There must be something wrong. Why no one believe me when I am telling them the truth? Do I look like someone who’s good in making up stuff? Can’t you just trust what I said?
Manager: Did you dye your hair?
Me: No, why?
Manager: Are you sure? It’s not black. Did you have your hair highlighted?
Me: No…It’s all natural. I’ve never dye or highlight my hair.
Manager: But your hair color is brown!! *with a very not trusting look*
♥ every page of my imagination
0 people traveled to my fantasyland
Me: Are you joining us for this gathering?
Friend: I’ll see how it goes…
Me: Ok, let us know once you’ve made up your mind.
Just when we finally understood his way of responding, we took his uncertain answer as a declining answer, he just turned up in one of the events later. Everyone was kind of shocked.
One of my senior coworkers at work also behaves like that. I could remember during one of my discussions with my boss, she suddenly mentioned this. By the way, her facial expression made me giggled when bringing this issue to me.
Me: ……
Boss: He never says “No”. But I know he has a certain tone for a “No” answer without saying it is a “No”.
Are you one of these people who never give out a clear response/answer? Nevertheless I’m sure you know some people who behave like this. I just never understand; is it that difficult to give a clear answer. It’s not like they are really uncertain. They just somehow find it difficult to say “NO” and end up giving you a different answer, which later on you shockingly find out it’s indeed an “NO” answer! Of course I have come across instances of getting a vague answer that means “YES” too. But this happens more frequently for the “NO” situation.
♥ every page of my imagination
0 people traveled to my fantasyland
I always wonder...
Will the existence of an individual be important and impact others?
Do common people like me bring any meaning to others?
Do I have some influence on others (in a positive manner)?
The country where I did my undergrad study initially did not have a Chinese radio station by itself. During my second year of stay there, I accidentally tuned into this multiethnic radio station. This radio station was supported by several ethnic groups of the community. As far as I understood, it allocated different time slots to different ethnic groups for the radio program. That’s right; one of the programs was in Mandarin cum Cantonese. I could remember clearly the moment I heard the familiar sound of my mother tongue (I speak both Mandarin and Cantonese), I was so excited and nearly knock my head. Anyhow, since then I’d been following the program closely. The radio DJs were on voluntary basis; in another words, they were not professional DJs at all. They were just a bunch of people who worked or studied during the day but came to offer themselves, to host a program out of their interest. I don’t think many Chinese in the community were aware of this program. Anyhow, I was their quiet supportive loyal listener at that time.
I was tuning in one night, as usual. There were two people hosting the show that night. The guy suddenly mentioned, “This is a new program. I wonder is there anyone listening to us.” The girl shared the same doubt too but she remained hopeful by putting a song that they didn’t know who the singer was and requested for a callup from the listeners. There I was sitting there listening to that song. I knew the song inside out, including who was the artist. Yeah, see, I am in a wrong profession. I should be a radio DJ eh?! Guess what I did next? I actually picked up the phone and called them up. I was so surprised about my gesture. You know, I’m just not that sort of person who’s so courageous in making phone calls to strangers and being on air live!! But nevertheless, I still went ahead. The girl answered my call.
Female DJ: Oh, we’ve got a call here!
Me: Hi. I know who sang the song. The singer is *name of the Chinese singer*.
Female DJ: Lovely. Thanks for that info. May I know your name?
Me: My name? Errr…can I be anonymous? (darn it, I should have just made up any name at that time!)
Female DJ: Oh, don’t worry about it. If you don’t mind, can I put you on air?
Me: On air?!! Noooo, I’m too shy.
Female DJ: *giggling* Oh, that’s all right then.
Me: I just want to call you guys up and tell you all that you do have a listener listening out there. Please keep up the good work. I like your program very much.
Female DJ: Thanks for your encouragement and support. We’ll do our best.
I hung up. Seconds later, From the radio…
Male DJ: Wow, I didn’t know we have a listener out there.
Female DJ: Yep, so we better not fool around.
Male DJ: Thanks so much, Anon.
That’s actually my first and only time of calling up a radio station. Why on earth did I have the urge of calling them up? I guess I just wanted to thank them and show my little support to them that someone was listening to them.
******
I shared practically everything with my best friend. In one of our recent phone conversations, while I was venting out a problem that has been bothering me…
Miss D: You know, actually you’ve inspired me a lot.
Me: You find my silly act inspiring? *gasping*
Miss D: Yep, I’m serious about it. This is how I ended up where I am now.
******
I was chatting with my little sister about how her new life was for the first time away from home. Then her experience prompted me to write a post. I told her on the spot that I would be writing an entry about her coping in a new environment, which in the end I did (Hakuna matata).
Me: Hey, I’m going to write an entry about you for tomorrow.
Sis: Really? I didn’t know I could provide inspiration for your blog.
Me: You just did.
Sis. Will I be famous?
Me: Not yet…not until I put up your pic. *lol*
Sis: In that case, I shall ask for a present from you! (Damn, what kind of sister is this?)
