Jaderays

Wednesday, May 31, 2006 @6:36 PM

I just found out from my sisters that my grandmother was hospitalized. I immediately called my aunt and my mom to find out how she was doing. Thankfully it was nothing severe. It was such a relief to hear that she’s discharging tomorrow after going through a thorough medical examination.

If I did not buzz one of my sisters today online, I would have not knew this news. In fact my sisters heard the news from my little brother yesterday as they are studying in another country. This also indicates that my family has tried not to alert the few of us who are away the family with the good intention of not wanting to distract us or worse still shock us. As much as I appreciate their thoughtfulness, I do not ever think that they should keep things from us albeit we couldn’t help much to deal with this kind of incident. Still, we are part of the family and we should be aware of what is going on in the family regardless of our geographical location.

What is a family? It basically defines a group of people who are related. Yes, since we are related, shouldn’t we work as a unit? Not only we share happiness with other family member, we should shoulder responsibilities and work through unhappiness together. But unfortunately our mind is always occupied by so many matters; we are so busy with our own lives and hence neglected others in our family. If only we had paid attention to my grandmother more, she would have suffered lesser and received appropriate medical treatment earlier. See, my grandmother is also a serious practitioner of considerate; the moment she began feeling unwell, she did not want to alert the younger ones at home. It was not until the strong lady could not take it any more that she agreed to alarm my mom and the kids sent her to her physician. All along I know we have not been paying too much attention to my grandmother. But this incident really warns us that she is no longer very young and thus we should keep closer eye on her.

Hmm…when have you last check about your family members? Spending some time calling them, talking and listening to them would not take up too much of our precious schedule.
Don’t wait till it’s too late.

♥ every page of my imagination

0 people traveled to my fantasyland

Monday, May 29, 2006 @10:19 PM

I wonder how many of us do find ourselves lucky. We are so lucky because many of us are living in a place rich of resources on earth in this era.

Just imagine if we were living at our grandparents or great-grandparents’ age; those days, resources were poor, lack of advance technologies to help producing and discovering more resources and many were struggling for survivals during the war time. Many were even dying of hunger; obesity was never an issue during those tough days.

And here we are at the 21^st century, with the advancement of technologies; we are getting enough food supply, well at least in the developed nations and many of the developing ones. What has become one of our major concerns? Many of us are constantly talking about so not wanting to get fat. We feel so guilty and fuss about how much delicious food we ate and thus worrying the extra pounds or kilos that we will gain. Or we tend to stock up a lot of food but not consume then and let them rot in the fridge until passes the expiry dates and then end up in the trash bin eventually.

And then it is so common for us to go for the latest gadgets. Every now and then when there is new model of cell phone, computer, iPod, mp3 and stuff many of us will try to get rid of the older model and change for the newest model. Some who can afford more may even want to go for something more and big such as cars.

Even for small little things at work or our daily life, we have cultivated a habit of not fully utilizing the resources. For example, we just simply grab a new piece of A4 paper to scribble or draft something. Do we have to really do it that way? Can’t we just pick up some used single page paper and used the back as rough papers? There are many of us who can be a bit selfish; we buy stuff at work and then not wish to share yet we can’t finish them all before the expiry date. In the end, again we just have to sadly trash them to the bin. Incidentally someone found a new box of reagent that was expired long time ago. My coworker and I happened to hear the complaint of how wasteful the person who previously ordered that reagent, seeing that funding for research is really limited and hence anything purchased are precious and every cent should be spent wisely. Yet this person who found the expired “treasure” was planning to toss it to the bin. My coworker who has had decades of experiences in different labs voiced out her wise thoughts, “I would not throw this away. It’s unopened. I would test it out to see whether it will work on some not so important sample.” That’s exactly what I was thinking. We both happened to have worked in other laboratories barely supported with any funding before. We really know how “luxurious” it is to get to buy reagents just to get the research going.

She exclaimed, “Geez, these people have never been in a poor lab. Wait till they work in one and they’ll be so thankful to what they are having now!!”

Exactly. If we were living at the war or lack of resources era barely getting enough food to feed the stomach, do you think we’d be worrying about the extra calories we’ve just added to our body? If we needed to walk miles and miles to get from one point to the other, shouldn’t we be extremely grateful if we have just a vehicle that is good enough to transport us from point A to B now?

There’s nothing wrong in owning one of those high tech gadgets. There’s nothing wrong to eat well, as long as we don’t make it a habit of wasting resources because we’ll finish them one day. What are we going to leave for our next generation(s)? Eh, if our previous generation did this to us, we won’t be having so much fun right now. So be more grateful, peoples!

♥ every page of my imagination

4 people traveled to my fantasyland

Thursday, May 25, 2006 @11:10 PM

My sister who is 2 years younger than me has been suffering mid-child syndrome. Being the second kid in the family, the attention seems to focus on the eldest child. Well, not quite. But that was what she perceived.

One thing for sure though, my parents and the elder ones in my family placed all responsibility to the eldest child. As far as I could remember, I was taught to take care of the younger ones. At home, I being the eldest had to answer the phone and had to help to make sure everything was in order, considering the fact that I was only a few years old. When I started school and my second sister joined me later on, I was instructed that I had to take care of her. Yep, they expected a 6 year-old to take care a 4 year-old at the kindergarten.

