i.e. WORK! *lol*
Looking at the clock now, it's 7.38pm and I'm staying back in my office alone to blog about my little bliss for the day.
Now you must be wondering I must have great news here to share. Ah well, all I can say is you're really imaginative and .....the answer is NO. Nothing special happened today.
No new scientific breakthrough in my work because I am even finding hardtimes in coping with my workplan with deadlines rolling up now.
I didn't strike the million dollars jackpot and I don't think I'm going to because I am not so adventurous and lacking the luck, you know.
No one's asked me out on a date tonight because I'm a bit not so attractive, well at least today.
I don't recall being complimented today by anyone who's generous to pay me one even though there's nothing worth a mention.
Personal problems and issues are still in piles waiting for further "instructions".
No, Mr. Right is still M.I.A and probably he's still trying to figure his way to my house or worse still decided not to appear (refer post dated Monday, September 05, 2005).
Nah, it's not about the bus. I didn't miss my usual bus trip because I was 2 minutes early at the bus stop (refer post dated Friday, September 09, 2005).
So why am I so over the moon today?
Well seriously nothing happened. I was listening to my recent favourite R&B songs during the whole bus journey and glazing the scenes of the usual route. On my way walking towards the building I work, it's wet everywhere and I should have increased my pace. But I didn't. In fact I slowed down and strolled along the walking path from the bus stop in front of the hospital entrance to my building. The strange thing is I actually found myself grinning during the slow walk in the rain while having many people overtaking me.
Like every other day, the daily schedule started off with some proper work. I had my daily yaks with people I bumped into along the corridor as usual. The conversations were funny as always. This is definitely not the reason that makes me in euphoria.
Perhaps it's the "little things" I brought with me this morning. The songs I've been listening. The looking forward of seeing people whom I'm supposed to see daily. The countdown of 3 more days to the weekend. The eagerness to get some work done. And most importantly the content feeling that comes from my heart telling me that I'm so glad that I'm still able to start my usual day.
I'm always trying to bring these "little things" with me. Others may find them useless. Yet I find them so handy. Let me share with you one little example.
I dislike Maths and I still do. I would scratch my head and couldn't sit still to get an algebra worked out. What I tend to do before I start sitting down to look at the tonnes of Maths questions is firstly tidy up the study desk. Bring myself a favourite drink. Have some nice yet not disturbing music turned on. These "little things" really help a lot in generating my "like" feeling towards something I usually dislike, or worse still hate. Once I have a good start, the Maths problems don't seem to be such an evil monster to me anymore. Though they don't perform miracle in making me Einstein No.2 or Newton No.2. *wink*
It's really difficult to get moving on if we constantly remind ourselves about the negative sides of things. Even for fun things that are routine can easily be transformed into boredom. But we do have a choice here. We can try to equip and utilise ourselves with our "little things" we find helpful to aid us in getting through whatever we fear or loathe. Changing the perception really helps tremendously. You can be upset or sorrow to whatever you have to deal with. But at the same time, you can choose to be the opposite. The latter's pretty difficult. Plus making the first step is always the toughest. But with these "little things" equipped, things may not seem to be that tough as we thought. Just imagine, I could have called for a day off today and lazed at home in such a weather without thinking of all the deadlines and my embarrassment with my workmate who I had a little "drama" with yesterday due to my impatience (refer post dated Tuesday, September 13, 2005).
Oops, it's getting really late now and my stomach's growling. The buoyancy must had consumed a lot of energy, heh! I'm heading home now and yes I'm turning on my mp3 player and bringing all these helpful "little things" with me. *grin*
♥ every page of my imagination
4 people traveled to my fantasyland
I feel contrite for losing my patience today to someone in my lab. I should have been more patient in explaining things to her. I tried. But I think I did it in a rather bad way because I was in a hurry. On top of that I could feel that she’s expecting more from me. This annoyed me a little because I’d told her one day in advance that I had a class to attend and couldn’t help her out today. I was really shocked when she came up to me all of a sudden telling me that she’s already started the first step of the experiment and needed other things immediately. Anyway, I went through the procedure with her quickly but towards the end I knew I’d lost my patience and she did as well. *sigh*
I think I could have handled the situation better if I didn’t lose my patience. Patience is always an issue we have neglected most of the time. I was reading an article on this aspect just now. Here are some excerpts that I find very meaningful.