******
The boring student doesn’t have anything particular interesting to share here. She doesn’t talk much about her dramas. Nor does she have much exciting stuff to describe. When I first started up the blog, it was purely just a place where I can write some stuff and share it with you; stuff that I see, experience, feel and listen, either first-hand (my own) or from other sources (other people’s). Many people have inspired me a lot somewhere along my life. It can be as minor as someone’s silly joke or a line from a chat that I heard. I like to put down thoughts about that too.
As I said before, I don’t treat here as an outlet. Hence you hardly find me talking about my personal problems here. Do I have any? I must be kidding if I say NO. I have those struggling moments. But I just don’t like to treat this place as a trash-bin. I’d rather recycle the problems, to think things over and then put down the processed thoughts into words. But that doesn’t mean I don’t share. I just prefer a different style of sharing. If you read between the lines of most of the posts, you could find traces of my “secrets” there. Sometimes I even like to reread some of the stuff I wrote earlier on, when days are hazy.
I know I only have a handful of readers. It was really a pleasantly surprise for me to know that there are actually someone reading my blog, other than my sisters, AA and Miss D, who probably feel obliged to do so! And I certainly didn’t expect that some entries could have brought some perspective to some of you.
With this said...
Thanks Jade for your supportive comment! It means a lot to me. When I opened up my mailbox early in the morning, I was so amazed to read your comment in regards to yesterday's post (How to deal?), "Even though we've never met or not know much about each other's lives (except for what we read in each other's blogs) but you seem to ALWAYS know what to write to make me think about the current situation I'm in to make me think perspectively. Thank you :) "
Jade, in case you’re suspecting something. No, I didn’t hire any stalker to check on you. Maybe I should huh?
By the way people, no, I’m not self-complimenting. There’s another Jade hanging around on this blog. Nope, she’s not my twin sister either. Don’t get confused.
People, I would like to thank you here for inspiring me. You might have somehow inspired someone who then further inspires another, somewhere, sometime. And I could be that “someone”, or “another”. So keep inspiring people!
♥ every page of my imagination
2 people traveled to my fantasyland
I received an intriguing question in response to “The good old days – Part 2”.What if, you have had such kind of unpleasant experience, and you couldn’t move on/let go because you’re still suffering the “can’t let it go without dealing with it” complexity?
Say, you had done something awful that you know you’ve hurt someone and thus cut the friendship/relationship. You were practically doing okay and then one day you just realize you were a little nasty before and then you just start suffering this complexity!
I can really understand how this complexity formed. We, Homo sapiens are a complicated species. Sometimes something happened, we tried to escape and avoid confronting it, hoping whatever we wish not face would disappear, especially for the case when we have done something we consider BAD. The guilt conscience is there. However after some incubation time, the guilt conscience just fills us up with remorse. It’s just like a volcano becoming active again and starting to erupt.
I think both “letting go” and “deal with it” seem to be interdependent. It is rather difficult to let go something if you haven’t really dealt with it. When I say deal, it doesn’t necessarily mean solve it. It can be something that you think you’ve done your part or even to the fact that you’re mentally/emotionally prepared to face whatever outcome. So after “dealing with it”, it is easier to let go because you know you’ve done whatever you could and you’re really ready to face it.
If you hold on tight to the situation…for example, you know you’ve hurt this person that badly until both parted. Years later, you were reminded of it. You wanted to do something to find out whether the person was doing well? Were you really the “bad” guy? You see, this is when the guilt conscience appearing on stage. You just want to be told that, “No, you didn’t hurt me. Even if you did, I’m doing all right now. You’re not really the bad guy!” No, don’t get me wrong here. I’m not saying you shouldn’t feel guilty about what you’ve done. But you know the guilt feeling is something we need less at this stage (for the past). There is no point of feeling guilty for something that was already done. It is better of to transform the guilt to something as a lesson we learn and not wanting to repeat it.
What about situation when is still considered as present? Well, in that case, I would say, if you think you need to approach the person and deal with the situation (it doesn’t necessarily mean friendship problem, it can be anything in general) will make you feel better, and with the intention of not putting others in an awful position, then by all means go deal with it. You don’t want to have this stuff stuck somewhere in your chest and make you feel uncomfortable.
However, we have to beware of some situations when the other party doesn’t want to “deal” with you for some reason. You may try to confront them but it may not work despite trying several times. Then in that case, you know you just have to “deal” with yourself (that is to mentally prepare for the outcome) and then really let go. Hanging around there trying to deal with someone who is not sharing similar goal with you, is just like sweating hard to untie a dead knot. It would lead you to no where except just more frustrations and disappointments.
To be honest, I didn’t have much problem in moving on regarding the incident I mentioned in my previous post. It is easier to let go if you’re the remorseless victim. Well, probably. But trust me; I have played the opposite role before. Yet, like I said, I always try to learn from the past and try not to repeat the same mistakes. Hence, you always find me emphasizing of not wanting to hurt people. Geez, you must be bored to death hearing me saying this word now huh? If you’ve been through the bitter feeling before and you know it’s not pleasant at all, obviously you won’t like to pass the same thing onto someone. You know what I mean?
