So both of my Bdays are coming (refer to post entitled 60D to 26) for both my talk and bday!
I am writing from my conference place. I have been doing a lot of walking checking out the city. I shall post more when I find any computer I can use here from the conference place.
No, I haven practiced my talk. I guess that would be my impromptu speech (as always, blame laziness).
I am definitely looking forward for some more new discoveries here. :) More to come...
♥ every page of my imagination
6 people traveled to my fantasyland
I refuse to accept the truth. Regardless of how hard I try, the truth is still the truth. The clock is ticking fast and the next thing I realize is it's already approaching the end of October of 2005! There's so much to do and so little time. Plus we are not as efficient as the machines. All the interruptions, breaks we take in between work, unavoidable procrastinations, bleh whatever factors we name, are further delaying all works that need to be accomplished.
During these past few months I've been zooming in on work and have sacrificed a lot of time in catching up with friends I haven't met for a long while. Needless to say I've also been putting off plans for initiating regular workouts and going for a foreign language class.
I was all getting ready for my trip today. Then I received a call from my coauthor aka my senior. He was checking up on me regarding my projects. Well, not that I am obliged to report to him nor does he have such influence upon making me work harder/better. While talking to him over the phone, I realized shockingly that I haven't been accomplishing that much work as I thought!
Of course the issue that concerns me now is not how much I want to accomplish or I feel upset because I wasn't attaining much. In actuality, I feel myself a busybee all these while. I have such overwhelmingly urge to do many things in my mind, both work-related and outside work. However I find myself buried with waves of these things yet I'm not concentrating to get them done one by one. You know the spinning round and round feeling? I feel that I'm getting exhausted and dizzy spinning around at the same spot and finding hard to balancing myself instead of making small step moving forward.
I want to stop spinning. I want a vacation. I want to spend sometime to socialize with my friends. I want some personal time not doing anything. Then I want sometime reformulating the thoughts in clearing all mist of the work in my mind. I can't have all the cakes and eat them at the same time while finding myself eyeing ice-creams, fruits and chocolates. Yo, am I a little greedy?
Or maybe I can have all my cakes, ice-creams, fruits and chocolates if only there were 72 hours per day. Ah....in my dreams! *lol*
♥ every page of my imagination
2 people traveled to my fantasyland
Do you realize that human beings innately love to compare? We are always comparing ourselves with other people and also we compare other things with other things.
When we shop, we will compare the prices, the qualities and the services of different shops. Then we compare different designs of an item. Once we've made up our mind on a specific design, we compare the different colors available.
When we dine out, we always compare what we order to the person sitting next to us or opposite us.
We compare our current bf/gf with all the ex(es) or even our current husband/wife with our ex-husband(s)/ex-wife(s). [Note: the more comparison you like to draw, the more likely you'll have a longer list of ex(es)] *muahaha*
"I have been putting so much effort in maintaining this and that *insert whatever human relatinoship or situation involved*. Look at what you've done. I contribute more than you." Does this line ring your bell? I'm pretty sure you and I have heard or even said this in some argument we've had with certain people somewhere along our daily lives. Again, this is another proof that we are comparing ourselves with someone else without noticing.
Kids note to their parents about their pals owning the newest toy from their parents.
Parents bragging about their own children while trying to compare favorably of them to their friends'.
Bosses compare their workers with their counterparts, and sometimes compare the newly recruited with the one who just quit and vice versa. And of course workers do the same to their bosses too.
For many professions, we have to apply the "comparison" tool to analyse certain cases and draw conclusions from there. The professional term for this is "comparative studies".
Insurance analysts have to analyse and compare all the different insurance policies.
Teachers have to compare the students' performance of the past year with this year's.
Fashion designers are comparing the trends of the past era with the current one for better inspirations.
Athletes are comparing records established and try to break them.
Scientists have to set up experiments to compare between different parameters of the experiment itself and then to the differences of the subjects.
Medical doctors acquire knowledge in treating patients by learning the differences between healthy organ and dysfunctional organ through comparison.
Not only we compare ourselves with others. We also compare the current overselves with the past ourselves. "I used to be a shy person, but now I've become more sociable." "I have put on weight now. When I was younger, I was a little underweight."
Comparing ourselves with others or even self-comparing is perfectly all right, as long as we don't go extreme. Unfortunately most of the time, many of us are just too obsessive about comparing with others and have viewed it like a competition. The more we compare, the more we feel like we want to be the best or at least achieve higher than the one we are comparing. No doubt, some healthy competitions induced by the comparison can motivate us for better self-improvement. But we shouldn't just let it get into our mind and thus imprisons us.
We have to realize that everything just appears to be relative. When we compare A with B, if B is taller, B is just taller than A, relatively speaking. It doesn't mean B is definitely the tallest in the world or in this universe. So what's the point in making ourselves thinking we are taller, thinner, prettier, smarter, richer or whatever with just an individual/a group of people/a nation? The universe is enormous and the populations are countless. Can we really be the only top of the top? Even if we can, does that mean anything?
Needless to say, we can't stop comparing. But at least we can tranform the comparing action into something positive. Sometimes I find that it is rather foolish to compare. Actually there's nothing for us to compare. Or I should say, it is impossible to compare in a truly fair and proper manner. This is because every individual and every item are separate entities. There are bound to be some dissimilarities between individuals and items. Identical twins are supposed to share identical genetic makeups. However they can have different personalities and other behaviors. Recenty I have even heard about one of the identical twins has an inheritance disease and yet the other of the pair is healthy. Even a product from the same manufacturing batch can have a mixture of qualities despite undergone strict quality control, period. Now, don't you think ridiculous we are in comparing ourselves or others with other entities? Worse still some of us actually are even emotionally arisen after comparing with others.