“If you compare ourselves with animals, they have much more patience. Human beings are very weak. I asked a doctor once, how long we humans have complained about back-pain. He said humans have had backpain for as long as they have been standing upright!
For eg, the earthworm is very patient. It doesn’t complain if the soil is too wet or too dry! It just continues making holes and helping bring air to the soil.”
"When you go to the hospital, you have to have a lot of patience! I have been here 9 years and recently I was very sick with the flu. I went to the doctor but he could not help me. He said, “Just stay in bed and keep warm. Be patient and the flu will pass!""
“As students you have to study very hard. You will then have to earn money for your family. Afterwards, you may have to carry many heavy loads and greater responsibilities. Then you may even become your own boss. You will be even more important and have an even greater load and responsibility. But having patience will bring you strength. Patience will bring you happiness. Patience will bring you beauty.”
“The ears of the fox in Europe are short whereas the ears of the fox in Africa are long. Why is this? The ears of the fox in Africa are longer to let the heat out. The fox had patience and adapted to its different environment.”
“When winter time comes, the trees must have patience, and animals must have patience and hibernate. They don’t eat, they just stay still. For sure they must get cold, but they still survive. They learn from nature to be patient.”
“Sometimes you put chemicals on ants, and initially they die. But they have patience. After a few years they are patient enough to adapt to the poison and then it doesn’t hurt them any more.”
“When you do a marathon, you have to run 42km, or perhaps you are a good swimming athlete and like to swim in 1500 metre races. You have to have patience to train. They say there’s no gain without pain. Each year those athletes at the Barcelona Olympics have been building up their patience, and training harder and harder. They have the patience to succeed, the patience that brings them strength, the patience that brings them happiness and satisfaction that they are performing well.”
“Sometimes when you wait, you think there is something wrong. Think of the hermit crab. It is like a shrimp, but it takes over a vacant shell, and then carries the shell as its own house to protect itself. If they didn’t have a shell, they would be eaten by all the other sea creatures and birds. The hermit crab can go everywhere, can feed, but it must carry its shell, - its house, on its back. And then it survives!
We should carry our patience around like the hermit crab carries it shell. Our patience will also protect us and help us survive! Please understand that the hermit crab does not live like a parasite, it lives like an orchid.”
I spent some time cogitating on the content of this sophic article. What was mentioned is so so true. I am very thankful to my workmate who made me reflect on myself. I won’t have realized I was so impatient over such small matters though I know patience is never my character.
Next time when I begin to lose my patience, I should pause and remind myself about the beneficial fruits of patience. “Flame of anger causes ugliness; patience brings beauty.” Eh, I don't think anyone especially girls will prefer ugliness than beauty, right?
♥ every page of my imagination
3 people traveled to my fantasyland
This evening's semi-informal scientific discussion at one of our surgeon's place's just absolutely fantastic (I actually qouted this from one of our visiting surgeons).
We had 13 people (we were so lucky :P) participated. They were surgeons, postdocs, PhD students and also a visiting medical undergrad student. The presenter did an excellent job in introducing a topic which most of us are not familar of. The most beautiful part of it is markedly I understood the whole discussion from the beginning till the end. I was pretty impressed with myself. Eh, sound like a lousy student, don't I?
The discussion throughout the whole evening had us in fits of laughter. It's just like watching a Jim Carey's movie or any other hilarious funny shows, in fact it's way better than that coz we were served 3 different red wines with food this evening. *lol*.
Yay! After the informative interactions and discussions over "serious" stuff carried out in a relaxing manner, our host kindly served us 3 types of red wine (from South Africa, Argentina and Spain and don't ask me the name of the wine, I couldn't remember), Italian salami and some French cheese too.
