During these past few months, many people have started asking me the same question again and again. "What are your plans after your degree?" "I'm going to find a rich man and get married." No I was just trying to impress people with my mischievousness. "I don't know. We'll see." is more of my standard answer to them.I have been in a constant debate for the past few months. What do I want to do next? All along I pretty much have a career aspiration, well an ideal career dream. Yet at the same time I am also second guessing my ability in particular I was and still am experiencing moments of frustrations during the process. Am I truly talented in this field? Will I be able to make it all the way? Some were forced to change career after being in the field for more than a decade. Some were changing lab to lab, institution to institution and even country to country. Some has to get their contract renewed every few months. The lack of job security due to limited funding, limited permanent position and also poor or negligible benefits in many positions have prohibited many from continuing the profession.
Some of my peers who think they would be able to continue the journey, especialy those smart and capable ones are already building a good track record of their achievements and performance ie doing great research work, getting their work published in the world's leading and prestigous journal and so forth. Some are even looking at for a high profile lab or whatever is considered as the hot potatos in the medical research field for their postdoctoral positions or for those who are not staying in academia research are preparing their next career move in alternative routes with good prospects. I am not doing any of those. All I was looking for at this stage is to start focusing and overcome all the hindrance I am facing in completing my degree.
I know I had a passion and deep interest in unraveling the mystery behind many human diseases. But dreaming is one fun thing whilst truly able to make it happen is another. Even if I want to continue in pursuing this as my career, there is no way to move forward if there is no job offer or in another words no funding especially this field has become more and more competitive.
I can tell you I will be hearing the question of "What is your plan after this?" more frequent from now on until I grant my degree. My parents are expecting a good job waiting for me. In fact when I told my dad that I probably would be jobless for a while after my degree or I would need to have a career change, he did not sound too impressed. My family thinks I will become filthy rich after this. But that is their misconception. "If you want to get rich, don't do research." I've been hearing this remark countless times from many seniors within this field.
So seriously what will I do next? I don't know. I may not be able to make a career in medical research. I may not be good enough to build a career in this field. But what I know now is when I had to deliver some documents to an office that apparently was located at the Radiology Department, a strong urge was flaming out of my heart when I saw the cancer patients waiting for radiotherapy in the building. At that moment I really wished I could do something to help. My passion was back. I do not care how not talented I am as a scientist. I do not care how incapable I am. But all I care is I want to use my knowledge and learn more to find out more about human diseases and eventually find a cure for those diseases.
I know I am an unskillful dancer in this field, but as Martha Graham said, "Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. Great dancers are not great because of their technique, they are great because of their passion." All I care is I want to dance in this field because I want to make some contribution in improving the health of mankind, albeit how little the contribution could be. That is the utmost part of my aim to dance.
♥ every page of my imagination