One would expect my sister would have gone through the same "training" from my parents after the birth of my 3 ^rd sister. Well, that was not really the case; my family somehow just bypassed her and promoted me with more responsibility. Naturally my second sister gradually perceives that she's not capable of taking up responsibility in the family and subsequently even started thinking she must be "not good" until she did not get the attention that every kid is getting. Her perception remains even till today. I could remember when I was at Grade 1; my mom and aunt forced me to participate some story-telling competition (refer previous post). Two years later when my sister was in Grade 1, she just mentioned that she's nervous and did not want to participate. My mom and aunt just let her go easily. Strangely enough, it turned out that my second sister is the only in the family who hasn't been on stage for any story-telling competition. Sure, they were just story-telling competitions, big deal not? But all these little things accumulated and formed a picture in my sister's mind. She perceived that no one cares for her. Everyone thinks she's incapable because of the little expectation from her and hence the mid-child syndrome.

Is that true that no one in my family cares and pay attention to my second sister? As a third party, I know my parents, my grandmother and my aunts do care a lot about her, and it's even more than some of us in the family. She's actually my grandmother's favorite. My aunts treat her like their little daughter. But she never felt it that way. Who is to blame for this? My sister? My parents?

If only my parents were aware of it and tried a different way to show their care and love to my sister. If only my sister tried to perceive the matter from a different angle. She sure would not have felt she’s been loved less, cared less or paid attention less.

I personally believe that you don’t have to mention how much you care for a person all the time. The person will feel your sincere and truthful care and love through different ways, somehow. And of course by just mentioning it verbally but not putting words into action is totally unacceptable. Yet sometimes the other person may perceive your good effort differently. I guess the only way is to communicate more to find out what the other person feels and how he/she prefers. And at the same time, it is always sensible to ask ourselves, “if I were in this person’s shoes, how would I feel.” If my parents realized how my sister felt in the beginning and did not shed off responsibility from her trying to protect her, she might possibly felt that she’s not neglected. And I realized how wrong I was to blame my parents for being so bias towards my sister as they forced me to take care of her seeing the fact that she’s just less than 2 years younger than me. They do care about us, albeit in their own way. :)

♥ every page of my imagination

2 people traveled to my fantasyland

Tuesday, May 23, 2006 @10:57 PM

I received two theses today. Yep, I did that again; I flipped to the acknowledgement section. Out of expectation, I found my name in both theses. This is actually my first time acknowledged by someone outside my laboratory. When I first arrived till the last students defended, I was acknowledged in those theses because it is a “rule” to mention everyone from your own group/lab. You just have to out of courtesy and by tradition. But these two students, one from another laboratory at the same floor and the other from another floor are not obliged to do so.

I am not particularly close with either of them. Sometimes I hang out with either one or when we bump into each other at work, we’ll stop by and chit-chat a bit. Yeah, I’m such a chatterbox, that’s really nothing new. As such, I really don’t think I am worth acknowledged. Nevertheless, I’m really delighted and flattered about their warm gestures.

The duration in working towards the degree is not short. I know there are many people that I have to acknowledge from the day I stepped in. But we can be a little forgetful most of the time. We tend to only remember those who are still around when we are about to write the acknowledgement chapter. You know the out of sight out of mind? I try not to forget everyone who has really helped me or supported in one way or the other. Perhaps I should start putting their names down on my list so that I will not leave out anyone especially those who have left for other places or soon to leave before my thesis writing-up, which I do not know when that will be.

So June is a busy month for many people. Well, other than busy preparing for my own mid-degree check point examination, I shall reserve two lovely evenings for these two friends’ dissertation party. Geez, it’s not even my own dissertation party, but why am I so looking forward to them?!

♥ every page of my imagination

0 people traveled to my fantasyland

Monday, May 22, 2006 @10:02 PM

It is another decision time for her and in a way, for the family. It is time for my youngest sister to decide what she wants to do in her life or to the least what she wants to do in the next couple of years. She has to decide what course she wants to pursue at college (and which college).

I had a chat with her over the weekend. She asked about my opinion. But I didn’t really give her an answer rather wanting to hear what she is really interested in. And based on that I tried to give some suggestions and shared with her how I came to mine.

While my sister is all into thinking about her future, I have been pondering a lot about what will be my next step after Graduate School as well. Will I be able to continue doing research? Will I do a medical/science related job but not research? Will I just go for a totally different profession?

Few weeks ago, I was chatting with another doctoral student in my lab, EF. EF is completing her degree end the end of this year.

EF: I am not going to stay in research.

Me: Oh, so are you going to look for a job in industries or pharmaceuticals?

EF: No, not at all. I want a total change.

Me: What exactly do you want?

EF: Well, I am interested in arising public awareness about cancer. I wonder whether I can get a position in some non-profit organization for cancer.

Me: Since when did you know you’re not interested in pursuing a career in research?

EF: The moment I started Grad School. I knew it right away.

Me: Oh…

EF: Yea, I know I’ve wasted all these years to work on a degree that I won’t be able to apply for my career. It’s funny. I’m starting new at the age of 32! I should have just gone directly to a job that I have interest in from the beginning.

Me: I don’t see it as wasting time. The training and skills obtained from these few years from your PhD will apply later on. Since you’ve done research and have a good understanding about the scientific research, you can convey proper message to the public about what is exactly going on in the scientific world and liaise both worlds to assist in winning the battle against cancer.