♥ every page of my imagination
3 people traveled to my fantasyland
Some of my high school mates who finished school early are married. A few of them even started having children. I look at them and then look at myself thinking, "Geez, we're at our 20s but I still feel like a young child." I don't mean that I want to pretend to be childish and refuse to grow up or behave like a frivolous young girl. I'm actually thinking I still feel like my parents' young child. My grandmother once noted to me about my mother, "Regardless how old your mother is and is already a mother of a few grown-ups, forever she is still my little girl." I'm pretty sure my parents will say the same to my children in future. I can already foresee this because I've known them for about 26 years now. *lol*
My parents are those traditional chinese parents. They are extremely protective to their kids. They would offer the best to us, especially if it's related to academic. They set high expectations to us in all that we are pursuing. Before we enter college, they expect us to do really well to secure an entrance for a demanding course. After college, they expect us to get a job with good prospect in a prestigious firm. Needless to say, at this time, they start setting up another expectation upon you in hoping you finding someone with equal excellence (if not better) as their children (whom they put so much effort in moulding). Then once the children are married, they will expect you give them grandchildren to play with. When the grandchildren have reached schooling age, their grandparents will again put another round of expectations that they've set to their children 30 years ago to their grandchildren now.
Nonetheless, this is just how parents are in general. They want their children to be excellent in everything. And most importantly they have such a strong faith to their children and think they are always the best compared to their friends' children. No matter what expectations they set, I can literally feel that deep down their hearts, they just want us to own happiness and success.
Do your parents behave like mine too? Or maybe this trait is only observed in traditional chinese parents? Yes, perhaps I've given away some clue here. One of my folks is actually setting expectation on me to find someone and get married seeing the fact that some of their friends' children are at the stage of getting married. I'm bound to get some "noise" from my mother each time upon her return from attending a nuptial.
Being a parent is never easy. But being a good daughter is also equally tough. I'm not a talented jugglar. Meanwhile I think I should focus on being an excellent daughter first before becoming a loving wife or a caring mother myself. This is my answer when I'm questioned about my status each time by all relatives and my folks' friends. Hey, copyright's reserved. This is Jade's creative line. Now you have to think of your own. *lol*
♥ every page of my imagination
5 people traveled to my fantasyland
With my conference trip just round the corner, I'm more stressed out (as expected). It's just few days before the trip and yet I'm still working on one more experiment, which I thought would add more color and flavor to my talk. However, things always don't turn out as we wish. Thus I feel so discouraged and frustrated. And looking at the clock, it's tickling and not a single slide's constructed!
I sat there with my mind wandering and I saw this forwarded message sent by someone (I couldn't recall who's the sender). I just had it saved in my inbox after forwarding to other people because I think it's really awe-inspiring when I first read it. So I went through the whole message again.
While reading, I suddenly saw some enlightening flashes. Why am I so frustrated on just a talk? It's just a total of 15 minutes talk. Whatever data I have should be enough to make it a good one. It's not supposed to be a piece of decoration but an introduction and summary of my research finding. It's not how well my presentation skill is. It's not about how much the content is. I then recall my presentation class I took recently about not squeezing too much information on a short talk and confuses everyone. Most importantly, the presentation is just an experience. It's rather the learning process that I'm now experiencing while preparing it and not of aiming the end result - a fabulous talk with lots of compliments from others.
Ah, with this in mind, I've decided to just concentrate with the data I have and put the "uncontrollable" experiment aside. I'll come back to "tame" it after the trip. *lol*
PS: I received some feedback and rather annoyingly discovered that the layout of this blog looks awfully bizarre on Internet Explorer. Firefox and Netscape do not give this problem. The html illiterate will try to fix this up when things get less hectic.
Many of you might have your speaker OFF most of the time. So you might have not realized I've put up a special column called "Ballad for the season" on the right hand column (I'm putting up MTV of songs I fancy). If you're using IE, then you have to scroll all the way down of the page to view the mtv. Sorry about this. Please bear with this until it's fixed. :)
*****************Lessons we learn in life**********************
It is always wonderful to be with young people. The funny thing about life is that you realize the value of something only when it begins to leave you. As my hair turned from black to salt and pepper, and finally salt without the pepper, I have begun to realize the importance of youth. At the same time, I have begun to truly appreciate some of the lessons I have leant along the way. I hope you will find them useful when you plan your own career and life.
The first thing I have learnt is that we must always begin with our strengths. From the earliest years of our schooling, everyone focuses on what is wrong with us. There is an imaginary story of a rabbit. The rabbit was enrolled in a rabbit school. Like all rabbits, it could hop very well but could not swim. At the end of the year, the rabbit got high marks in hopping but failed in swimming. The parents were concerned. They said, "Forget about hopping. You are anyway good at it. Concentrate on swimming." They sent the rabbit for tuitions in swimming. And guess what happened? The rabbit forgot how to hop! As for swimming, have you ever seen a rabbit swim? While it is important for us to know what we are not good at, we must also cherish what is good in us. That is because it is only our strengths that can give us the energy to correct our weaknesses.
The second lesson I have learnt is that a rupee earned is of far more value than five found. My friend was sharing with me the story of his eight year-old niece. She would always complain about the breakfast. The cook tried everything possible, but the child remained unhappy. Finally, my friend took the child to a supermarket and brought one of those ready-to-cook packets. The child had to cut the packet and pour water in the dish. After that, it took two minutes in the microwave to be ready. The child found the food absolutely delicious! The difference was that she has cooked it, herself! In my own life, I have found that nothing gives as much satisfaction as earning our rewards. In fact, what is gifted or inherited follows the old rule of 'easy come, easy go'. I guess we only know the value of what we have if we have struggled to earn it.