I didn’t use to understand why some people would rather get a new machine i.e. a car than to send it off for repair. Now I get it. Sometimes the model of the car is too old and its spare part runs out in the market. Then in that case, you can’t have it repaired except to get rid of it and get a new car. Or let say the repairing cost is too expensive and it is more economical and practical to trade it off and get a new one. It is the same here; in any human relationship, when you know it is bringing you and/or others burden despite making your best effort to maintain and salvage it, it is still not doing too good. Then maybe letting go is the best solution. Of course I am NOT encouraging people to simply call for abandoning a friendship, breaking up or even divorcing their spouse!
How to deal? Deal with whatever we can, as long as we know the good intention is there. After all, at the end of the day, we just have to answer to ourselves. I’m sure you and I just want to live remorseless and guiltless. Or don't you?
♥ every page of my imagination
1 people traveled to my fantasyland
“I’m not going to be friends with you anymore!”
“Mary and her gangs don’t like me to become their friends!”
Do these lines ring your bell? Have you experienced something similar?
When I was back at home, I was surprised that my little brother came up to me one day and shared with me his friendship problem. He said, “John Smith and gangs are no longer my friends. I don’t know what happened. I have no more friends now!”
Recently AA accidentally bumped into one of her childhood friends whom she no longer stayed in touch. She was again reminded about vague memories of losing some hangout friends for some known or unknown reasons. It was not such a pleasant feeling when rewinding the memory of such time.
I was sent to school at a pretty early age. I was around 3, when my parents sent me to nursery. My memory during that year in the nursery was very vague. I could only remember that I was crying in the beginning. But I was told I was crying for the first few months! That’s really bad and didn’t sound like me huh? I made my grandmother staying around. She was also taking care of my sister and juggling between some housework. Poor her! Anyway, the part that I remember most was the fun time playing with some friends there. I don’t recall a single name now. But that was the good times. Just when I was becoming familiar to the environment, and my grandmother was relieved that she needed not to worry about me, my parents sent me to an international kindergarten a year later.
Ok, this time I didn’t cry at all. I only missed my nursery friends for the first day or so. And the moment I stepped into this new school, I was busy meeting new friends. I found a bunch of friends. I was trying to be close with them. But they didn’t like me! What?! How could they resist such a nice person like Jade huh? Unfortunately they did. They just turned their backs whenever I joined in. Oh well, too bad…for them. I didn’t even know the feeling of hurt. Maybe I was hurt, a little? But it was a little too early for a 4 yo to comprehend this. I moved on very soon and found many other friends. But they just kept changing. Not that I left for new friends and ditched old friends all the time. That’s so not me. The parents relocated some of my friends to other schools. My 3 years in that international kindergarten has truly opened my eyes to the reality of friendship. The joy of being surrounded by some fun friends has occupied most of my childhood memory. This also made my sour feeling from my first negative experience in friendship faded.
But that’s still not the end yet. I was looking forward to enter primary school. I was all alone for the first month or so. After a month or so, I got to know a few of my classmates. I finally found my gang of friends in Grade 2. That was the time I tasted sour again. Some friends from this gang that I considered as my gang, for some strange reason, were trying to isolate me from mixing with the rest. I was upset and even brought this matter to my mother and my aunt. I didn’t know did they ever bother to spend time dealing with an 8yo’s problem. Anyway, that encounter just marked the start of more encounters in my schooling life for as many years as it lasted. Hmm…16 years till I completed my undergrad degree!
Well, I’ve mentioned before I was a rather arrogant little snob. I guess this could be the reason that people didn’t like to hang out with me that much. Well you hardly spot any of your own flaws at that young age. Plus, arrogant snobs can still be friends with other arrogant snobs right? What a weird reasoning! Don’t we say “birds of the flock fly together”?
I might be snobbish, but as far as I remember, I was a truthful friend, until my sisters gotten a bit jealous of my friends. Still, I had my good shares of bruises and wounds from friendships. For the first half of it, I blamed on my unfriendly snobbish attitude. But since my senior HS and college, I’ve more or less turned into a piece of new leaf. I have come out of my shell and become more amiable. Of course I wasn’t pretending to be one. I was still somewhat cold on the appearance. But deep down my heart I do care a lot for my friends.
