Friday, March 17, 2006 @6:42 AM
There’s something my dad did to me when I was about 2 years old that I will never ever forget. I have been telling myself that I would never want to do that to my children or other people.
My dad is the most wonderful dad on earth. I can’t ask for more. Yet as we all know, no one is perfect, including my dad. He’s a responsible and caring man. He’s my hero! But my dad has his flaws too. He doesn’t keep his promises, especially to his children. I am not saying my dad likes to break promises. He does try to make everyone in the family in particular us, his treasures and source of happiness, happy. If he could get us the star in the sky, he really would get it for us. But probably he’s a busy man and forgetful too, he tends to “forget” what he has promised. Or probably he doesn’t think keeping all his promises that big deal if the promises are on small things of no significance to him?
I remember one fine morning around 25 years ago, dad was at home. I hadn’t seen him for a while because I stayed with my grandmother while my parents were staying with my paternal grandparents. Plus my dad’s always on business trip. So that morning the 2 year old was elated to see her dad. That was a special day because my dad, maternal grandma and I were going to the hospital to welcome my mother and my new baby sister home. My dad and I were waiting at the living room for my grandmother. I saw the ice-cream van passing by the neighborhood. How could a 2yo kiddo resist ice-creams? Straightaway the kid rushed to her dad and asked him to buy her one. Her dad made a deal with her. If she made a short performance, he would buy her one. The ice-cream enthusiast instantly came up with one. At the end of the performance, she went to her dad and waited anxiously for the ice-cream. Man, she’s just asking for an ice-cream, not a moon! No, my dad didn’t buy me one. He didn’t want to buy me one at all at that time for no reason.
“But dad, you said if I perform, you’d buy me one.”
“…….”
“Dad, you are not keeping your promise.”
A quarter of a century has passed, I could still remember this childhood story. Few years ago when I was home, my dad, grandmother and I were chatting. I brought this up. My dad was stunned for a moment. He didn’t expect I would remember such small incident for so long. My grandmother said she could remember. Yeah, my grandmother has perfect memory for the past but not the recent ones.
My dad explained, “I didn’t know you would really take my words so seriously. I didn’t expect you to perform immediately. And I wasn’t planning to buy you the ice-cream anyway.”
If you have already known you would not buy it, then why made a promise in the beginning?
My dad was once invited to attend my High School’s Teachers and Parents’ Association meeting. The school wanted to nominate my dad to be one of the committee members. The Principal called me out one day. She expressed her will and asked me to pass the message to my dad and if he’s willing to take up the responsibility, he needed to come for the election and they’d arrange the rest. So I went home obediently passing my dad the message.
“Sure, tell your Principal that I’ll go for the meeting.”
“Are you sure you’ll be going? You’re so busy. And please don’t simply make promises to my Principal. She’s not us who are so used to your “invalid” checks.” [note: invalid checks is a Cantonese saying referring to checks issued without a signature that you can’t bank in or cash out. It is not valid!]
“Of course I’m going. Just tell her that I’ll be there.”
I didn’t completely believe that my dad would turn up. I’ve known him too well. But still I was hoping that maybe he’d go.
“Didn’t your father say he’d come for the meeting?”
“……”
“We waited for him but he didn’t come.”
“I’m sorry. Perhaps he’s busy at work and couldn’t come.”
This time I didn’t make a big fuss to my dad because we were so used to it. Yet, I'm more determined that I don’t want to be like my dad.
I don’t want to promise somebody the earth. Even for small things that I know it is not tough in achieving, I still don’t like to simply make a promise. Usually, I’ll tell the person, “I’m not sure. I can’t promise/guarantee but I’ll try.” This line is close to a promise from me. In this case, you more or less know I’ll be really trying. But still it is not a promise from me because of some uncertainty that I’m aware of. At least for sure you know, I'll keep my promise for trying my best since I said "I'll try". Of course I don’t mean that I don’t make promise. I do make promises, not always but quite often to things that I know I’ll certainly make it. Once I’ve made that promise, I do keep it regardless of some unexpected hurdles. If I can’t make it all the way, I’ll definitely inform the person whom I made the promise to soonest possible.
Promises don’t come easy from me. But when I make one, I’ll really keep it; otherwise the other party will feel the disappointment. Trust me, I know how it feels. It is not something I like others to experience.
