Most of the time, we all complain a lot, don't we? As often, we also hear a lot of complaints surrounding us. Is it just us? Or is life really that suck?
Few days ago, I bumped into VP outside my lab and we chit-chatted a little. VP is a postdoc in another lab upstairs. I only knew her earlier this year when I was exploring a new technique by myself and was getting help around. VP was kind and nice enough to give me a lot of helpful hint in that experiment. Anyhow, back to our 15minutes of instantaneous chat (note: VP was holding a container of ice with some microfuge tubes sitting on it whereas I was on my way to meet my supervisor):-
VP: How are you doing? Is work going on well?
Me: Well, I'm good. Work is all right, slow as usual.
VP: That's okay, you'll get there.
Me: Yeah, I know and I'm actually not too fuss about that. What about you?
VP: Life is great and I don't complain about it. *genuine expression and smile*
Me: Wow, you really have a positive attitude!
VP: Well, I do have down moments and other problems too but in general life has been good and I don't magnify those problems that much.
Now you might be suspecting probably I just caught VP at the right moment as she was in a chirpy mood of the day. Well initially I was thinking that too. But our conversation went on further and more in depth and we talked about a few other things too including her problem in securing her job. Her salary will only last till another 6 more months and it has been really tough in getting a position for her. But looking at her eyes, I knew she was not lying. She really meant it when she said "Life is good!"
I have another friend. Each time I talked to her, she would complain or make some negative remarks about her family, her work, her friends and even her finance. Maybe she is really unfortunate and deserves to vent out her spleen. Em, let's see. Well, she comes from a good family. Both her parents and siblings treat her as the little princess at home. Her hubby loves her so much that every now and then, he'll buy her diamond rings, perfumes those material stuff, as well as giving her emotional supports for her work. Her hubby is a senior surgeon in a famous hospital. And they share two adorable children, a boy and a girl. She has been having a smooth career path. Money is never an issue for her family because they own several properties. The whole family is well-traveled and has been to many countries in the world. Her friends have been treating her really well considering her lack-of-genuineness sometimes. So what is she complaining about? Why is there so much for her to complain? I don't understand but I did ask once.
Me: I think you're living a great life.
WW: No, I have so many problems. I am not happy.
Me: What problems do you have?
Me: You have a good and happy family. You have your degree and a well-paid job. You have many shelters and cars. You are not short of money. You have a bunch of wonderful friends who are always helpful to you. This is already a blessing. What more do you ask for?
WW: You don't understand. I don't ask for all these that I'm having now. I just want those I don't have. I will be really happy if I can get what I am lack of now and what I am lusting for.
Me: ...............*speechless utterly!!*
This conversation was taken place more than a year ago. The last line of that conversation from WW imprinted on my mind. I always think about it and each time when I recall it I would feel pity for her. Isn't it a pity that although WW has been living a blessed life, which is much better than many people, yet she never feels satisfied and just be happy about it? And it is even more pitiable of her that in spite of people admiring her good life, she still sees the hollow of what she lacks is much bigger and deeper than what she owns.
Now turning our attention back to ourselves. Don't you think we also constantly like WW, complaining and making negative remarks about our problems, what we don't have, so-and-so giving troubles to us and stuff like that?
If our parents are still around, we complain about them for not being understanding.
If some parents are divorced, we complain that we are no longer that close because they have their own family and lives and so do us.
If we are married or attached, we complain about husband/bf of how inconsiderate they are, yada yada.
If we are still swimming in the single pool, we complain that life is so boring without having someone special to accompany us especially during certain festive season.
If we have a job, we complain how bad the coworkers or bosses are. And sometimes if we're capable, we complain about the heavy workload we shoulder and complain when credit is not given or the next promotion is not visible yet. We complain about not having enough time.
If the job is more or less routine, we complain about that too.
For our friends, we too complain about those who have their own family and do not spend enough time with us. Or for those who have a different pace in life than us, we may even complain that we have lost our friends and have no one to hang out with.
We complain about not having enough money to do shoppings or buying luxurious condo.
We complain about our looks and about how fat we are.
Whatever we can name of, we just have something to complain about.
Yes, no doubt we can't have everything we want. Isn't this the natural phenomenon? Can't we just stop making all the calculations of what we don't have and what others have for once? Why not look at what we already have? I ascertain that many of us are really very fortunate since there are many least fortunate people who don't even own 1% of what we are having. Some are even struggling just for basic survival and they barely have enough to feed themselves, Yet, many of us are complaining about how we stuffed ourselves at a feast and then worrying about the additional calories would expand the bodysize, which will make us lose attraction! Now, don't you think our complaints are way too ridiculous?
Don't you also realize the more complaints a person has the less joy this person has? Trust me, if making a complaint or negative remark will help us grant whatever we lust for, then by all means, go for it. But the truth is, the more you complain or you fuss about it, the more frowns you have on your forehead and worse still the unhappier you feel and the tiny problem will be magnified hundreds-folds. Why not just be cool about what we have and shed off all the grudges we are holding. Think of it this way:- "Yeah, if I can get it, that will be a bonus, if not, it's fine too." "This is not a big problem. If I can deal with it, I will, if not I shall be grateful that it makes me learn." "Oh, more problems to me? Well, great chances in making me learn." "Oh yeah, this person is not that nice. But to err is human and we shouldn't let our hatred occupy our heart. Forgive and forget. If we can't, at least we just leave the person alone and move on."
We've been complaining and making negative remarks about so many things all these while. And neither all these complaints made life any easier nor you and I feeling happier. Perhaps it is really time for us to change our perception/tactic. Why not stop all these complaints and negative remarks, for all time? You'll feel the heart more spacious. You'll have smoother breath. The sky will be brighter and even if it rains, you'll enjoy the gloomy sky!
♥ every page of my imagination