During my first year abroad, that’s also my pre-college year. I was staying in a hostel together with other 80 or so students from the same school. There I met a group of friends. Initially they thought I wasn’t approachable and I am not going to deny it. Remember the cold outfit I am always wearing? Yeah, that’s just me. Anyhow, after some time, some of them began to see through the cold outfit was just a piece of décor. We became closer and hung out as a group. It really went very well during the first year. Then some of us had to split for different colleges. I decided to stay with some of the gangs and we even planned to share a house together. Here comes the story highlight. After our long summer vacation, we’re back for orientation. Then somehow by coincidence, I found out that this friend in the group, whom I considered very close with at that time, whom I shared a lot of things, didn’t like me that much at all. In fact she disliked me to an extent that she had to put up with me. I felt very hurt when I found that out. All of a sudden, I finally realized why the other 4 behaved in a strange way upon our arrival from vacation. I didn’t know what she had done behind my back. Most importantly, I didn’t even know what I had done to make her dislike me to that extent. I still do not have any idea. The only thing I could think of is maybe it was always a single-sided friendship. She wasn’t thinking the same but she had to put up with me just because I was nice to her. But she could only put up with that much and she couldn’t take it anymore? I was wounded deeply. That really left an imprint on me since then. It was that incident that made me grown a lot and thus changed my perception about friendship. No, don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean that I am no longer passionate/sincere/genuine/nice to my friends. I am still; in fact I cherish my friends more now. I know they are the ones who extend the welcoming arms to me. But I no longer put expectations on friendship anymore. I don’t even want to ask for reciprocation because I know I am just asking too much and will only suffer the disappointment later. I no longer hold on tight to friendship. That incident made me realizes that a true friendship will be genuine and will be mutual. Since then, I realize by letting go and opening up your arms are indeed good ways in dealing matters. Taking a step or two away sometimes is even better than just trying to move forward when trying to gain something.
I, however, am not angry or upset about that friend of mine, or those friends of that gang. I actually wanted to thank her and them. Though they might not be genuine to me, I did get something back from them. At least they had to bear with me when I needed an outlet or to the least, they kept me companied for a year. The best part was they made me grow. Things did happen for a reason. And actually when come to think of it, these friends and I don’t share much in common. I was very inexperienced in friendship. They were the first few I made friends with outside my 11 years of schooling life back home. I mean all those while I only made friends with some classmates. Though that was not a favorable outcome and had left me coping with the feeling of utter desolation for half a year after moving out. It created a condition for me to grow and made more positive acquaintances. I thank them for all these and hope they are doing well on whatever they are pursuing. I seriously do.
I literally understood how my brother felt when he shared with me. I gave him a friendly pat on his shoulder telling him that, “Don’t worry, bro! Friends come and go. You’ll find your true friends some day.”
Hey AA, this post is for you. That’s my reply and my sharing of the same type of encounter.
PS: You guys must be wondering since this whole entry sounded not that pleasant and why did I name it as part of my good old days. Well, you’re not my loyal reader! Damn!! It is part of my good old days. It’s not all about bitter sour and pain. It made me cherish gloomy wet days. I think I could crank out the third part of my good old days. With this typed, hey people, stay tuned, ok?
♥ every page of my imagination
5 people traveled to my fantasyland
I just came back from MB’s place. We’ve been talking about renting some mushy romantic shows to watch together at her place months ago, but somehow we never managed to do so. Guess what? We had our first movie night today, alas. Yeah, busy people huh? What an excuse!
Just to warn you, this entry is neither a movie critique nor a review, in case you’re expecting something like that. I am certainly no expert in this. Anyway, back to the movie. Love me if you dare is a French production. I had no idea what we were going to watch before hand other than some cheesy romantic show. It was MB’s pick. I began to regret for not remembering any French from my evening class years ago. What a pity! You should be so ashamed of yourself, Jade! Yeah, I am. :(
Anyway, it is certainly my first time watching the entire movie without understanding any of the dialogues except, “merci”, “oui”, “je t’aime” some simple words. And I guess it is certainly not that helpful to get an Italian friend as a translator who only has 20% French knowledge more than me. Oh, we had subtitles options too; in fact we had four language options EXCEPT English. Unbelievable isn't it? Nevertheless, MB and I enjoyed the movie. I think the soundtrack is pretty cool too. And the thought of watching a foreign movie without understanding its dialogues is pretty fun to me. It just makes me focus more on the acting.
The story was about Julien and Sophie continuously playing a dare game since their childhood. But the game became more bizarre and has even drawn them apart until avoid admitting their love for each other.
MB: I don’t understand. They were so much in love with each other in the beginning. Why did they continue playing the game and even until marrying different people and have kids and then years later still loving each other? Why didn't they just get together from the beginning?
Me: Oh well, love is just complicated. I read this line somewhere yesterday. *wink*
We both had a good laugh.
I think you don’t have to make life so complicated if you love and care for someone. Why would you want to make so much outrageous stunts and games? I don’t think that is a good way of showing your love. You may possibly be hurting the person you love unintentionally by doing so.
Love me if you dare. Trust me; I don't need a guy to be that daring. He doesn't have to be drop-dead gorgeous, super smart or filthy rich too. All I am looking for is a good-hearted man who is always truthful to me. Oh, one more thing, no players or liars please.
PS: “Ballad for the season” was updated. I hope you’ll like this song. I’ll be back with “The good old days” Part 2 soon. Seeyeah. :)
♥ every page of my imagination
2 people traveled to my fantasyland
Before we continue with the part 2 or even 3 of "The good old days", I'll take a break and put this up to give myself a chuckle, which I really need to starting the day.