The third lesson I have learnt is no one bets a hundred every time. Life has many challenges. You win some, you lose some. You must enjoy winning. But do not let it go to your head. The moment it does, you are already on your way to failure. And if you do encounter failure along the way, treat it as an equally natural phenomenon. Don't beat yourself for it or any one else for that matter! Accept it, look at your own share in the problem, learn from it and move on. The important thing is, when you lose, do not lose the lesson.
The fourth lesson I have learnt is the importance of humility. Sometimes, when you get so much in life, you really start wondering whether you deserve all of it. This brings me to the value of gratitude. We have so much to be grateful for. Our parents, our teachers and our seniors have done so much for us that we can never repay them. Many people focus on the shortcomings, because obviously no one can be perfect. But it is important to first acknowledge what we have received. Nothing in life is permanent. When a relationship ends, rather than becoming bitter, we must learn to savour the memory of the good things while they lasted.
The fifth lesson I learnt is that we must always strive for excellence. One way of achieving excellence is by looking at those better than ourselves. Keep learning what they do differently. Emulate it. But excellence cannot be imposed from the outside. We must also feel the need from within. It must become an obsession. It must involve not only our mind but also our heart and soul. Excellence is not an act but a habit. I remember the inspiring lines of a poem which says that your reach must always exceed your grasp. That is heaven on earth. Ultimately, your only competition is yourself.
The sixth lesson I have learnt is never give up in the face of adversity. It comes on you suddenly without warning. You can either succumb to self-pity and wring your hands in despair, or decide to deal with the situation with courage and dignity. Always keep in mind that it is only the test of fire that makes fine steel. A friend of mine shared this incident with me. His eight-year old daughter was struggling away at a jigsaw puzzle.
She kept at it for hours but could not succeed. Finally, it went beyond her bedtime. My friend told her, "Look, why don't you just give up? I don't think you will complete it tonight. Look at it another day." The daughter looked with a strange look in her eyes, "But, dad, why should I give up? All the pieces are there! I have just got to put them together!" If we persevere long enough, we can put any problem into its perspective.
The seventh lesson I have learnt is that while you must be open to change, do not compromise on your values. Mahatma Gandhi often said that you must open the windows of your mind, but you must not be swept off your feet by the breeze. You must define what your core values are and what you stand for. And these values are not so difficult to define. Values like honesty, integrity, consideration and humility have survived for generations.
Values are not in the words used to describe them as much as in the simple acts. At the end of the day, it is values that define a person more than the achievements. Because it is the means of achievement that decide how long the achievements will sustain. Do not be tempted by short cuts. The short cut can make you lose your way and end up becoming the longest way to your destination.
And the final lesson I learnt is that we must have faith in our own ideas even if everyone tells us that we are wrong. There was once a newspaper vendor who had a rude customer. Every morning, the customer would walk by, refuse to return the vendor's greetings, grab the paper off the shelf and throw the money at the vendor. The vendor would pick up the money, smile politely and say, "Thank you, sir." One day, the vendor's assistant asked him, "Why are you always so polite to him when he is so rude to you? Why don't you throw the newspaper at him when he comes back tomorrow?" The vendor smiled and replied, "He can't help being rude and I can't help being polite. Why should I let his rude behaviour dictate my politeness?
In my youth, I thought of myself as a rebel and was many times, a rebel without a case. Today, I realize that my rebellion was another kind of conformity. We defied our elders to fall in line with our peers! Ultimately, we must learn to respond instead of reacting. When we respond, we evaluate with a calm mind and do whatever is most appropriate. We are in control of our actions. When we react, we are still doing what the other person wants us to do.
I wish you all the best in your life and career. I hope you achieve success in whatever way you define it and what gives you the maximum happiness in life. Remember, those who win are those who believe they can.
♥ every page of my imagination
2 people traveled to my fantasyland
Life is full of decision-makings. We have to decide every single thing from small matters like "what to eat for dinner?" "what plans for the coming weekend?" to major issues like "which job offer to take?" "which guy do I want to spend the rest of my life with?" "when to purchase properties?" All these little junctions we come across, we have to decide which directions to take. And each junction leads to different paths. This continues as long as we live. Don't you feel exhausted in weighing all goods and bads, pros and cons of each choice? Plus the perplexities of life is holding us back in placing our faith to all these decisions. What if A doesn't turn out to be better than B? If only I'd taken C then I won't have suffered from X, Y and Z. So with all these fears, we are more cautious each time in every decision-making.
Sometimes I wish I could remain as a child, then I would not have to worry to make my own decisions. When I was young, my parents took care all matters for me and I didn't have much say for my own things. It wasn't what I wanted all the time there then. There were times I really wished I could decide for myself. And now, I have all my freedom in deciding whatever I want, yet I realize it's never easy to make just a simple decision. No one can decide for me. I turn to my parents. They don't interfere that much now. I begin to miss the dictatorship of my parents. Probably they think their little girl is old enough to decide for herself. Or maybe they just can't decide for me because the situation is equally tough for them to make a decision best for their child? Just choosing between A and B has caused our hair grey and more wrinkles on our face. We can literally see the frown when we start to weigh about all the pros and cons for each option. How we wish there aren't so many options available to bother us. Isn't it a bliss if we have just one option, the option?
There are times when we feel we are left with no choice. There only seems to be one road in this area. And we feel stuck too thinking, "I don't like this. Can't I have a better choice?" Again, we start to worry and feel upset because we are kind of forced to take the only "leftover". We aren't asking for more, are we? We just wish to have another option other than this not so appealing one. But why we just can't have it?
I was taught to make a list of pros and cons of each option and then decide. We can choose the option with more pros than cons. That's simple right? But things are not as simple as they are. Sometimes one single tiny point written in the con's column will blow out and weighs us down, not now but some day. Boy, now since we are aware of this, don't we fear more?