After talking to EF and my youngest sister, I still haven’t figured out what I will do next. Nor do I have the best advice to my sister for her own decision. I have been reading career columns and attending career advice seminars all the time. The more information I gather, the more I am aware of the realistic sides of my ideal dream career. I know I would like to have a career that allows me to contribute something to improve human disease and better still studying the genetic aspect of human. However it seems that there will be a lot of hills to climb and hurdles to overcome before I can reach the destination. Am I truly capable and competent enough? I have seen some struggled hard for grant and research funding. Some even couldn’t continue to get the financial support and were forced to have a career change later.

I still have no answer for my next step. But all I can share here is, everyone should just go for the one they are interested and do what their heart tells. Can you recall the advice from my group mentor during one of the roundtable sessions of my recent conference? (Refer post: Memory stamped) That guy said, “Everything will gradually fall into place when you know what you want and are working towards it.”

I was reading an article introducing successful people in a career column. This guy who was interviewed gave his advice to the readers. “Do what you want, because that is what you will do best.”

That’s right, I’ll not worry too much of where I will end up next. I know why I am doing this. I know my aim of leading me to Graduate School. And I will take my time to find out what I truly want next. Even if I end up doing something else or change my mind for a different profession, it is still not a waste. We’ll be able to apply our experience when we board to a new field. The additional skills and training will serve as a precious experience in whatever we will be embarking later. But at least at that very moment, I will go for the one that I have the most interest. After all, if you don’t even have the interest of doing something you like, how can you enjoy what you are doing, let alone do it well right?

♥ every page of my imagination

0 people traveled to my fantasyland

Sunday, May 21, 2006 @9:16 PM

Perhaps you’ll scratch your head if I ask you this question. Can you still remember how to write an essay? That wasn’t long ago since you were instructed to write an essay of a given topic eh?

Although it’s been close to a decade since I graduated HS. I still need to write an essay or two for some courses attended during Grad School. Recently I attended a course about how to write and publish your scientific papers. Once again, the instructors during that course reminded us the tip of how to write a good paper. They kept saying, “Always refer back to your aim when you are stuck!” Yes, always go back to the aim, as simple as that. This was what we were taught during HS or even earlier when we were asked to write essays, compositions or answering long essay questions of other subjects other than linguistic subjects.

This is not an entry about how to write an essay. It is actually about referring back to our aim or objective of things when we are stuck on whatever we are pursuing.

I was initially representing the Grad students in my department as member of the department council. I was all into it in the beginning since I was nominated. But after attending several meetings and also attempted in organizing some activities for the department. I come to realize the lack of response from the staff and students as well as a laid back system of the council had really de-motivated the organizers events including me. I admit I was a little disappointed about this but there’s really nothing much I could do. When the council reshuffled, I was slightly hesitated in whether I should continue in serving the council. I realize since I no longer enjoy organizing the events for the department whilst at the same time investing too much of my research time, it is better off for me to return to what I should be doing. Therefore with the aim brought back to my sight, I decided to let those who really have the motivation and energy to serve to take up the chore.

Few days ago, LC was complaining about her frustrations on how her supervisors were giving more attention to another student than her in her laboratory. I empathize LC as I do feel the same occasionally. But when I ask myself, “Why I am here?” All negativities and frustrations are swept away instantly. I am here to learn and equip myself as much as possible; I am learning to be independent. So I should be grateful that I am getting the freedom to be independent instead of having my supervisors be my nanny spoon-feeding me all the time.

Gossips or even the so-called office politics are happening everywhere. When this happens in one’s surrounding, again, asking one of what was one’s aim to be there? Are you there for your job so that you can get your check every month to pay your bills? Or are you there to acquire some skills? Once our mind is all clear with our aim, then it is easier to stay away from those gossips or politics since there are not our aims to be there.

The ultimate aim of my interest in medical research is that I hope to contribute something to improve any disease of mankind, albeit my contribution would be very little (if any). I hope that I will always keep this aim in front of my sight to drive me as far as I can.

It is very easy for us to fall into a trap or get stuck somewhere while we are in a process of continuing something (it can be anything other than career). Times like this, we should just need to constantly asking ourselves “What is my aim?” “Why I wanted to do this in the beginning?” “What I really wanted initially?” and very soon we’ll be able to go back on track.

♥ every page of my imagination

0 people traveled to my fantasyland

Wednesday, May 17, 2006 @9:12 PM

I am not a major fan of sports; but I did use to love watching some games/sports. Isn’t it easier to play doubles compared to singles? Well, certainly not.

Do you think if you put two championship players for singles to form a doubles team will win the match? Not really. Why not? It actually requires additional skills other than skillful shots and stamina for double.

For doubles, you’re playing the match with your partner. It’s teamwork. When it comes to doubles the compatibility of the two players’ matters more. One can’t outperform the other. Neither can one slack off and do nothing. Both need to have constant communication and discussion before, throughout and after the match for analyzing and looking for cues in order to defeat the other team and thus win the match. Sometimes the game progresses too fast, different communication than verbal communication is desired. If you know your partner well, you’ll instantly know his/her signals and hence respond spontaneously.

Of course with more practice and as time goes by, the communication between the team of two will get better and better. Still compatible partners don’t come by that easily. Yet the compatible team will still not win the match if there is no communication, interaction and understanding going on throughout the match and during practices/trainings. It doesn’t just come like that if you want to win the match or tournament.

And most of the time, it is not about winning the game. You and your teammate (partner) have to enjoy the training process, the game, the match, the tournament and even the bonded friendship.