I was emailing back and forth with AA. There she was complaining about her repaired laptop (with msn dysfunction still) ruining her sleeping pattern. “…this laptop is seriously ruining my sleeping patterns again. At least I can remember the lovely 5 weeks I had where I slept early and satisfyingly…”
So here’s my reply to her, “There are two options for you; it’s either you bash it with a hammer or you just throw it out of the window!”
The moment I stepped in the office, JG (a guy) was complaining about spam emails received at our work email accounts.
JG: Did you receive spam emails such as “Take Pill X to increase the size of your pEnis…”?
Me: No, coz they know I don’t need that!
Yeah, I’m a little mean today, just a little. All right people, the weekend is coming. Happy weekend! And for those with an extra long weekend, have a great one too! As for me, what weekend?! The week’s just started! :)
Update: AA's msn is back and running. She complained again. "You have me in the same entry as a spam about penises?!?!" My response -> Well, yeah, because that just makes the whole thing a nice 5 sec break!
♥ every page of my imagination
2 people traveled to my fantasyland
Do you have a "secret" place hiding your secret or personal stuff that you are not likely happy to share with others, not even your beloved/close ones? I have one, well sort of. It's not really a secretive secret. It is more of a drawer where I am keeping all my letters and stuff from friends. This is actually a post related with thoughts generated during my vacation at home. It was just that I needed some time to formulate the thought. Plus I was busy in adjusting my life back on track these few weeks here.
So back to the discussion of my “secret” place aka a drawer that is lockable. All this while, my little sis was the one keeping the key for me. It was a year ago that I last opened the drawer. I asked for the key one fine afternoon. The moment I opened the drawer, I saw this big stack/pile of letters addressed to me during my 5-year stay in Country B. This big yellow envelope caught my attention. I took it out and I found this annual magazine printed by a service club that I was actively involved during HS. I was the club’s secretary. That magazine was published for the year after I graduated from HS. There’s a letter accompanied with the magazine written by my successor. It was a full 2-3 page of letter, with her sharing a lot of different thoughts about her HS life, her successor-to-be and stuff in general.
Reading the letter just brought my memory back to the stressful but fun HS life and of course friends I knew at that time. There have been a few occasions when hearing/thinking/seeing certain things just filled me with nostalgia about HS. I have basically lost touch with most of my HS friends, other than my best friend and another close friend, whom I will email/call/meet up whenever, is possible. Sometimes I feel that I should have put in the effort in keeping in touch. I received hundreds of letters during my first year away from home, even from classmates whom I wasn’t close with. Then the number of letters received during my second year declined vastly for about 40% and from my 3rd year onwards, I only received letters exclusively from my best friend and my close friend. This is rather sad to say. I blamed myself for not putting the effort in this. Actually, maybe this is just the phenomenon; friends come and go all the time. Only a handful will remain and usually they are the ones who are close to us or I should say cherish the friendship a bit more.
I have absolutely no idea what my successor is doing now. I was very close to some of that batch of members in the service club. But unfortunately they are the different niché of HS mates who would be attending the HS reunion every year. So because of this reason, I don’t even get any second-hand or third-hand news about them. Maybe we’ve walked passed each other at some shopping mall or down the street yet we didn't recognize each other. Hey, it has been a good old 8-10 years now since we last saw each other. I suppose we've changed a lot appearance wise too. Anyhow, I wish them all the best and let’s hope to have a reunion with them one of these days.
PS: I found myself blushed with embarrassment early this morning reading my post written yesterday morning (Hakuna matata). Geez, I couldn’t really understand many of the lines there because it’s soooo badly written! Ughh! Tipsy posting!! Naw, just kidding, I never get drunk early in the morning. I was actually in a hurry to leave the house for a class and didn’t read what I typed. I hope this hasn’t chased my handful readers away. I can’t afford to lose any of you anymore. *sob*
♥ every page of my imagination
0 people traveled to my fantasyland
How many of you did not find any difficulty at all in adjusting yourself during transition period? The transition can be in regards of not only to relocation, but also changes of matters or people surrounding us that create some difference to us. Few weeks ago I was heading back from my vacation from home. On the same day, I sent my little sis off right in front the airport departure gate for her next phase of life - her college life. Since then I’ve been constantly checking on her to see how she’s doing in a new environment surrounded by strangers and more strangers. She’s still adjusting but she’s more of being paranoid and feeling extremely worry since her arrival in adapting to new life and coping with the heavy school load.
Talking to her often makes me looking at myself. She’s going through the same path as I did 9 years ago. Yes, I was worried about being in a new environment. I was so spoilt and inexperienced that I didn’t even know how to fry an egg or been on a public transport on my own before. Then with the whole new education system thrown to me. I was just like a newborn acquiring basic living skill from scretch. On top of that all students are expected to be independent and do well in order to pick whatever course fhey wanted to do at college. This idea was a little too much to me initially. I was totally spoilt and needed my family to constantly push me to finish my school work while I was at home. The freedom I was suddenly given could have made me gone wild a little. Anyhow, I was fortunate enough that it really didn’t take me too long to get used to the new surrounding and stuff like that. And the freedom was a great gift to me because I took the chance to learn and experience new stuff yet at the same time stayed pretty disciplined.