I really had a great night. On our way back, the next host, a German professor promised to make us some German cakes for the next seminar. Oh, I can't wait for the next round of scientific interaction. We can acquire knowledge through many different ways and the one we had this evening is definitely one of the effective and howling ones.
I'm going to dream about what I learnt and of course the good food and wine I just had tonight. I think I'm little drunk. Sleeping now.
♥ every page of my imagination
6 people traveled to my fantasyland
Have you bothered looking at yourself as if you are watching another person? To be honest, I have not. I've only listened to my voice a few times through voice recording but I barely bother to video record myself when I talk and communicate in front of many people.
Today I finally had a good thorough examination of myself as a third person. Thanks to the video recorded presentation that I participated. I was a bit apprehensive before the whole thing. The weird part was to look at myself talking on TV. Geez, I might have done something stupid or hilarious when I talked. I look horrible on screen. My voice sounds so terrible. The idea just freaked me out utterly.
Anyway, the talk and the recording went well. :) I'm really happy and pleased that my peers and my instructor had given me many constructive suggestions. Most importantly I finally found myself the courage to look at myself and anaylse myself as another person. The feeling is so amazingly great because I spotted my flaws and also acknowledged the good sides of mine. Some of the good sides were things I thought would be a down side of mine but surprisingly been complimented by others and of course vice versa.
I guess same thing applies in other general sides of ourselves too. When we are just ourselves and doing things, we never noticed our other sides, which can only be seen by others. Things we think we are good at may be seen as the opposite to others and vice versa. This is because we are so used to ourselves. We are so adapted to our own thinking and behaviour and sometimes have ignored others and perhaps even hurt others unintentionally without realising. It's always great to listen to others' opinions about us sometimes. We may be surprised to find some hidden insights of ourselves.
After looking at myself with the aid of others this afternoon, I realise I do have plenty room of improvement for better perspicuous presentations in future. I'm also going to apply the same concept in a general way of myself. Ah, one flaw I just noticed from the video recording, which is I definitely need to go for regular workout. NO, I'm not going to elaborate this any further. *lol*
♥ every page of my imagination
5 people traveled to my fantasyland
Today is a perfect day for cleaning/tidying the apartment and clearing some thoughts.
There's still another hour to go before the day ends. But my place's still messy and I definitely need to continue to work on this when I have time later. That also means that my plan of inviting friends over will have to be postponed. *wink*
At the same time I was able to make contemplation in some general matters and musing and brainstorming my plan/schedule for the next 2 weeks. Some issues still remain obscures. It's wise for me to leave them as they are for the moment. Many of them will resolve themselves later. Moreover, things are changing all the time and the situations will be different than they are now. Vexing, brooding and agonizing about them now ain't going to help much to easing the problems. Ah well, it's better to appreciate the beautiful days by occupying ourselves with things that will make us feel relish, right? I did. I was listening to Craig David's latest R&B collections "Don't Love You No More" and "All The Way" all day. Yay!
I'm gearing myself up to begin another week anew after some cleaning. At least I'm prepared for my class presentation tomorrow. What about you?
♥ every page of my imagination
3 people traveled to my fantasyland
CF: Are you interested in going to Backstreet Boys' concert?
Me: Are you asking me to go with you? *shocking look*
CF: Yeah, why not?
Me: Em, well you can ask your brother (my friend) or your own friends.
CF: TF (his brother) is not interested at all (while saying this, TF's putting up a disgusted look)! *well, yeah, I think I'm the only odd ones at this age who still likes boy bands*
Me: Well, I'm always interested in going to concerts and I have nothing booked on that night. So yeah I'll join you then.
CF: Yay!
Me: Oh boy, now I'll have to pretend to be a high school gal and act like a crazy BSBs' fan that night.
CF: You don't have to coz you already look like one.
Me: Grrrr.....Thanks for saying that!! *feeling insulted now*
TF immediately made an online purchase for two of the concert.
TF: Oh....my money! *bantering*
Me: My money too!
TF: CF, BSB and the organizers are the winners. I paid and won't get to see a single thing. But hey I'm more than happy now that I don't have to go watch the concert. *joshing*
Me: There's nothing wrong with boy bands. You're really a nice brother and CF will appreciate that. See he looks so happy now.