Not only has this simple tactic applied doubles for sports and games, but to a relationship and/or marriage. But more effort is even needed for the latter because those two are not games but commitment and hopefully a lifelong commitment. Well, unless you plan to change your “teammate” all the time.

♥ every page of my imagination

0 people traveled to my fantasyland

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 @10:29 PM

“Momma, can someone tell me what love is all about?”

I caught up with a coworker from another floor the other day. She told me that her 10-year old daughter asked her what love is.

Coworker: My 10-year-old daughter is watching a lot of TV shows now, trying to get an answer about what is love. *shaking her head*

Me: Oh dear, looks like it’s time for you to have a mother to daughter talk!!

What was I thinking when I was a 10-year-old? Perhaps this question, “What is love?” did rise in my mind around that age or later. My parents never taught me this. Neither our education system covers this subject. But I’d never asked my parents this. Not asking didn’t mean I didn’t want to know. I wanted. I still do. And I think I have already found the answer based on observation and reflection made all these years.

Incidentally while I was trash-talking with my sister, this subject was brought up. I decided to ask how she differentiates “like” and “love”. She used using Andy Lau (Hong Kong pop star) as an example.

“If you like Andy Lau, you like all his songs and will download the entire tracks for free.”

“But if you love Andy Lau, you will go and buy all his albums.”

“But of course, I’m just using Andy Lau here to distinct love and like; if you want to blog this out, please use a better-looking guy in this example.”

Her statement cracked me up. I feel so sorry for this Hong Kong pop star and his tones of fans out there. Hey, to all Andy’s fans out there that happened to read this, my sis’s just joking. : ) Okay, perhaps I should just use Mr. Darcy (my favorite character from Pride and Prejudice and Bridget Jones’ Diary) from here onwards.

Did you get her point? I actually agree with her. All she’s trying to say is if you just like someone, you can be selfish and only want to keep him/her for yourself. But if you love the person, you’ll be selfless and treat the person’s priority as your priority. You put his/her happiness as yours, or even on top of yours. Let’s go back to my sis’s funny example; if you only like Andy, you may only like his songs, his looks or whatever. Of course if you have extra money, you won’t mind spending to shop for his record. But if you happen to have gone over your budget, you won’t be that keen in buying his record. That’s because you don’t love him, you just somehow like him. But if you really love him, you’ll want to show your support to your idol by buying his record.

What exactly is love? Nowadays many people simply banter about how they love so-and-so at the drop of a hat. Then later they say the same line to another person. Did they mean what they said to the previous person before? Or it just happened to them that they have too much “love” to give that they could afford to “love” so many people within a short period of time, one after another?!!

All along I didn’t give a clear definition to distinguish between “love” and “like”. I always assume, “like” is a milder feeling compared to “love”. You like someone because you enjoy the companionship with the person. You like someone because you’re attracted to the person (looks, personality and other factors). But to me, that affectionate feeling, that infatuation, that passion, will fade away as time goes by. Or in most cases, one day you just realize you only like one particular side of this person. Worse still, you suddenly come to realize the “good” thing about this person whom you liked before, has become “bad” thing, especially when more flaws of the person surfaced! You can only like the person to a certain extent. And usually it’s more of our own selfish reason of liking the person. See, you like this person’s ABC but not XYZ. If this person doesn’t possess ABC but only XYZ, most likely you don’t like this person anymore.

What about love? You really like this person a lot. Not only you enjoy his/her companionship and appreciate his/her good values (whatever things you’re attracted to); but you can accept his/her flaws too. You either accept his/her flaws because you understand that no one is perfect. Or better still, you are able to perceive his/her flaws as something positive. If you love the person enough, even if one day the person no longer possess the ABC you like, you’ll still love the person and want to be with him/her. You feel happy just because he/she is happy. You want to stand beside the person you love, holding his/her hands when time is tough and walking over the rough moments together. You trust the person you love and he/she just feels the same. Even if one day the person you love becomes old, wrinkly, sick, jobless, weak, poor bold and ugly, you’ll still see him/her as good-looking/beautiful. You won’t ditch him/her to go for a better one. You choose to be committed to the person you love. And it’ll only be THE one person.

I don’t think love is that complicated although it does sound murky. It certainly has no clear-cut definition about it. Affection, infatuation and passion do NOT last long; but this is when true love is revealed. You’ll just somehow know it when it happens.

♥ every page of my imagination

0 people traveled to my fantasyland

Sunday, May 14, 2006 @9:06 PM

It is difficult to describe the relationship between my mom and I. We were not that close, sometimes although physically we used to be very close. Thus sometimes I do think we are close, at least closer than my dad and I, sort of.

I used to treat my mom as my mom, when I was a kid. Yet, as I grow older, the relationship has somehow transformed to a kind of friendship. Yes, you didn’t read it wrong; I felt that my mom was like my friend, well not close friend type, but rather a “symbiotic” way of friendship, instead of a mother taking care of her daughter. Then these few years, the friendship has again evolved to become like a sisterhood; with her being the younger sister.

