I've changed a lot, characters wise, since college. I'm more chatty now. When I say "chat", I did not mean idle talk nor serious/intellectual discussion. What I meant is I enjoy talking casually to people on any topic. Most of them are thought-provoking. Like today, I had convo with 3 different people and each brought a lot of thoughts to me.
One of them was my lunch convo with my main supervisor, a young female professor who's always happy, well-respected, marvellous and full of wisdom. Moreover she's an excellent juggler of family and career. She's really one of my best mentors. I don't usually have idols, if I'm going to have, she's definitely one of the few. I really enjoy chatting with her.
I was given a scenario today. If I were married and followed my husband to come to this country. Both husband and wife were studying but the husband finished first and decided to move to elsewhere for a better position, while I had 1 year left before granting my degree. Would I stay or follow him?
I would stay. This is what I told my supervisor.
Reasons? Well, since it's only 1 year so close to granting a degree, it would not be practical as well as economical (in long run) to just leave without getting my degree. Plus both husband's and wife's career prospects should weigh the same as well, if we're a proponent of equility.
My boss brought up another real life experiences of one of her married students. It was a catastrophe for her marriage when her husband who started his studies earlier went to another city for a clinical position and she's just down to one more year in completion. Other than that, all of her work was going smoothly but situation got worse when her father-in-law interfered. The student's indecisive to stay or go. So my boss being an understanding mother and wife, decided to be an enabler to "instruct" her to leave the lab. She finally did and now restarting the whole Grad school life in a new city with her husband.
Boss: Sometimes I still wonder whether was it appropriate for me to push her go.
Me: If I were you, I would convince her to go too. Sometimes some people just need that "push". And for this case, seemed like she didn't have much choice.
Boss: I know. I don't want her to be unhappy for the rest of her life just because she didn't go to her husband.
Me: I would like to hear your opinion. If you're facing this, would you stay or go?
Boss: Oh, that's not a possible scenario for me. *bursting into laughter*
That's right, though my boss got married when she's still in Grad school. The statement is true for her because her husband has been really supportive to her. Both take turns in shouldering the responsibilities of the family with 3 young kids and the youngest is just 4, who's a handful. So even if she has to be away for some time, it'll work out.
Boss: Ok, hypothetically, if I am only a cake's allowed, either I go to save my marriage or I stay to get a divorce. I'll go. But as I said this is not a possible scenario for me. I'm lucky that TL (her husband) has been really understanding. So when I'm here late at night writing for applications, he will stay at home and take care of the kids. But of course, sometimes when he needs to attend to his job, I'll take over the chores.
Me: Doesn't he complain?
Boss: No, because he wants a happy wife. It's much more rewarding to see your partner be happy with things he/she enjoys doing than tying him/her up at home. He knows if I'm not at home, I would be here busy with my work. I'm not socializing, partying and ignoring the family.
Me: Well, I'm glad at least at the moment, this is not my possible scenario either. *both laughed*
I'm very lucky that I've been following an ascending path in my life. However many of my classmates here are much older than me because they worked for quite a long time before coming back to Grad school. They have families and kids. I've seen many foreign students here bringing their wives along. After sometime, the wives got bored and started applying for Grad school. So in the end, the husbands will finish their studies earlier and they have to leave for their postdocs. But many of them work out later because they compromise.
I don't fancy the idea of long-distance relationship. I guess if the couple has to live apart for a short period for practicality, it's still possible to work out. It's a matter of 2 people putting the effort and the heart to work it out. My collegemate and her fiancé had a long-distance relationship for 4 years and they're getting married at the end of this year. Yay!
My boss and I had a superb lunch chat talking about other aspects of relationships too. I'll blog them in my future entries. I'm happy to explore today's entry with her. I haven't been giving much thought about this possible scenario due to the fact that I'm in singledom without needing to commit to a family or significant other all these while by default. Em, it's interesting to give this a little thought now. Anything is possible and I've learned to never say NEVER. *wink*
♥ every page of my imagination