It's really fun seeing the interaction between these two brothers. It reminds me about my younger siblings. Their chipper really satisfies my pride of being an older sis by just getting them small little gifts. The joyful feeling is far better than buying things for myself.
Hanging out with CF is always fun athough he's 7 years younger than me. I do enjoy hanging out with different age groups. It's interesting to see and listen to their different perspectives. Perhaps subcontiously my socialmeter is indicating that it's about time to inject some fresh youthful greenness to continue stirring my routines.
Nonetheless, I'm now busy "revising" BSBs' songs so that I can join the crowds to rock the whole concert. My memory is now rewinding back to my early college years when BSB was just formed. Oh boy, now they're really back in my mind, that's right Everybody (Backstreet's Back) and yes they're Crawling Back To You or most likely they're Never Gone. *lol*
♥ every page of my imagination
3 people traveled to my fantasyland
If only he'd waited another 10 seconds, I would have made it at 9.30am on the dot. And.... NO, he didn't wait for me. I saw the bus passing right in front of me and I missed it by just few steps.
I could either wait half an hour for the next one or take a subway and then a bus to work. The latter would take an additional 10 minutes. Usually I prefer to take the direct bus to go to work for this obvious reason.
Should I wait to save myself some trouble of not catching another bus half way of my journey? Ah well, I decided to go for something different.
Amazingly the whole subway-bus journey was pretty pleasant. The subway train's packed. I was surrounded by people on their way to work/study. Some were reading newspapers/books, some were busy chatting, some were glazing etc. Everyone looked so well-alert and fresh to start their day. Shops nearby the subway station were also opening and crowds of people started roaming the streets. I had to wait another 5 minutes for the bus outside the station's exit.
I arrived at work exactly 5 minutes to 10am. Turned out I was just 25 minutes later than my usual. Yay! Actually having a chance in exploring something a little different out of the routine was the best part of the day. Most of the time we've been fixing ourselves too much in a routine and thus losing the excitement in our daily activities.
It's good to try something out of our routine sometimes. Thank you Mr. B-Driver for making the bus departed on time, if not I would not had a chance to enjoy such pleasant journey out of my routines.
Em...okay, I've decided to unfix my routines more often now. Does that mean I'll go in to work later and later? Shhh, don't let my supervisors overhear this! *lol*
♥ every page of my imagination
3 people traveled to my fantasyland
Do you ever fathom and appreciate that.....
a coin has two sides?
a conversation can only be carried out between two, one who talks and the other who listens?
a business involves two parties, a vendor and a client?
When it comes to seeking assistance, same analogy applies. Two parties will be involved, someone providing the aid and someone as the recipient.
Have you ever played any of the above-mentioned roles? I'd played both the giver and the recipient roles many many times in different situations with different people.
When you're seeking help, it's natural that you're so overly perturbed and the only thing in your mind is to get the appropriate help as soon as possible. I totally understand that feeling. That's why I am always deeply grateful to those who've rendered their help to me whenever I yell. Because of this, I like to reciprocate to those who've helped me.
At the same time, I like to be the giving part too. I like being helpful to as many people as possible, especially to friends I know. Yes, it's because I have a big heart. *lol*. Whenever anyone turns up in front of me for any forms of help that I can afford, I always try not to disappoint them or at least give some suggestions to ease their problem(s).
Unfortunately I notice that some people do take this for granted. Some may even think that I'm obliged to fulfill all their requests right on the spot. I can understand the frustration and agitation they're experiencing at that urgent point. But sometimes the one seeking help has to understand that he/she's now requesting help from someone and the givers might be busy doing their own things too. They don't sit there doing nothing but waiting to answering your instantaneous request. Moreover what they are doing might be as equally important. We just have to take this into account and be a little bit more considerate and patient when we ask for help.
When I need help, no matter how desperate I'm, I don't expect anyone to drop everything and answer to me straightaway. And I won't feel much offended when someone declines in offering me help although I really wish they could render me some. They might have a valid reason of turning us down. Even if they don't, we still have to respect their decision because they have absolute rights and freedom to say NO. Getting personal about it ain't helping us at all in getting the problem solved and worse still may burn the possible relationship up with this person.