I think we all, you and I, have this innate skill in adaptation to whatever form of changes. It is just that most of the time, we don’t realize this. We tend to focus on BIG and OBVIOUS matters. For example, when we relocate from City A to City B (or Country A to Country B), we will start comparing the differences of those two places ie living style, language, people, economic situation… But if we give it a thought, we’ll find that in our daily mundane life, there is already plenty of changes happening. For instance, we’ll only focus on the fact that we’re relocating and moving elsewhere, we have never really realized that we have a new neighbor now, a new change in our neighborhood. We just find ourselves putting a lot of effort in adjusting to our new job or complain about the routine work we are doing. True, some jobs are pretty repeatable and boring; however we’re actually experiencing something new or making some sort of new acquaintance work-related. You need not change a new job all the time to have new experiences. And neither is the new job some type of scary monster.
Every major and minor example just proves that things are changing all the time. But the fact is we are not so aware of these changes and we’re gradually adjusting ourselves. It’s just like a thermostat. Once the temperature goes up to 1 degree, it’ll somehow cool down and let it adjusted back to the programmed temperature point. We are, however, will only feel and notice big differences. Then all of a sudden we feel the freakish cold temperature and shiver and hurrying to put on a jacket to keep ourselves warm. It is the same thing for my little sis, she just keeps turning her sensor on and keep on being reminded about the fact that she’s now in a totally new country and away from home. However, she's not aware that her own termostat will do the job to take care of the adjustment.
Looking at my little sis, I am not too worried about her current fear and worries. I know she’s a better survivor than me. She has gathered a lot of experiences from her other siblings. And the best part is she’s very determined and strong. Yeah, she’s a lot smarter than me, hah. She just needs some time to adjust herself to the new changes. Hopefully she will not continue letting the fact that it’s a different place to fear her more. She just needs to convince herself that, everything is new but that’s the best and fun part.
Just go for it, sis! You can make it! Don’t worry, just be stupid! Don’t worry about making stupid and silly mistakes. We know that’s the way we learn best. Hakuna matata!
♥ every page of my imagination
0 people traveled to my fantasyland
I'm a disobedient daughter sometimes. I would argue with my parents whenever there is a disagreement. Occasionally I even make a backchat too. I asked my dad once did they mind and feel angry of having such a rude daughter. He said, "We like you just the way you are."I'm the eldest in the family. Being brought up in a traditional family, my parents have shouldered a lot of responsibilities on me to take care of my siblings. But my siblings do not like the way I deal with them sometimes. However as of late, some expressed to me that, "Yeah, you're bossy sometimes. But you're just who you are. If you don't behave like this, I would begin to think where has my eldest sis gone?"
As I said before, I am pretty direct and honest. Not all my friends nor acquaintances will like my way. AA and my best friend did mention to me that initially they were not used to my directness, especially AA. I had a chat with AA last night and we were discussing about this issue. She said, "Just be yourself. I like you - just the way you are."
I am so lucky to have these people around who love me and care for me for who I am. I thank them for being so understanding and loving even though I have so much flaws and weaknesses.
Hopefully one day he will also tell me this, "I like you just the way you are!". That'll be really sweet. I tell you. I will be so touched that my tears will start rolling down.
♥ every page of my imagination
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A close friend of mine noted to me recently that I’ve been thinking too much. And I even received a similar remark while chatting with my sis yesterday. I think they are right; I tend to think too much about things in general, mainly too much forward and sometimes things about the past. Sometimes I tend to overanalyze too.It is absolutely all right to think a bit ahead about things we are doing and projecting the different possibilities of each step ahead. But sometimes we couldn’t control our little but complicated mind and thus starting to build a trap for ourselves with all sorts of possibilities. Then all of a sudden, things become magnified and we begin to fear certain outcomes from our perceptions of those possibilities. Now even though the true outcome may not be what we were thinking; we have already let the fear haunted us and left us in turmoil. What is the point of thinking too much if we can’t even predict what the next step is? And then there are times I find myself making my brain overanalyzing matters. I just realize this is only making the matters more complicated than they are in reality. And worse still there is likelihood to bring disturbance to our emotions when we begin to perceive about the negative sides of things in our mind. Is this going to help us at all, no? It’ll just make us worry more and not able to enjoy our current activities. We may even become insomniac. And mind you, this is how depression starts too.
What about thinking about the past? I admit sometimes I do look back about certain things in the past but I don’t tend to do that often now. Why? It is very easy to be swept by the wave of sadness and regret. And it is pretty difficult to move away from that gluey stage.
It is good to make our brain work. But we have to make sure it is used appropriately in proper situations. Sometimes we just have to drop our thinking caps. We plan, but not too much. Be prepared, but not worrying. Enjoy the nostalgic moments, but not mourning about the past. Hah that's right; that’s the way to go!