So what should we do? Follow our heart. Go for the one we feel more comfortable with. Imagine what each option we choose will be like in future, say few years down the track. But don't totally rely on the imagination because things are changing all the time. Our taste bud is changing. The options are changing. The pros and cons are changing too. Maybe the pros will become the cons one day. A person who is there for you 24/7 is a pro now in the list. But who knows one day you find that's way too clingy and that certainly will be crossed out in the pros' column but will be updated in the cons'. With things changing all the time, it would be rather futile if we decide based on a certain predicted outcome pictured in our mind. Pros and cons serve as a guide but we have to be aware of the changing condition for all matters as a natural phenomenon. Follow our own heart is the best. Go for the one we feel comfortable so we will not regret one day because of our own decisions and never look back to those "what ifs". Even if one day it turns out not what we expected, we still shouldn't regret because that's the best option that we opted for.
If there's none that we feel most comfortable, maybe putting it aside for a while serves as another option during our decision-making. Remember, things are changing and time will tell. There are times I just can't decide which direction to turn, then I wait a little, parking the car at a corner. After sometime I hear the traffic update reporting a major traffic jam along Road 101 (that joins Road A). So Road A option is closed and I can just happily go for Road B. Even if I've turned into Road A and then only I get the traffic update about the bad condition of Road 101. It is still not so serious if we find our way to turn to Road 102 (that also joins Road A). We may end up making a longer detour but who knows Road 102 may give a better scenic view? Even there's no other road options, getting stuck in a traffic jam is part of an experience of the journey. Maybe there are some interesting drivers in the next lane who worth a peek heh?
When we are left with no choice that we have to accept, then there's no point sobbing about it. Oh, actually we do have a choice! It's either we accept it happily or we take it while being upset. There's always more than one road in the path. I'm sure this only road we have at the moment will lead to other roads down the path. At least for the moment, we can have lesser worries because we don't have to frown to go through all the pros and cons and then choose one out of the many alternatives. This really makes our complicated lives a whole lot easier. Don't you think so?
It is tough when it comes to decision-makings. It is even tougher if we want to make the best decision in our lives. And we have countless decisions to make, including this one. Is life a cliffhanger? Or does life suck? Man, not another decision to make again?! *lol*
♥ every page of my imagination
3 people traveled to my fantasyland
When I was a child, I loved to jump on spring mattresses. But this mischievous act of the little girl was always prohibited. "You'll spoil the mattress. The spring will lose its elasticity!" Being a few year-old, that didn't mean much to me at all. Who cares about losing elasticity? What does that mean? Almost all children have played with springs during their childhood time. I had no exceptions too. You'd pulled the spring and stretch it longer and longer. Most of the time, it'd go back to the shape. But after a few more longer stretches, suddenly it went out of shape. No matter what you tried, it just couldn't resume the original shape and size. That's when I finally understood what those adults meant by "losing elasticity".
Recently I had a few good convo with my aunt across thousand miles. "Girl, don't overstretch yourself. You'll lose elasticity." Her words reminded me the principle of spring and its elasticity again. I was telling my aunt about my updates here at work and life in general. She thought it's a good sign that I was so motivated and all geared up to working towards my life goals (both studies/career and personal developments). But she's more concerned that being quite a perfectionist, I was being a little too harsh on myself and might one day lose my elasticity utterly. My aunt is always so wise and direct on spotting the problems. I was a little burnt out, not only at work but I was trying to have better improvements on my other personal aspects. She thought I was already making a lot of progress and shouldn't aim for a 100% if I was already scoring around 70% in such a short time. Everything takes time and we should focus on the process and not the end results.
I am a lazy procrastinator by nature. I tend to be demotivated and lose track of my goals just because of my laziness. So when there are times I feel the sluggishness has been rulling for too long, I will start to exert myself to work harder. This is the time of the spring-stretching occurs. And I'll try to stretch for the maximum length. What is the maximum length? I have no idea. My only concern's I should not find any lame excuses of not making the maximum stretch attempts. My past experiences had educated me that I wasn't trying my best at all even I claimed that "I'd done my best" each time. So now being a bit more grown up and acknowledging my slothfulness, I am putting a serious attempt on things I'm pursuing, so that I really mean it when I say I've tried my best. But with the hindsight of wisdom, I might have reached the maximum length of the spring without being aware of it. Thanks to Aunt SF. I might have lost my elasticity completely had it not been for my aunt's sage reminder.
It's really not about how far your spring that you can stretch. It's about the stretching processes that make the experiences wonderful and challenging. Sometimes it's even smarter to keep the elasticity with smaller length achieved than a complete irreversible damaged to the spring while trying to reach for the maximum length.
♥ every page of my imagination
2 people traveled to my fantasyland
For some reason, many people have a misconception thinking I'm the youngest in my family. This is a rather intriguing remark made by people who do not know my background well. Some of them noted to me they claimed that through observing my personality and gestures. Really? I agree that for some people it is obvious, but there are always many exceptions aren't they? Some books are not easy readable. That's what they say "Don't judge the book by its cover.". *wink*
Could the book has a nontypical design i.e. it has no cover or more than one cover? Or the cover put up is not the same as the content? Now you get me started with all possibilities. *lol*. Well, I incline towards the logic that you have to at least read a few pages of the book or the synopsis of the content before getting a rough idea of what the book is. Do not get distracted by the colorful or artistic design of the cover. Not that the publisher wanted to use the "camouflage" tactic to cheat its readers. Everyone perceives differently because we like to set perceptions on things we see without finding the absolute truth.
Maybe sometimes I do behave as someone shouldering with lesser responsibilities. I realize I do not mention about my younger siblings often enough, especially to people of general acquintance. Who would go around telling everyone about their siblings right? Not that I'm ashamed of them, in fact I do talk about them with people I am a bit closer. I am a proud sister, I tell you! *lol*.