Most of the time we're just too engrossed in playing our own role and have completely ignored others. We have to realize that it really needs both parties to work out the "deal". Try to put ourselves in the other person's shoes, we'll be able to perceive their views that we were unable to see when we were at our own side and believe me you'll be likely doing exactly the same as the person who just did.
The next time when you're seeking help from someone, please think of "If I were in your shoes...." before you are filled with dismay if that person doesn't offer immediate help to you or if the help isn't exactly what you wished for. Also, do not take those who're always helpful for granted, in fact we should be immensely thankful to them because they could have just said NO without giving you a reason.
♥ every page of my imagination
3 people traveled to my fantasyland
I enjoy ambling leisurely each day after work from the bus stop to my apartment in all seasons regardless of weather. I can actually observe a lot during this 5-minute walk though the buildings and the surroundings haven’t changed that much through a cursory glance.
An obvious observation would be the change of the weather. It’s been pretty chilling in the past few days. I can hardly find anyone walking around in their shorts/short skirts and singlets The sun rises much later now compared to summer and of course the sky darkens earlier too. That's right, fall's here.
The changing colours of the leaves, leaves dropping, shorter daytime, the somber and freezing cold winter season's arriving....all these signs deject many people. Recently I had a conversation with someone at work that really made me felt compelled to share it here.
YM: Isn't it so upsetting that summer's over soon? *with a worried look*
Me: Why is it so upsetting?
YM: The trees starting to loose their leaves and the whole thing seems so depressing as if they're losing their lives.
Me: I think Falls gives people a romantic and relaxing feeling. It makes people to slow down and have more time to appreciate the things/people around them. I like to walk along the park during this season and that's the best time for us to contemplate.
YM: But the day will be shorter and shorter and soon the gloomy winter will arrive. The cold and dark winter makes me feel awfully lonely and sad.
Me: Well, then you can decorate your house with many beautiful lamps and light them all up when it's dark. It will create a different scene and it'll definitely be a nice one. We just won't be able to appreciate this nice scene when the sun is out.
YM: What about the freezing cold winter?
Me: That's even better. Turn on your heater to make yourself cosy and have a fondue/hotpot whatever hot meal with your family and friends. It'll be such a warm and homy feeling. And we can go skiing too.
YM: That's true but I still don't prefer these two gloomy seasons.
Me: Well, look at it this way, once fall is here, spring won't be too far away!
YM: Haha, maybe I should look at it that way.
The season doesn't change out of a sudden. The arrival of each season corresponds to a set calendar rate, but comes in small day to day increments, according to the nature's own timetable. Each day of each season is ephemeral and sooner or later a new season will take over the current one. All these four seasons occur in a rotating manner. Once all four seasons passed, the first season will come back again for another cycle. Each season is unique. The nature has a beautiful design for all living things to be able to survive in all seasons.
The lives of all living creatures will continue and ours too. We just need some time for the acclimatization to take place. Let us just open up our eyes more to discover the nature and its beauty every season, which we have never truly seen before.
♥ every page of my imagination
4 people traveled to my fantasyland
Today marks the beginning of the 60 days countdown for my 26th. I like my age now. 25 sounds cool, not too old and not too young. It officially marks the beginning of an adulthood. Some even said it's the most prime time for all women and after that everything will deteriorate exponentially (taken from cosmetic ad that I think is purely of commercial purpose). Aged a-quarter-of-a century also makes you sound a bit wiser.
Whatever it is, looking at the calendar today, there're still 59 days left before my age number increases by one. Don't get me wrong, I'm not grieving about my age at all. In fact I don't think turning 26 is so much of a big deal either. I think 26 is an auspicious number too. Usually I am not so concerned about my age and birthdays. Maybe one week prior to the day, I would only begin to realise the day's approaching and perhaps I may have some moments of nostalgia. Almost everyone has those moments, don't they?
