Wednesday, March 29, 2006 @5:25 AM
My fondness for writing is growing everyday. I have never realized I would enjoy writing that much. I hated all the essay writing home work and examinations as a school kid. Even up till now I still have difficulties in writing up scientific reports for publications.
However this blog has become part of my life now. It is part of me. It is my heart. It is my mind. It is a place where my thoughts are displayed gathered from what I see, hear and experience.
Since I started this, I have been exploring different writing styles in expressing different thoughts from various aspects. I really enjoy doing this. It allows me to express myself in numerous ways. I was not born with the writing passion and skill. I do not even think I can write well, even in my mother tongue (Chinese). To provide some evidence regarding this, I did check out the history and background tracing back to 4-5 generations of my family. There was no poet, writer or whatsoever in my family. English is not my first language at all. In fact it was the third language I learned in my home country. I was a bit hesitant and felt slightly intimidated when I started this blog. Plus I am long-winded person. My entries are usually long. So this blog is really a blog with many words but not a pictorial blog. And most of the entries here are insipid that attracts very few readers. Still, I keep writing because I enjoy doing so.
Recently I realize it is not only about enjoying, I am discovering myself a lot more through writing. I always have a lot of thoughts wondering lingering in the back of my head. Do you call this reflective? Anyway, I am not sure have any of you sensed a subtle difference in my recent entries compared to the older ones? I am not dropping hints there was some drama going behind stage. I would love to share or entertain you if there were really some. I may appear as someone who does not reveal too much here. This is not really the case in actuality. I am who I am here. I might have exaggerated a little in some of the dialogues (just rephrasing to make it …you know, sounds better). Other than this, all entries are genuine. They are my eyes, ears, heart and mind.
So what is the subtle difference? This is the great thing I just discovered from writing. I have to admit recently (the actual time frame is yet to determined) I experience some difficulty in expressing myself here. It is not the so-called bottleneck. I have a lot in mind still to share here at least the topics I intend to discuss will last for a month’s worth of entries. Perhaps I am a bit busy? No, not really. I mean, yes I am busy catching up with work. I still, however, do get some time. It does not take that long to write a short entry. Yet, the moment I sit down to start typing out my thoughts, I just can’t express myself. AA agreed and noted to me that probably I had to explore the writer’s mind when I mentioned to her about this feeling I just described.
She may be right. Isn’t it known that you could sense the emotions or experiences from a piece of writing? Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying my writing is up to the mark to be that influential. I am Miss Nobody and cannot be compared with other writers. But the smart you know what I am trying to say here right?
So what is it that is currently restricting my flow of writing? Well, for me now it is time to explore – the writer’s mind that is. Ah the writer’s mind, how I love this term. Is the writer asking too much if she wants to hear from the readers’ minds?
