I had been struggling hard from not being drown in the tides lately. I have been pondering a lot of things and trying to make some plan(s) after my degree. The more I ponder the more I feel the fear and frustration; the uncertainty of my future. At the same time, waves of the low tides at work made me lost my enthusiasm; I mean not getting sufficient supports and guidance from my three supervisors is certainly not helpful, comparing with my peers in the aspect of hardwork paid and achievements is definitely the most unwise thing to do. And when a person is already drowning in all the negativities, everything perceived is most likely grayish and dark as well. Then all of a sudden I began to doubt more and more about my capability at work. Am I that stupid? Am I not fit in this field? Why is it so unfair that some of my peers who need not work as hard yet their get to publish their research a lot easier in a better score journal than I do?I was well aware that I was drowning in the tides. Many observed the unhappy side of me. Then one evening while sitting in the office, JG casually initiated a conversation with me. He too did feel the frustration side of me as of late. I do not quite remember the entire conversation. But there is one line or I would say the gist of the little pat talk was, "You may feel it is unfair that some people who did not work as hard scored better than you. But trust me, your hardwork will be paid off sooner or later. Even if you change your career, your experience now will help you get through the ups and downs of life later. I know by telling you this still doesn't make you feel better. But this is how it is. Stop thinking about the negative sides now; it'll only drain off your energy. Meanwhile you should just try to relax and take it easy."
JG did not say anything philosophical. I knew it before. But as I said, when a person is drowning, you may not be that sensible. Plus, the low tides did not only come from work/degree. There are other things I had been pondering. But after some time, I felt that I should have courage to face the uncertainty of the future. After all no one can predict the future. I should view it as an adventurous ride. Well after all, the tides, the regular rise and fall is the law of nature.
♥ every page of my imagination