It is really strange that I felt it this way. I guess if I seek hard enough, I could have gotten the clue for this. I wasn’t staying with my parents since I was born up till few years old. My maternal grandmom was the one who brought my siblings and I up. When I was about five, my sisters and I reunited with my parents when my parents moved out of my paternal grandparents’. Soon enough, I entered primary school. My maternal aunts took over the responsibility of my mom in keeping close eyes on my academic performance because there were several of us (kids) in the family already. My mom couldn’t handle us since she has her own career to take care of too. Therefore I couldn’t actually recall a single scene where my mom guided me study throughout my entire schooling life back then. My aunts and grandmom were the ones who educated us while we were at puberty. Whenever we had problems, we often shared them with our aunts. Mom was there, but not really.

After I left home, I learned to be more independent. I no longer was hoping the adults from the family to handle my problems. I learned to find my own ways. I did. That’s when I began to feel that mom was more like my friend because I realized sometimes she even asked opinion to me whereas at the same time, I still keep her informed about everything I was going through albeit I wasn’t seeking help from her. After I started working, mom was becoming more of my younger sister as she frequently shared with me her concerns and worries. She wanted a pair of ears and sometimes some opinions.

I was on transit while I was heading to my latest conference recently. I took out my cell phone and started texting her. We kept texting back and forth for about 10 messages. She kept telling me to take care of myself, like a typical mother.

“Remember to bring the important travel documents with you.”

“When you get there, text me so that I know you’re safe.”

“Give us a call when you’re back to Country D.”

I was laughing. I replied, “Mom, I’m well-traveled than you. This is not my first time traveling alone. Don’t worry. I’ll email sis when I get a chance.”

It was certainly very strange to be like a timid little girl of my mom now. Isn’t it weird that after all these years of being independent and even treating my mom like my younger sis, all of a sudden my mom was attempting to reverse the role? As much as I feel it weird of this change, I decided to let my mom does what she thinks is more comfortable. Hey, I really don’t mind being a little girl being nagged and pampered although I could live without being one.

Today is Mothers’ Day. I didn’t get my mom any present. We don’t usually get her present for this occasion. But all these years, if I am away, I would always call her up and send my greetings to her. This year is no exception. She was happy to talk to me. We talked for a long while. Again, she was repeating stuff like, “You must take care of yourself.” “Just go ahead and do whatever you like; we’ll always support you."

Perhaps I wished my mom was like a typical loving and caring mom who was very motherly to me when I was younger. Perhaps I wished my mom could change her stubbornness over certain things I do not agree with. Nevertheless, I could not wish for a better mom. She made me a stronger and independent person. I could not imagine myself as a timid coward protected girl living in a shelter. Thanks mom for giving this precious human body and a blessed life to me! I usually will also call up my aunts and grandmom and thank them for being a mother to me all these years.

Being a mother is never easy. You couldn’t even imagine the pain of child-bearing until you experience it, let alone the tough role as a mom. We all should be grateful to our mother!

♥ every page of my imagination

0 people traveled to my fantasyland

Friday, May 12, 2006 @10:08 PM

Chinese has rich culture about food, especially the Southern part of China. I love food, in particular Chinese cuisine.

Do you know “touch of heart” (点心)? Yep, that’s one of my favorite Chinese cuisines. “Touch the heart” or more known as Dim Sum is the quintessential Hong Kong and most cities in the Guangdong province eating experience featuring an incredible variety of dumplings, buns, pastries and soups served at breakfast or lunch. Dim sum is usually served with pots of tea and thus referred as yum cha, which literally means drink tea.

Yum cha began dated back to the olden days when travelers on the ancient Silk Road needed a place to take a nap, hence the establishment of teahouses along the roadside. Then rural farmers would also go to teahouses for afternoon tea after working hard in the fields. Teahouses subsequently became popular. In the beginning, some believed that the combination of tea with food would lead to excessive weight gain. However, it was found out that tea aids in digestion. Therefore teahouse owners started in adding more variety of snacks, which led to how the tradition of dim sum was evolved.

In Hong Kong, it is a tradition for the elderly to gather to eat dim sum after morning exercises. These folks often like to enjoy their morning newspapers there too. For many southerners in China or those immigrants emigrated from Southern China to elsewhere, yum cha is often treated as a weekend family day.

As far as I could recall, my family loves to go for dim sum, even since I was really little. That was the time I was introduced to the world of yummy food. My family has a habit of going for dim sum almost every week, as a family event, well sort of. When I was a lot younger, I only went for the delicious food. After I left home, I began to really miss the family weekly yum cha event. I frequently visited the Chinatown in Country B while I was there. Once in a while when I had this strong craving for dim sum, I would go to one of the Hong Kong dim sum restaurants with a couple of friends or with my sister.

I really love yum cha, not only for the sake of a wide spectrum of choices, from sweet to salty from meat, vegetables, seafood and fruit, served in a small basket or on a small dish. I realize going for dim sum is providing a great opportunity to sit down and have some relaxing moment, in solitude or with a bunch of people. I love the moments having yum cha with my family. I enjoy going yum cha with a couple of friends and chit chatting there; close friends or friends of general acquaintances. It is strange to discover that by just going to the same place for yum cha, but with different groups of people (family versus different category of friends) can generate different atmosphere yet they are all happy jolly moments.

Great, I’ve been really craving for yum cha since I got back from my conference trip. I really miss it although I just had one not long ago during the trip. Oh by the way, I would never forget all the funny scenes during that yum cha. Perhaps what I miss more is the fabulous of the companionship of him in that yum cha restaurant? Ah, no wonder it is known as "touch the heart"!

♥ every page of my imagination

3 people traveled to my fantasyland

Thursday, May 11, 2006 @7:12 PM

When I first joined the lab, I did not hear too many good things about JG.