The Sunday past was my little brother's birthday. I called home and this boy just had his birthday party ended and was busy opening up his presents. So he refused to talk to me. Sigh, see presents are more important than his eldest sis's long distance call! Sure he doesn't love me that much. *sob*. The age gap between me and my brother is rather big. When I left home, he just entered nursery. We used to be very close when I was in high school. I would play hide and seek, assembling lego with him and chasing each other at my parents' house. Can you imagine a big kid bullying a small one? No right? I was lying. Let me rephrase, can you imagine a small kid bullying a big one? *lol*. That's right, he's the one bullying his oldest sis!
Now this small kid is an adolescent. He is no longer interested in playing hide and seek with his sis. He has his own little world such as playing computer games and hanging out with his friends. Wait...he still maintained his old habits such as watching kiddo cartoons and needs us to yell at him to finish off his schoolwork and reminding him to take showers! See, this is how the youngest in the family behave. I don't recall behaving like that when I was young.
My brother is the little apple in the family amusing everyone especially my parents. Yet, the little brat's also causing my parents worried most thus far. I've found out the best way in entering his own world without letting him kick me out of his room. That would be to speak his language and behaves like him.
I love my little bro. That's right, he'll sure get a call from his sis's this coming weekend to check on him. Isn't he lucky to have such a sis? *wink*
♥ every page of my imagination
5 people traveled to my fantasyland
If I tell you it's a coincident within two days several people mentioned that they admire my life being single. Will you think I made this up? *wink* No, neither was I joking.
"I admire your life being single and happy. You have the freedom in doing things you want and go anywhere you like." LC and I were just chatting about her plans after her grad school. She said she has an issue there wherease I don't because she has to make the decision together with her bf, considering he has his own family here in this country and she has hers in other continent. Plus she wants to explore elsewhere.
"It's so wonderful being single. We are so envious of you." Two coworkers who are at their 40s made this remark to me. They didn't say it out of the blue. Actually one of them is having some problems with her husband, a battle between his career or the family, which is making her brooding on another related issue. What's new? It's just another typical marriage problem. I may blog about this in my coming post later.
Being single does have some benefits, doesn't it? At times people do admire and long for singledom. Many a times many single pals of mine and of course including myself do complain about life would be complete if we have finally found someone. But turning around to my other couple friends, it's not big news to hear them complain about their partners or related issues too. This makes me think of the different phases of moon.
Well, I admit being single, sometimes I feel that there's a hole somewhere indescribable, a feeling of incomplete in life. When you're up or down, you feel secured and not alone because you know there's always this special someone to be there to share your life. Whatever you do, there's always someone caring and thinking about you. But is the moon always full and round all the time whenever we look upon the sky at night?
No doubt the big full round moon is magnificent. A new moon or a quater moon is equally awesome as well. And no doubt single life can be a little lonely at times. But when you are alone you can decide your own schedule all by yourself. You have the entire freedom to make your day packed full with different activities or spend a day by yourself day-dreaming without having a guilty conscience. You can even simply pick up a bagpack and travel by yourself or with your own pals without discussing or seeking consents from others. Life can be slightly less complicated by just dealing your own things and not involving other people. And sometimes life doesn't get better if you've found someone too. Some grumble for not getting enough attention from their partners. Some partners are too clingy and asking for something you can't afford. Often issues are bound to start when involving two individuals because there is no way two different individuals share absolute views in all matters. This is where the compromisation takes place, which is always easier said than done.
I am not saying life is definitely easier and happier for singledoms. There are problems associated with singledoms as well as being attached. Just like the moon has many phases while making its orbit. It doesn't always look round from the earth due to the the different lighting conditions reflected by the sun to the earth and while it's rotating in the orbit. While making its own orbit within either of these two statuses in our life, we will encounter both good and bad sides of matters too. We can't twist, turn and fix the moon on one angle, so does the relationship status. It is impossible to just pick the good ones and discard the problematic issues in either single or attached lives. Why not accept it as package and figure out what we like best?
All phases of the moon are incredible. Maybe some of us are waiting for the changing status to take place. Nonetheless, we all should continue to groove on our status quo. It has its own charm. Really. :)
♥ every page of my imagination
2 people traveled to my fantasyland
One of the postdocs in my lab is really funny. She's always jolly happy (of course she does have her frowning and worrying moments when she's learning new stuff).
Yesterday we were babbling in the lab after discussing her schedule for today. Then with my "curiousity" gene being induced, I asked how she and her husband met. "We fell in love in the chromosome searching!" *lol*. This is so hilarious. No, she wasn't joking. She and her husband are experts in prenatal diagnosis. She met him when she's 34 and her husband is a tad older than her. Now they are married with two children.
She: When it's going to come, it'll come.
She: Now, just enjoy yourself being single.
She: I'm sure you'll fall in love with someone in the DNA or RNA searching! *lol*
Well, it's really sweet to hear her story. Her attitude is definitely correct. No wonder she's always jolly happy, not because of her happy marriage but more of her positive attitudes. And I agree with her....except the falling in love with someone in searching for a novel gene. Em, I actually prefer not to in that way. Haha! Ok, I better take this statement back, coz you never know.
She asked about my desirability traits. Well, I used to have a long list for fantasy's and for fun's sakes. I realize when it comes to reality, how many of us do stick with these traits listed in our mind? When it's going to happen, it will. If it doesn't, as I've mentioned earlier in other posts, it still doesn't matter. Life is short and too precious. Better not neglect other important things in life too. If not, that'll be a big loss to ourselves.
♥ every page of my imagination
2 people traveled to my fantasyland
How do you feel when you found out that your enemy/the person hurt and bring pain to you/the person you hate(dislike) is suffering or perhaps just died? Will you be happy and thinking "Aha, serves him/her right!"?
