While full concentration is expected in the last stage of my degree, my mind has lost control and misbehaved a little; there are a lot going in my mind, "Yes, I want to continue my reading habit, not scientific reports, once I grant my degree." "I want to be able to sleep in and sit around at home do nothing, once I've finished school." "I want to take a break and travel and explore to places I haven't been, once I've had my dissertation." "I want to start doing some real workouts regularly, once I've submitted my thesis." Yes, my mind is so active that it keeps reminding me that I have a lot of things I would love to accomplish, but just not now, because I am busy. Oh yeah, I am so busy, at least I sound like one. I have to complete some very last experiments, completing my research projects, finishing up writing a few more scientific reports for journal submissions, start writing my book aka the thesis, preparing my dissertation and planning for my career. Yet the mind refuses to focus on the long to-do list.
I was chatting with one of my sisters who is having her semester examination the other day.
Sister: Not really because I am always enjoying myself. Exam is just a process, I don't see it as an end-result.
Whoa. My sister sounds so wise. After hearing her response, I instantaneously reflected on myself. I knew I haven't been truly enjoying myself since last year. I knew I have been just thinking about my work and how to complete my degree as soon as possible. And that's what I have been doing. I bailed out social activities; I had to turn down my coworkers' and friends' invitations for some gatherings and outings. Not that I was working very hard but I was too tired to go anywhere after work or during the weekends. All I wanted to do was to sleep and have some personal time at home as that was the only little time I could have for myself at home since I spent all my time mostly on work.
I could have still enjoyed myself a fair bit while working hard. But because all I could see in front was to complete my degree as soon as possible, I kept using it as an excuse to push behind or even turn away things that I wish to do along side. Maybe I could not take a few months off to do a backpacking, well I still could but I would just graduate few months later. At least I could still enjoy life outside work. Reading some books or hanging out with friends a little certainly would not delay my progress. I could still enjoy the process of granting my degree (or whatever I am pursuing) while working hard towards achieving the goal.
This is quite a common issue for some of us. We just keep using something as an excuse to stop us from doing other things we would like to. I know someone who has been claiming to driving for many years. The last time I asked him, his reply was, "When I achieve my first milestone at work *getting my first paper published*, I'll go for driving lesson." To me that sounds ridiculous. Getting a driver's license has nothing to do with work accomplishment. Yes, I laughed at this person and here I am doing the same. If you feel like pursuing some activity, just do it. Why wait?
It might be tricky for me to go suspend my degree and go backpacking for a couple of months at this point. It might also be pretty difficult for me to be a social butterfly since I have never really been one. But I will make sure I will enjoy the process of completing the remaining of my degree. Actually not only about this degree but in life in general. We do not need an excuse to do something.
♥ every page of my imagination