This year I've decided to take a different approach. I've decided to have a countdown two-month prior the bday. There are two reasons for this. I'm actually focusing on the countdown for my conference trip in venturing to another continent in the other part of the hemisphere of this world. I'm very much looking forward to the trip though almost everyone else who is aware of it seems to be more excited than me. I'll be spending my actual bday in the country's capital city immediately after the conference ends. The countdown's supposed to kick myself work harder from now on to squeeze some more results for my research project that I'll be presenting during the conference. I'm not being tough to myself. It's meant for a good purpose. I am flabbergasted to be selected to give a talk on this project. It'll be my first formal oral presentation ever in an international scientific conference. I'm sure I'll feel all jittery when approaching the trip. But this has definitely injected a strong dose of motivation to me and of course the trip and the talk will be divine experiences too! *grin*
As for the other reason....does it have something to do with age? Well, partly. I come to realize that I'm really happy with the number 25. But what bouys me up is the grasp of appreciating every moments I'm living right now. I look back in the past year. Though I made no great accomplishment, I realize I did make a lot more personal developments/discoveries, granted some professional trainings in getting closer to my dream career and also I got to make more new friends of diverse backgrounds. All these are definitely no mean achievements. And I'm really grateful for them.
The countdown's aimed to remind myself to constantly appreciate what I'm having each day and to see the ebullience remains regardless of me being 25, 26 or even 80.
What do I look for when I'm 26? A witty charming 26yo Jade! That's for sure! *lol*
♥ every page of my imagination
4 people traveled to my fantasyland
I am an impatient person. But remarkably I have been waiting so patiently all these while. I have been waiting for someone whom I don't even know who he is, where he is, how he looks like, what his personality is and what he likes. I don't even know whether have I already met him, if not, when will we be meeting, where will that be, how will we meet and sometimes I even doubt whether does he ever exist.
Not that I've been deliberately sitting here doing nothing but just waiting for him. My life still continues and is filled up with all sorts of activities that I'm supposed to do and they're keeping me busy while waiting. However I do find myself investing a lot of energy and effort in being attentive to every possible encounter and acquaintance that he may appear suddenly in any of my activities. I am even giving 'him' priority as one of my consideration factors in every decision and plans of my life. It's just like I will try my best to stay at home in case he suddenly knocks on my door. Even if I have to go out, I'll make sure I return as soon as possible. I have to think twice before leaving the house for Place A and think even more times from Place A to Place B. Will he appear right at the moment I've left this place and therefore miss out each other?
Despite waiting, there's no sign of him yet! It's complete clueless of his arrival. The more I'm aware of my awaiting, the more disgruntled I am. I feel that I'm losing my joy of enjoying what I'm doing just because I'm constantly checking out for his possible arrival. I could have explored more at Place A, B or more if only I didn't have to gallop back home just because I fear of missing his arrival. I would even love to indulge in exploring different routes of each of my journey and in taking detours in meeting with different people and experiencing many more new things.
Time is passing quickly. I don't want to find myself regretting at the end of the day of this life that I didn't live my life fully and I didn't zero in on all other activities of my life, which I would love to just because I was awaiting for someone.
I'm not going to diverge my attention in waiting anymore even though I wasn't even deliberately waiting. I'll now freely leave the house and just immerse myself in whatever that interests me. I want to cherish everyone I meet and apprize every scene I pass by. I'm not shutting the door though. When I'm away taking my time doing my own things freely, I'll still leave my door open. I'm not saying I've given up in waiting patiently. I just don't want to wait awaiting and waste my precious time. If he finally arrives, he'll be able to hear/read my voice message/door message that goes like this.
" You're finally here! Though it took you much longer time than I thought, I'm glad that you're here at last. I'm in the middle of my odyssey. Come and join Miss Jade's adventure if you are keen. If not, feel free to leave a message and I'll get back to you once I'm back and we can arrange for our next meet up. By the way, you must be exhausted too in finding your way here. The house is not locked and be my guest. Seeyeah. :) "
Miss Jade's adventure will continue and she'll share with you if there's anything interesting pops up in her adventurous trips. In the case if he didn't manage to find his way to her house, then Miss Jade has nothing to lose too because she has tried to make the best out her life. *grin*
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I like this Chinese song "Who am I waiting for?" (我等的人会是谁). I'd been playing it again and again and I'm sure you could figure out the reason. It's a nice song but now I enjoy other songs too and there're too many good songs out there. Oh, you can click on the link to listen to it. Happy listening. :)
♥ every page of my imagination
8 people traveled to my fantasyland
As planned, I went in to work today around midday. Not too much was done but there's something happened that really made my day.