No one will ever deny that somewhere along our lives, there are a number of individuals whom we will label them as enemies or someone we dislike (or hate if we were left ravaged). It is easy for me to name a handful of names to be included in this category. I always thought people who have brought so much trouble/problem to my life and then worse still caused me pains and bruises deserve some punishment guided by karma. These recent two years I realize I have reached a "peace zone", a zone where I found my inner peace. I am really surprised that I am not as happy as I thought I would, not even a pinch, when I heard these people whom have brought negativities to me before are suffering. Instead I feel sad for some of them and for some I do not have much feeling, sort of a neutral feeling (not happy but not too sad as if they were some strangers I don't know). But seriously, I don't feel happy seeing any of them suffers.
Maybe I can easily forgive them because what I experienced was not that painful heh? Well, not really. When it comes to our own problems, we are fully involved and experiencing the entire moments of them. No one would be able to have the closest feeling from the incident because they are not involved directly.
I dissected this observation further. I was sitting there thinking "Ok, name some enemies in my life". I did, easily for the first few times. Then I did this continuously in a regular basis. I find the naming task is getting tougher and tougher. I realize no doubt these enemies had imprinted some scars or introduced the pain feeling on me. But I began to acknowledge these past bitterness. Looking back, I found that I actually did gain tremendously from these people through the bitter experiences they'd brought to me. I've transformed from someone with lesser maturity and inexperience to somewhat more grown up with a bit more experience now. Without these training, I am certainly not the better me now compared to the previous me. Now shouldn't I be thankful to these people? Should I still classify them as my hateful enemy not? Does that matter anymore how they are living now compared to our own seeing the fact we are not connected anymore?
These enemies could be:-
Some relatives in the family who are competiting/comparing real hard with us.
Some very good friends who later on have some conflicts for some known/unknown reasons and the friendships are wrecked all of a sudden.
Our counterparts or workmates who have decided to betray or against us when opportunity for climbing the stairs is lesser but demand is getting higher.
Our beloved SO or partner whom we love each other madly but one day the relationship is torn down due to a big fight or due to a gradual gnawing.
Even some strangers when we first meet have been doing something offending (unintentionally?) to us until we never like such person.
Hatred and hate are easily generated in our emotions. Most of the time it was converted from the deep passion of love towards someone. The conversion is so easily taken place because we hold too much grudges against these people we care and love most and view them as the most important person in life. Plus we are too attached to the things involved ie becoming the winner in the relationship or the so-called fight, we want more love and attention from them, we want to prove we are correct and it's the other person who has done wrong.
When the good terms with someone was ruined and not repairable, the best thing is to leave it and life continues. Yes, the pain and damage were already done. But if we continue holding grudges against these people, we are at the same time letting the grudges to continue haunt us. We may or may not successfully haunt our enemies by holding the grudges against them, but we are certainly hurting ourselves more than them for sure. Moving away from the sad issues and gradually we'll do better and one day when we look back we may think, "Oh, did that really happen?" or "Ok actually that's no big deal and that I shouldn't had bitten myself in bitterness at all!"
I still have some people who are trying to make my life a bit uneasy at the moment. But since my past experiences have transported me to the "peace zone" of heart, I have decided not to waste the effort in putting up the "enemies" label to anyone at all now. It takes a whole lot of energy to be angry with someone. The more anger we have towards someone means the more important this person is to us. When the anger subsides, the emotions will be neutralized and then once I've calmed down, I begin to perceive things do happen for a good purpose and though on surface they have brought negative outcomes, in fact they are of good karma.
Although I can't resume close good terms with these so-called enemies as before, I am grateful to them for the "training" they set for me and also the good times we'd had before the "training". It takes some sort of link to be able get to know these people and interact with them, albeit they become our "enemies" later on. Just imagine in such a humongous world population, we didn't pick A, B, C or D as "friends" or "enemies", but X or Y or Z. Yes, it does take a bit of the connection there right? And for this connection plus the good karma they've left us, it's better not to hold the grudges and anger against something already past. Just let bygones be bygones. We can't do anything about the past. The only thing we can do is to grab this moment as this moment will lead to the future. Although I can't be friends with them anymore, I wish them all the best in whatever they are undertaking.
Let it go. Let them go. Let ourselves go.
♥ every page of my imagination
4 people traveled to my fantasyland
I have bad memory, especially for numbers. I would say it's lower than the usual 256Kb secondary cache of the computer chip.
But there's this four digits that was stuck on my cache after I read everything related to it avidly . I myself couldn't even believe that this number would be captured in my little cache for so many years. There was one point when I was raring to delete it from the cache utterly as if it were not saved on the chip before. I was becoming restive while waiting for the emptying memory took place. The more vehemence of the effort, the worse it became.
Then there were moments I thought the attempt of forgetting this number was successful. But I realize it was still there. Trying to getting rid of this is a form of escapism, which I later on realize it is just a temporary "disappearance" but it's still there and is very likely to reappear one day.
So it's better to acknowledge and appreciate its existence. No more attempts in forgetting this number. It's just a number, it would not take up a lot of space in my brain or my cache. This was indeed the best strategy ever.
This number could be anything. A social security number, a car plate number, part of an address, a security code, a pin number for an account, the amount of savings in the bank, the number of times I listen to a song, the number of page of the book I love to read....whatever....
But hey whatever it is, I am losing my memory on this number now, is it 1605 or 1805? Man, now you know what a bad memory I have. *lol*
♥ every page of my imagination
4 people traveled to my fantasyland
Time really passes and it was time for this month's informal scientific discussion again (refer post dated 12th September 2005, Fun evening). Yeah, we had another one yesterday evening. As always, our evening was enriched and edified by intellectual scientific knowledge, wonderful tips about wine tasting accompanied by delicious food and regaling jokes and conversations.