“Did you know he transferred from another lab that he had worked for 2 years before?!”

“JG is a messy person; he always screws his experiments!”

“Look at JG, he’s here with us for 3 years, he’s not even half way to his 4 years doctoral degree yet!”

And then there were one senior person in the lab in particular who kept telling me how incompatible JG was.

I just listened and didn’t believe those remarks all. I didn’t have much work association with JG. But other than that, I find him a fun person to joke around at work, a generous and helpful chap in general too.

I am so glad that I did not join in contributing negative remarks about JG. He had his mid-point degree examination yesterday and it was excellent. It was the best I have ever attended. He knew his own work inside out and answered all the questions by his thesis committee brilliantly!

JG may not be the best student in our group. But he certainly is not what was described from those rumors. Shouldn't we all already realize that rumors seldom hold any truth?! One thing that deserves to mention here is I think JG kind of knew all those rumors going around, but he never care a damn and just worked on his own pace. Yeah, you can say what you want; I don't care! Yep, he proved them all wrong at last!

Now I’m really going to blame on JG. He set such a high standard for the exam; no one wants to be the next one from our lab to do this exam! Oh heck, I just found out that I will be the next one scheduled in the queue for this exam. Damn, there’ll be no games except work, work and work for the next 3 months until that big day! How scary! :(

♥ every page of my imagination

0 people traveled to my fantasyland

Tuesday, May 09, 2006 @9:48 PM

What do you do when you are given a thesis written by someone?

Me? The first page I read is the Acknowledgement of course!

What?! That’s nothing wrong about it right? Many people do so too!

All right, I guess it does sound kind of pathetic to find out that most people are not so interested in reading your 4-5 years of masterpiece - the little book aka the thesis.

Why am I so interested in the acknowledgement section? Shouldn't we appreciate more of the dedication of the person? Come on, if you spent those 4-5 years or more of your life working super hard on a particular topic, if you’d been sweating and sobbing through frustrating and tough moments when you were hitting the bottleneck, if you’d been unwillingly neglecting your family and loved ones because you had to spend time cranking out something to form the content of the little book otherwise you would just have to spend longer time, if you’d been ditching your friends living like a hermit especially when you didn't even have time to eat and sleep, socializing was such a luxurious matter; isn’t that natural that you want people to read about what you have done after all those sacrifice??

Well, I certainly want everyone who picks up my book read my work, at least they should read the summary/abstract of the whole book. Yet, why am not I doing the same when I pick up someone else's thesis?

Okay, okay, I admit I am as busy-body as you, you and you *pointing to everyone*; I want to know who have given support and encouragement to this person when he/she was going through all ups and downs for all those years. I have found some parts of the acknowledgement of some thesis very sweet and at times touchy too.

I am already thinking about whom I want to thank and how the composition should sound albeit I am still pretty far away in writing my own little book. While listening to Monica’s “For you I will”, I felt like drafting some parts of this section of my book already (that is IF I am going to end up having one later). I'm borrowing the lyrics...

When I’m feeling lost in the night,
When I feel my world just ain't right
Call on you, you will be waiting
Count on you, you will be there
Anytime the times get too tough,
Anytime my best ain't enough
You'll be the one to make it better,
You'll be there to protect you,
See me through,
You'll be there and there is nothing
you won't do.

You will cross the ocean for me
You will go and bring me the moon
You will be my hero my strength
Anything I need
You will be the sun in my sky
You will light my way for all time
Promise me,
For me you will.

You will shield my heart from the rain
You will let no harm come my way
Oh these arms will be my shelter
No these arms won't let me down,
If there is a mountain to move
You will move that mountain for me
You’re here for me, you’re here forever
You will be my fortress, tall and strong
You'll keep you safe,
You'll stand beside me, right or wrong

You will cross the ocean for me
You will go and bring me the moon (yeah, yeah)
You will be my hero my strength
anything I need (you will be..)
You will be the sun in my sky
You will light my way for all time
Promise me
For me you will

And…

For you I will, lay my life on the line
For you I will fight, oooooh
For you I will die
With every breath, with all my soul
I'll give my world
I'll give it all
Put your faith in me (put your faith in me)
And I'll do anything

Thank you for crossing the ocean for me

Thank you for bringing me the moon
Thank you for being my hero my strength
Anything I need
Thank you for being the sun in your sky
Thank you for lighting my way for all time
Thank you for giving your promise to me

Thank you for everything.

For you, I have made it through finally.

Eh, this is a little too treacly sentimental; those promises aren't even applicable to me. I should have transformed the urge of writing in completing a manuscript, if I truly want to have a chance of writing a real acknowledgement section in my own little book later! Go get your work done, girl!

♥ every page of my imagination

6 people traveled to my fantasyland

Sunday, May 07, 2006 @10:19 PM

“I started drawing and painting …and I think I enjoy it!”

One of my sisters recently attempted in discovering what she would consider as her hobby or even something she’s good at. Like some of us, she’s been searching that for many years. She used to be a ballerina. She was even representing her studio in performing for charity in our home-city. She completed the Royal Academy of Ballet Dancing examination and she’s just one step away from her teaching qualification examination. She did not continue because our mom wanted her to focus on her studies. She had no choice, except to obey our mom and dropped her interest and talent reluctantly.

All these years, she hasn’t returned to ballet dancing. I know her heart has never left but she feels that she no longer good at it. Whenever we mention about our interests, she’s the only one who always remain in silence.