The whole corridor of my level was quiet while I arrived. It's a Sunday and scientists need to rest too. But the light's on and I could hear machine running sound coming from the lab next door. I looked in and found AG. So I went in and said hello to her.
Me: You're really working hard.
AG: Ah well, I have no choice, something nasty happened and here I'm for both days trying to clear up the mess.
Me: Oh, I'm sorry, but take it easy, things do happen and we can only try our best to get them solved.
AG: I actually feel like punching this guy who's supposed to do this part of the work and I wrote to him many times but he doesn't bother. So I have to get everything fixed before I go to Country G to work on this project.
Me: Wow, you're going to Country G ...when are you going and where's the lab?
AG: I'm going to B-City and what I'm really stressed about is I'm leaving tomorrow and I haven't packed and I need to pick up my passport tomorrow too.
Me: Don't worry, you still have time to fix everything.
AG: Hopefully but you know I would really like to spend this weekend with my daughters and I would very much want to take some decent rest before tomorrow.
Me: Yeah, I totally understand, but since you've got stuff to do and you can't do much about it except just to get them done and go home to prepare for your trip.
AG: You know I'm not supposed to cover this part of the work but no one bothers to do so.......
Me: It's discouraging to hear people don't put in equal amount of effort but hey look at it this way, you're learning this part of the work while you're doing it and though you're stressed out now trying to finish off the work, but think of you'll be going to B-City, which is well-known for its spectacular scenaries and you'll be meeting some interesting people there. Isn't that lovely?
AG: I'm trying to think of the good sides but you know it's really difficult when you're in the midst of struggling through.
Me: I understand but no matter how tough it is now, it'll be over very soon and no matter how fuss you're, you still need to finish them and believe me you'll be able to finish them eventually. Just take it bit by bit and don't stress. *tapping on her shoulder as encounragement*
AG: Thank you for listening. I've been really wanting to vent and I was trying to grab hold of people to listen to my complaints. And I'm really glad you came in and are so willing to listen to me.
Me: Oh, thanks for saying that. What you said really made my day. I really did nothing and I'm really glad my presence here can be of some help to you.
AG: You really did.
7 hours later .......
BHUP! While I was doing some clean up in the lab, a sound scared me out of my wig. I turned and looked. It's AG!
AG: I'm done! I'm going home finally! *in a zappy tune*
Me: Oh, I'm so happy for you. You better go home and rest well.
AG: I can sleep now for sure. I'm so tired.
Me: If I don't see you tomorrow before you leave, have fun there and take lots of pictures, k?
AG: I'm so bad in taking pictures...
Me: Come on, I'm saying ask someone taking lots of pictures of you.
AG: Do you mean I have to do this? *posing up*
Me: That's right! *we both laughed*
I'm really glad that I did make an effort of poking my head around the door to say hello to AG. It's miserable to work alone especially during weekends and holidays. "Why ain't I spending fun time with my beloved family and friends now when everyone else is?" "Why I'm still stucked here working on a stupid thing?" "I wanna get out of here!"
Sometimes we don't have much choice except just have to put our head down to get the work done and get out from work as soon as possible. The process is a bit of a pain but it'll be over eventually.
Though I didn't get as much work done as I would like to today, I'm glad that AG did make my day by making me made her day! It's always nice to see everyone in their joyous mood.
♥ every page of my imagination
3 people traveled to my fantasyland
The relapse's back. When I thought it has been in remission or even possibly a complete cure, out of a sudden, the relapse's back today.