We were a little United Nations during the meeting. All of us there are multilingual, knowing at least 2 languages and above. Somehow something triggered the discussion of language and dialect. We all understand that a dialect is just a variant of a language that is spoken by people from a region in a country. I have no problem with this definition. But then someone started claiming that a language from his neighbouring country is actually a dialect of his country of origin. Oh yes, this of course opened a door for debate that involved everyone, except me. Well, not that I wasn't interested in the discussion nor I'm not proud of my own mother tongue, but I like to be a listener there. It's more interesting to observe and listen to the flow of the debates from each individual with their own perspective there.
I am always proud that my first language is my mother tongue and on top of that I am fluent in another dialect plus I know two more other languages. This is not enough for me, I have this small dream to be good in as many languages as possible. Every language has its beauty, in fact every dialect has its own "taste" of culture and history as well. Don't you find it captivating that how can a dialect evolves from a language? Just for an example, there are hundreds of dialects (I don't know the specific number) spoken by chinese originated from China. Some understand another and some don't. As for some languages, some share some similarity with each other because some are geographically related or historically linked, yet they are not referred as a variant/dialect of each other.
Although some languages have older history and one may have some own preferences to admire, each has its own uniqueness. Is it really important to demonstrate or proof which one is more superior? I don't think so unless you're into linguistic research and you have a passion for tracking the history of linguistics. Competiting in this aspect does not seem to bring much beneficial to the world. We can be proud of whatever language we love. But if we are too obsessed about it, we might be resulting in having an ego trip and possibly disrupting the harmony that we try very hard to maintain.
Language or dialect is just a tool for communication. I want to be good in many languages so that I can travel to more places and communicate with their native spoken people. We'll see whether will I able to make my little dream comes true.
♥ every page of my imagination
2 people traveled to my fantasyland
When you were a kid, did you ever wish to grow up faster and become an adult? I did. I always thought adults had more capability to deal things, at least they didn’t have to go to school, being scolded by teachers, no exams and homework, have more “power” in solving the problems kids usually have, have money to buy whatever they like ex cetera.
If not, then when?
Your life will always be full of challenges. It is better to admit as much and to decide to be happy in spite of it all.
But there was always some obstacle along the way, an ordeal to get through, some work to be finished, some time to be given, a bill to be paid. Then life would start.
I finally came to understand that those obstacles were life.
Happiness IS the road.
Stop waiting for school to end, for a return to school, to lose ten pounds, to gain ten pounds, for work to begin, to get married, for Friday evening, for Sunday morning, waiting for a new car, for your mortgage to be paid off, for spring, for summer, for fall, for winter, for the first or the fifteenth of the month, for your song to be played on the radio, to die, to be reborn… before deciding to be happy.
There is no better time to be happy than… NOW!
Live and enjoy the moment.
1 – Name the 5 richest people in the world.
2 – Name the last 5 Miss Universe winners.
3 – Name the last 10 Nobel Prize winners.
4 – Name the last 10 winners of the Best Actor Oscar.
Don’t worry, nobody remembers that.
Applause dies away!
Trophies gather dust!
Winners are soon forgotten.
1 – Name 3 teachers who contributed to your education.
2 – Name 3 friends who helped you in your hour of need.
3 – Think of a few people who made you feel special.
4 – Name 5 people that you like to spend time with.
The people who mean something to your life are not rated “the best”, don’t have the most money, haven’t won the greatest prizes…
They are the ones who care about you, take care of you, those who, no matter what, stay close by.
Life is very short!
And you, in which list are you? Don’t know?
You are not among the most “famous”, but among those to whom I remember to share this message…
The gun fired and the race began. Not everyone was running, but everyone wanted to participate and win.
The other eight heard him crying.
They slowed down and looked behind them.
They stopped and came back… All of them…
Then, all nine walked shoulder to shoulder to the finish line.
Why?
♥ every page of my imagination
0 people traveled to my fantasyland
We all have talents. No one will doubt this statement. At the same time, I am sure you won't disagree with me if I say, we do have interest we like to do. But have you ever put these two entities into perspective? Do these two have their own independent existence?
For many years I always thought that what I am good at are what I like to do and I will be good at what I want to do. One day while discussing about our dream career we want to pursue in life during one of our coffee sessions my college coursemate, who is a tad older with many years of working experience put a complete opposite view than what I thought. I remember I disagreed with her and in fact we were trying to convince each other. Nothing was resulted at the end of the argument. Many years have past. Occasionally I still recall about our conversation that morning. There's still no verdict for that debate.
I must say I am very thankful and lucky since I left home and went abroad for my precollege and college, for all decisions I made regarding my studies and life, I was given full freedom and supports from my parents. My parents like many traditional Asian parents, always set high expectations on their children and want them to pursue a career that is well-recognised and prestigious. In fact the thought of wanting at least one of their kids to be a doctor, lawyer, engineer is still lingering in my parents' mind. When I was deciding for my course, my parents were hoping that I would opt for medical school. I was moved by their thought at that time too. But my rebelliousness prompted me not to follow the trend of the society. Therefore instead of choosing a profession as a medical doctor whom many people eyeing to become one, I selected a course that was pretty uncommon at that time. My parents hardly knew anything about the science profession. Even I myself barely knew any. All I told my parents was I was going to study human genetics (that was my initial interest, but later on I actually ended up in a slightly different discipline).
Am I talented in what I am doing? I don't know. Seriously I am still exploring this part of myself. But one thing I dare say is one of the main reasons I returned to Grad School to pursue this business was I literally feel the need to give it a go before I get too old. I enjoy what I am doing now, which also serves as my interest. When you have interest, you tend to do things with your heart and passions. This little extra bit of effort may substitute the talentlessness.
