“I’m not going to be friends with you anymore!”
“Mary and her gangs don’t like me to become their friends!”
Do these lines ring your bell? Have you experienced something similar?
When I was back at home, I was surprised that my little brother came up to me one day and shared with me his friendship problem. He said, “John Smith and gangs are no longer my friends. I don’t know what happened. I have no more friends now!”
Recently AA accidentally bumped into one of her childhood friends whom she no longer stayed in touch. She was again reminded about vague memories of losing some hangout friends for some known or unknown reasons. It was not such a pleasant feeling when rewinding the memory of such time.
I was sent to school at a pretty early age. I was around 3, when my parents sent me to nursery. My memory during that year in the nursery was very vague. I could only remember that I was crying in the beginning. But I was told I was crying for the first few months! That’s really bad and didn’t sound like me huh? I made my grandmother staying around. She was also taking care of my sister and juggling between some housework. Poor her! Anyway, the part that I remember most was the fun time playing with some friends there. I don’t recall a single name now. But that was the good times. Just when I was becoming familiar to the environment, and my grandmother was relieved that she needed not to worry about me, my parents sent me to an international kindergarten a year later.
Ok, this time I didn’t cry at all. I only missed my nursery friends for the first day or so. And the moment I stepped into this new school, I was busy meeting new friends. I found a bunch of friends. I was trying to be close with them. But they didn’t like me! What?! How could they resist such a nice person like Jade huh? Unfortunately they did. They just turned their backs whenever I joined in. Oh well, too bad…for them. I didn’t even know the feeling of hurt. Maybe I was hurt, a little? But it was a little too early for a 4 yo to comprehend this. I moved on very soon and found many other friends. But they just kept changing. Not that I left for new friends and ditched old friends all the time. That’s so not me. The parents relocated some of my friends to other schools. My 3 years in that international kindergarten has truly opened my eyes to the reality of friendship. The joy of being surrounded by some fun friends has occupied most of my childhood memory. This also made my sour feeling from my first negative experience in friendship faded.
But that’s still not the end yet. I was looking forward to enter primary school. I was all alone for the first month or so. After a month or so, I got to know a few of my classmates. I finally found my gang of friends in Grade 2. That was the time I tasted sour again. Some friends from this gang that I considered as my gang, for some strange reason, were trying to isolate me from mixing with the rest. I was upset and even brought this matter to my mother and my aunt. I didn’t know did they ever bother to spend time dealing with an 8yo’s problem. Anyway, that encounter just marked the start of more encounters in my schooling life for as many years as it lasted. Hmm…16 years till I completed my undergrad degree!
Well, I’ve mentioned before I was a rather arrogant little snob. I guess this could be the reason that people didn’t like to hang out with me that much. Well you hardly spot any of your own flaws at that young age. Plus, arrogant snobs can still be friends with other arrogant snobs right? What a weird reasoning! Don’t we say “birds of the flock fly together”?
I might be snobbish, but as far as I remember, I was a truthful friend, until my sisters gotten a bit jealous of my friends. Still, I had my good shares of bruises and wounds from friendships. For the first half of it, I blamed on my unfriendly snobbish attitude. But since my senior HS and college, I’ve more or less turned into a piece of new leaf. I have come out of my shell and become more amiable. Of course I wasn’t pretending to be one. I was still somewhat cold on the appearance. But deep down my heart I do care a lot for my friends.
During my first year abroad, that’s also my pre-college year. I was staying in a hostel together with other 80 or so students from the same school. There I met a group of friends. Initially they thought I wasn’t approachable and I am not going to deny it. Remember the cold outfit I am always wearing? Yeah, that’s just me. Anyhow, after some time, some of them began to see through the cold outfit was just a piece of décor. We became closer and hung out as a group. It really went very well during the first year. Then some of us had to split for different colleges. I decided to stay with some of the gangs and we even planned to share a house together. Here comes the story highlight. After our long summer vacation, we’re back for orientation. Then somehow by coincidence, I found out that this friend in the group, whom I considered very close with at that time, whom I shared a lot of things, didn’t like me that much at all. In fact she disliked me to an extent that she had to put up with me. I felt very hurt when I found that out. All of a sudden, I finally realized why the other 4 behaved in a strange way upon our arrival from vacation. I didn’t know what she had done behind my back. Most importantly, I didn’t even know what I had done to make her dislike me to that extent. I still do not have any idea. The only thing I could think of is maybe it was always a single-sided friendship. She wasn’t thinking the same but she had to put up with me just because I was nice to her. But she could only put up with that much and she couldn’t take it anymore? I was wounded deeply. That really left an imprint on me since then. It was that incident that made me grown a lot and thus changed my perception about friendship. No, don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean that I am no longer passionate/sincere/genuine/nice to my friends. I am still; in fact I cherish my friends more now. I know they are the ones who extend the welcoming arms to me. But I no longer put expectations on friendship anymore. I don’t even want to ask for reciprocation because I know I am just asking too much and will only suffer the disappointment later. I no longer hold on tight to friendship. That incident made me realizes that a true friendship will be genuine and will be mutual. Since then, I realize by letting go and opening up your arms are indeed good ways in dealing matters. Taking a step or two away sometimes is even better than just trying to move forward when trying to gain something.
I, however, am not angry or upset about that friend of mine, or those friends of that gang. I actually wanted to thank her and them. Though they might not be genuine to me, I did get something back from them. At least they had to bear with me when I needed an outlet or to the least, they kept me companied for a year. The best part was they made me grow. Things did happen for a reason. And actually when come to think of it, these friends and I don’t share much in common. I was very inexperienced in friendship. They were the first few I made friends with outside my 11 years of schooling life back home. I mean all those while I only made friends with some classmates. Though that was not a favorable outcome and had left me coping with the feeling of utter desolation for half a year after moving out. It created a condition for me to grow and made more positive acquaintances. I thank them for all these and hope they are doing well on whatever they are pursuing. I seriously do.
I literally understood how my brother felt when he shared with me. I gave him a friendly pat on his shoulder telling him that, “Don’t worry, bro! Friends come and go. You’ll find your true friends some day.”
Hey AA, this post is for you. That’s my reply and my sharing of the same type of encounter.
PS: You guys must be wondering since this whole entry sounded not that pleasant and why did I name it as part of my good old days. Well, you’re not my loyal reader! Damn!! It is part of my good old days. It’s not all about bitter sour and pain. It made me cherish gloomy wet days. I think I could crank out the third part of my good old days. With this typed, hey people, stay tuned, ok?
♥ every page of my imagination