“I don’t have any interest. I don’t know what I like.”

“No, you’re good at ballet dancing.”

“I was, but not anymore. Now I am good at nothing.”

“Well, I’m sure you have other hidden talents or interest too. You just need to discover them.”

So when my sister told me out of the blue that she started drawing and was thinking she could possibly like it. I felt excited for her.

“I am quite happy with my painting. But mom and some of my coworkers laughed at my painting when I showed it to them.”

“Maybe they didn’t mean it that way. Regardless of what they thought, if you enjoy drawing and painting, then just continue doing so. You’ll get better and better later. But hey, maybe you can scan it and send to me so that I can give you some comment although I really suck in drawing and have no talents in art whatsoever.”

My mom sent me to piano, Chinese Guzheng, ballet, computing, arts, and swimming lessons when I was a child. Most of the time, I had never enjoyed all these classes because I always felt that I was not good in them. They weren’t my interest at all, hence I discontinued. I used to think maybe I was just good at nothing. Then once I entered elementary school, I started liking different things. I like listening to contemporary music and even joined the school’s broadcasting team in being the school deejay. I discovered that I love the task as being an emcee in hosting functions. I finally found that I can be good in something or to the least; I can name something that I enjoy doing.

A famous Chinese poet from the Tang Dynasty, Li Bai once said, “Everyone must be good at something.” He said it well. I quoted this line as the introduction of my impromptu speech when I was picked for public speaking topic of what I was good at during a camp at High School by my senior.

And I am going to quote this line again. Everyone must be good at something. It doesn’t matter how good you are compared to others; what matters more is how you enjoy doing it. I’m sure my sister will manage to find out what she really enjoys and likes one day. It could be ballet, painting or even drama. So how about you?

♥ every page of my imagination

2 people traveled to my fantasyland

Thursday, May 04, 2006 @9:18 PM

Whenever I am going through some dilemma, whenever I have something lingering in the back of my head, whenever I have problems that I need to deal with, whenever I need to make some decisions, whenever I am lost…I talk to certain people who I trust for some wise, sensible, logical opinions/advice.

Thus far, I have pretty good and patient listeners and councilors. But no matter how great their advice is to me, I realize in the end I am still the only one who has to face and deal with whatever that is bothering me. Even with the best solution given, if I did not want to make the next step, I would still remain trapped in the situation.

“Are you looking for Street A?”

I nodded.

“Oh, that’s just close by. Walk straight and you’ll find Street A on your right.”

But if I am hesitated to march forward, I will never reach Street A, even if it is just yards away. Same thing happens I heard some really great advice, if I am reluctant to take the advice into action, nothing could be resolved.

Of course not all advice or opinion given guarantees the cure to our situation. Advice could be inappropriate as it came from another individual who’s not in our shoes. Opinion can be somehow subjective due to personal preference and personality. Every situation regardless how similar it seems to be compared to previous examples and cases, is still unique. Hence, no one solution-for-all. I have a good example for this. We have an experienced cytogeneticist working with us for several months. She told me she’s having problem in getting her project moving. I have worked on the same technique before. So I talked to her and tried to find out the root of the technical fault. She explained to me that another postdoc told her his method, thus she followed his way. But it turned out that his method is completely different than hers. She’s worked on the same technique for many years and she has never had problem until this time.

“Maybe you should stick to your own method since you know it has worked before.”

“It’s your project and you know it best. Just do what you feel most comfortable with.”

That’s right. It is our problem; we have to decide how we are going to deal with it. We have to make our next move for the next decision. Advice and opinions serve as a guidance and support. Having a friend telling me, “You’ll be fine.” “You’ll get there.” and stuff won’t help in actuality unless I take the encouragement and support and transform them into action.

If you don’t think the opinions you’ve gotten are good enough for you. Then you just have to go for the one you think is best for yourself (make your own decision). No one is responsible for us other than ourselves. We just have to be confident in marching forward in our own comfortable way/pace, while others cheering and supporting along side. We'll not reach the destination if we lack confidence or refuse to move regardless how confident the rest are for us.

♥ every page of my imagination

3 people traveled to my fantasyland

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 @10:07 PM

Sometime last year, I was having lunch with my boss. There was a Vietnamese doctor who grew up in the West sitting at the table. We started chatting.

He asked, “Do you know how to cook rice?”

Cook rice?? I starred at him trying to figure out what he meant exactly.

“Yeaaa…”

“Oh you really know how to cook rice?”

“Do you mean the rice that we eat? Yes!”

“That’s good. How do you cook it?”

“Eeerrr well, isn’t that simple? You just scope some rice grain and put into the rice cooker. Then you wash the rice a few times and add some water and then press the ‘cook’ button. Wait for 20 minutes or a bit more, the rice is then ready to eat.”

“Noooo, I don’t mean cooking rice using rice cooker, but using a normal pot. That’s the tricky bit! You have to watch the pot closely. You can't let it cook for too long because the rice would burn at the bottom of the pot. But if you don't cook long enough, the rice is not cooked properly.”

“Yeah, you’re right; that’s too much work. Good thing is I always bring with me a rice cooker wherever (which country) I move to.”

Then he further went on talking about rice and cooking.

“My mother told me one critical point to consider whether a girl is good enough to marry is if she knows how to cook rice using the traditional way.”