Since my sophomore years of college I was diagnosed with Saturday Syndrome. Whenever it aprroached late morning/midday every Saturdays, the symptoms would develop starting of with blurry vision, the head felt heavier and heavier, within minutes I would feel dopey and then the soporific effect would be more drastic if I tried to focus on getting my prac reports done for my lab classes at that time. Within the next half hour, the will power of trying to be a diligent student would be virtually wiped out and I would end up in a 2-3 hour comatose.
That's right, as long as I stayed at home at those hours, the symptoms would develop. But ever since I left college, I didn't have much luxury of having free time lazing at home during those hours on each Saturdays. As such, the syndrome had never recurred!
But it came back again today! I was making an effort to go into the lab to speed up my work today, since I do have a few deadlines coming up real soon. I was well awake at 7am. Seeing the fact that it's still early, so I decided to check out my daily reads for at least another 2 more hours before I get some serious work done. But hey, guess what happened? The comfy bed lulled me to sleep. I slept through most of the day. So, this naughty gal didn't get any proper work done at all, not even cleaning the apartment! Geez, blame the evil Saturday Syndrome!
It's ok....at least I had a restful day and I'm really gearing myself up to work tomorrow. I think no matter how tight the work schedule is, we have to try to allocate one day out of the week to veg out. Sleep is definitely the best detoxification therapy for me. Okie dokie, the therapy has to resume now.
♥ every page of my imagination
2 people traveled to my fantasyland
Conversation at work:-
JH: I gave my hubby a call to pick me up at the bus stop last night.
Me: That’s a good idea since you left work pretty late.
JH: Yeah, there are already a few rape cases in my neighbourhood.
Me: Rape cases here?
JH: Yeah, it’s increasing in this city, which’s supposed to be safe. *sigh*
Chatting with my sis online:-
Sis: My friend told me that a teacher in her school was raped last week!
Me: Are you kidding?
Sis: No, I’m serious. Go check out our local newspaper online.
Me: …*busy browsing last week’s news archives in my homecountry’s newspaper*
Me: OMG, yeah, it seriously did happen. She’s gang raped!
Reading news online:-
This morning I was reading news on the Katrina aftermath. I felt gruesome when I read this: "There have also been outbreaks of shootings and carjacking and reports of RAPES." What?!! The calamity had already caused the zone in such a trail of devastation, how could these insane sex maniacs still happily raping the poor victims who are struggling for food, water and shelter?
I was looking up at the statistics on rape crimes from US Department of Justice.
Persons age 12 or older experienced an average annual 140,990 completed rapes, 109,230 attempted rapes, and 152,680 completed and attempted sexual assaults between 1992 and 2000, according to the National Crime Victimization Survey (NCVS).
Most rapes and sexual assaults were committed against females: 94% of all completed rapes, 91% of attempted rapes, and 89% of all completed and attempted sexual assaults just from 1992 to 2000.
The 2004 statistics indicated that there are conservatively over 650,000 rapes per year in the United States.
This is really serious as the stats only estimated the cases reported in the US. There are a lot more unreported raping cases happening each day in other nations.
I really don’t understand. Is this world still considered as a civilised place to live? We are approaching the 21st century and many of its people are well-educated. But unfortunately, crime rates are shockingly increasing, especially raping/sexual assault. It seems like there are more people not only cracking up but enjoy harming and traumatizing others. I can understand we human beings have desires. But it doesn’t mean you can force (physical, threats, psychological, coercion, and manipulation) on someone to be your victim(s) just for your own selfish “fun” and leaving the poor victims to bear the harrowing life-long memories!!
I’m really concerned and worried about this issue. We, especially us females don’t have so much of a freedom to live happily and safely in every corner of this world because of the existence of these psychopaths! And we consider ourselves staying in a civilized world? What a joke!
We really have to do something in protecting our people and ourselves. It’ll be a long term and cooperative effort from all individuals in the entire society. Meanwhile, we as the potential victims have to rely on ourselves against being the next victim of the tragedy. Here are some useful rape protective measures and rape prevention tips. Please have a serious read on these 2 links and remember to be on guard always. Take care.
♥ every page of my imagination
2 people traveled to my fantasyland
