I just returned from a quick conference trip, which I would call as a trip sourcing for aspiration.This conference is a huge meeting, gathering more than ten thousands of experts working in oncology research. This was already the third consecutive conference I participated. It provides the latest updates in the field that is usually very helpful to newbies like me. Many researchers also utilizes this great opportunity for networking.
I noticed a trend, a learning pattern of my own developed over the last three years. For my first year in this conference, upon receiving the hundreds pages thick of program book, I did not know where to start and which session to attend. Since this is one of the largest oncology research conferences in the world, it is a norm to have more than ten sessions ongoing at the same hour. Looking at the program book, I only found heaps of jargon and absolutely had no idea would there be a link in my own research topic. Hence I tried to attend as many sessions as possible and after the first day out of the five, I became so exhausted (in addition with jetlag). I hardly understood and appreciated those lectures I attended. Then in my second time of my conference, I became "smarter", at least I know which session I should be picking. Well I was only picking topics that had relation with my own research topic. Although I was still partially dumb to understand fully the contents, my brain was doing some work in trying to relate the information with my own research design.
This year, I realized there was some changes about myself. Since I am completing my research degree and I am uncertain whether I will pursue a career in research and even if I do, it might not be in oncology, I needed not care which sessions should I be attending. I mean it was still rather tough choice to decide which one I shoud go, at least I could just sit there and listen to topics I am truly interested and need not worry how would I apply that in my own topic. I could literally feel myself nodding my head (not that I was falling asleep) but a body reflex when understing and agreeing with the notions of the speakers. I was even gathering inspirations (facts and figures) from some of the talks for my thesis, which is pending to be completed fairly soon.
For the past few months, I was having a constant battle in my heart. I came to a junction after a long straight drive of a freeway and felt lost of which direction I should turn. I've been contemplating hard and had even talked to several people hoping they would give me some advice and insights. I know I like what I am doing now. But when compared to many of my peers and seniors, I realized I do not have a very strong passion. Yet at the same time, I like to do what I am doing now, not for money, not for fame, not for power but more for helping people ultimately and eventually. I was hoping by attending this conference, which might be the last scientific conference I would be attending, if I have decided to have a career change after my degree, I would be able to see a clearer picture of what to do next.
I would not say I have found the answer to clear up what's been stirring my mind for the last few months now. But at least the close to ten thousand miles of traveling was still an experience and it was still a good source of aspiration. I think I am moving my car now after hesitated for so long at the junction.
♥ every page of my imagination
