Department of Medical Science Freak’s Tabloid

CITY S, COUNTRY D - - Friday (17^th March 2006) is a memorable day for Dr. ZM. ZM, a recent PhD graduate from Saving Lives Medical University tied the knot with her fiancé after a three-year long distance relationship.

Three years ago, ZM met her husband in this campus. ZM’s husband was on an exchange program to this country for a short period of time. But that didn’t cease the immediate attraction between them. They fell in love shortly despite of him going back to his country to continuing his studies there.

And finally the loving couple was announced as husband and wife at the wedding registrar office of City S today. Everyone at ZM’s workplace was truly happy for the couple. ZM and husband are now all set to welcoming a new phase in life hand in hand together. – Pseudo-Reuters

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Yesterday was a slack day because it’s Friday. However there’s something really unusual; everyone was talking about ZM. ZM got married yesterday!

JH: Do you know how ZM met her husband?

Me: Yeah, she told me before.

JH: Do you know he’s from another country across the ocean?

Me: She mentioned that too.

JH: It’s so amazing that they worked it out. Awww, it’s such a sweet story!

Me: Definitely, what’s more awe-inspiring is they were on long distance for THREE years!!

Do you have faith in long distance relationship?

“Long distance will not work!” This is how many of us will respond and think. I don’t know and I was like one of them, and just assumed it would not work. Yet, when I open up my ears to hear more, there are numerous stories I’ve heard throughout all these years that proof this assumption wrong. They are real life stories heard from a distance and stories I’ve seen myself.

My college mate was on a 4-year long distance with her fiancé then and now husband. He was doing his specialization in paediatric medicine in another country while she was finishing off her degree in Country B. A year later they didn’t reunite because she had to go back to her home country to help her dad’s business.

I met this lady who’s staying in the next building on a bus. She told me that she was married two years ago but her husband is in another country. They started the long distance relationship before the marriage. Out of curiosity, I asked her thoughts about this.

Me: Don’t you find it difficult?

Her: Of course it is very tough for my husband and me.

Me: Why don’t you go to the country your husband is working now or he comes to you?

Her: We’d considered that. But after discussion, we thought that it is better for me to get this job here for a few years and he stays there for his. Then we’ll be together later after this. This is just a transition period.

Me: It’s great to hear that both of you can be so understanding and are so willing to work it out.

Her: Sometimes he’ll fly over to see me and I’ll take vacation to go and see him. It’ll work as long as we put the effort.

While I was working in Country C, there’s this Vietnamese lady who was working there. When I first came to the laboratory, I was told that she just returned from her wedding back at home (Vietnam). I was like, “Whoa?!” During my 2 years of work there, I’ve constantly seeing the couple putting the effort in maintaining the marriage and relationship. He’d chatted with her and she’d called him. Each time after talking to her husband, she’d this glory happiness look. Even till after I quit the job, she was still there. A year later after I left, I received an email from her telling me that she’s now back with the husband and an addition to the family was on his/her way. I was so happy for her.

There are many more successful cases I’ve heard. Yet all these case studies have shown the magical trick there. Long distance is really tough! But if the couple puts in the effort and works it out together hand in hand, it can be as sweet if not better. It is possible.

I know a couple who’s working together. This is something I really don’t understand. I am someone who doesn’t like to work (career wise) at the same place/unit/team/room in an organization with my spouse. I do think some space is needed. I mean I don’t like my husband or my boyfriend is my work mate as well. Anyway, this is not what I intend to discuss in this entry. So back to this couple who are doing postdocs in my lab. They work together in a project. So that means they are 24 hours together with each other. So one day, again out of my curiosity, I told them my doubts.

Me: Don’t you guys find it strange to work together and then see each other at home again? I mean don’t you feel suffocated a little?

Wife: So far we haven’t felt that yet. We cherish every moment we are together now.

Me: Yeah, but…

Wife: We were on long distance for a while before we got married. And this postdoctoral position here is not forever. After we return to our country, we are not likely to work together. We’ll be working in different hospitals.

Sitting back and giving some thoughts about it. I think the words from these people who’ve been through or going through the long distance relationship themselves do make sense. What makes you think a non-long distance relationship will work perfectly fine? The risk of a “normal” distance relationship will not work is equally the same as long distance. It is just like two arrows moving towards a direction. Now it doesn’t matter so much of where these two arrows coming from as long as they share the same direction/purpose/vision. Even if the two arrows come from the same point, if they’re heading towards a different direction, they’ll still not meet. Sometimes this long distance thing does make the couple cherish each other more. Because you know it is difficult to be with this person, you’ll extremely appreciate every single moment to be with him/her. Even if you and your sweetheart are together in a “normal” distance relationship, it also doesn’t mean you’re really spending quality time together. This is what the Vietnamese lady used to joke about. She joked, “Quality is better than quantity.”

After hearing all these real life cases, I do have faith in long distance relationship. But as they all emphasized, “Effort has to be made from both sides.” I think it’ll all work out if both are willing. It takes two to get going. One thing though, there should be a duration (I would say not more than 3 years) for long distance. You won’t want to not to be together with your love for years and years. Geez how can you stand not seeing and being together with him/her in a long period of time?

Can long distance work? Well, anything is possible.