FA: I have to let you know that I’m really angry with LC.
Me: Why? What’s wrong?
FA: I am affronted by her comments. How could she respond such comment to my joke?!!
Me: Hey, it’s likely that she didn’t get it and thought you were serious about what you joked.
FA: I don’t believe she did not understand my joke. Look, you understood my joke.
Me: Well, I must admit that not everyone can understand your joke.
FA: Even if she did not, how could she say such thing to me?! That was so offensive.
Me: Maybe she was just concerned or curious …
FA: This is not the first time. She has done this to me many times. Even if I were serious about what I said, she has no rights to judge me and certainly can’t comment about my behaviour.
Me: True but I think you’re a bit bias here. I’m pretty sure if I or someone else say the same to you, you’d feel different and not be that enraged about the comments.
FA: That’s it. If you want, you can tell her I’m ANGRY with her and warn her that if she say such thing to me again, I can’t guarantee myself not returning offensive remarks to her.
Me: Oh nooooo, just cool down and take it easy. I’m very sure she didn’t mean it. Stop thinking about it and then later you’ll realize your anger was so unnecessary.
FA: This is NOT my problem. She has done wrong.
Me: ……
I know it is very easy for anyone to say, “Take it easy. Don’t take others’ comments too personally,” because we are not the one getting a poke from the needles. How could we feel the pain right? True, bad did you realize most of the time we might just have perceived what others said differently. Seriously in this case, after hearing FA’s description about what had happened between LC and her, I do not feel that LC was insulting FA, at least not deliberately. I even told FA about what I think. But since she’s still in the heat, she refuses to put on her senses.
This perception thing is really the magic. Everyone just perceives so differently. You might be making a joke, yet another person could hear a different meaning and worse still a negative meaning. Trust me; I have had numerous similar occasions. Sometimes I didn’t even realize my jokes were mistaken unless someone confronted me. Yeah, not that many people out there get my dry jokes and sarcasm. Probably that also explains why I did not have that many friends at that time. They became my enemies without me knowing, just because they perceived differently of what I said.
What about mean statements made intentionally? Even if LC did mean to be offensive, should FA not get angry? Of course I would be not happy too if someone said something mean to me. But hey, if we have not left our senses, do you think it is worth getting so upset over someone’s comment? The moment I think about being angry about a minor thing, Boy, not only being angry of that person did not undo what has been said, I felt so darn tired and exhausted. It is far more economical to just drop the anger and walk away. The angrier we are, the more we acknowledge our much we care for what was said. It is better of to just forget about it. Sure, we may feel uncomfortable about negative remarks, but try not to hit to the angry state.
Just when we are feeling offended by someone’s remark, we may have insulted others too by our unintentional comments or statements. Who’s to blame? Our perception! With this understanding, why not just try to take things easily?
♥ every page of my imagination