He paused and then continued, “Well, you know in my days, there wasn’t any electrical rice cooker available.”

Well, I’m glad that this Vietnamese doctor whose children are just a few years younger than me did manage to emphasize that those were his olden days…if not, I would really start thinking he might want to insult me who doesn’t know how to cook rice using the old-fashioned/low-tech way! Hehe…I wonder did his current wife pass his mother’s strict assessment since he did not, anyway, end up marrying either a Vietnamese or an Asian.

When I was a freshman at college, on one fine evening, I was sort of invited to a friend’s friend’s friend’s place for dinner. Before going to the host’s place, I knew nothing about the host except he was a year senior than us. I was there because I tagged along my friend and her friend; the latter was staying at this guy’s place for the winter semester break. Anyway, while chilling out there watching some rented movies; we were invited to stay over for dinner. That was my first time ever eating a meal prepared by a guy. My jaw dropped after my first bite of the steak. It was really yum!! But at the same time, I was swamped with embarrassment because my friend and I suck in cooking at that time. Well, I still do. At least up till now I still can’t make the steak sauce from scratch. How can guys be such great cook?

I used to have the weird conservative thought about females being talented (or should be capable) in housework especially cooking. The very traditional Chinese or Asian culture seemed to be like this. Even some of people from my parents’ generation, only the wives cook in the family because they have to. It is their responsibility. I have heard some old people telling me firmly that guys should not spend time in the kitchen! I was like, "Are you kidding?!!". But now time has changed. The society has evolved. The kitchen is no longer an exclusive place for the females. There are more and more male counterparts know how to cook and some even cook better than many of us. It is not uncommon to hear my female coworkers mentioning that their spouse would have dinner ready at the table when they get home. I have also tried fantastic food prepared by male friends. Guys can really be better cooks. Does this explain why back in the olden days (i.e. way back to those Chinese dynasties), famous chefs were all males? Or is it just because females were not allowed to expose themselves to work outside and hence left with the choice but to take care of their family?

I am definitely not a great cook. You will not be food-poisoned. The food will not burn, rarely. That’s all I can guarantee. If my husband turns out to be a better cook than me, I really don’t mind letting him showing off his talent. But I do like the thought of cooking his favorite dishes for him. Call me old-fashioned. Whoever cooks, I do mind doing the dishes though. So he better loves the washing job because he has to!

I feel lucky that I wasn’t born in my parents’ generation because cooking is no longer a compulsory chore to the majority of the women. I am also glad that I am not dating someone whose mother is like the Vietnamese doctor’s. I couldn’t imagine not passing my future mother-in-law’s assessment just because I couldn’t cook rice, well, using the primitive way.

♥ every page of my imagination

4 people traveled to my fantasyland

Monday, May 01, 2006 @8:57 PM

This is not meant to be a proper post. But I just can't help to drop everything (I should be writing my reports) and talk about it here.

I just found out that my friend who I treat like an older brother, Mr. Nice did not know the correct spelling of my name after knowing me for years! It is so unbelievable that I only spotted it from one of his latest emails to me; he keyed in the incorrect name associated to my email addy in his e-addressbook.

I replied him and signed off as "Your's truly, XX (my chinese name) but NOT XXn".

He replied, "Hahaha...XXn sounds like some soya sauce..."

My reply - Soya sauce?! You kidding me?!?! I am actually Red Hot Chili Pepper!! :P

♥ every page of my imagination

0 people traveled to my fantasyland

@4:01 AM

I regard my dad as one of my mentors albeit he is not aware of this. He always share his perspectives based on his own realization or observations. Every now and then he will give me some pep talks. I remember there was once he said something like this, "Life is no doubt really short; but the short duration of 60-70 years will still make you feel as though it were long especially when you are facing a lot of hurdles. But what makes you get through in the end is not intelligence, not luck solely but your determination."

There is certainly some wisdom of insights from my dad's words. He must have gone through a lot in order to come to that realization. He is not a super smart guy, nor had he received any high level education. He just has been through a lot in life, hence comes to that realization. My dad started working way before he finished his high school education. He started his career from scratch and then expanding it to support his parents and his other siblings. He told me he barely knew anything when he started and he was hit by many obstacles but all he relied on was just purely determination to make him that far. Close to 40 years have past, he told me although he has passed his peak, he is not giving up yet because he is confident and determined that he still has many more peaks coming soon. Ah, how do I not admire my dad right?

All right, I don't mean my dad is a successful person and I have no intention of convincing you to take him as your idol. Sorry, my dad's my idol. He's mine eh! All I am trying to say is I've seen most of his ups and downs especially his career, my dad has never given up. There was once that I was so concerned about him; he just turned back to me and told me that we should be determined and everything would be fine.

Let's take a look at other successful role models; yes, these people are intelligent, hardworking or perhaps luck was by their side to make that miracle happened. But if you take a closer look, that miracle moment did not happen just like that, they probably have had more encounters than any of us. Yet what makes them more successful is because they have more determination.

Determination is really the key, even for our search of happiness. There are ups and downs along the journey, yours and mind. But if take them as something positive and are determined about that, sure we’ll feel the happiness. It is hard to strive out of negativity, but with the determination there, we can surely make it and once we’re out of that lope, happiness is just in front of us.

Being determined is always not that easy. You need to be determined to maintain the determination. But once you’re done with that, nothing is really impossible anymore.

♥ every page of my imagination

2 people traveled to my fantasyland

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