These few days I have been talking to my little sis. She's now trying to figure out what course she wants to do. She did not manage to escape from my parents' expectations set upon her. I did last time. And now she's bummed. She seems having an interest for legal studies. But she's doubtful about having knack for this profession. My parents are hoping she'll opt for an impressive and a popular in demand course. I understand my sis's situation and I am trying to be supportive. I give her my advice and share my own experience with her. I encourage her to go for her interest and not fret too much about how good she would be.
Apparently, I mentioned about the same issue to my supervisor during lunch chat. She told me a story about two of her classmates.
Classmate A wanted to become a violinist. It took her a long while to grasp the fundamental of playing the intrument. In another words, she's absolutely not Beethoven type of genius. But she didn't give up her dream. Now she's a professional violinist though she's not those grand perfomers. She's happy with her small achievement.
Classmate B couldn't sing but she loved to sing. Unfortunately the teacher did not allow her to join the school choir. She didn't turn out to be a singer or ended up working in any field related to her interest of singing. Yes, I think she didn't have a good voice. But if she were given a chance, who knows probably she could be like Classmate A and be a professional singer or she might have a chance in participating in a part time singing contest and not totally being pushed away from her dream.
If you have talent on something, that's so great! If you have interest on something, awesome, you have found something you like. If you have both, congrats and make full use of them. Life is too short, we can't have everything we want. Be grateful with just what we have and go for what comes from your heart. The end processing is not so stunning, what is considered beauteous is rather the process of experiencing it. With this typed, I should be more confident in pursuing everything I am working on now. :)
♥ every page of my imagination
3 people traveled to my fantasyland
I thought no one would notice. It should not be that obvious. But... I was wrong.
Okay, I have to admit that lately I was feeling a bit low and exhausted physically. Nothing dramatic nor serious happened, I was just trapped in the mood cycle, which I always try to avoid. And I was overtaken by a sudden wave of tiredness. Anyway, during moments like this, I realize I tend not to smile as much as I usually do or as chirpy as I used to be. But overall I still greet people whenever I see them with a brief courteous smile. I didn't expect anyone would notice the difference because I don't go around talking about my low tides or even revealing it in my gestures deliberately.
So NK did notice my slight inner mood swing. He casually asked me whether was everything going on well for me lately. I was a bit surprised that the little mood fluctuations I am experiencing in my heart was noticeable to people surrounding me. He explained that he didn't hear my usual loud guffaw over little things and my singing along with the songs playing from the radio. Since he has noticed me being different than the usual me, I am pretty sure a few others have noticed that too. It is just that NK did not think I would be offended if he asked. That's really nice of him in showing his concern.
It is really strange how our emotions can be noticeable through little things we do without revealing much. The most interesting bit is how the different emotions will bring different vibes to the people surrounding you even though you do not reveal it on purpose. I enjoy bringing good vibes to people by putting up a smile and most of the time a loud laughter. My grandmother used to tease me for not being lady-like enough when I was young. "You better stop laughing that loud. Your laughter will scare away guys who might be interested in you." On the other hand, my dad doesn't mind my joyful laughter. He said, he actually feels the mirth through listening to me laugh. Of course I have to agree with him. *teehee*. Bringing good vibes to everyone surrounding me is what I really want. Who really cares about superficial guys who run away from me just because of my merry sound of laughter?
It is difficult to put a grin on our face when we are sad or tired. But have you tried to make a few attempts in smiling even if you don't feel like it? Been there, done that. I found that it's not that difficult to feel the lightness after smiling. After a while, the low feelings will gradually be neutralized or faded away and we'll be out of the blue loop again.
So remember to bring the smile with you wherever you are. A mirthful smile can really make a difference. With this mentioned, yes, the usual ebullient Jade is back. :) I hope you have found your ebullience self too. You bringing good vibes to people = People bringing good vibes to you
♥ every page of my imagination
3 people traveled to my fantasyland
I am competiting with time in the female 200m running championship. I always turn out last and seems like there is no exception for this round of the game too. This explains why I did not update the blog frequent enough recently. Anyways, I just received a message from a friend from far away. The title of the message caught my attention. "Take hold of every moment." So I decided to take hold of this moment and share this wonderful message with you. Let us all pause from whatever we are busy doing at the moment just for 60secs and contemplate on this message a little. :)
**************************************************************************
TAKE HOLD OF EVERY MOMENT
A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package:
"This, - he said - isn't any ordinary package."
He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box.
"She got this the first time we went to New York, 8 or 9 years ago. She has never put it on. Was saving it for a special occasion.Well, I guess this is it. He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothings he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died.
He turned to me and said:
"Never save something for a special occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion".
I still think those words changed my life. Now I read more and clean less. I sit on the porch without worrying about anything. I spend more time with my family, and less at work. I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through. I no longer keep anything. I use crystal glasses every day. I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if i feel like it. I don't save my special perfume for special occasions, I use it whenever I want to.
The words "Someday..." and "One Day..." are fading away from my dictionary. If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it now. I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell. I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends. She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels. I'd like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favourite food. It's these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time had come. I would regret it, because I would no longer see the friends I would meet, letters... letters that i wanted to write "One of this days". I would regret and feel sad, because I didn't say to my brothers and sons, not times enough at least, how much I love them.
Now, I try not to delay, postpone or keep anything that could bring laughter and joy into our lives. And, on each morning, I say to myself that this could be a special day.Each day, each hour, each minute, is special. If you got this, it's because someone cares for you and because, probably, there's someone you care about. If you're too busy to send this out to other people and you say to yourself that you will send it "One of these days", remember that "One day" is far away... or might never come...
♥ every page of my imagination
2 people traveled to my fantasyland