♥ every page of my imagination
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I was a liar. I used to tell countless lies, big or small regarding serious or non critical matters in my life. Until one day I felt so tired because I had to remember the stories I made and worse still making up more stories to cover the previous stories, if not people would realize that we lied previously. That’s still not the best part; I was constantly having this guilty conscience. And I really didn’t like this feeling at all (and I still don't). Some of my lies hurt others a lot including my loved ones. Why am I telling a lie for my selfish reason and thus taking advantage on others? If someone was to do this to me, how would I feel? Sure I would be very angry, hurt, upset and disappointed too. Hey, you would too if you find out that someone lied to you (well, maybe to a greater or lesser degree depending on circumstances). It took me a long while to understand this and since then I really try not to make a single lie. I really try.
What if I am too direct and honest to people and become brutally honest, eh? Hmm…when I say honest and direct…I just view that I want to be truthful and can be counted on to express feelings openly and sincerely and shall refrain from lying, cheating or stealing. Say if your friend comes up to you with an ugly (you think it’s ugly) outfit and asked your opinion. What would you do? Do you just give a superficial answer to him/her or just say things he/she wants to hear? To be honest, if I were your friend, I want to hear an honest answer. If you think it is ugly, say so because if I know it is an awesome outfit, do you think I need to ask for your input? Well, maybe some people like to ask and expect others will say what they want to listen. But hey, that’s really their choice, but as a friend of theirs or as an individual, I personally think honesty is always the best policy. Why say something so fake and untruthful? Of course I’m not encouraging you and I to be that brutally honest and tell our friend this, “Geez, that’s a really ugly outfit. Boy, I didn’t know you had such bad taste!” Now this remark is really unnecessary and I don’t think any individual should be that impolite and mean. I’ll just tell my friend, “Hmm… I don’t like this outfit…it seems a bit weird here…but if you really like it, then just put it on and be confident about it.”
What about white lies? This is a bit tricky…true, we may not want to be that directly honest because the truth can be really hurtful to the person. But you know, if we tell a white lie just to not want to make the situation awful/hurting the person, we are in fact hurting the person more later.
Sometimes I am concerned that my straightforwardness/directness and honesty will put myself in a vulnerable position. People may not like me that much just because I may have insulted or offended them through my direct words. I have been trying to be not so direct. Yet I feel uneasy about it. So here I am now of who I am, a direct and honest person...well I try. Some people may dislike me. I may make more enemies. But I know my intention is all good. I just don’t want to be dishonest to cover myself for selfish reason and thus hurt others. Heh, I am nothing if not honest. That matters more to me. And I prefer others to be direct and honest to me too.
♥ every page of my imagination
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I have always wanted to fly a kite. It would be so exciting to fly a beautiful or a kite with cool design, seeing it flying higher and higher. Yet I was told it actually looks easier than it is to fly a kite. Beginners may find it miserable at flying a kite for the first few times.There are tips about how to fly a kite. You have to acquire the piloting skills to keep the kite in the air. You can only master this skill through a lot of practices and trial and error. It is a challenging process.
The first and foremost of things we need to learn is to be patient. Flying a kite, especially a big one requires a strong and steady wind to fly it properly. In that case, the weather is playing a major role. However, you and I have absolutely no control about this factor. The kite will only fly better if the wind is stronger in order for us to have more effective controls. If we try to fly the kite in a light breeze, we won’t be able to control the kite. In this situation, pulling the control lines will simply pull the kite toward us rather than warp the wings.
The flying kite philosophy explains it all about navigating our life. We have to be really patient to deal with matters we’re encountering in life. Forcing them hard is just like pulling the control lines of the kite, instead of making it flying higher, we’ll end up dropping the kite or possibly losing it if we are less skillful.
Flying a kite should be fun. For a novice like myself, I will surely find it hard and almost impossible to control the roll and the pitch. Nevertheless, I’m sure you and I will get better and better as time goes by with more experience and practice. Plus we already knew the valuable tips in how to fly a kite. Let’s just not worry or stress but sit back and relax to wait for the perfect weather condition to fly our kites. Remember to not hang on to the tail of the kite too tight if the wind doesn't induce an optimal condition of flying the kite, especially if we want to fly it higher!
♥ every page of my imagination
0 people traveled to my fantasyland
All right, this is a survey about myself. Cindy called it A "Meme", and I'm going to borrow the same title from her.
Name: Jade
Birthday: 5th day of the 11th month
Birthplace: A city surrounded by mountains
Current Location: Office of course since I’m so diligent, hehe…yeah right!
Right Handed or Left Handed: I primarily use my left brain more…but I can play badminton using my left hand too.
Your Heritage: Chinese
The Shoes You Wore Today: Nike sneakers
Your Weakness: Holding too much pride
Your Fears: Hurting others and myself, ignorance
Your Perfect Pizza: Topped with seafood and more seafood
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: Hehe/Haha/lol
Thoughts First Waking Up: What am I going to do for the day?
