It is official now that I'm exactly 26 and 4 days old. I am still adjusting, maybe it'll still take me a while to get this number registered and to be associated with my age.
I don't know. I think I do live in a room of contradiction. Not that being 26 now has turned me into a somber mood. No, not at all. In fact I really like the lucky number 26. To me, it indicates a mixture of maturity and youth, responsible and freedom, wise and active. But maybe the number of 26 sounds too perfect that I just want to remain at this phase? On the other hand, the clock is ticking, 26 will be followed by 27, 28 and so forth and very soon, the digit will be upgraded to the big 3_.
Am I afraid of getting old? No. Age is just a number. No one can avoid aging. Don't we all age each seconds? All I care is I wish to be wiser every second as I age. Then here turns the question, am I behaving as a 26-year-old now?
I just received a long chain email from my high school mates. An email with people inserting their updates on it (location, job, marital status). They are contemplating another reunion early next year. And this sentence "Please inform us if you're bringing your spouse along." captured my eyes. Doesn't it indicate that it is kind of a common status for my HS mates at this age that you are more or less should be married now? The majority of my HS mates are actually working now. Only 2-3 are still studying out of the 400 over bunch. Early this year, I attended the reunion lunch. Some already are married. Some are getting married. Some are having a steady relationship and will be married soon. Some are working hard paying their mortgages for their cars and houses. They sound so "adult". I feel myself a bit behind in this ladder. Probably I shouldn't look at it this way because I've left the circle for nearly 10 years now.
My close collegemate is getting married in 2 weeks' time. She sent me an invitation to attend her hen night as well as the wedding banquet. I do know many of my collegemates are also gradually settling down within these few years. It seems like at this age, it is the time to settle down. Even those few who are still in Grad School actually are finishing off now or latest next year. I am about 2 years behind because I worked for 2 years before getting back to school. Am I really behind in everything?
Let me see...
I am just a 2nd year Grad student relying on a minimal stipend.
I have to pay rental each month (which also means I don't have my own shelter) and I don't have to pay any mortgage (as I don't own any property including a car).
I owe heaps to my parents for my college fees (although they never ask for the payback).
I am still learning to be an obedient daughter and a caring sister, but not attempting to expand my role as a loving wife or protective mother yet.
My mother when at my age was already a mother of 2, whereas for my dad, he was already supporting the whole family when he's 26. I know someone earned the first million dollars by 26. I am not even close to any of these achievements. Ten years ago, I thought being 21 is such an adult. Five years ago, people asked me how old would I want to get married. 26-27 was my answer and I even provided an additional answer that I wanted to have my first child around 28-29. As I'm approaching 27 now, there's no sign of me tying the knot with the one. Hey, I'm really behind right?
Well, maybe I haven't achieved anything great. Maybe I'm really behind in most of these "adulthood" aspects. But I realize being 26 doesn't mean you're that grown up. It is just an age. Most importantly is the emotional and the behaviour that count. Many people don't behave according to their age. Some are really immature even they are already 50 years old. Thus maturity doesn't correlate with age. *lol*
Although I still make my parents worried about me.
Although sometimes I can be quite a rebellious daughter.
Although sometimes I don't care too much about my siblings.
Although I should have a better personality and character.
Although I should lose at least 10 more lbs.
Although I should be 20cm taller.
Although I should be super genius.
Although I should be prettier.
Although I should make myself up to be drop dead gorgeous to attract guys.
Although I should be a more dearing friend.
Although I should have enough savings and start owning some properties.
Although I should be more or less settling down now with someone.
Despite all these "althoughs", I think I dare say that up to this moment, I have made my parents proud. Or I should put it this way, I have not done anything that makes my parents to be ashamed of.
I love my siblings and I try to be supportive to them (material and emotional).
Maybe I'm not that pretty but I think with my genuine smile and sincere heart of caring for people, I am happy with my looks.
I care for my friends and I always am a good pair of ears (sometimes a too talkative mouth too).
I am open to critics and advice. So I am willing to improve my bad personalities.
I am not a high maintenance girl so probably whatever I earn will be enough to sustain my simple yet happy life.
I believe the one who truly loves me will still love me regardless of what my appearance is.
Everyday when I wake up, I feel that there's so much to learn and to do. I'm just like a dried sponge wanting to absorb everything. I enjoy my work and I'm grateful to my parents who've been so supportive to me in pursuing my dreams. I am thankful to my siblings who have brought so much joy to my life. I am lucky to have a few great friends who spare time to give me comfort and shed light to me when my room is cold and dim.
Looking at the mirror, I begin to really love the 26-year-old now. She looks confident, youthful and energetic. Oh, I love her smile too (if she remembers to smile). It must be the charm of being 26!
♥ every page of my imagination