Your Best Physical Feature: Oh this is tough…can I say every part of myself? Ok, I think my eyes and my smiles
Your Bedtime: anytime, yeah I love sleeping
Your Most Missed Memory: sharing my happiness with people I care who also care about me
Pepsi or Coke: I prefer lemonade...
McDonalds or Burger King: BK…but I don’t eat burgers that often nowadays
Single or Group Dates: group dates but sometimes single too
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: neither…boba tea is more of my favorite
Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee: no caffeine…I only want my Ice Chocolate
Do you Smoke: Do you mean producing grey, black or white mixture of gas by burning something?? No way! I’m pretty environment-friendly including making sure my lungs breath in clean air!
Do you Swear: Does saying the word “shit” count?
Do you Sing: You should know this answer. I love singing and can sing whenever I’m happy or sad or stressed!
Do you Shower Daily: This is a MUST.
Have you Been in Love: Oh yeah, since I was born.
Do you want to go to College: I am stuck in college since my return 2 years ago. Now you can tell how much I wanted to go to College huh?
Do you want to get Married: Ideally yes, if I get to meet the one.
Do you believe in yourself: I guess...
Do you get Motion Sickness: Not that I know.
Do you think you are Attractive: I think everyone has his/her charisma.
Are you a Health Freak: Not really though I should be.
Do you get along with your Parents: Usually, but there are times that I play a rebellious daughter.
Do you like Thunderstorms: I like raining days; I can just laze at home when it is pouring outside.
Do you play an Instrument: I played piano, clavinova and Chinese Guzheng when I was a kid.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: I can’t recall, probably not since I spent ¾ of the month with my family. Eh, I was a good daughter..all right, all right, at least I was pretending to be one. Haha.
In the past month have you Smoked: Told you I like clean air!
In the past month have you been on Drugs: What is that? Oh, those illegal stuff, of course never.
In the past month have you gone on a Date: ...not in a romantic manner.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: a number of times
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: no, but I’ve eaten other sweet stuff coz I have a sweet tooth
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: I wanted but I didn’t…wait I think I had a piece during my flight from home.
In the past month have you been on Stage: Nope though I love to
In the past month have you been Dumped: No, I guess...if not someone please pick me up. :)
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: I will never do that...I don't want to scare the whole nation away. Hehe...
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: I prefer to get stuff with permission or the person must be willing to give the stuff to me. Actually, I lied. I just realized that I've stolen this entry's title from Cindy.
Ever been Drunk: No, I don’t go beyond my limit, but wait…I don’t even know my alcohol limit.
Ever been called a Tease: This I’m not sure...
Ever been Beaten up: I usually run away once I sense some violence
Ever Shoplifted: No…I don’t want to live in guilt.
How do you want to Die: I am too busy thinking about how do I want to live happily…
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Successful (that’s when I was young)…as a grown up, I find that I just want to see myself and the people surrounding me own happiness.
What country would you most like to Visit: Anywhere on this planet
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Orange/yellow…Nah, that’d be too scary. I think brown or black will do.
Favourite Hair Color: Original color
Short or Long Hair: Short if not, I would be thinking "Am I’m dating a “girl”?". Yeah I’m a little weird.:)
Height: as long as he’s taller than me will do, and it's really easy coz I'm not really that tall.…but if you insist, I like him to be at least 5’ 10’’.
Weight: He needs to be physically stronger than me, ideally. But then again, this is not something crucial.
Best Clothing Style: Hey I trust his taste…he will look good in any clothing style.
Number of Drugs I have taken: Am I supposed to take drugs for a start?
Number of CDs I own: I was planning to compile as many CDs as possible since I do want to become a DJ of my own studio one day…so that means I have a lot but I don't buy that many now.
Number of Piercings: I am afraid of pain. So...none!
Number of Tattoos: Isn’t this more painful?
Number of things in my Past I Regret: I don’t like sitting here regretting the past. Probably I used to have a list, but I don’t remember any more.
Other than this little survey, I just found out that I am likely, possibly and probably to have chosen a WRONG MAJOR!! Look at my results obtained from this Quiz.
You scored as Journalism. You are an aspiring journalist, and you should major in journalism! Like me, you are passionate about writing and expressing yourself, and you want the world to understand your beliefs through writing.
What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3) created with QuizFarm.com |
Oh great, now what am I supposed to do?!! :(
♥ every page of my imagination
5 people traveled to my fantasyland
I'm back from my vacation!
:) because I had spent some quality time with my family!
:( the vacation was just wayyyy too short!!
It is really funny to find that my annual trip home always serves as the start of the year for me regardless of the return dates.
I certainly have quite a bit lingering in the back of my head, which I really need some time to put them into words. So please bear with my tortoise pace. :)
Slowly but surely the talkative Jade will be back. So meanwhile please be at ease with whatever you're doing and let the poor girl who's apparently infected with some flu bug and severe jetlag bug recover while also at the same time trying to catch up with her work. Ah see, told you it'll be a great start! *lol*
PS: I just found out that I was tagged...so the next entry will be about "A 'Meme'".
♥ every page of my imagination
3 people traveled to my fantasyland
